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*amille agony aunt

*amille

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*amille's profile:

I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.

I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.

I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them!

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I really like my friends sister but would it be wrong to ask her out ?

Q.   Ive known one of my mates for about 8 years now and ive really liked his sister for quite a while. Im 20 and shes 16. I get on well with her and she always seems flirty every time i see her. My mate knows i think shes fit but should i do anything ...

A.   29 August 2006: I think as she's only 16 your friend may not approve. My brother's 7 years older than me and he was so protective that he didn't want anyone taking me out, let alone a friend. You've known her since she was 8 and he may have a problem with this. If ... (read in full...)

Relationship problems! (long post)

Q.   Hi everyone, One week ago all hell broke loose for me and my life. My, now ex, fiance drank a bit to much on friends birthday party and cheated on me. It was nothing to big (she kissed a guy) becouse they ware in the dark (for full 3 mins) and when...

A.   29 August 2006: You must get on with your life and sort yourself out. Stop mixing meds with alcohol, it's extremely dangerous and could be having a terrible effect on your health. The fact is, she kissed someone else, whether or not you lover her more for telling ... (read in full...)

Relationship concerns! Do I dump him?

Q.   Hello :) Me and boyfriend are in a long distance relationship, He lives in Nottingham/Leicster and I live in Portsmouth, I have trust issues with him and cant seem to trust him, although hes never cheated before on me or anyone. So I have no reason ...

A.   29 August 2006: Oh dear, you don't see him that often but he irritates you. During that time apart you think about what's wrong with the relationship and say the sex is not that great, I don't think this relationship is working. It's good that you're happy when ... (read in full...)

I want him but he's falling for his new gf. What should I do?

Q.   Right, I met this lad. we will call him lad a. me n lad a went out for a while till i found out he had a gf. we split up but then got back together till i slept with some other lad. We then split up again but then got back together. then we were ...

A.   29 August 2006: How can there ever be any trust ? You started seeing him and he already had a girlfriend. You got back together and you slept with someone else. Sorry to be blunt but you both sound like you've acted in a very selfish immature way. I wouldn't trust ... (read in full...)

I really want to make it work, On the other hand I don’t want to be a doormat

Q.   My male friend and I (he’s nearly 23, me nearly 31) are getting ourselves in a confused state with one another and need some help. We both really like/fancy each other like crazy. He has asked me to be his girlfriend but I am a little wary of ...

A.   29 August 2006: At the moment you are his friend yet to me it looks like you're questioning how he's being as if he is your boyfriend. You need to remember what the relationship IS at the moment and not progress it in your head. The emphasis is on what you suspect ... (read in full...)

She flirts with me-her bf doesn't bothered by it-should I ask her out?

Q.   hello. i'm 31 my problem is i have very strong feelings for a lady i know. my friend has told her friend i've got a thing for her. whenever i see her she's all smiles and readily talks. on one occasion her friends left the pub and came back later ...

A.   29 August 2006: Some people enjoy flirting if they click with someone and they may also be attracted to the person. Some may also be thinking of an affair yet some may be absolutely horrified by that thought. She may be doing it because she knows you like her and ... (read in full...)

I'm wondering if he enjoys the flattery while still maintaining his singledom

Q.   I was texting a guy for 6 months because he wanted to get to know me before meeting, we have a few mutual friends. Then I started dating a guy I had known for a few years and after 3 weeks he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever and ...

A.   29 August 2006: 3 weeks does sound soon for this intesity but it does happen. It's just going to boil down to who you like the most and what you want. It almost sounds like you're hedging your bets and thinking if you pick the texter he may not actually want a ... (read in full...)

He said we could live together once he is retired

Q.   Iv been having a relationship with a man for 3 years,he has never been married or has had kids.He works away during the week because he is in the RAF and he comes down to see me at weekends though i have spent some time at his house during the ...

A.   29 August 2006: It is very tricky for you, but I want to ask, what do you think you will gain in this relationship by moving in together? Some people don't feel comfortable saying "I love you", it doesn't mean he doesn't, but asking him is a sign that it's ... (read in full...)

