A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known a man for over 2 years after meeting him through work, he is 48 and I am 33. I am single and he is married with children, whom I have never met, and even though we stopped working at the same place a year ago, we kept in touch from time to time via email and had a lovely friendship that was totally platonic. Out of the blue last summer we gradually began emailing one another more often and I became very attracted to him.I never thought Id ever tell him and hoped the feelings of attraction would pass, but they didn't and then he intimated he also felt attracted to me and the emailing became flirty and more intimate and we began texting each other as wellThe moral torment of being attracted to another woman's husband was horrible and although we admitted it would be amazing, we decided neither of us could ever go through with meeting up and doing anything about it and many times we decided to stop texting, but always started up again. He has never had an affair and Ive never had one either and it was the also first time either of us had flirted by text, and the buildup and excitment of it all months was incredible. I began to fall for him very much.Things came to ahead the weekend before Christmas when he surprised me by coming to my house on a spur of the moment decision and we spent the night together which was amazing. He said it was inevevitable that we had done it and he left the next day saying that he didn't regret it. Two days later (which was 2 days before Christmas) he rang me to say he wasn't feeling so great as he had committed a terrible act of betrayal. He sent me a text 2 days after that and that was the last I heard from him.I texted him a few times but he didn't respond and I had a horrible Christmas and New Year having no contact at all from him, worrying about how he was feeling, missing him and generally feeling wretched about the whole thing.I spent most of January under a terrible cloud, trying to move on and get over him, also not wanting to tell anyone about it because he is married.I realise that it's his way of coping with what happened, and that he abviously regrets it, and I also now realise how it is possible to fall for a married man. Before I would never have understood why anyone would or could have an affair, and now at least I feel that I would never judge anybody for getting themselves into a situation of forbidden love.However, it's been very painful and there's no-where to turn for sympathy and nowhere to go for closure. Whatever was between us, rightly or wrongly, ended with and amazing night and was immediately followed by no contact, and it's been so hard to pick myself up and move on.I would like to think that Ive learned a lesson in how painful affairs can be, and am Thankful that it didn't progress into one as I can't imagine how single partners in long-term affairs must feel if I can feel like this after one night.I wanted to share my story here, as I have looked online for advice for the 'other woman' in getting over an affair with a married man, and there isn't much around. Most of the books available on the subject are aimed at helping the spouse of the cheating partner and I just wanted anyone else out there who may have been through a similar situation to know that they are not alone.Thankyou for reading and any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.Pixie xx
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affair, christmas, flirt, married man, move on, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Hie Pixie, I am in exactly the same situation, I ended up sleeping with my married friend. He wants to continue the friendship but I am not sure I can do it. And I am wracked with so much guilt as I even know the wife. I am praying for you and for myself.
All the best
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Hi Pixie,I thank you for writing your story. I am currently in that position and he keeps hassling me for sex. My morals have gotten in the way but I decided to give in but just found your story and now I know that it is too painful. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH!XXSXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Thankyou both for your advice, Ive been reading other stories on here for a while now and it has really helped and Im so glad I posted even if I did cock up sending a message to the Dear Cupid team (see below!).
Im feeling a bit better every day, and thinking about his wife and family does help a little in not feeling so sorry for myself.
Thankyou,
Pixie xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): As the wife of an adulterer, I can only tell you that keeping your distance will be helping his children and wife. I can't tell you the pain that a wife feels when she finds out her spouse has been unfaithful. And when there are children involved it is even worse. I think that he did the right thing by cutting all communication with you. I know that you are hurting and I don't want to take away from that but try to move on and finding someone that is right for you. Also, look to God and ask for forgiveness for the sin that you have committed. Do not condemn yourself. Once you have truly asked for forgiveness, your sinful past is wiped clean and you can start again the right way. Remember, temptation is not a sin, acting upon it is. For every temptation there is a way out, find it and run! Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Dear Cupid,
You very kindly posted my question under the title 'I slept with a married man, now I feel awful and don't know what to do?' today.
Im writing to ask if you might tag it under a few more headings other than 'Love Stories' for example cheating or fobidden love, as that way I may get more advice.
No worries if not but I thought I would ask anyway,
Many Thanks, your site is amazing,
Pixie xx
I have known a man for over 2 years after meeting him through work, he is 48 and I am 33. I am single and he is married with children, whom I have never met, and even though we stopped working at the same place a year ago, we kept in touch from time to time via email and had a lovely friendship that was totally platonic.
Out of the blue last summer we gradually began emailing one another more often and I became very attracted to him.
I never thought Id ever tell him and hoped the feelings of attraction would pass, but they didn't and then he intimated he also felt attracted to me and the emailing became flirty and more intimate and we began texting each other as well
The moral torment of being attracted to another woman's husband was horrible and although we admitted it would be amazing, we decided neither of us could ever go through with meeting up and doing anything about it and many times we decided to stop texting, but always started up again.
He has never had an affair and Ive never had one either and it was the also first time either of us had flirted by text, and the buildup and excitment of it all months was incredible. I began to fall for him very much.
Things came to ahead the weekend before Christmas when he surprised me by coming to my house on a spur of the moment decision and we spent the night together which was amazing. He said it was inevevitable that we had done it and he left the next day saying that he didn't regret it.
Two days later (which was 2 days before Christmas) he rang me to say he wasn't feeling so great as he had committed a terrible act of betrayal. He sent me a text 2 days after that and that was the last I heard from him.
I texted him a few times but he didn't respond and I had a horrible Christmas and New Year having no contact at all from him, worrying about how he was feeling, missing him and generally feeling wretched about the whole thing.
I spent most of January under a terrible cloud, trying to move on and get over him, also not wanting to tell anyone about it because he is married.
I realise that it's his way of coping with what happened, and that he abviously regrets it, and I also now realise how it is possible to fall for a married man. Before I would never have understood why anyone would or could have an affair, and now at least I feel that I would never judge anybody for getting themselves into a situation of forbidden love.
However, it's been very painful and there's no-where to turn for sympathy and nowhere to go for closure. Whatever was between us, rightly or wrongly, ended with and amazing night and was immediately followed by no contact, and it's been so hard to pick myself up and move on.
I would like to think that Ive learned a lesson in how painful affairs can be, and am Thankful that it didn't progress into one as I can't imagine how single partners in long-term affairs must feel if I can feel like this after one night.
I wanted to share my story here, as I have looked online for advice for the 'other woman' in getting over an affair with a married man, and there isn't much around. Most of the books available on the subject are aimed at helping the spouse of the cheating partner and I just wanted anyone else out there who may have been through a similar situation to know that they are not alone.
Thankyou for reading and any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Pixie xx
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Oh gosh. You must be feeling dreadful and it's brilliant that you've explained this so well in your question. This is the whole problem of getting involved with married men. The answer, as you're now finding out is just DON'T! It only ends up in you being hurt...and the hurt is very bad because once the man decides to end it there's no possibility of any contact at all. Anybody out there considering a 'fling' with a married man, my advice is simply: run a mile. As far as you're concerned, Pixie, all I can say is that time will heal. It will probably take a while and I know everybody tells you this, but as you move on and meet other people the memory of him will fade. I promise. If you want to talk more about it or are feeling desperate please mail me and I'll try to help.
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