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... Send *amille a private message | | | *amille's profile:I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.
I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.
I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them! |
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Why does she treat sex as if it's something comical and funny?
Q. Okay well my girlfriend offered too buy me come 'CLIT SWEETS' from Anne Summers and i dunno why but i thought it was a bit immature and rude. My girlfriend is lovely and a really nice girl but she can be a bit immature at times. Its like 'im having ...
A. 22 August 2006: don't feel bad, just relax and enjoy yourself!... (read in full...)
What wrong..he can't get erect to satisfy me? Is it me or all this porn he watched?
Q. Hi there, I have just started seeing someone who i really like. Last weekend we had sex for the first time at his place, it was great, although he didn't cum. We then drove back to mine, and altough we were really "into it", he wasn't errect. The ...
A. 22 August 2006: It's a mistake to think it's because he doesn't fancy you so get that out of your head, and don't say that to him. This sounds like it's nerves and worry. It may be that it's never happened before or he may just not want to admit to it. You'll ... (read in full...)
What is my ex thinking? Does he want me again?
Q. I met this boy unexpectadly and we were going out for 2 weeks and in that time I started having feelings for him. Then he ended up breaking up with me and I was left hurt. A few weeks later I met someone else and took this boy to a club and my ex wa...
A. 22 August 2006: Sounds like he's jealous that you moved on, but hey, you were only together for 2 weeks and don't forget, he dumped you. Love is a strong word, but after 2 weeks, I doubt it to be true love if he dumped you. Shy or not, if you want the answer to ... (read in full...)
Attracted to my girlfriend's friend: she's hot, but she's got problems! I lie about the attraction and I hate it...
Q. It started as a crush, but my feelings grow. And I don't know why!! I love my girlfriend very much and have no intention of leaving. The other woman is one of her best friends if not her best- she also lives across the street, has a drinking ...
A. 22 August 2006: Stop giving her drum lessons and don't be alone with her. Also, you say you love your girlfriend? Then stop thinking about her best friend. How dare you criticise her for "drilling" you with questions when she's bloody well right! She has good ... (read in full...)
Why does she treat sex as if it's something comical and funny?
Q. Okay well my girlfriend offered too buy me come 'CLIT SWEETS' from Anne Summers and i dunno why but i thought it was a bit immature and rude. My girlfriend is lovely and a really nice girl but she can be a bit immature at times. Its like 'im having ...
A. 22 August 2006: Nope sorry, I'm with her, it's not immature, just fun and frivolous. I turn the question back on you.... why do you treat sex as if it's something serious?
There's nothing wrong with having fun in the bedroom, it's just a different way to enjoy it. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to have sex with my bf! He wants it and I am scared he will hurt me if I turn him down! Please help me!
Q. hi, im 16 and im going out with a boy, but he wants sex and i dont want to i want to wait until im 20 or even marriage but he keeps pushing me into it and im suppose to see him tommorow and night and do it but i don't want to, i can't tell him beca...
A. 22 August 2006: Leave him immediately and go somewhere safe. He's a bully and sadly is praying on your vulnerability. He's getting a sick kick out of threatening you and will almost certainly know that you are scared. Go to a family member, a friend or a refuge is ... (read in full...)
He 'played' over my underwear and then it started to hurt? Why?
Q. Hey, this is sorta embarassing but, here it goes, im 14 years old, my bf is 15 (16 soon) i really love him, trust him, we've been dating for over 3 months now and were always very close for a bout a year before that, ive tossed him off but made it ...
A. 22 August 2006: You're not going to like this, you're 14. It doesn't matter how mature you think you are for your age, you are not ready to be engaging in sexual activity. What's the rush? Generally when people are in love, they don't refer to it as 'tossing off' ... (read in full...)
Need some good ideas to start building back that lost trust?
Q. my boyfriend and i just broke up because we've been dealing with trust issues; dealing with my past. there are some things i am not ready to tell him... he is giving me a chance to prove to him that he can trust me.. but only as friends.. what are ...
A. 22 August 2006: I'm a little concerned by the "there are some things I'm not ready to tell him". Why do you feel there's any reason to tell him anything anyway? It's your past. What has it got to do with your present or future? There is no law requiring you to ... (read in full...)
I lied about my age!!
Q. Hello, A few weeks ago I met a boy who I instantly got along with. He told me he was 18 and so I lied about my age and said i was 17, a year older as I'm actually 16. At the time I didn't think I would see him again, so i didn't think It would ca...
A. 22 August 2006: The only advice is to tell him. Tell the absolute truth of why you said what you said and there shouldn't be a problem. If there is, at least you know now and not further down the line when it would be harder.... (read in full...)
After 2 and 1/2 years, she dumped me ..today. I am devastated...Need help coping!
