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... Send *amille a private message | | | *amille's profile:I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.
I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.
I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them! |
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I cant get my ex out of my head, I want to be his friend but I dont want to fancy him anymore any advice ?
Q. heya i need help getting over my ex... i just split up with my boyfriend and we're gonna stay good mates but i cant even start to get over him. i think i loved him but it wasn't gonna work. i work with him and so i have to see him regularly which ...
A. 17 August 2006: Being professional at work and socialising with him are entirely different things. You can cut him out of your personal life to a large degree even if not your working life.... (read in full...)
We havent had sex for 7 months!!! All he says is he doesnt feel like it!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 16 months now and for about the past 7 we have had no sexual contact whatsoever! His excuse is that 'I just don't feel like it' Now any I guess normal person would think they are being cheated on! But I ...
A. 15 August 2006: There's 2 of you in this relationship so it doesn't matter what I think his reasons are. Your needs are not being met so he needs to talk to you about his feelings. There may be many reasons other than an affair to explain why his sex drive has ... (read in full...)
I cant get my ex out of my head, I want to be his friend but I dont want to fancy him anymore any advice ?
Q. heya i need help getting over my ex... i just split up with my boyfriend and we're gonna stay good mates but i cant even start to get over him. i think i loved him but it wasn't gonna work. i work with him and so i have to see him regularly which ...
A. 15 August 2006: My personal opinion is you can't start to get over him until you DO cut him out of your life. He's your ex for a reason and I don't see the relevance of whether you fancy him as you've admitted you think you love him and are not over him.
T... (read in full...)
How much of an age gap is too much ?
Q. What are the age gaps between you and your partners? And at what stage do you think a age gap is too much? Thanks! x...
A. 15 August 2006: I am 10 years older than my boyfriend. There's no problem apart from children, we don't have any. I fear that when my baby years are over (very very soon), he may begin to want a family and leave. There's no guarantees in life anyway so the fact ... (read in full...)
My mum had 2 stillborn's, shes pregnant again and Im really really scared!!! Please help...
Q. dear cupid, i have just turned 17 years old and i have a brother(stephen) and a sister(skye) but they both died through still birth, my brother died 18 years ago through placental abruption. my sister died last year but she died the day she...
A. 15 August 2006: You poor lamb. It must be incredibly stressful for you all. All I can say is to try and have faith in the medics this time and be strong for your Mum. There's no way of knowing what will happen, but everyone will be doing everything possible to make ... (read in full...)
He tells me im his first true love, but Im still hung up on his ex, because I think he really did love her!!
Q. I have a HUGE problem which is eating me up from inside. I have been with my bf for 10 months, he is 25 and im 20, i love him alot and i know he loves me, however i cant get over his PAST, i dont know whats wrong with me. We are both asian-india...
A. 15 August 2006: It's easy to dismiss ever loving anyone to make someone feel secure but as they were together for over 2 years, yes I'd say he probably did love her, but so what? He's 25, he has been in relationships but now he's with you and it's you he loves. You ... (read in full...)
Why does my girlfriend seem to put me down all the time ?
Q. My ex girlfriend used to like commenting on guys she sees on telly whenever shes with me. Like, 'oh im so sorry, but ive got to tell you that this guy is absolutely gorgeous!!'. I usually just go, 'yea, he is' but am recently asking myself why the ...
A. 15 August 2006: Hmmmmm, lots of people comment on people of the opposite sex (I personally never do, nor does my boyfriend and we find it disrespectful), but the "butt ugly" comment, that's uncalled for. It's harsh, rude, mean and very inappropriate for anyone to ... (read in full...)
my ex keeps contacting me, I want her to stop but we have great chemistry!
Q. I posted this about this before, but my ex (who I love) is still contacting me. We start back up at college in a few weeks and I know I'll be seeing her. She had originally broken up with me and is now seeing someone else, who she started seeing ...
A. 14 August 2006: I confess that i haven't read your other post but this is a common situation but grossly unfair. Maybe she thinks you'd be better off friends than in a relationship but that's only what SHE thinks. You clearly can't go along with that theory as you ... (read in full...)