I cant tell him is that I love him more than a friend

Q.   i think im in love withmy best boy mate, weare so close and talk on the phone nearly every night, i have no idea how he feels about me because theres no tale talesigns. He knows me inside out and i always tell him whats on my mind, but the one thing ...

A.   29 August 2006: I think you need to talk to him if you are absolutely sure of you're feelings. Go somewhere that's a neutral ground, somewhere quiet where you can talk that doesn't hold any previous memories for you. Start by telling him how much your friendship ... (read in full...)

This man wants a relationship with me but I just don't know!

Q.   I don’t know how to handle aspects of my male friend’s behaviour. He has recently asked me to be his girlfriend and said I could take some time to decide what to do if I wanted to. I am so guarded when it comes to men (haven’t dated anyone in 10 ...

A.   25 August 2006: I'll try to keep this short. Why are you bothered what he thinks about other girls really? You mentioned that he could have been saying nice things about you instead, well, erm, why should he? He has asked you out and is waiting for an answer! If ... (read in full...)

My BF tells all his mates about our sex life!

Q.   I just found out my boyfriend is telling all his friends about our sex life. I dont know what to do! Should i end it?...

A.   25 August 2006:  You can't say all boys brag, because that's generalisation and stereotyping. I never talk about my sex life because I love my boyfriend and I feel it would be disrespectful to share the intimate part of our relationship with anyone. People ask and ... (read in full...)

Its like dating the mum as well as the daughter! Please help!!!

Q.   I have been dating a girl for about 3 months now. She is the most important thing in my life! She has relationship problems that she contributes mostly to her parents. In all her relationships that she has had where her parents approve...

A.   25 August 2006: I don't know your ages or the situation for your girlfriend, but someone needs to calmly talk like adults to her Mum about the situation. Maybe you can do it alone, or with your girlfriend, or she could do it? If you explain that you understand her ... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm ruining his life because of my moods...

Q.   I started seeing my boyfriend when we were both with previous partners. We work together, but in separate offices, I'm nearly 21 and he's 31. We have been together properly for about 5 months. He has a daughter from his previous relationship and ...

A.   25 August 2006: Stop being moody! He has a child so will always have contact with his ex and there is NOTHING you can do about that, so get on with it. Let me just throw this out there and see what you think.... you are worried he may get in a situation with his ex ... (read in full...)

Horrified to find my lovely boyfriend has been posting his willy on "bi-curious" sites!

Q.   I discovered my boyfriend of 2 years posted on adult internet sites seeking 'couples or females'. I recently clicked on the history tap on the internet and to my horror I found photos of my boyfriend advertising himself as a bi-curious male,...

A.   25 August 2006: That's because you don't know him. Sadly he has gone behind your back. There's curious and then there's doing somethign about it. Whether or not he was interested in carrying this through, it's as you say, he hasn't remained at all anonymous. You'd ... (read in full...)

I love my married friend...

Q.   I am in love with my friend who is married but I am afraid that if I say anything I could loose him as a friend. What should I do?...

A.   25 August 2006: He's married, don't say anything. And do keep a check on what else is going on, as you may be saying a lot more in body language than perhaps you realize. Even if you suspect he's not happily married, it really isn't a good idea to do anything ... (read in full...)

My 14 year old GF said she feels like we're a married couple!

Q.   Okay so ive been with my gf for about a month and a half now, I'm 15 and she's 14. Everything has been great and then yesterday she told me she felt like we were a married couple, as you can imagine this took me by surprise. I was glad to hear it,...

A.   25 August 2006: No offence to either of you but at 14 after a month and a half....I truly doubt it! Anyway, for what it's worth, where I come from, if someone says that, it means they're bored! (sorry!). It means that the relationship is monotonous and the feeling ... (read in full...)

He only sees our relationship as friends, as he says he doesnt have luck with the girls!

Q.   hi my name is lilly i meet a young man a year ago ,when we just started seeing each other ,he told me he doesn't have luck with girl and he does want to put a label on me ,so as of now i am still his friend . I loved him alot ,it hurts me mor...