Q. my girlfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me today. she said she isn't in love with my anymore. i'm devistated and don't know how to cope with it. any suggestions, please?...
A. 22 August 2006: I am so sorry for you but perhaps it's too soon for anyone here to say anything that will make you feel better right now as it's so raw and new. I will say this; you will be ok but it'll take time. I often think that break-ups are horrendous not ... (read in full...)
I had unprotected sex with my married cousin!
Q. dear cupid. I'm in desperate need of guidance. Since having unprotected sex with my cousin I'm worried I might be pregnant. He has a wife and four children that he lives with and another child that he has refused to see for 14 years. What do i do???...
A. 22 August 2006: What do you do? Get tested and stay the hell away from your cousin who's married. There's a world of men, yet you pick a relation who's married with five children, one he refuses to see... wouldn't be another cousin's baby would it? Sorry but good ... (read in full...)
We have a perfect relationship except I get nasty when I drink and he can't take much more of it!
Q. Hi I am 19 and my boyfriend is 25. I love him with all my heart and I know he feels the same. We have a perfect relationship except for one thing. Everytime I get drunk I change. I turn into a nasty spiteful person. I shout and say nasty hurtful ...
A. 22 August 2006: It's not perfect though is it? Don't kid yourself. You have a problem and if you don't sort it, no-one else can and you will lose this man. If you really love him and yourself, you'd try harder. Why do you expect him to stick around and put up with ... (read in full...)
Together 5 years, been split for 8 months but we still have sex!
Q. My ex and I have been split up now for about 8 months. We were together for five years and have known each other for 9 years. It was a pretty bad break up. He called one day, and of course I asked how high when he told me to jump. I'm having a ...
A. 22 August 2006: Stop having sex with him and you'll soon find out the answer for yourself! How come you think it's ok that you're good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be with? Show him the door! It's all or nothing. You are exes for a reason, give ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my married man, he said we have to stop as so far divorce isnt an option...
Q. i'm in a very bad condition. I broke up with a person who is married and has a child,he was telling that he loves me and and he will get a divorce, but after he was talking with his relatives,because he doesn't have parents, he said to me that we h...
A. 22 August 2006: In reply to your last comment, a year on your own may seem like a long time, but it's not. You can find another man, someone who is free to give his love to you and not married. He only made you superficailly happy as he can't possibly have given ... (read in full...)
I'm supposed to be getting married, but I have feelings for someone else!
Q. I have a partner of 3years and we are due to get married next July. I love him to death but there is a guy at work I think is really nice n gorgeous and he is a bit older than me and married. We get on so well and flirt alot. Do i tell him how I ...
A. 22 August 2006: All I can advise is to call the wedding off. It may be you're having feelings for someone else as your single life come to an end, but personally I would say that if you are having any such feelings for another man, you are not happy enough with ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my married man, he said we have to stop as so far divorce isnt an option...
Q. i'm in a very bad condition. I broke up with a person who is married and has a child,he was telling that he loves me and and he will get a divorce, but after he was talking with his relatives,because he doesn't have parents, he said to me that we h...
A. 22 August 2006: Stop talking about dying for starters! Life does not have to be all about this man. He has a family and surely you knew this before you got involved? For now you should try to accept that you can't be together until he has sorted out his situation ... (read in full...)
Hey girls! How do you react when you orgasm?
Q. How do you girls react when you orgasm, I just think the way I react is strange? Thanx...
A. 22 August 2006: There's no text book way to be or react or respond to such a personal thing. You may react differently alone than with a partner, but that's 'normal'. Some people are noisy, some quiet, you may make sounds that are unusual but it's nothing to be ... (read in full...)
my secret bi-curious wife is on a dating website!
Q. I was working on our home computer yesterday, which my wife uses far more often, and found by accident that she had visited a dating website. I was very surprised since we've been together for a long time, have two young children and I thought we ...
A. 22 August 2006: Are you absolutely certain that your wife isn't actually wanting to find a friend? Some female company? And maybe doesn't know how to and tried there? Whatever her reasons, you need to discuss with her what you found. Perhaps if you casually bring ... (read in full...)
Boyfriends oral on me left him tasting of beer! Harmful or just grose?
Q. Sorry this is pretty gross but I have thrush but my bf gave me oral sex anyway. I kissed him afterwards and ended up with a yeast taste in my mouth like beer. When I realised that this taste was the thrush discharge I began feeling ill, and have ...
A. 22 August 2006: Are you taking medication for the thrush? If not, get to the doctors or pharmacy and get it sorted. You can get thrush of the mouth so maybe there's been some kind of transference? Maybe the thought has grossed you out and that's why you feel ... (read in full...)
Love someone with realising it? - is that even possible!!
Q. Is it possible to love someone without realising? theres this lad i used to like but i dont anymore. but when he said he didnt want to speak to me anymore i cried. do i still love him without realising it? he was also my friend though before things ...