He won't answer my text's anymore
Q. how do i get this boy to answer my text. he used to but doesnt now. what should i say to him?...
A. 8 August 2006: Nothing. It's clear he doesn't want to correspond so respect his wishes. You can't make anyone do anything, so just leave him be and find someone who is interested. If you're harassing him I'm sure you're driving him further away rather than the ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say to my boyfriend on the phone!
Q. dear cupid, this is silly but me and my boyfriend are far away and so he calls me sometimes but neither of us know what to say to each other. i never have anyhting to say baisically os there any way you can help? i dont know why i feel so nervous ...
A. 8 August 2006: Why not write letters instead?... (read in full...)
I'm still in love with my ex, is it too late to be together?
Q. I'm still in love with my ex and he still loves me but my parents wont let us be together so they had me marry one of the friends of the familys sons but i dont love him, what do i do or is it to late?...
A. 8 August 2006: It's not too late but you run the risk of losing your family. Either way you'll have something that makes you very unhappy in life, but if you chose love, lets' hope it lasts as it's a big sacrifice to make. That said, when a family arrange a ... (read in full...)
My best mate and boyfriend slept together, please help!
Q. dear cupid, i just found out my best mate has shagged my bf. and i dunno what to do? should i try and make a peace with her? or should i never talk to her again? or should i knock her brains out? im more unset with her because she knew...
A. 8 August 2006: Don't waste your time and energy doing anything. He wasn't worth having and she is no friend.... (read in full...)
I slept with my best friends boyfriend,how can I show her I'm sorry?
Q. dear cupid. Am i a bad person? ive made the biggest mistake of my life by hurting the one best friend ive ever had. by haveing sex with her bf and i knew she really loved and liked him. do you think i could get her back? how could i ...
A. 8 August 2006: Sorry but if I were her, I wouldn't want you back. That is a stupid thing you did and very selfish. She doesn't need friends like you. You've learned a lesson the hard way so leave her alone. Write a letter of apology but don't bother asking for ... (read in full...)
His friend is freaking me out!
Q. My bf and i have been together almost 3 years, the problems is not with our relationship (its great) the problem is with my bf's male friend. my bf's friend has stayed at our home countless times in the past and my bf has recently told me some thi...
A. 8 August 2006: Either insist that he is no longer welcome in your home, or confront the lowlife and ask him outright what he thinks he's playing at. I'm quite sure he'll be shocked as he almost vertainly won't be aware that you know. Oh and get a lock on the ... (read in full...)
He flirts with other girls , is he trying to hurt me?
Q. My boyfriend who also used to be my best friend is away with his family for the summer. as best friends we told eachother everything and in our relationship we still do. he told me he was going to a bonfire with his friends, and that he planned on ...
A. 8 August 2006: Take these tales of flirting as a warning, whether intended as such. It is just not on. Flirting can be controlled so there's no excuse. When you love someone, you don't disrespect them by flirting and you certainly don't rub their nose in it. maybe ... (read in full...)
Is my ex having doubts about me?
Q. i need advice so ladies please help. I was with my girl for a about a year but about 2 months ago she broke up with me saying she didn't feel the same way about me anymore. I have left her alone have never tried once to contact her. She told me that ...
A. 8 August 2006: Why not call the number back, witholding your number to see if she answers? If she does, ask her why she is hanging up. If she wants to see you again, take it from there. If not, these calls are totally unacceptable because she is playing with you. ... (read in full...)
Is it bad if we're not clingy after a few hours of togetherness?
Q. Is it normal to sometimes feel like you're his friend instead? Well, maybe i just think that. I mean right when he comes over most of the time we are clingy then after awhile like couple or few hours i feel like i don't want to be clingy. I know ...
A. 8 August 2006: What's normal to you may not be for another. I personally have a relationship where we're almost always entwined or touching in some way, that's how we like it. If you're not comfortable doing that all the time, that's fine. Unless there are other ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be turned on by girls?
Q. Isn't it normal to get turned on by girls even if you're straight? I hear so many people say it's normal. Thanks! =)...