A.   25 August 2006: A year is quite a long time to be having feelings for someone and just be friends. It's very hard when one person has feelings and the other one doesn't. Have you tried talking to him more recently about it? Ask him if he has any feelings other than ... (read in full...)

She says shes happy with me, and then breaks up, could this be her meds ?

Q.   so i have been going out with this one girl for about a year and a half. she is 23. i am 24. this was the best relationship both of us have ever had. this girl has been on meds since high school. it seemed that throughout our relationship everytime ...

A.   25 August 2006: Sadly for you both, your ex isn't in any place to deal with a relationship right now. She may be suffering from an illness or it may be the meds, but unfortunately you cannot fix her or save her. If you are together as a couple, you could support ... (read in full...)

I love him - I'm hurt/confused by his nonchalant, non caring behaviours.

Q.   My boyfriend and I broke up almost 6 months ago over a silly argument. Prior to the breakup we had been seeing each other for a year. Part of the breakup was my fault and I've apologised and stated my desire to continue our relationship since I ...

A.   24 August 2006: I'm going to be harsh. STOP being intimate with him. This is why you are confused. This is why you are talking as if you are still together when you are not. This is not a relationship (definitely not to him) and it sounds as if he's getting ... (read in full...)

10 ideas for things to do tonight?

Q.   I'm bored, and at my Dad's place so can't hook up with friends. Begging for 10 ideas for things I can do tonight?...

A.   24 August 2006: You've access to the internet so the world is at your fingertips! You could try a site that let's you play interactive games. Some let you play with other people, like Scrabble or something.... As long as there's no money involved! ... (read in full...)

I think I _may_ have married too soon... My wife can't bear to be touched by me!

Q.   How do you tell the difference between settling down, and just settling? Married, and regretting it. Finding my wife and I are quite incompatible sexualy, and I often wonder whether I just gave up looking, and settled too early. I feel unwanted, and ...

A.   24 August 2006: It's difficult to say the right thing here because I don't know enough details. How long you've known your wife? It sounds like you still don't really know her. Has the physical side of things always been like this? If so, getting married wasn't ... (read in full...)

It's a love hate thing...

Q.   Please help me out. me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months. I hate his feet which feet arent supposed to be attractive anyways. Sometimes the way he moves his hand up and holds it up i hate it. It reminds me of someone gay. Just little ...

A.   24 August 2006: IF I was you, I'd realise that I obviously don't love him if tiny things were irritating me that much after only 2 months! Some people LOVE feet by the way, and some of us that don't, still do love the feet on the end of the man we love's legs!... (read in full...)

Me and my fiance are stuck in an expensive rut!

Q.   Hi, Im with my fiancee over a yr now and lately im beginning to get bored and fedup of the same routine of doing things.We are both in our early 30s, with good jobs and fell in love very quickly when we met.She has a habit of wanting to stay ...

A.   24 August 2006: Talk to her about the cost and about sharing the expense. Why shouldn't she contribute?! I can't help wondering why, if you are both in your 30's, are you unable to be alone? I assume you don't share a bedroom with someone else? Do you live at home? ... (read in full...)

He says he won't get a divorce for 2 years and wants no strings sex. Should I go for it?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for about four months, however he still lives with his ex, I wanted to wait till he moved out before we became serious, but he said he didnt want me to throw away what we had. I thought i loved him and things progress...

A.   24 August 2006: If you have feelings for him, you shouldn't sleep with him. If you have any self respect, you shouldn't sleep with him. If you question why he is having to stay with his so called "ex" for another 2 years, you shouldn't sleep with him. I'm sorry but ... (read in full...)

How can you tell if your bf is cheating on you?

Q.   hey ppl i need ur help how can u tell if ur bf is cheating on u? i know its stupid and there aint really any really questions but anything will do i need to know weather he is cheatin or not...

A.   24 August 2006: It may help if you tell us why you think he is cheating to be honest, that may be easier..........and a good place to start.... (read in full...)

Found out he has a lot of girls who like him...Is he taking me for a fool

Q.   i need ur help quick, i keep seein this lad hu is really fit he is my best m8s brother and my best m8 is goin out with his m8, but anyways his mum is on hol so have been spendin alot at his!! but with his mates, i have slept at his loads of times ...