A. 22 August 2006: I guess you can love someone without realising how much or why, what etc....but you may just care for him, or miss him or maybe it's his rejection of you that's distressing.... (read in full...)
Go for this guy and get beat-up - or run for the hills?
Q. Me and this guy always flirt around. We have never kissed but we have gotten close. He has a baby's momma that hates me though. She is saying she is going to beat me up and I don't want to get beat up but I really like this guy. We get along ...
A. 22 August 2006: I take it he's not with his baby's mum anymore? You shouldn't feel bullied or threatened in life so you must not give in to that. You should however talk this through with him and make sure you are safe. There needs to be some communication here ... (read in full...)
16 dating 32
Q. i am a young girl i am only 16 and going with a 32 year old and dont no what to do its got really seriouse be asked me 2 be his fiancee and i said yes cos wanted to but now i not to sure i only young plus he is wanting to marry me and all that its ...
A. 22 August 2006: When he was your age, you weren't even born, doesn't that sound bad? Hmmm, I think you should do some living of your own life before handing it over to someone twice your age. You can't help who you fall in love with, but at 16, yes I think it's too ... (read in full...)
I kissed my dads best friend!
Q. Is it ok to kiss and flirt with your Dads best friend? And be Jealous when he finds a real girl friend?...
A. 22 August 2006: It depends. You are both in danger of hurting your dad and creating a very bad situation. I don't know your age, but as the mature adult and friend to your Dad, the man should really leave you well alone. The fact that you mention 'real' girlfriend ... (read in full...)
Should I ask for this girl's number?
Q. This is gonna be kinda long. Ok I met up with a (girl) cousin of mine for a few drinks a couple of weeks back. She was in town with her work mates. I got on really well with one girl, we had a lot in common and there seemed to be a spark. We c...
A. 22 August 2006: Ask your cousin to pass your number on to the girl if you want to leave the decision up to her. Or yes, just ask for her number. There's nothing to lose and it sounds like you got on really well so where's the harm? Just go out on your own and take ... (read in full...)
For a year all it has been is sex with him but now I'm starting to like him!
Q. I'm seeing this guy but all it is is for sex. We have been seeing each other for a year now but i am starting to like him now. The problem is we have been on one proper date but i wanna know how to find out if he realy actually likes me or not. ...
A. 22 August 2006: Now you have feelings for him, it's a good idea for the sex to stop until you know how he feels. The emotional attachment has changed and so you can no longer expect just to carry on as you were. If he feels the same perhaps you could start from the ... (read in full...)
I really cant get past his use of Sex lines!!
Q. Where to start? One year ago I began to feel suspicious of Wes's behavior (We have been together 2.5 years). He told me I was "crazy", had to stop it when I questioned him, and even told me to have "faith". Exactly three days after telling me I ...
A. 22 August 2006: Don't rule out conselling. Counsellors have to keep confidentiality and so what you discuss will remain private. If you think this is definitely in the past then you can work through it. If it has left you not trusting this man, he willl have to ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my married man, he said we have to stop as so far divorce isnt an option...
Q. i'm in a very bad condition. I broke up with a person who is married and has a child,he was telling that he loves me and and he will get a divorce, but after he was talking with his relatives,because he doesn't have parents, he said to me that we h...
A. 22 August 2006: He's not alone in the worl though is he? He has a wife and a child. What did you expect his realtives to say? There is no way of knowing if he was just playing with you or truly meant what he said. Many married men make the promise they will leave ... (read in full...)
Why did he "wither"?
Q. Here it is, I have known this guy for a couple of years, hes is younger than me. Last year we were, i guess you could say, "sex buddies" as it suited us both. However, he started seeing someone and things ended. Thing is, the last few months we ...
A. 21 August 2006: Sounds like it's a condom issue. You do sound like you're pressurizing the issue and that will not be helping. Give him space and realise that you are either going to be just friends or have a proper relationship. You obviously have deeper feelings ... (read in full...)
My Stepdad is a right horrible so and so.. Mum says she may leave, but it would be my fault!!!
Q. My parents split up when I was five years old and it was just me, my twin sister and my mum, left to our own devices. Anyway, when we were 12, Mum remarried a seemingly decent older man and they absolutely adored each other. 5 years have passed s...
A. 21 August 2006: It is not your fault. You cannot MAKE anyone do anything they don't want to do. Don't accept the blame, your Mum is a grown woman and is in control of her own actions. If she is leaving him because of the way he treats you, that's an entirely ... (read in full...)
Im concerned over splitting with my man, he will try and win me back, what shall I do ?
Q. Hi I am planning on splitting with my boyfriend tonight. He is nearly 27 I am 25. We both live at home have been together nearly 4 years. We broke up as we both kissed other people while on holiday with friends. Got back together 3 mths later ...