A. 8 August 2006: Some may say no, but I say yes, of course it's normal, although pigeonholing anything as normal or abnormal is cutting back diversities. What's normal to one may not be for another. The female form is often admired by other females and why not, it's ... (read in full...)
I feel Trapped, he treats me like a skivy not his wife, but dont feel I can leave because of my son!
Q. My partner wants a mother not a lover.i'm a very loving and caring person.15 years we have been together,i have done everything for him,and i have had nothing in return.2 years back he got into the gym,and i was left alone at home all the time,i was ...
A. 8 August 2006: You're not trapped, you just feel you are. Leave him, take your son with you and enjoy life on your opwn instead of being used, taken for granted and missing out on all the fun times you could be having. You have given him a number of years, enough ... (read in full...)
Hes had over 100 one night stands!! But Im obsessed with the one before we hooked up ....
Q. Why am I obsessing over the boyfriends one night stand? I found out he had a one night stand when we first met but before anything happened between us. It's really not that unusual, this was the final one night stand of over 100! I can't get this ...
A. 8 August 2006: Firstly, don't obsess about her as she's not the problem, your boyfriend's past is. It's not healthy for you to harbour these intense feelings though so you need to work out what the problem is exactly. Is it the number he's slept with? The lack of ... (read in full...)
Hes quite happy playing whilst watching webcam clips, but wont show me any attention!
Q. My fiancee keeps making excuses as to why he want sleep with me, but I then catch him out playing with himself whilst watching webcam clips of naked women on the net I have tried telling him that it hurts that he is doing that but want sleep with me ...
A. 8 August 2006: If you two had an active sex life and he was showing interest in you, it wouldn't be so bad, but this behaviour is totally unacceptable in a relationship and the lack of respect should jolt you into making a big decision. Why be with a man who is ... (read in full...)
Scared that he will stop making an effort, even though things are going great...
Q. My ex boyfriend and I decided to give it another go about 6 weeks ago. I've just finished school so i'm now having an extra long summer holiday before college, and he's 2 years older than me, working only on Saturdays in a phone shop. Everything is ...
A. 8 August 2006: Stop worrying about something that hasn't happened. It's a waste of energy and that will affect your relationship. When you go to college you will see reason to worry only IF what you fear actually happens, until then, just enjoy it and continue ... (read in full...)
I want a threesome, but he thinks it will break us... would it be a bad idea ?
Q. I want to have a threesome but my boyfriend doesn't think it's a good idea (how crazy is he?!) We're both very jealous people and can't even bear to see people each other have been with in the past. But I just get really turned on by doing somethi...
A. 8 August 2006: He's not crazy, you are. You admit to both being jealous, so I'd say he is the sensible one. Surely you can find something else to do that will turn you on, that won't involve him doing something he's not comfortable doing and will almost certainly ... (read in full...)
We don't want to lose our daughter, what can we do?
Q. My new husband's daughter is 17 1/2. She has a boyfriend that is very manipulative. He has talked her into taking nude pictures which were found by his father and step mother on their computer and she has also lost her virginity with him. Her ...
A. 8 August 2006: Firstly as difficult as it is, she's nearly 18 and old enough to be making her own mistakes. You can be there for her and try to guide her, but he more she knows you don't like what she's doing, the more she'll do it. Secondly, don't pay any of her ... (read in full...)
He treated me horribly but I can't forget the memories!
Q. hi im 13 and i get upset every night thinking of my x boyfriend since we have not been together we have done things you would do if you was together and a few weeks after we did somthing together he went out with someone else and we have done things ...
A. 8 August 2006: He's using you. Stay away from him, he's bad news. You are too young to be having boyfriends and "doing things you would if you were together". Depending where you live, it sounds as if you are having underage (illegal) sex. Take care of yourself ... (read in full...)
I like looking at pics of naked girls - am I gay?
Q. ok well this is the problem. I'm 13 years old and i think i might be bi. I've gone out with a lot of guys and one of them i even went out with for 7 months! I know you may think its nothing but I have feelings for guys and all but i dont have fee...
