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*amille agony aunt

*amille

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*amille's profile:

I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.

I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.

I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them!

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Feeling very unhappy at the moment

Q.   Hi All Sorry for the long and random post....... I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for just over two years. I'm feeling really confused and guilty about the doubts I've suddenly had about our relationship. We are very much in love and he is t...

A.   22 June 2006: You are very switched on and know what's going on. You may find these feelings are guilt as you may feel you owe him as you feel he 'fixed' you. Everything you said makes sense. The reasons why etc. You have a lot to be thankful for with this man, ... (read in full...)

I have a high school sweetheart but I have feelings for a boy

Q.   Hello I have been with my boyfreind for almost 4 years now. We are high school sweethearts. I am going to be a sophomore in college now and he is going to be a junior at different schools that are an hour away. We both love each other very much. But ...

A.   22 June 2006: I'm in the UK so not sure what age sophomore is, I think it's still pretty young isn't it? You may feel an expectancy to stay with your childhood sweetheart but there's a whole world out there and you're on a voyage of discovery. As an adolescent ... (read in full...)

I think girls assume I am 'taken'

Q.   Good day Ladies, and gents. Need some advice, and I know this has been asked, but from a lady, and at the risk of sounding naive, and vain, I need some help. I am 22, single, self employed, hard working and I'm financially stable. I'm pretty c...

A.   22 June 2006: Firstly, there is NO league, so everyone is someone you can potentially date. You don't sound shy to me, so just ask them if they are single and if they'd like to go out for dinner or something. Possible problems are that either the people you talk ... (read in full...)

Growing my hair to feel attractive

Q.   Hey guys I have a yet another problem i would like to have long hair because at the moment ny hair is short to medium length I loike to have long hair as it will help me feel attr45active guys please give me some ideas thanks guys...

A.   22 June 2006: Don't grow your hair just because you want to feel attractive (to men?). If you are unhappy with the way you look, have a think about why. Hair shouldn't matter. If you don't like your hair short, fair enough, grow it. , You say this is a 'problem', ... (read in full...)

Is ten times a day too much sex?

Q.   I have sex 8-10 times a day with my husband and it's starting to hurt but I still enjoy it should I take it down a notch or what? ...

A.   22 June 2006: Maybe try to have non-penetrative sex on a couple of occasions as after such frequent sex, it's going to feel tender, sore or maybe just friction chaffing. Also, just make sure that inbetween sessions you're cleaning the genital areas because there ... (read in full...)

My BF has a big donger and it hurts when we have sex! How can I ease the pain?

Q.   Hello, I recently started (about a month ago) having sex with my boyfriend as I was a virgin. Everything is okay but he is 9 inches and everytime he goes in it hurts. The pain goes away after awhile but it still hurts real bad going in. Is there ...

A.   22 June 2006: By you going on top of your boyfriend, you can control how deep you feel comfortable with. As long as you are 'ready' for penetration there shouldn't be pain as the vagina can expand to huge proportions (if a baby can fit through then a large penis ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend of 4 years hates herself so much it's killing our relationship

Q.   Ive been with my girlfriend for 4yrs we met when she was 18 and we have had no problems. we were planning on getting a house and having a wedding in the next year. she had an pregnacy scare, and didn't tell me about it, freaked out and told me she ...

A.   22 June 2006: I can't be sure of course, but it sounds like your girlfriend has been through something traumatic and is left with very low self-esteem. Perhaps a bad relationship breakup, infidelity, parents' divorce etc. I can understand her fear of life moving ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has made my life a misery... I need to leave him but how?

Q.   I love my boyfriend and we have been togethr a little over two years now, but I have to leave him. He loves me and is not bad to me in any direct way. He just makes me unhappy. When we first started seeing each other, I had a good social life....

A.   22 June 2006: Breaking up is always hard when you love the person but when you know it's not right, you have to do it. Finances are no reason to stay. It's going to be tough and you may have to look into your options first and get something sorted, but when you ... (read in full...)

