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... Send *amille a private message | | | *amille's profile:I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.
I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.
I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them! |
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Me and my relationship problems!
Q. hi, when me and my partner first got together we swore to eachother there wasn't to be any lies in our relationship, as both of us have never been faithful in our previous relationships, which neither of us are proud of. Anyway, over christmas t...
A. 7 July 2006: Your pregnancy hormones will mean you are probably more sensitive and that can lead to paranoia but... your instincts have so far been right. Whether you say it's the lies or not, dirty text messages are out of line. What I will say is this, ... (read in full...)
I've been easy.. Up to now. How do I play hard-to-get?
Q. Dear Cupid, For pretty much my entire life, I've been what most people would consider "easy". I've never had a boyfriend, but in order to get me to go out with him, a guy wouldn't have to do much more than say, "Will you go out with me?" Well, ...
A. 7 July 2006: If you're doing it because you know it turns them on, you're still "easy"! (That's a terrible word!). Just stop doing what men want and giving in to what you think you should do. Just try to resist men for a while. If you like someone you can go out ... (read in full...)
Obsessed with his own death, he's shutting me out, but I want him, no matter what!
Q. My bf suddenly seems to be scared of dying and I'm scared he's trying to dump me. We are both professional folk in high-stress jobs, both divorced with kids. I'm in my mid 40's and he in his late 60s. We met 3 years ago at a conference and have had...
A. 6 July 2006: Your 'no matter what' has to be time. The man's friend just died. I'm assuming they're of similar age? So not only will he be questioning his own mortality, but there be a sense of loss and the grieving that goes with that. He thinks he'll be ... (read in full...)
Discovered a photo of another man in my marital bed..! What next?
Q. Since discovering a few months ago that the likelihood of me fathering a child was very slim, my wife of 5 years has lost any interest in me. I have now recently disovered a photo on her phone of another man in my bed. I don't want to lose her but ...
A. 6 July 2006: Peeple do have affairs and come through the other side and as you say you don't want to lose her, I'm assuming you're willing to forgive her? Personally And someone who's willing to do this to you, isn't really a loss, as they're not worth having. ... (read in full...)
I found out my husband cheated four times!
Q. hey guys how are you I have discovered that my husband has committed adultery with 4 other women I want a divorce and I do not know how to go about it iam in a very difficult situation as I have no where to go0...
A. 6 July 2006: Do you have access to a citizens advice bureau? They may be able to help you with housing and legal issues. You may be entitled to Legal Aid so ask about that. In the meantime if there are no children involved, do you have any friend, colleague, ... (read in full...)
Should I go for it with this guy?
Q. Hi! i like this guy at a summer academy with strathclyde and i began to like him. Everybody told me that he liked me by the way he always carried on with me more than anyone else but i wasnt sure and didnt say anything now i think i have missed my ...
A. 6 July 2006: Start subtly and ask him out and see if he sees it as a date or not. If he says yes, go and see how it goes. If he doesn't, you may well have your answer.... (read in full...)
Hairdressing tips wanted for down there!
Q. I have a new bf and before him, i had never even been kissed!! i'm not planning o go too far with him yet as we haven't been together hat long but i have a problem that isnt gonna stop bugging me until i ask! As stupid as it sounds, i want to know ...
A. 6 July 2006: You can't say things like 'less hair is best', some people may like a woman to be her natural self with no shaving, waxing, plucking, heart shaped grooming! Anyway, what I will advise Aunty Laura, is that perhaps you could ask your boyfriend. He may ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that I now find her very arrogant!?
Q. A year ago I moved in with an old friend. We used to get on really well. Recently I have experienced some very negative feelings towards her. Sometimes these feelings can be quite nasty. Recently she seems to have become very self absorbed and can ...
A. 5 July 2006: Anon, no one said be nasty or offend this woman, but sometimes I think it's good for people to be assertive voice their opinions instead of avoidance. It may actually help this woman recognise things she wasn't aware of and that's not a bad thing. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that I now find her very arrogant!?