A. 1 August 2006: You're 13, so you're curious. I'm sure there's loads of girls looking at photos of naked girls. You may be straight, bi or gay but you also may just be an adolescent who is discovering her sexuality. At 12 it is worrying for me that you went out ... (read in full...)
I like looking at pics of naked girls - am I gay?
Q. ok well this is the problem. I'm 13 years old and i think i might be bi. I've gone out with a lot of guys and one of them i even went out with for 7 months! I know you may think its nothing but I have feelings for guys and all but i dont have fee...
A. 1 August 2006: You're 13, so you're curious. I'm sure there's loads of girls looking at photos of naked girls. You may be straight, bi or gay but you also may just be an adolescent who is discovering her sexuality. At 12 it is worrying for me that you went out ... (read in full...)
I cant settle with anyone since finishing with my ex, how can I find new love and move on ?
Q. hi please help!!! me and my ex have been finished for 6 months now...we were together for a year and abit...were both in realationships. but to be honest im not happy, ive been off and on with 4 guys after my ex. and i just cant fall for them, all i ...
A. 1 August 2006: I shouldn't generalise but I feel that 6 months is the minimum time before you can move on after a relationship break up. Anything else is passing time, filling the void or rebound emotion. Don't rush the process. Go out on dates but don't look at ... (read in full...)
We fight all the time, how can we change this ?
Q. I am married, of late may husband and i fight all the time we can't make a converstion each time we try it turns into a fight what should i do? I have two children and this is not good for them ...
A. 1 August 2006: Get someone to mind the kids and go somewhere public but a neutral place and talk. You are less inclined to row and shout in a public place. Give each other time to say your piece and allow time to respond. You must both realise that whatever ... (read in full...)
I work with my ex boyfriend, I ended as I didnt trust him, I think hes seeing someone else at work!!
Q. I work w my exboyfriend. We broke up a couple weeks ago because he was acting weird and I didn't trust him but work was fine. He swore he hadn't been with anyone new, I didn't really beleive it but I slept with him again the other day anyway. It was ...
A. 1 August 2006: Neither! I think whatever you're told, you don't believe either of them and so it almost doesn't matter what's true or not. BUT you don't think they've been honest, so why should you be the one to apologise? I'm not sure you will have your pride if ... (read in full...)
Do you think she could be cheating or am I reading too much into it ?
Q. Is this just how my girlfriend is, or has she cheated on me? We've been dating for 2 years nearly and just bought out first property together. Things started to seem a little odd before this. She went out with some old friends one night m...
A. 1 August 2006: I am very sorry but my friend has just been through this. It's a lame excuse to say she's turning phone on to vibrate to spare your feelings as she seems so sure of your reaction. I don't know her, or you and regardless of my friend's situation I ... (read in full...)
Do you think she could be cheating or am I reading too much into it ?
Q. Is this just how my girlfriend is, or has she cheated on me? We've been dating for 2 years nearly and just bought out first property together. Things started to seem a little odd before this. She went out with some old friends one night m...
A. 1 August 2006: I am very sorry but my friend has just been through this. It's a lame excuse to say she's turning phone on to vibrate to spare your feelings as she seems so sure of your reaction. I don't know her, or you and regardless of my friend's situation I ... (read in full...)
I got back with my ex and think this time it can work, but shes in contact with her previous ex should I be concerned.....
Q. hi i posted on here a while ago about me and what was my ex. we have managed to sort things out and i have moved back in etc.. i really think we can be happy as i love her so much i just have 2 quick questions. first is that she started to contact ...
A. 1 August 2006: 1. I can't answer your main question, no-one can. If she said she wouldn't see him, why can't you believe her? Time will tell if she sticks to her decision.
2. I don't advise you to get engaged with her so soon after you've got back together. What... (read in full...)
Were my guy's massage websites *really* just old ones, from before we met?
Q. Hey, guys, I am 52 and I am having a problem with my man, aged 55. I have been seeing him for 10 months now, he phones and texts me daily. I have considered myself extremely fortunate to have met a lovely man who has done everything in his power to...
