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*amille agony aunt

*amille

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*amille's profile:

I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.

I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.

I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them!

< Prev1234567891011Next > [12 pages, 446 answers]

What is a 'wet dream'?

Q.   what is a 'wet dream' and do boys and girls have them?...

A.   29 September 2006: It's when you ejaculate uncontrollably, ie; when you're asleep. It's more common in young teen boys. Girls don't have them although they can get sexually aroused whilst sleeping but that doesn't share the name wet dream... (read in full...)

Been together 8 months and my BF just wont commit!!

Q.   I think my bf has a commitment phobea or smthin!! we've been together for 8 months now (he's 24 and am 22) and we've gotten really close, we c each others a lot, smtimes daily..and 2 months ago we started "sex play" like havin sex but am still a ...

A.   29 September 2006: I don't know how you can call him a player when he's gone without sex for 8 months. I don't know what you're reasons are for wanting to wait until you're married, but as he doesn't share those views, he's being very patient. If you want to marry him ... (read in full...)

I broke up because I was so depressed with her, she says she will change, but Im confused!

Q.   i am a 21year old male who just got out of a relationship. when we first got together we were so happy together my weight was around 180. Now my weight has gone down about fifteen pounds. We used to be so happy together and when we get around h...

A.   29 September 2006: I don't want to give a long reply as all I want to say is, listen to that voice inside. If everything is saying walk away, that's probably what you should do. ... (read in full...)

Bothered that my girl has had a threesome before we dated..

Q.   I have a question involving threesomes. My girlfriend has told me that she has been in a threesome in which she was with two guys. One of the two guys was just who she was dating at the time and the other his friend. She told me it was great. I told ...

A.   29 September 2006: It's not a cop out. There's no need to feel threatened, she's with you and I'm sure it's more fulfilling to be one on one with someone you love than a one off experience. But why she told you any of this is beyond me, it really is. Some things just... (read in full...)

Dirty text messages found on mobile

Q.   6 monthes ago my wife had a mobile phone which i didnt know of, when i found it ,it was full of dirty texts she had sent to 2 guys. one of the guys was her friends hubby, her friend was also in on the dirty texts. now i have found she has another ...

A.   28 September 2006: Yes you're right to ask and quite frankly you deserve better than her refusal. She's your wife and she is keeping secrets and lying. Having a locked phone is bad enough, having 2 phones you didn't know about is worse, but having phones with dirty ... (read in full...)

Where can I find... men?

Q.   Bit of a bizzare question but where is the best place to find men? Im 31 years of age and havent had a proper relationship in over 4 years and im starting to get lonely and worry if I will ever settle down. Dont get me wrong I do meet men but for ...

A.   28 September 2006: How do you know they only want to be friends? Are you sure that isn't what you're projecting to them? Maybe treat yourself to a new outfit, hairdo, makeover, spa day or just something nice for yourself. Look in the mirror at the start and end of ... (read in full...)

Gay venues on holiday have left me insecure, I feel so lost

Q.   My BF and I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 11 years. No bad arguments, no ugly spats, just a fundamental agreement to never let it become ugly, we have agreed to express our difference of opinion and except it regardless. We r...

A.   28 September 2006: It's natural that curiousity got the better of you both if you've never seen/experienced anything like this before. But as you say, you both agreed and after 11 good years it'd be a shame that a mutual choice causes any bad feeling. Maybe if you can ... (read in full...)

My bf is fed up with work, how can I make him feel better ?

Q.   Hi everypne Need a bit of advice My bf is quite pissed off about work at the moment I know its not about me but somethimes he can come accross a bit harsh because of this What should i do Should i try to talk to him about it or leave...

A.   28 September 2006: It's hard for you too as his feelings effect you. It's good that you've so far been tolerant and pateint. That's probably the support he needs, but he can't continue to be harsh toward you. Try to do something nice that will cheer him up. If it ... (read in full...)

My BF will go in the army for 6 months, Im worried for him and myself!!

Q.   Hey everyone Im really in need of dome help here My bf is in the army and due to do 6 months in iraq Im terrified. Not only for him but (and i know this sounds selfish but myself) How do i cope without him Its not like i wanna see him every d...

