A
female
age
30-35,
*aylee006
writes:Hey,I have a problem which has recently reli been getting me down. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and he is now saying that he is contemplating breaking up with me, because he needs time to think about things. But i knw im only young but ive had many boyfriends and never loved anyone as much as i love him. I cant bear the thought of him leaving me as im afraid he'll never come back. I'm kinda scared that i feel so much for him and i dont really want to. I want my love for him to ease off but it hurts so much when i dont see him or talk to him and always give in and end up ringing him.I want him to love me as much as he used to at the start of the relationship but he said things have changed, but he dosent know what. I'm so confused i keep thinking if he wants a break to try out other girls or simply because he dosent love me anymore.Could you give me some advice as it is greatly neededThankx
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female
reader, elsie +, writes (14 March 2007):
 im not saying everyone's the same but in my experience 'i need a break'means youve reached some sort of bottleneck with your feelings. Your guy doesnt seem to have explained in detail why he needs a break. I dont think its very healthy to keep anyone on the backburner and he may be keeping his options open. I think guys are alot more guilty of that trait than women. Perhaps he thinks you might flip if he tells you its over? I dont know. It is very hard to stop ringing someone in this situation but its like any addiction,take it step by step, make the gaps between calls longer. Hopefully this will give you a sense of dignity and you will feel stronger. Don't expect too much from this guy and anything is a bonus.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): This does not mean that he doesnt love you anymore, I just means you both have to have a little break.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 I think he's probably being honest with you when he says he doesn't know and needs time to think it over. I agree that there's no way you can force someone to love you. What is meant to be will happen and the best thing you can do is give him the space and time he's asking you for. Sometimes people (mostly guys) panic when they start to have strong feelings for someone else. They need to work out for themselves whether or not they're ready to commit to a longterm relationship. I know how much you will hurt and how difficult it will be for you, but think how much worse it would be if he stuck with you for much longer and then realised he'd made a mistake. I know it's not a lot of comfort right now, but it truly is better to find out now rather than later. Try to see it as some time apart for you to enjoy doing things as a single person. Concentrate on yourself and what you want out of your life. Keep yourself busy and spend time with old friends. Perhaps try to arrange a holiday or something like that to give you something to look forward to. Keeping a personal diary about how you're feeling often helps. Write in it whenever you have the urge to ring him....and don't ring him unless he contacts you or asks you to! That will be very hard for you, but worth it in the long run. It's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so you never know how this might turn out. If he does eventually decide he wants a definite break up at least you'll have become used to being without him. All the best!
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 You cant force someone to love you he has to find that for himself. If he needs space then you should give it to him and let him work things out. I know this will be very hard for you to do as you love him so much but its the only fair thing to do. Would you be happy for him to stay with you knowing he didnt feel the same way. I think he is being unfair not being more definite with you he either wants to break up or he doesnt. I wouldnt act so eager towards him maybe stop ringing him for a while and let him see your getting on. You never know he may realise what he is missing and want you back on the other hand if this doesnt happen and he starts dating other girls then you will have to move on.
Aunty t
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