A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im having a very hard time getting over a married friend of mine with whom I had an emotional affair. After knowing him for 3 years we started becoming closer and ended up going from an odd email to chatting and texting pretty much every day for 3 months. About a month ago he cut off all communication with me and Ive found it so hard to get over it.I texted and emailed for several weeks with no reply and feel like I have made a fool of myself by doing this, which on top of missing him, is making me feel miserable.I know he is married but how do I get past this? It's like he has died or somthing, I don't know where to turn for help and am not doing so well coping by myself.
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female
reader, AskingCupid  +, writes (20 February 2007):
I know how you feel, having been through a similar experience with a married man. Firstly you need to remember that the right thing to do is walk away to avoid his wife finding out and being devastated. That means pretending in your head that he will never contact you again (i know it hurts terribly, and that secretly all you want is for him to tell you he wants you). Fortunately, the right thing to do in general is also the best thing for YOU - he has had all his wants - his wife and someone else to confide in, without having to do the 'hard yards' and pick one of you. Please don't try to contact him again, as hard as that is. One day you will look back on this and see him in a very different light. He must have lots of wonderful qualities for a nice person like you to have fallen for him, but he also felt that it was ok to hurt you. Its not ok. I wish you all the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): You sound like you are deeply saddened and in shock at the loss of this man. Your right it is like he died (in the spiritual sense)...you are in mourning. I think you know this is over and you are hurt and not quite ready to allow your rational thought over-ride your emotions. It's going to take time. I hope you aren't in self-blame mode dear...that is an all too typical scenario for so many women. They blame themselves for the demise of a relationship. Emailing him him was your way of attempting to gain a 'reason to help you understand and possibly find closure' to this chapter of your life. I feel you have allowed too much of your identity to become attached to this man and you have allowed his actions (cutting off communication) to be connected to your self-worth. I want you sit back and ask yourself, "Do I really want a relationship with a man who just bails on me, on a whim?" Hun, you appear to be desperate to be wanted by this married guy, that you almost don't really care what type pf man he is! A lot of strong, independent women would have said, "what a jerk!" Trying to figure this all out is a complete waste of your time. Get on with life and put this behind you...I hope you find the strength to realize, this man had no right to be carrying on an emotional relationship with you when he had a wife, sitting in the next room. Be glad it's over and start living a bountiful, healthy, happy life. Good luck, Dear and take
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 I totally understand how this feels and how painful it is. The problem is that you become dependent on that emotional contact and communication and when it's with someone you feel so close to there's a huge empty space when they disappear. What the others have said is true: you can only move on. Something that helps as well is to write a list of all the good things that came from that relationship, but also all the bad things (like that he's married and that he cut communication with no warning). It helps you see things in perspective and also see what you gained rather than what you lost. Another thing you can do is try to find someone else you can email every day to fill the void. Try to find a penpal or go on some websites that interest you and chat to people. Once you start communicating with other people you won't miss him quite so much. Dating sites can be fun for chatting to people too, although be careful about meeting people off them. It really does get better in time, but don't expect the pain to go away overnight and treat yourself gently in the meantime. All the best xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): PS Hi Sue, Thankyou, I have spoken to a few of my girlfriends about it, who have been really supportive and great about it.
However I feel like by now I should be getting over him and there isn't anymore to say really, he just disappeared. Part of me does hope he will get back in touch at some point, and Im hoping that time will heal this pain inside, but I don't know how I will be able to forget that he totally ignored me.
The worst part is that I can't stop wondering about what he is feeling and how he could go so cold when I thought he really liked me. I can't seem to finalise it in my head in order to move on because I don't know what happened.
I am trying to get over it but I think Im realising it will just take a really long time.
I hope that I never fall for a married man again and feel very much for anyone that ever has done, or ever will.
Thankyou so much for your advice, it's amazing to know people care enough to reply, and I hope to do the same for other question-posters on this wonderful site. xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Thankyou ladies, I am the poster of the message and was dreading being condemned by some readers for being attracted to a married man, which I already know is wrong.Your advice and kindness have brightened up what is one of many long sleepless nights since this happened. Thankyou ever so much xxx
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A
female
reader, SUE7 +, writes (17 February 2007):
ohhh... DearI think you should totally forget this guy and move on before someone get seriousley hurt! i.e. His WIFE! If this guy dose come into contact with you checks to see if you are still there then by the time thats done you will be tougher forgotten about it had a sensible conversation and let him do the deed whether he tells his wife or not you will have gone! Someone is about too get hurt! (watchout!!)Can you Speak to your friend?
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (17 February 2007):
 oh hunnie, i know how you feel on that one.. it seems youve just got to try and move on..hes had his reasons to stop talking to you, but he should of let you know the score at least..youre not a fool, try being around friends and family it helps me when im down, talk to people about it get it off youre chest, but you need to be happy lifes short and only gets shorter, try a new hobbie or something that you enjoy doing, try and avoid doing things that remind you of him..and if you need to cry cry but stop after a point and say hes gone but more fish in the sea i just need to hook the right one for me..wish i could give you a big hug xx A
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