A.   28 September 2006: Firstly I sympathise with this situation but this is what your boyfriend does for a living and so he is excited and also maybe a little nervous about doing his job. Try and be supportive. I know it'll be a difficult time for you, but imagine how ... (read in full...)

Worried I have mental problems regarding sex!

Q.   Is it normal not to get the horn when you get off with a really good looking guy whose personality you don't like even if you feel just to have a go with him just for trying? This happen to me witb my ex when trying to initiate intercourse I ...

A.   28 September 2006: It's not a mental problem but the brain is an integral pasrt of sex so don't dismiss that your brain is sending you messages, don't ignore them. You are obviously someone who needs to feel more than just sexual attraction to have sex and there is ... (read in full...)

Im have difficulty trusting people after what the ex appeared to turn into..

Q.   I started to go out with a guy and everything seemed perfect but he then disappeared and did not even answer my text messages I though something could have happened to him, A couple of months later I went to visit my granfather to hospital as he ...

A.   28 September 2006: My only advice is to stay rational. That was one heck on an exceptional circumstance and the chance of meeting anyone else harbouring a dark secret such as that are low. Many people have skeletons in their closets as we all have a past, including ... (read in full...)

I'm confused-this guy I like just doesn't respond to me anymore!..and it's really stressing me out...help!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm confused about this look that my crush has been giving me lately. It seems like whenever he sees me, he just looks at me with this...emotionless...expression on his face. I don't know what he means by it. Do you think he's mad a...

A.   28 September 2006: This is tricky without knowing him, you, 'the look' or the full story. Anyway, hard as it will be, you need to try and pull yourself together. If you are crying about him every night, the chance are you are giving off a desperate, needy, sad vibe to ... (read in full...)

Ex husband wants me back but I fear we may run into the same old problems! What should I do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am a 33 year old single mum of 4. I have had 2 failed marriages. My first split up due to physical and mental abuse. My second split up because of constant arguments and trust issues. I have been divorced now for 3 years. I have tri...

A.   28 September 2006: Did you receive counselling after the breakdown of your first marriage? I don't know if there's any one particular thing that happened that led to the trust issues of your second marriage so I can only guess. Was it you who didn't trust your ... (read in full...)

He tried to date me but I rejected him 2 times! He has a new gf now and I want him..what should I do?

Q.   I have liked this guy for years but there were circumstances that kept me from admitting this. He attempted to get closer to me. He even went as far as saying he liked the sound of my 1st name and his last name together. I rejected him but tried to ...

A.   28 September 2006: I'm sorry but there's not much you can do. He gave you a shot (twice) as he made it clear he liked you. He can't be expected to wait around just in case you change your mind. Now you have, he's with someone else. Do you really want to be with him or ... (read in full...)

I want him to take my virginity..but all attempts have failed! What can we do?

Q.   me n my boyfriend have been together for 5 months but we were friends for a while b4 so we really knew each other and are very comfortable with each other...we have tried to have sex a 4 different days but numerous times each day...i'm a virgin but ...

A.   28 September 2006: I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you're not quite ready. Although you may love him and want him to be the one you lose your virginity with, you're now showing physical signs that perhaps you're not ready. All you need to do is relax, ... (read in full...)

Is he acting this way because he does indeed fancy me and he is flirting ?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I need some advice. There's this man that I think is flirting with me. He always makes sex jokes in my presence and asked me 1 day to sit next to him and he showed me a sms telling me I'll apppreciate it. Then sometimes he'll stare at my ...

A.   28 September 2006: Fancy you? It sounds like he's being a sex pest! There's flirting which can be really good and feels nice, but this guy is staring at your crotch for goodness sake, he sounds like a bit of a perv. He wants to have sex with you, but this isn't ... (read in full...)

Concerned about reps intentions towards my girlfriend

Q.   My girlfriend works in an office, reps call weekly to see her. One guy phoned her every day, with some business question. She thought he had a crush on her. Then we got together and he stopped phoning so often. Then one day on a visit he told he...

A.   27 September 2006: No I don't think you're not being over sensitive. Your girlfriend however, is either deluded or loving the attention. It sounds like she's playing mind games. She obviously knows what's going on or she wouldn't be telling you about it. She's making ... (read in full...)

Have I ruined things by sleeping with him early on in the relationship?