I'm 40, my marriage is a failure and I actually hate my husband..

Q.   I'm 40. My marriage is a failure. I am unable to enjoy sex with my husband. He just wont hear of a divorce. He wants me to change to his ways. I have been trying to make him happy for the past 15 long years but now I feel fed up with him and with ...

A.   22 June 2006: Hate is a strong word but it sounds like you really need to be away from this man. You say he won't hear of divorce, but what about you? There rae so many words in what you wrote that jump out at me, and it's worrying how he seems to have all the ... (read in full...)

I'm married but I'm considering this other guy may make a good, potential f**kbuddy..

Q.   I thought this 28yrs old guy at work was very attractive and i knew he was in a serious relationship for the last 3 years. I am 35 yrs and married for 16 years and have 3 kids. We talk alot at work because what we do we need to be in contact alot. ...

A.   22 June 2006: You asked "But why can't i have some fun with this guy, if it is only about some wild sex with a good buddy.". Er, because you are married. It may seem like harmless fun, but that would be rare. Think about it ratiionally. Once it starts, how and ... (read in full...)

What clues would suggest my husband might be gay?

Q.   Are there signs that could tell me if my husband is gay?...

A.   22 June 2006: It sounds like you suspect he may be gay, so perhaps listing some of your clues and then asking advice may help. To be honest, we could list several things but none of them could mean he's gay. In fact, some of the clues may point to other problems ... (read in full...)

Why do some women feel so jealous over their sons!!!?

Q.   Why do some women get jealous if their son has a girlfriend? I mean isn't that sort of wierd. I could probably understand her getting jealous if her son had a close relationship with his step-mom, she may feel replaced. But his wife? I mean how...

A.   21 June 2006: Is it jealousy or is it just a whole negative package of disapproving unfavourable critical scrutiny! I think Mothers can be so hurtful. They have taken care of this man and brought him into this world. Now there's someone else there that they think ... (read in full...)

We took the plunge into a relationship, now I wish we had just stayed friends!!

Q.   There is this girl I have been friends with now for over 3 years and I have come to love her more than any other person. I accepted the fact that we would never be together, and I am was really happy being just friends. Just the other day I found ...

A.   21 June 2006: It must be quite hard to make that transition, and be careful because if you let it drag out, you could possibly damage your friendship. The best relationships are when your lover becomes your best friend. You're doing it in reverse and that can be ... (read in full...)

Know any good Icebreakers!?

Q.   Im so scared ...... im going out with this guy but i never know what to discuss with him ? have u got any like ice breakers? lol ...

A.   21 June 2006: Don't plan it, it'll show and maybe make you more anxious. Trying to remember what you've decided to say may tie you in knots. Just be yourself, try to relax and tell yourself that if you're going out with him, he already likes you and vice versa. ... (read in full...)

After 6 years we broke up, he wants to get back together, I've now got some else, not sure the best thing to do!!

Q.   Ok, so I was with my ex boyrfriend for 6 years since 12th grade. We've had our ups and downs but never anything serious like cheating. We were really good together and planned on getting married in the future. Well about 4 months ago, I started to ...

A.   21 June 2006: Well, why feel guilty? He went off with someone else. I can only guess he either didn't get what he wanted from her either and has come back, or he did and has tired of her and wants you back. To be honest, 6 years is a long time, but your history ... (read in full...)

Dumped by text message, still feel cross about it, what happens when I see him again, dont want to do something stupid!

Q.   Dear peops, I got dumped by text message a few days ago and am still reeling. I text back (politely) what I thought of his 'tactics' but dont know if he read it or replied as I lost my phone a few hours later in town. My main worry at the moment...

A.   21 June 2006: (Wow, what a jerk eh? Very cowardly and cruel methinks). You know what, he's not worth any reaction so take a deep breath, hold your head up high and ignore him. I wouldn't waste my breath on him. I know it's easier said than done, but if you could ... (read in full...)