Q. A year ago I moved in with an old friend. We used to get on really well. Recently I have experienced some very negative feelings towards her. Sometimes these feelings can be quite nasty. Recently she seems to have become very self absorbed and can ...
A. 4 July 2006: It's possible you've grown or apart or she's changed and you don't like it. If you think it will help either of you by saying something, then do. Pick your words carefully, be tactful but gently let her know about the problems. You may doing her a ... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious that his phone is now on "vibrate" not "ring ring"... What's he hidin'?
Q. Is it weird that i have noticed my b/f of a year keeping his phone on vibrate when it is usually always on ringer. My best friend said i really shouldnt be so concerned because of that but i feel like if he is doing that he is trying to hide calls ...
A. 4 July 2006: Think? It depends! What do you think he's up to?? It'd surely be on silent if he was "hiding" anything, which I doubt. If that is the only thing that is making you suspicious, then if you're not careful your paranoia may drive him away to do the ... (read in full...)
Things were great until she decided we were moving too fast
Q. I started dating this girl a few months ago and it started out great we couldnt get enough of each other. Lots of affection, went out all the time and really enjoyed being togther. Then all of a sudden she says that it's going too fast for her, tha...
A. 3 July 2006: There's nothing you can do just yet except give her that time. I can't advise the length of time, but if it gets too much for you, either write her a letter or talk to her gently saying that you'd like her to tell you what she wants. She may be ... (read in full...)
Got smashed and can't remember what I did to alienate all my friends!
Q. Hey, Recently on a night out I got really drunk and I honestly can't remember anything, but lots of peop. I don't remember what I said and no one will tell me either. It's really upsetting me as I hate to think that I offended my best friend so m...
A. 3 July 2006: Just get someone on their own and ask them to please tell you. Many people have been in this situation. Explain, how can you make amends if you don't know what you did. Apolgise for getting too drunk to know, that's a start, but then try to get ... (read in full...)
Can't generate the same passion for anyone but my ex-husband!
Q. I have been divorced from my husband for over a year now. I still cry over him and miss him so much. I have dated another man since then, fairly soon after we split up and even before our divorce was final. But, I just don't have the feelings I ...
A. 3 July 2006: I am just guessing that you weren't happy about he split at the time? Whether you think there's a chance with your ex or not, i agree that you should finish with your boyfriend. I personally think that if you found the 'right' man, you may be able ... (read in full...)
I just don't know who I love! They're both so different...
Q. Howdy. I have been so confused about my relationships for so long. I was going out with Ash since I was 18, I'm now 30. We went out for six years. Then I went overseas and met David and started seeing both guys at the same time for 6 months, ...
A. 3 July 2006: Maybe the only way to find out is to be without either of them for a while. Then you can see if you miss them out of habit or necessity or desire or even love. This may mean you lose both in the end, but I think this has gone on for so long it's ... (read in full...)
Virgin or one-night stand... *You* decide!
Q. Hi, bit of a mental dilemma i'm in..... I have two dreams....very opposite to each other... The first one is to get married and to save myself (I am a virgin) for 'the one' The second is that I have this fantasy where I want to have a one n...
A. 3 July 2006: You can't plan these things like your dreams, they just happen...when you're ready. Don't go looking for it, just take each situation as it comes. It's rare to find virgins these days and some may say that's lovely and some may say it's risky to ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and want to have sex with my boyfriend. Or do I?
Q. I'm 13 and I keep feeling like I want to have sex with my bf. We've been going out for around 5 months (give or take a bit). We tell each other EVERYTHING and we're best friends. But anyways, all the time I keep feeling like I want to have sex ...
A. 2 July 2006: As everyone else has said, don't do it. You will regret it. The fact you said "Well, way too late. I've gone pretty far before!" worries me. It's not a game or competition and no-one's going to respect you for that. In fact, be careful or you'll get ... (read in full...)
Is he playing with me and trying to mess my head up or does he still like me?
Q. i had a bf who i stayed with for a month supposedly we broke up because he was going to iraq becasue thats his job being in the army we eventually got back together when he was on his leave he found out i was flirting with his mate when he was away ...