Q.   Hi there, I am 25 and have just started seeing a guy (few years older) who I really like. We have been seeing each other for about a month now. The last weekend I stayed at his and we slept together for the first time. At first we tried not to ...

A.   27 September 2006: I can't speak for him, but i wouldn't think a month is 'too soon' or that it's put him off. You got to know each other first. He didn't make excuses the next morning so maybe he's just been a bit busy. Try not to be paranoid, men and women are very ... (read in full...)

Do you think that women sometimes worry too much?

Q.   I would like an opinion please from people: Do you think that women sometimes worry too much about how often between dates or seeing each other that a guy chooses to contact us? Guys - if you like a woman a lot will you choose to contact her e...

A.   27 September 2006: Getting opinions from everyone may help but as a rule, generalisations don't fit everyone. So, "Some" women worry too much yes, just as "some" men may call every day. It will always depend on the individual. I'd suggest that you don't always ... (read in full...)

I dont want my bf to think my life revolves around him. What can I do?

Q.   hey My bf and i are long distance at the min, for about another month. We text quite a bit and when my phone buzzes and shows his name i feel so great i cant describe it. Firstly i worry that i might text him too much Although he somet...

A.   27 September 2006: It's all fine. The one thing you need to remember is we didn't always have mobile phones and so people often didn't get back to you immediately. Just because we have mobiles shouldn't mean he has to reply immediately but just because he doesn't ... (read in full...)

I am married and my online friend has fallen in love with me. Am I cheating?

Q.   i am a 29-year-old married female having a 1-year-old child. A month back i made friends with a 20-year-old male on the internet and have been in constant touch with each other ever since online and over the phone. He claims to have fallen in love ...

A.   27 September 2006: Does your partner know about his existence? Does he know you met? If not, I believe that by keeping secrets, you're lying and that to me is cheating. Ok, it's better that you haven't slept together, but the longer this goes on, the higher the chance ... (read in full...)

Married, but unhappy. I found some happiness and then paid the price. Is my wife looking for revenge?

Q.   Basically, I was in a unhappy marriage for the last 8 years and we could never really talk about anything. As soon as I would try to talk about how I felt, she would turn it around and make it about her feelings or would just say I was wrong and ...

A.   27 September 2006: I am sorry that your marriage was already making you unhappy before you sought solace from a starnger but it's no excuse for the mess you're in. Problems are always best tackled head on. Sorry to be brutal but you don't want your wife but you don't ... (read in full...)

After having "Goodbye Sex", we are considering making it casual. Is this a good idea?

Q.   My boyfriend and i recently broke up. We dated seriously for a year and a half. when i went over to get my stuff from his house we ended up having "goodbye sex". This led to the decision that we should keep in contact with eachother whenever we ...

A.   26 September 2006: It's a terrible idea. Why did you break up? Who broke up with who? Do you still love him? (assuming you did). You wouldn't be a horrible person but as some point down the line, you'll be a miserable one. What will you do when he announces a new ... (read in full...)

Missed a pill and had sex the next day. Could I be pregnant?

Q.   hi, i take the pill evey day but missed one then had sex the next day so could i fall pregnant after thet. ...

A.   26 September 2006: Don't take 2, that won't work...... Yes you could be pregnant. A better option would have been to take a morning after pill after you'd had sex, but you may be too late for that now, depending on how long ago it happened. Use additional ... (read in full...)

She is around a lot to be an EX

Q.   I posted earlier this month and got some great advice... but still things don't seem to be getting much better. I am 24 and have an amazing boyfriend. We have been together over 10 months and we have everything I have ever wanted in a relationship-- ...

A.   26 September 2006: There are no magic words lovely. I'd feel the same. Sadly your counselling experience was appalling and that guy shoul dbe struck off. That was NOT counselling. Trust me, try to find a Conitive Therapist as this is more about already knowing the ... (read in full...)

I've had mensrual cramps in my thighs, is this normal?

Q.   Hi everyone, I have sort of a strange question I guess. Ever since I've had my period (I'm 21 years old, so I've had it for about 8 years) I've had the mensrual cramps in my thighs instead of my abdomen. Is that normal? Does anyone else have...