A.   24 August 2006: I'm sorry but you had no right at all to go through his phone. Those texts are none of your business nor is what they say. He is not your boyfriend, he hasn't taken advantage of you and yet you have disrespected him by betraying his trust. If and ... (read in full...)

He's in a band and I trust him..but I don't trust the girls he's around. What can I do?

Q.   My boyfriend is in a band and are on tour now i managed to go to the first gig where a girl from another band was giving me dirty looks becuase i was talking to my boyfriend and now she is stayin at the same hotel as him for the next week, also my ...

A.   24 August 2006: My boyfriend's in a band and is SO gorgeous, not that this matters as many girls want to sleep with anyone in a band whether they're good looking or not, anyway.... I work in the music industry and know many many men who do cheat and also know a few ... (read in full...)

The dreaded ex!!

Q.   she dumped me 11 months ago for her married boss with 3 kids and i was devestated. Now im trying my best to move on but she keeps texting me virtually every week and finding any excuse to try and strike up some sort of conversation between us,i have ...

A.   23 August 2006: You're trying to get on with your life and it sounds like you're doing really well. But the ball's in your court. You don't have to reply. You have a choice. You said you never text first, so I am assuming you do reply, so my advice is....don't ... (read in full...)

Girls Gone Wild!!

Q.   Ok back in 2004 I was on the show girls gone wild in Miami, Florida. I loved it. Being with girls, having sex with girls. But now that I don't see them that often as I used to, How do I find a girl to get with? There it was so simlpe because every ...

A.   23 August 2006: Where's "here"? I'm sure there are lesbians where you live but perhaps read the small ads in local papers etc or place one yourself......... (read in full...)

What's the secret question?

Q.   What is the "Secret Question" to ask a stranger if they are gay?...

A.   23 August 2006: I used to hear of people wearing certain things a certain way (like a handkercheif hanging from either left or right pocket) to let people know, but to be honest, that's all a little 1980's! If you want to meet a gay stranger, er, how about going to ... (read in full...)

I don't want to lose her - should I marry her?

Q.   5 months into a relationship, and i feel like she's the world to me. Even with other girls offering me to go out with them instead of my current gf, my gf means the world to me and i would never want to lose her. yet, i am too young for marriage in ...

A.   23 August 2006: You didn't give your age, but what you say makes me answer that 'yes, you're too young for marriage'. 5 months is such a short amount of time and there's still so much to find out about each other. The early stages of most relationships are so full ... (read in full...)

I'm in Amsterdam and having trouble sticking to my no sex before marriage belief!

Q.   Hi I am in my late 20s and am still a virgin. I have been able to control myself till now as i neither had any girlfriend nor any great desire to lose virginity before marriage..It is getting difficult day by day and staying in Amsterdam (Sex c...

A.   23 August 2006:  There's women everywhere. Temptation everywhere, don't blame Amsterdam! Prostitution is legal there so does that mean you're thinking of visiting a prostitute to lose your virginity? I think that'd be a shame as if you're wanting to wait, I can see ... (read in full...)

On birth control pills but I missed 4 days worth...could I be pregnant?

Q.   Please, I need any advice, im confused. Ok heres the situation...I started birth control first day of my period and had a normal 5 day period. Next 10 days was visiting my fiancee so we were having sex during those 10 days, which should've been ...

A.   23 August 2006: I am very sorry to say this, but you don't "forget" to take it 4 days in a row! If you can't remember to take it, perhaps you shouldn't have chosen it as a method of birth control? The way it works is to take it as instructed.....every day. If you ... (read in full...)

She lied to me and fooled me! But she always keep saying that she loves me ..what should I do?

Q.   3 years ago,came to me a girl from florida while i was online in the yahoo messenger. asked me to open the cam , then i asked her to send me her pic first, and i insisted ,then she sent me her ,and she was little upset , when she saw me she liked me...

A.   23 August 2006: Forgive my bluntness but don't contact this woman and don't reply to her if she contacts you. You haven't even met her. You sound VERY judgemental of her. You don't know her at all and it's very strange that you are quick to talk about her having ... (read in full...)