A. 30 June 2006: Who's playing who? You've been flirting with his mate. Seriously, what do you expect? A joke? Not a very funny one for anyone let alone someone who's away in a terrible situation. Of course he wants sex when he's back on leave. Earn his respect by ... (read in full...)
I am really confused about erections...what causes them?
Q. hi, i am really confused about erections. i am 14 and i dont really understand why boys get erections and what causes them? also how do u know when a boy has an erection? and why do i see boys sometimes touching their willie? they feel it and move ...
A. 30 June 2006: Erections are caused by blood rushing to the penis and it engorges. It commonly occurs when sexually aroused but that's not it's only appearance. It can happen during inactive periods (sleep) and at any time especially when young. You know when ... (read in full...)
My bf said I wasn't as good a kisser as his ex gf's...help, need kissing tips!
Q. Hiya, Me and my boyfriend have been going out quite a while, but haven't got any further than french kissing. However, my other friend, a boy, told me that my boyfriend had told him that I wasnt as good a kisser as his other previous girlfrie...
A. 30 June 2006: Your so called 'friend' who told you that is mean! What a silly thing to say. Kissing isn't something you can really learn, it shouldn't be forced, but a natural thing between 2 people. If you weren't a good kisser, I think you'd be able to sense ... (read in full...)
Is he taking showers to wash away the evidence of his cheating!?
Q. It was my b/f's b-day. I am with him over the year. Just wanted an opinion. I remember when i was with him last summer--he would sometimes take showers when i came over and in the winter not so much..he works inside as well as outside so i can ...
A. 30 June 2006: Have you reason to be paranoid? Bad experience in past? Did you turn up unannounced? You may well be being paranoid as he used to take showers at strange times when you first got together but..... next time he says it and you are suspicious, say ... (read in full...)
I met my boy thru my sister and her boyfriend... Now they've split up and it's make things awkward for us!
Q. Well, this is a sort of long story. My boyfriend and i have been going out for 2 years, we are 18 and 20. We meet through my older sister and her boyfriend, who are both 21. They started dating at the end of their grade 9 year and dated for 6 ...
A. 28 June 2006: I'm sorry but there's nothing you can do. Just continue being a sister to your sister and your fella a friend to his friend. If she doesn't want to be with this man, that's her decision, whatever her reason. The only difficulty I can see is that you ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for live-in boyfriend to keep sex tape of ex-girlfriend? Male perspectives welcome...
Q. Hi, I am in a crisis with my live-in boyfriend (I just moved in officially last month) and wanted to ask you all for your opinions, men and women, and the reasoning behind your views. My boyfriend likes to videotape his life and keeps several V...
A. 28 June 2006: Blunt response...I'm fuming at his insensitive ignorance to your concern. How would he feel if he saw a sex tape of you with an ex? That'd shut him up. Is there one of the two of you? I'd take that tape, burn it and dump him. Memories can be ... (read in full...)
Any suggestions for gifts to send my army boyfriend?
Q. i dont know if this a suitable question for this site or if any1 will be able to help me but my bf has recently joined the army, im really struggling to deal with it and i finding it hard to show him support. i have found that sending him little ...
A. 28 June 2006: Maybe take a photo of yourself wearing what he likes you in (or nothing) get it blown up, made into a jigsaw and send it to him a piece at a time... that should take up a few weeks too to give you time to think up the next present!... (read in full...)
I know about my wife's affair, but she doesn't know I know...
Q. I found out about 2 weeks ago that my wife had an affair. It was about 10 years ago (we were married at that time) and lasted for 6 weeks. I know for sure there has been no other affair since. However, although I know for sure it finished after 6 ...
A. 28 June 2006: You tackle it head on. You have to. You have a right to. You are obviously plagued by the fact that IF she'd not HAD to choose, it may have continued. You must try to take some comfort from the fact that she did have to choose and she chose YOU. The ... (read in full...)
I have a problem with my friends
Q. i have a real issue with all my friends. when me and my ex broke up, they told me that he cheated on me. i understand they were trying to be my friend by not telling me and for it to not hurt my feelings while we were together. after i confronted ...