A.   26 September 2006: I've never heard of that myself. Have you been to a doctor to seek medical opinion/advice? I may be wrong, but that doesn't sound right at all and no, I'd say definitely NOT 'normal' (awful word really!)... (read in full...)

I ignored him because he has a girlfriend

Q.   iv sort of fallen for a guy at work in a big way and i think he feels the same hes a bit more open with his feelings because im worried. he says he wants to be with me and i ignore him because he has a girlfriend, weve had a thing for a while but ...

A.   26 September 2006: I think you should try and stay well clear until his circumstances change. How would you feel knowing a boyfriend was calling some other girl first and last thing every day? If he's so into you, he won't mind finishing his present relationship ... (read in full...)

Bf keeps finishing with me over stupid little things. He seems to enjoy hurting me. What can I do?

Q.   hiya...... well me n my boyfriend have been 2geva now for 6weeks. n i love him but its asif he dosent want 2 see me because he lives 20mins away n still there is always an excuse not 2 see me. and he finshes me ova stupid little things really ...

A.   26 September 2006: I'm not trying to trivialise your feelings by saying this, but better to get out now after a short 6 weeks than to prolong this any further. It's not been long and yet "he keeps" finishing with you. Hmmm, even once would be worrying after only 6 ... (read in full...)

I want to warn my friend that her bf is cheating on her...but how do I do it without hurting her?

Q.   I have seen my girlfriend's BF out with another woman, getting very intimate in a bar. I did not approach my friend's boyfriend. I feel like I should let her know that he may be cheating on her, yet I don't want her to be hurt. They've been ...

A.   25 September 2006: I'd suggest that you do not tell your friend. You have no proof whatsover and she won't thank you for jumping to conclusions. If you want to do something, speak to her boyfriend. Tell him what you saw. Maybe even hint that you are giving him the ... (read in full...)

Does a small spot on your face indicate cancer?

Q.   i have just had sex education in school and we were talking about how the first sign of testicular cancer was a small lump on the testicles, does a small spot like a spot on your face etc. also indicate this? and also how can you get testicular ...

A.   25 September 2006: Not necessarily, but obviously can do. Try not to get paranoid that every spot could be cancer although it is good that you are aware. Keep a check on new spots/blemishes, notice changes in size, colour, appearance etc. Cancer can come to anyo... (read in full...)

We swappws pics and he didn't e-mail me anymore! I feel so upset and dirty... all I wanted was someone in my life

Q.   met some one on a on line dating ,we swapped numbers he txt me all the time, then we swap pictures and he wanted to meet. the pics he sent to me was a little rud, so I sent back some of me. he stop texting and emailing me I text him ..did not ...

A.   25 September 2006: I'm sorry to say but it sounds like this man preys on women just to get them to send photos of a compromising nature. He probably has quite a collection. I wouldn't advise anyone to send any saucy photos to strangers on the web as you can't really ... (read in full...)

I'm 17 he's 40+ with 2 kids and a wife, is it wrong to have feelings for him?

Q.   im 17 he's 40+. he's perfect man, kind,gental,loveing,cuddly,makes you feel wanted.he is a very hands on person which is great and he made a move on me(a very effectionate kiss on the lips). i didn't mind and i realy enjoyed it. but he slightly tied ...

A.   22 September 2006: He's perfect man is he? Perfect doesn't exist and if you think that cheating on his wife is perfect then i worry for you. You are 17 and no matter what you think you know, as you came for advice I shall say this: No, it's not wrong to have feeling ... (read in full...)

SITE NEWS: New features? What other sites do you use? .. and please tell a friend!

Q.   Hi everyone Andrew, site guy here! I ask this periodically... 1. What new features would you like to see? 2. What other websites do you use regularly? 3. Where are you from? Thanks to all the agony aunts, moderators and of course...

A.   22 September 2006: I'm receiving followup private messages from individuals and it's very hard to know what 'problem' they are referring to. Is it possible to have a contact Aunt button or something next to a response so that when it arrives in the inbox, it is ... (read in full...)

Is she completely nuts ??

Q.   She dumped me because allthough she feels very nice with me she cannot continue to have sexual relationship because I am married but on the other cannot see me only as a friend anymore because we had sex and she never really loved me anyway.We have ...

