A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay heres the thing sort of an awkward situation. So back about two years ago i met this guy online for just intercourse. I was only 18 at the time and really confused about my sexuality. It was my first time with a guy. So after that I decided I wanted to try "being straight" before I attempted anything further with guys. So the guy I had hooked up with continually kept in contact and kept trying to get together and go out. Finally about 6 months later I decided to start hanging out with him. After we started hanging out, we really hit it off. I was at his house 5 nights a week. We've have been great for about a year now. After about six months, I decided I was completely ready for a relationship and wanted us to have a title. He is older than me by about 8 years and in his last relationship got burned pretty bad. In essence he just wasnt ready to put a title on anything. So now its a year later, and I really care for him. (I know this is lacking information but I'm just giving the basics) I do not want to let him go, and we are exclusive to eachother. He means the world to me, and I know he cares about me too. He constantly talks about long term things to me. We have recently hit a lot of turmoil because I am really worried about getting burned in this. I definitely do not want to let him go, but he has told me he just isn't ready to put a title on it yet because hes happy with me and doesnt want to complicate anything. I know there are plenty of other people out there but he is the only person I want. So the question is what is my next move? Do I wait this out, or how do I convince him we would be great together? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you to all three of you, your responses are helping me to clarify the situation. If hes still with me after this long then something must be going right and i shouldnt force it a certain way. I've been letting it eat at me for so long that it has definitely clouded my judgement. Again thanks to all of you, I appreciate all of your advice.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Well, trying to convince him you'd be great together is not likely to get you where you want to be. He has to come to that realization (or not) on his own. Pressure and ultimatums (not that you seem to be thinking along those lines) don't work.
You've been together a year now; not really all that long. "They" say it takes about two years (usually) to discover whether a relationship has potential for the long term or not. I can say I have experienced the truth of this myself.
It appears your relationship is actually going pretty well. You just don't have the title on it yet. However, he cares a lot about you; you're exclusive, and he's evidently thinking about a long-term future.
All I can tell you is that a certain amount of risk is involved in any relationship: fear it won't work out, fear one or both of you will get hurt. That's natural, of course it is, but you don't want to dwell on it too much. He knows what its like to be burned, so I expect he can understand your fears.
Your best bet would be to relax and enjoy your relationship. Let time take care of it - unless another year goes by and you feel you absolutely MUST have a spoken commitment......meantime, I really hope you won't spoil it by giving way to anxiety......
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A
female
reader, loulou713 +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Hey :) first thanx for sharing. From what I have read I believe you are a very sweet and nice person. I know I am a girl and I dont have experience with homosexual relationships but I want to try to give you some advice.
First, you said that this is your first guy that you have had a relationship with and that he is 8 years older than you. He might be concerned that you are young and undecided. He might be afraid of pushing you towards choosing your sexual orientation and that you are not completely sure that he is the one because of your age. You two seem to understand each other very well and the relationship you have now seem to be working good. Maybe your partner is afraid of commitment or he thinks the time is not right yet. He might be one of those who don't believe in marriage. I am not completely sure what are you asking for... if he says he cares for you and that he is happy with you, he will be with you and as long as you two spend time together and do not see other people, the title of your relationship does not matter. You don't need a written note that this person is your life partner. He expects you to know this already, because all the things he does for you and you do for him show that you guys love each other.
I have learned that when you want something to happen, pushing it is not the way to make it happen. Just let it be and be happy with what you have. When the time is right, everything will come into place. I hope I helped and just remember to be happy. Smile :)
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A
female
reader, omfgbabygirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
Hey hun. I hope this helps you:
Sometimes with a lot of gay or straight couples, putting a label on relationships only causes pressure and stress. Think of it this way...many couples are completely okay UNTIL they "get married" or become "girlfriends or boyfriends". To a couple, a label might assign a set of predetermined expectations that could strain the relationship.
By reading your situation, I think you two are already "in a relationship", it's just your not necessarily calling it that.
For now, I think you should let it be and take it day-by-day. If you two are in a good place, why ruin what is good? :) Good luck.
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