A. 28 June 2006: Tricky one. Friends should support you through everything and there should be mutual trust. Friends are usually there long before and after relationships that end. The key is, not to neglect them totally for the sake of a guy. Of course you want to ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend, but I don't want to stop seeing the other guy, either!
Q. I'm 14 and I have a really great boyfriend who lives in Norfolk but I really like this guy in my cadet group. I kissed him while we was watching the football and I didn't mean for it to happen. I really don't want to split with my boyfriend because ...
A. 28 June 2006: I'm going to be very tough here, so if you don't think you'll like that, stop reading now. You're 14, it seems really young for you to already be messing around with 1 boy let alone 2. It's not fair on them or you, perhaps you're not ready to date ... (read in full...)
My best friends brother told me we're not a couple, we're just having sex!!!
Q. My best friend's brother and I started a relationship, we got on really well and enjoyed each others company. Now he's told me we are just two people having sex and will never be a couple. I told him I thought abit more about him than that and now ...
A. 28 June 2006: As he is your best friend's brother, it's possible that because you already knew him through her that things went too far too fast. I'm sorry to say it does sounds as though he just wanted to get you into bed. There's nothing in this for you as ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to over masturbate ?
Q. I'm not going to say my "exact age" but i will say i am in my late teens. I used to masturbate like once a week or something like that... lately i have been thinking alot about this guy i know, and the things we would do, and it gets me turned on. ...
A. 28 June 2006: Maybe you're being a little too vigorous on a delicate area, but no, 5-8 times is not over masturbating. They do say that the more time you wait in between any sexual activity can increase or highten the climax, but as most things, there's no ... (read in full...)
My man is great and left an abusive marriage and his children are hateful!
Q. How do I deal with this. I am with a wonderful man who left an abusive marriage. His two (18 and 19 year old) daughters said they would never speak to him again unless he gave up his part of the marital home for them. He has done this by putting ...
A. 28 June 2006: How tragic! Please tell this man to seek legal advice. He must not be held to ransom and blackmail. I'm pretty sure he does not have any financial responsibilty by giving up his share of the home and putting money into a trust fund, as they are ... (read in full...)
My best friends brother told me we're not a couple, we're just having sex!!!
Q. My best friend's brother and I started a relationship, we got on really well and enjoyed each others company. Now he's told me we are just two people having sex and will never be a couple. I told him I thought abit more about him than that and now ...
A. 28 June 2006: You slept with him before establishing what it was you 'had'. Simple mistake, but I'm afraid all too common. You say you started a relationship, what makes you say that? Did you stay in or did you go out on dates? Hold hands in public? People saw ... (read in full...)
He's 29 & I'm 18 - he has no job, has a kid and lives with his parents but he brings me to life!
Q. He's 29 and I'm 18... I don't think that I have a problem with it and he says he doesn't either. My parents could care less, but he told me to tell his parents I was 20 when we meet. I said I would not lie, and he said okay you dont have too. W...
A. 28 June 2006: I'm not here to patronize you, but you're 18, that's why he brings you to life. Ask yourself this hypothetical Q to establish exactly what it is you feel, 'If I had a friend or daughter and this was her choice of man, what advice would I give? How ... (read in full...)
We broke up, and now she wont get back together because shes worried what her friends might say!
Q. My g/f recently broke up with me about a month ago after a 2 year relationship, she still asks me 2 see her and when i do she cant keep her hands of me, we normally cuddle and kiss and end up having sex and then just laying together for hours, she ...
A. 28 June 2006: Boot her out! If she keep taking her back for sex, cuddles, writing her love letters, making her feel wanted, she's not really missing anything is she? If she cares about you, she'll come back regardless of what her mates think. Tell her you don't ... (read in full...)
I just want revenge but more to make me laugh, why should she get off scott free!
Q. My long term girlfriend/fiancee has recently dumped me and I am almost pass the loss/grief stage. She moved in very shortly with another guy I thought she might be seeing someone else. I want revenge now, nothing nasty, just something to mak...