A.   20 September 2006: Erm, you're married so why do you care? You need to decide what you're going to do at home, whether to stay or go, regardless of this woman. I am confused as to which part of this bothers you the most. That she broke it off with you? That she neve... (read in full...)

Is my new guy just being overly jealous that I want to meet up with my ex ?

Q.   I met a really nice guy a few months ago, and although it has had it's ups and downs, we get on well. My ex got back in contact about some furniture he had left around mine and wants to come and pick it up. He also has a front door key that he ...

A.   20 September 2006: I'm afraid I agree totally with your new fella. WHY do you want to keep in contact with him to see how he's doing in the future? You may not get any closure from a chat anyway. It sounds like you still have feelings and want to stay in contact ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for him to be jealous of other guys even though we are just friends with benefits ?

Q.   is it normal for a guy in a "friends-with-benefits" situation to be jealous of another guy you might see? i recently told him about guy 2, who all i have done with is make out, and he was saying stuff like "well you can go have sex with..whats his ...

A.   20 September 2006: Friends with benefits? Ha that made me laugh, sorry, I've never heard it called that before. Are you going to continue having benefits when seeing this or another guy? If he'd found a girlfriend how would you feel? This situation is only of benefit ... (read in full...)

Hes a really great guy, and we hit off, but I dont get butterflies about seeing him, or get excited when meeting up, is it because im not over my ex ??

Q.   Ok, my problem may seem silly, but was hoping for some advice..I met this guy online last week (he lives in my town) and we hit it off so well that we decided to go on a date, it went well, and so far we've seen each other 2 more nights this week ...

A.   20 September 2006: If you think that you need butterflies and a spark and they're not there, it's going to cause you worry. But that's not always there from the start though, you could grow into this relationship if you genuinely like him. If you have recently broke ... (read in full...)

Does my boyfriends best friend have a crush on me ??

Q.   Warning: long, drawn out question(s)! I'm in kind of a funny situation right now... My boyfriend has moved away for a short period. His best friend just moved back to town.. When we all lived in the same state, we'd all hang out together, go shopp...

A.   18 September 2006: If you answer the phone late at night and it's him, just firmly tell him that it's late and not an appropriate time to call and hang up. But hopefully after you've had the 'chat' with him, he won't call anyway. I think that as you're uncomfortable ... (read in full...)

Survived the break up and have moved on, but Still feel embarrased at how I acted!

Q.   Last year I was dumped for someone else. I was heartbroken and it took me months to get over it. I put a few posts on here and got really good advice, the best being that time will eventually heal the wounds. And it did, I got used to seeing my ex ...

A.   15 September 2006: Trust me, forget about it. I'm sure they're not looking at you and saying "oh you remember how she used to be when he dumped her?". They probably understood to some degree as it's happened to more than just you. I have feelings of embarrassement ... (read in full...)

Im constantly being compared to the Ex, I cant cope anymore what can I do ?

Q.   I am in the early (honeymoon) stages of a relationship and most things are absoluetly fantastic, however one thing really bothers me and despite talking to my partner I seem not to be able to get a common understaning. I am compared regularly to ...

A.   15 September 2006: If you have voiced your concerns and you're not being heard, that's also a problem within the relationship. You are totally right. If you've said exactly word for word what you finished your Q with and that didn't hit home, then I think maybe it's ... (read in full...)

Does every guy really watch porn ?

Q.   Is it possible to not watch porn as a guy? My bf told me he's not interested at these things. He admitted he was curious about it when he was 16, but he absolutely shows no interest about it now. I love him very much and I'm lucky that I found so...

A.   15 September 2006: How would your guy friends know what EVERY other guy is doing? Just cos they are doesn't mean everyone else is. Porn isn't perverse, it's preference so it's not for everyone. And just for the record....many girls watch it too, it's not just a guy ... (read in full...)

Does my boyfriends best friend have a crush on me ??

Q.   Warning: long, drawn out question(s)! I'm in kind of a funny situation right now... My boyfriend has moved away for a short period. His best friend just moved back to town.. When we all lived in the same state, we'd all hang out together, go shopp...

A.   14 September 2006: I think you're right. The fact you say there's nothing between the two of you is probably only you thinking that or else he wouldn't be asking you to keep it a secret. You need to talk to him assertively and say that you don't want him to call you ... (read in full...)

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