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female
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anonymous
writes: My new husband's daughter is 17 1/2. She has a boyfriend that is very manipulative. He has talked her into taking nude pictures which were found by his father and step mother on their computer and she has also lost her virginity with him. Her father is understandably mad. She seems to pick and choose which ways she wants to grow up which does not seem to include wanting to drive/get a car/part-time job to pay for part of the insurance for the car (we're paying the other part). Her boyfriend talks to other girls and we believe has cheated on her but she refuses to leave him or even consider breaking up with him. This seems to be a truly destructive relationship but we're at a loss as to what to do. We don't want to drive away our daughter but we don't want the situation to become worse. She's a good kid but lacks self confidence. We've gotten to the point that we will not take her anywhere in the car unless the family is going somewhere or she wants to apply for some jobs. What else can we do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): May I suggest a book. It is by Stephen R. Covey titled "The Seven Habits of Hightly Effective Families."
There is some much needed insight and counsel in this book.
I also suggest getting some family counselling for you all.
She needs strong parents. She may be resisitve to this at first but in the end, she will come to know you are doing what is best for her.
Time.
I think you have the desire and this is more then most people these days.
She is lacking in something inside of her and she is hurting and this is what motivates her to rebel and hurt herself. It is a destructive path that she does need to be off of.
I hope you can do what I suggest.
Please keep us up to speed on the situation.
I feel for that angry and hurting daughter of yours.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 Firstly as difficult as it is, she's nearly 18 and old enough to be making her own mistakes. You can be there for her and try to guide her, but he more she knows you don't like what she's doing, the more she'll do it. Secondly, don't pay any of her insurance, if she's old enough to be acting like an adult with this guy, she's old enough to shoulder financial responsibility too. She can't have it both ways. Or she can use public transport........ At this age you have every right to ask her to contribute towards the running of the house, so she must either get a job or leave home. I know that will seem like a bad idea, but it's time she stood on her own two feet and learned valuable lessons away from you. My niece did everything you have said about your daughter and you just have to let go, hard as it is. She's not a child even if she's acting like one. Be firm and assertive with her, you're still her parents.
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