Our fights are threatening to ruin our relationship..what can we do?

Q.   hey- I'm a 19 yr old guy in a relationship with a 20 yr old girl. we've been together for 9 months. Of the nine months 7 of them have been long distance since i go to college 3 hours away but we see each other atleast once a month and on breaks. ...

A.   23 August 2006: I am guessing that the distance is a huge part of this arguing. Frustrations can show themselves when you're together and it's a weird thing to control, especially because it's the not being together than cause trouble when you are together, sounds ... (read in full...)

Do you think my BF will still go to the bachelor party I wanted him to avoid?

Q.   Hi--i am the one who wrote about the bachelor party and how i had an argument with my b/f about it and how he would still go. That argument was about 2 weeks ago or so. The wedding is not this weekend but next weekend and still no party has been ...

A.   23 August 2006: I'm sorry but I missed your first question. Just going off this it's hard to second guess your reasons for not wanting him to go. I'm assuming you don't trust him? Or is it just bachelor parties in general? Whatever your reason, you cannot tell him ... (read in full...)

He wants to try "woman on top", but I don't know how to do it!

Q.   My bf wants to try the girl on top position. I'm new to this. I don't know what I'm doing! Any advice!? We tried it before and i felt uncomfortable!! I didn't know how to move, how to position myself or anything! What do I do? Any advice?--thanks :)...

A.   23 August 2006: Start with him on top and slowly get him to lift you up whilst he's still inside you, then you don't have to worry about getting into the position as you'll automatically be there. He can still guide you with his hands on yoiur hips to make you feel ... (read in full...)

Does personality change as someone (a guy) ages?

Q.   Do you think someones personality can change - as in mature as they grow older? I dated a guy when i was at school who was really immature and had only one thing on his mind (sex) so in a way selfish but i guess typical of all young blokes they get ...

A.   23 August 2006: Life experiences and time on this earth both contribute to changes either in personality or processing stuff. Maturity comes from age per se but some people don't even remember how they used to act. Anyway, if this guy has come back into your life ... (read in full...)

Why does she treat sex as if it's something comical and funny?

Q.   Okay well my girlfriend offered too buy me come 'CLIT SWEETS' from Anne Summers and i dunno why but i thought it was a bit immature and rude. My girlfriend is lovely and a really nice girl but she can be a bit immature at times. Its like 'im having ...

A.   22 August 2006: don't feel bad, just relax and enjoy yourself!... (read in full...)

Which accent do you find more annoying: Liverpool or Mancunian?

Q.   OK I know this is going to be controversial especially if someone reads this from one of the 2 cities. This is really for people who have been to Manchester and Liverpool in the UK: but what accent is more annoying, Liverpool or Mancunian? I ask be...

A.   22 August 2006: They both moaned about their accents? Charming. What has this got to do with you though? I mean, why do you want to know? Have you got a bet going? Haven't you met your friend's girlfriends? Hmmm, this is rather strange as it's a case of One man’s ... (read in full...)

What wrong..he can't get erect to satisfy me? Is it me or all this porn he watched?

Q.   Hi there, I have just started seeing someone who i really like. Last weekend we had sex for the first time at his place, it was great, although he didn't cum. We then drove back to mine, and altough we were really "into it", he wasn't errect. The ...

A.   22 August 2006: It's a mistake to think it's because he doesn't fancy you so get that out of your head, and don't say that to him. This sounds like it's nerves and worry. It may be that it's never happened before or he may just not want to admit to it. You'll ... (read in full...)

Why does she treat sex as if it's something comical and funny?

Q.   Okay well my girlfriend offered too buy me come 'CLIT SWEETS' from Anne Summers and i dunno why but i thought it was a bit immature and rude. My girlfriend is lovely and a really nice girl but she can be a bit immature at times. Its like 'im having ...

A.   22 August 2006: Nope sorry, I'm with her, it's not immature, just fun and frivolous. I turn the question back on you.... why do you treat sex as if it's something serious? There's nothing wrong with having fun in the bedroom, it's just a different way to enjoy it. ... (read in full...)

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