I have fallen for a girl but I am so inexperienced!

Q.   ok so we are great friends, we are awesome together. I can't seem to get enough of this girl, yet she's 24. I'm afraid to tell her how I feel because I don't want to risk our friendship. I can honestly say I belive we were ment to be, but then ...

A.   21 June 2006: How do you know she doesn't feel the same.? Forget the age or experience. It's you and her together that matters. If you think you are meant to be but feel deep down she doesn't feel the same, that's a contradiction as you BOTH need to share that ... (read in full...)

I am confused about my sexuality

Q.   Hi I'm in my mid-teens and I'm a bit confused about my sexuality. I'm still attracted to girls, but there's this one guy who I have feelings for, not just because he's friendly, but also he looks, acts, and even speaks like a girl. I don't know if ...

A.   21 June 2006: You can't "turn" gay, you either are or not (or of course bi-sexual). If this guy looks and sounds like a girl, maybe that's what you're attracted to, the feminine side, so I personally wouldn't worry, it's only ONE boy you like. It's pretty normal ... (read in full...)

I met a model on the net and I don't like her job!

Q.   just wondering as i was chatting to my girlfriend about this the other night about her being a model she didnt believe she could as she has had 2 children and hated her body to every inch which i dont, so i set her up on a net website and well i was ...

A.   21 June 2006: Firstly as you pointed out, you set this up so I'm afraid it's a case of you made your bed, you have to lie in it. You should try and be proud of her. She also had insecurities and this has helped her overcome them I'd imagine. Now you need to ... (read in full...)

Will masturbation cause me illness?

Q.   i masturbate almost 4-5 times a day . is it normal and would it cause any kind of cancer os some other disease. I am 17...

A.   21 June 2006: That's quite a lot (it IS a lot!!) but hey, you're 17, so I'm sure it's normal. There's no reason you'd get any illness from masturbation as long as you're relatively clean and not using anything else that could potentially lead to infection. Be ... (read in full...)

I have more fun when my boyfriend isn't around... !

Q.   I am 25 and my boyfriend is 28. We’ve been together a little over 4 years and have been living together for 3 of them. He is from another country and goes home to visit his family for about 3-4 weeks a year. I am concerned because I don’t miss him ...

A.   21 June 2006: Opposites may attract but you're seeing that it's not what long lasting relationships are based on. You need common interests and it seems you have totally left the real you and your life behind for this man. Has he made any sacrifices? Is he in ... (read in full...)

I've fallen in love with a married guy!

Q.   I was helping a friend of mine (girl) move, and I met a good friend of hers who was a male. We had instant chemistry, we thought about each other everday since then, and have gone back and forth between this girl. Only problem he's married, he's not ...

A.   21 June 2006: I'm going to play Devil'd Advocate here... he 'says' he's not happy in his marriage....of course he does, he isn't going to tell you he's actually pretty happy at home and still sleeping with his wife because then he can't have his cake and eat it ... (read in full...)

I got caught having an affair... non-judgemental advice needed!

Q.   I am in deep trouble. My wife has come to know about my affair with a married woman. Initially it was for sex but I fell in love with this woman and now I am committed to her too. I cant leave my wife because I love her as well. Both these women are ...

A.   21 June 2006: I think it'd be fair to make YOUR decision and then come clean. IF you choose the other woman, perhaps consider whether there's a need to tell your wife about the child at all. IF you choose your wife and tell her everything and she does rejects ... (read in full...)

I think im fed up with him, but I really love him, not sure why I'm having these moods!!!?

Q.   I seem to be sick of my fiance, I just want to argue with him all the time and don't feel I want him around. I love him so much and I thought about it all this morning when we were lying in bed and just cried. He's getting sick of my moods and ...

A.   21 June 2006: You need to get to the bottom of this fast but maybe it's not your fiance that's the problem. Perhaps you are taking something else out on him? Have a think of any stressful situations that are around you. Planning a wedding could be it. Obviously ... (read in full...)