A. 28 June 2006: I'm sorry, no revenge tactics, just a note. Ignore your ego. The fact you still love her isn't the only reason you are seeking revenge. You say it's for laugh, but it isn't, nor would it make you laugh forever. You say she has everything now, but so ... (read in full...)
He has offered to move home with me so we don't have to do the long-distance thing!
Q. I am a 21 year old who has been living in the UK for the past 2 years. Now has come the time for me to return to my home country but 4 months ago I met a guy I really like. Now we are facing the prospect of breaking up and he has offered to come ...
A. 28 June 2006: Bev's advice is brilliant. I would just add this, if he's coming soley for you, it's a bad idea. It's too much pressure on such a young relationship. The other thing is a story I'd like to share. My friend came from the U.S to the UK for an English ... (read in full...)
How do I tell if he has an erection if we are just kissing or hugging?
Q. heya! (i am 16) my boy mate asked me out today and i said yes. It is our first ever relationship for both of us. We haven't kissed yet or hugged or anything but we will soon. The problem is i am just wondering how i would know if he got an erection. ...
A. 28 June 2006: Why do you want to know? Don't ask him, or stare at his groin, poor fella, he'd probably be mortified and emabarassed! Boys at that age can get erections at the drop of a hat for many reasons, several times a day without physical contact, so chances ... (read in full...)
I really like my work colleague, we slept together, but he is with someone else!
Q. Hey, so, I've recently started getting to be really good friends with my work colleagues. We went out one night and both me and another girl got with the same guy. He and she started dating about a week later and are still together. Thing is, ...
A. 28 June 2006: They rarely work out ok, when it comes to lust, the mind goes out of the window. You have already hurt this girl you say you like (you can't like her that much). I'm sorry but this all sounds quite immature to be honest, you both got with the same ... (read in full...)
I'm 19 - I want a boob job, I lost a baby & my partner thinks I've cheated on him!
Q. I'm a 19 year old woman who hates her body and most all all her breasts. I want a boob job but its ruining my relationships because of my low confidence and self-esteem pls help me makes sense of what i should do? i love my partner of three years an...
A. 28 June 2006: I can understand you want to look good for 'him', but that won't stop him doubting you. Forget about him for now, what about you? You're not in the best emotional state to make such a big decision. It won't make the problems go away, it may mask ... (read in full...)
How to make "it" bigger?
Q. I dont know how to make my dick bigger? How can i do that im only 14 years old....
A. 28 June 2006: At 14, what are you wanting it bigger for exactly? I'm sure it's big enough to masturbate with and that's all you should be using it for! You didn't say what size it is, but don't worry as I'm sure whatever size your penis is, it'll grow some more ... (read in full...)
Lied about my past because it's not me today. Now I've lost her trust!
Q. Help! I have recently lied on my gf for 3 months about my past! I need help on how to regain that trust that we use to have before she knew. Here's the deal. My past is not who I am today, but I lied to her about my past relationships cause it...
A. 28 June 2006: I don't know the details but what can have been so bad? You say you lied and now she's found out, How? Did you 'confess'? If so, why? Sorry that this is all questioning, but why lie in the first place? I think your past is YOUR past and has nothing ... (read in full...)
We don't like each other, but the sparks are amazing! What gives?
Q. There's this guy that I know, we usually do not get on with each other as I find him disrespectful and he finds me annoying. However, and this is a BIG however, we have TOTAL chemistry. I mean, I have heard of sparks flying but this literall...
A. 22 June 2006: Sexual chemistry has nothing to do with liking someone's persoanlity. It's not uncommon for people who fancy each other to be nasty etc. You may find that when the tension has gone or been irradicated (!), you'll have either got it out of your ... (read in full...)
Feeling very unhappy at the moment
Q. Hi All Sorry for the long and random post....... I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for just over two years. I'm feeling really confused and guilty about the doubts I've suddenly had about our relationship. We are very much in love and he is t...
A. 22 June 2006: You are very switched on and know what's going on. You may find these feelings are guilt as you may feel you owe him as you feel he 'fixed' you. Everything you said makes sense. The reasons why etc. You have a lot to be thankful for with this man, ... (read in full...)
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