A. 25 July 2006: I'm sorry I can't help with the question you posed, only he can and trust will have to come from you, but....2 things you said set alarm bells ringing, how did you "find" this out? Were you snooping? What were you looking for? You say you don't want ... (read in full...)
What kind of relationship is this???
Q. I've been going with a girl for around 2 months but we are not bf and gf as we're both just out of longterm relationships. As we both have hectic schedules we can only see eachother once a week or so I want to see her more while but she doesn't seem ...
A. 17 July 2006: I'm a great believer in give and take in ANY relationship, romantic or other. It seems to me that you are not getting what you want or need from this friendship whilst your 'girlfriend' is getting what she wants. I don't see a difference between ... (read in full...)
Is it true that if I buy a sex toy I will have a higher chance of leaving my husband?
Q. I am curious to find out if it is true that when you buy yourself sex toys you leave your partner quicker is this true? I have been wanting to buy myself some kind of sex toy but my husband said no because he heard that women leave there men faster ...
A. 13 July 2006: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Sorry but that made me laugh my head off! How insecure is your husband to think he'll be replaced by plastic or rubber!? More to the point, why? Maybe he should write here and I'll treat it seriously I promise, but of ... (read in full...)
I want to act so sexy that I make my boyfriend explode!
Q. I'm not that old (16-21), and I'm sorta new to this whole bf/gf thing. I mean I know all the basics and things like that (I'm in a 7 month relationship at the moment), but I dont know how to act sexy! What are some things that I can do that woul...
A. 13 July 2006: It's hard really as I don't think you can act sexy, you have to feel sexy to be sexy. Either you are or you're not. So work out what's sexy for you, to you and feel that confidence. Use that and just do what feels good for you both. Bear in mind ... (read in full...)
Two men want to marry me, but there are aspects I love and ones I hate about both of them!
Q. I'm going crazy. I've been with one man for alomost 4 years. During these 4 years he's been very non-commital, neglectful of our relationship, and has left me more times than I can count. I decided to break up with him on May 13th, and that nig...
A. 13 July 2006: You used the word "hate", that's a very strong feeling..... Anyway, maybe you would miss your boyfriend because he's a habit? Or because you've invested time and money into him and don't want to give him upp now? It seems the other guy is just ... (read in full...)
Is there a wrong way to have sex ?
Q. When I was with my ex Andrew he wanted me to try differant positions.....I said no. Then today my current boyfriend asked me if he could do a differant position but I am too afraid I'll do it wrong...What should I do? Is there a wrong way to have ...
A. 13 July 2006: You don't say how old you are and it may be irrelevant, but if you are underage, that would make any sex wrong! Other than that, any consensual sex isn't wrong, but you need to research more about sexual positions. There's plenty different ways to ... (read in full...)
He ridicules me until I cry!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. and we live together Our current issue involves miscommunication. He gets really defensive and ridicules the things that I say, as if I am not getting my point across (as many times as I may ...
A. 7 July 2006: Don't fall for that insecure male and struggling musician spiel. If his music career isn't taking off and he chooses to take odd jobs for less money, it's no excuse to take out all his disppointments, bitterness, dramatic 'I'm an artist' crap on ... (read in full...)
He ridicules me until I cry!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. and we live together Our current issue involves miscommunication. He gets really defensive and ridicules the things that I say, as if I am not getting my point across (as many times as I may ...
A. 7 July 2006: Don't fall for that insecure male & struggling musician spiel. If his music career isn't taking off and he chooses to take odd jobs for less money, it's no excuse to take out all his disppointments, bitterness, dramatic 'I'm an artist' crap on you! ... (read in full...)
Me and my relationship problems!
Q. hi, when me and my partner first got together we swore to eachother there wasn't to be any lies in our relationship, as both of us have never been faithful in our previous relationships, which neither of us are proud of. Anyway, over christmas t...
A. 7 July 2006: Your pregnancy hormones will mean you are probably more sensitive and that can lead to paranoia but... your instincts have so far been right. Whether you say it's the lies or not, dirty text messages are out of line. What I will say is this, ... (read in full...)
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