How can I get my mum and my wife to get along!?

Q.   Whats the best way to get your wife and mother to get along? Ok I'm not christian so I don't plan on dumping my mother for my wife. I love my mother and will always be there for her. But I also love my wife and would like to have a good marriage....

A.   21 June 2006: You can't make them get along. Some mothers think that no woman is good enough for their son. It's time she realised it's your choice, not hers and made an effort. Talk to them both separately and no doubt they'll blame the other. So why not be ... (read in full...)

Not sure what to do about my friend

Q.   Hi, i got this friend and me n him have been spending alot of time together. We both like each other but the situation is really confusing as he's not ready to settle down and i'm not sure i wanna boyfriend. Its clear that feelings for each other ...

A.   19 June 2006: Your answer is right there in your own words, "he's not ready to settle down and i'm not sure I wanna boyfriend", so don't 'do' anything. It's ok to have feelings and acknowledge them, but why the feel to act on them if you know the time's not ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend and I have broken up over trust issues

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for 11 months and at the moment we hae broken up. The reason for this is because she is not so keen on a girl that is a close friend of mine. Although she used to hold feelings 4 me in the past and we almost had sex, ...

A.   16 June 2006: Some people get jealous very easily and it destroys relationships. Why did you tell her that you and your friend nearly had sex though? That won't have helped. It's hard to convince anyone that men and women can be friends without there being any ... (read in full...)

Breaking up with my ex has been so very hard to do!

Q.   I feel like a puppy that has lost his best friend and is walking around with my tail between my legs. I've written several times before pertaining to a suprise breakup with my ex (the bi-gay story),thank you all for your support and I know some ...

A.   16 June 2006: I can't give you a wake up call but I can tell you I have been there, exact same torture. Going over every promise, every plan, every thing! I didn't eat sleep either but what I will say is 1) Delete his numbers from your phone and whatever you do, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's a bum and I have a bun in my oven... Where next?!

Q.   So here is the thing... My boyfriend and I are amazing together! We were casualy dating for about 2 years and now we are in a commited and serious relationship for 6 months. We can still talk for hours on end and have sex twice a day. We both still ...

A.   16 June 2006: He's immature? Erm, you're both having sex twice a day without contraception? Sorry, but it looks like neither of you have the maturity! Firstly get a test, secondly consider that your boyfriend is not going to change. He's 20/21 and that's adult ... (read in full...)

I keep thinking he's going to run off with someone else...what can I do?

Q.   I'm completly paranoid that my boyfriend is going to run off with another woman cause he's had quite a few ladies in the past. no matter how many times he tells me he loves me it means nothing....

A.   15 June 2006: No matter how many ladies he's had, you eithe rhave to believe in him or believe in yourself. It sounds like you don't have a high opinion of yourself. If you hsd self worth you'd see that a) he's with you because he chooses to be and b) if he did ... (read in full...)

She told me how she cheated on her long term boyfriend, now I'm wondering if she will do this to me...

Q.   Hello! My and my girlfriend have been together for about a year. We're very close and share everything. This, i have discovered, is a very bad idea. She has recently told me about the time (when she was 17, we are now both mid 20s) when she ch...

A.   15 June 2006: Of course it's going to bother you, that's only natural. But maybe she told you because of her own guilt. By off loading it to you has probably made her feel honest and good but left you with mixed feelings. The fact she told you is probably a big ... (read in full...)

How do I maintain a long distance relationship?

Q.   im in a long distance relationship with a man i am totally in love with (and when I say long distance im talking LONG distance we only get to see each other every 2 months) and since he is a guy its hard for him to not get any sex. He has tried to ...

A.   15 June 2006: Has this always been a long distance relationship? Why is it? How far? Why only every 2 months? There's not enough info to try and make a decent reply, sorry!I do not understand this at all " since he is a guy its hard for him to not get any sex". ... (read in full...)

What shall I do about the protection order?

Q.   My partner of 5 years, has a drinking problem. He is an alcholic who usually keeps his drinking under control. A few weeks back, he went on a "bender" which lasted nearly a week. He works mostly night shifts, and weekends which result in us not ...

A.   15 June 2006: * excuse my spelling/writing, I didn't check before I submitted, sorry!... (read in full...)

What shall I do about the protection order?

Q.   My partner of 5 years, has a drinking problem. He is an alcholic who usually keeps his drinking under control. A few weeks back, he went on a "bender" which lasted nearly a week. He works mostly night shifts, and weekends which result in us not ...

A.   15 June 2006: I'm sorry I only have limited experience of an alocholic partnet. When i eventually decided that I couldn't and didn't have to tolerate his bullying any longer, i got the strength to walk out. When he first got counselling it was for me, so it was ... (read in full...)

How can I make my friend re-think her marriage to this guy who *may* be using her!?

Q.   Aaah! My best friend moved to Spain a year ago and has just announced she is getting married to a guy she has met. He is of a different religion to her and not from the EU. I am worried he needs a visa or is using her some other way. I get the ...

A.   14 June 2006: You can talk to her but I wouldn't jump in with your suspicions as that may push her away. Love makes people do funny things and in the heat people can't always see what others can, nor do they want to. Just gently bring up the subject about how ... (read in full...)

What is a Fleet Eneyma ?

Q.   what is a fleet eneyma and where can i buy one?...

A.   14 June 2006: Why don't you just type into a search engine?!?... (read in full...)

He said he don't like lesbians, but I'm finding out otherwise.

Q.   i'm really confused, my husband goes on about how he hates lesbians but i later find porn on his conputer of just lesbians and also he has aranged with a female work friend who is bi to join in with us one night. why is he lying like this?? please...

A.   14 June 2006: There's a big difference between lesbians and girl on girl action! Your husband is trying to live out a fantasy but what he should realise is life is not a porn film and in reality I hear it's not what it's cracked up to be. Especially as you're ... (read in full...)

What shall I do about my gay friend?

Q.   I fell in love with a guy named Mike he is very attractive and he is very kind. He laid out the mat when I fell for him. He is gay....which is a really weird situation for me. He says I am the only woman he could or ever would go gay for. I don't ...

A.   13 June 2006: "He is gay....which is a really weird situation for me. He says I am the only woman he could or ever would go gay for." that didn't make sense... but I assune you mean 'go straight for'? Anyway, I want to say if he's gay his comments are irrelevant. ... (read in full...)

I'm so confused! I like two girls and I don't know what I want!

Q.   This is kind of hard to write so please try and stick with me and please try your best to help me please! OK, I'm 16... I really really care for this girl and I have liked her for 5 months, but for 3 months of that I never saw her and I really d...

A.   13 June 2006: It's perfectly normal to like more than one girl and especially at your age I'm surprised it's not more as hormones are very prevalent. Don't fret too much about whether to have a relationship as there's plenty time for that. You don't have to date ... (read in full...)

What is going on with my fling?

Q.   so im 22 and after a couple of years of mutual attraction with a friend, we hooked up (no sex--everything else) the other night. now we've been very clear before hand that there will be NO relationship or attachy feelings (im hooked on another guy ...

A.   13 June 2006: Give it time. Maybe he regrets it as you're good friends? Maybe he feels awkward? I know quite a few blokes who change once they've had sex with their friends, but hopefully he'll be mature enough to handle it and there's no reason it should effect ... (read in full...)

I want a relationship with my sister in law's brother

Q.   Is it considered wrong to have a romantic relationship with my brother's wife's brother?...

A.   13 June 2006: Nope, not at all. But if you just fancy him, perhaps not the best decision when the rest of the family could be effected.Take it slow as it could get complicated but if your feelings are true and strong, then there's no harm as long as you've ... (read in full...)

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