A. 21 August 2006: I'm not sure what the problem actually is. He MAY want to stay with you but you have a mind of your own and if you want to break up with him, break up with him and stick to your decision. You're still young and so have nothing to worry about. Don't ... (read in full...)
I cant get my ex out of my head, I want to be his friend but I dont want to fancy him anymore any advice ?
Q. heya i need help getting over my ex... i just split up with my boyfriend and we're gonna stay good mates but i cant even start to get over him. i think i loved him but it wasn't gonna work. i work with him and so i have to see him regularly which ...
A. 17 August 2006: Being professional at work and socialising with him are entirely different things. You can cut him out of your personal life to a large degree even if not your working life.... (read in full...)
Age difference is creating problems with starting a family
Q. I am a 22 year old girl, in a serious relationship with a 32 year old man. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and broght a house together 18 months ago. Everything is going well but I now have growing concerns about our age difference... We b...
A. 16 August 2006: To be honest you'll have to try and reach a compromise. He can have children at practically any age but you have to respect his wishes. If it was the other way around, as it is for me (except I'm 36, boyfriend 26), you'd probably feel that your body ... (read in full...)
We broke up and I still love her and am still sleeping with her!
Q. please ladies help me I going crazy. Me and my ex girlfriend were together 4 about a year. After 2 months of being broken up and no contact she called me out of the blue and we hung out one night and had sex with each other. It's been about a week ...
A. 16 August 2006: You MUST stay away from this girl. This is not on your terms and very unfair. You're either together or you're not, she can't have it all her way. It sounds like she's getting everything and playing with your feelings. If you love her this is not ... (read in full...)
I feel like his mistress, but I'm stuck here! What do I do?
Q. Hi, 3 years ago I met a guy in turkey when i was doing some research there. I stayed at his house but with in a relationship at the time so nothing happened although there was an attraction. We became friends and saw each other every year when I ...
A. 16 August 2006: Well yes, that's probably my advice but the first thing is STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM! It's making the situation much worse. If you keep taking him back to your bed he will never make any decision as the message you're sending is "it's ok, I'll accept ... (read in full...)
How can I stop these petty fights?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are constantly arguing these days. Its nothing major, usually a spat that lasts 10 minutes and its always petty but its really making both of us fed up and im scared it will finally push him away. Im trying to not saying anything ...
A. 16 August 2006: Talk to him and get to the root of these problems but not when a row has already started. It may mean another row may start from that conversation but better to have it under those circumstances. Smaller niggles may mean there's a bigger underlying ... (read in full...)
Is there still hope for me and my love?
Q. PLEASE help! This is a very complicated, frustrating, and confusing situation. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. What I want to know is, is there still hope for me and my love? We have been together for a year. The first nine months or...
A. 16 August 2006: Never mind what your family think! But why do you want to be with someone who did that behind your back when you were engaged. Break the habit and be on your own. You don't HAVE to be with the new guy either, you can just be alone for a while. The ... (read in full...)
How many chances can one person get?
Q. How many chances should you give to someone you love? If they mess up and you forgive them, won't that teach them that their bad behavior will be forgiven? How can you let them know it's not okay without breaking up with them, and ensuring that it ...
A. 16 August 2006: You can't! And what constitutes messing up? Why are you determining what and how your partner should be? I'm sure it's not just a case of them not conforming to your ways...? but I need more details. But maybe either get used to the fact that they ... (read in full...)
My ex is threatening to tell my new bf about my past cheating! What can I do?
Q. i have a 2 year ld daughter with my ex but now am living with my new partner who has taken my child on as his own. I have cheated several times with my ex, even in our house! Now i swore it wouldn`t happen again and it hasn`t and i wanna be faithful ...
A. 15 August 2006: I'm afraid that it's a case of you made your bed you have to lie in it. Don't give in to his blackmailing though. Either tell the truth and rid yourself of the burden. Yes he may split with you (who could blame him) but at least you won't be looking ... (read in full...)
She's got me confused, so what do you think is going on here? Is she interested?
Q. i have NO idea what to make of this girl. i can't read her. we've hooked up before but decided it was a bad idea to do it again because the timing wasn't right. she was in a relationship. anyway, now she's talking to me about how her ...
A. 15 August 2006: Make sure you find out from this girl exactly what the score is, as if you follow her and she still wants to be friends, you're left high and dry. If she's going away to college, I'd let her go alone and find out what she wants as it doesn't sound ... (read in full...)
Is 18 considered late to still be a virgin ?
Q. I'm 18 never had a proper girlfriend and never had a proper kiss with any girl and obviously never had sex. I'm getting fed up of all this pressure to have sex (there was this thing on BBC Radio 1 about sex) and it just brought back all this pre...
A. 15 August 2006: Don't let anything or anyone pressurize you. No age is too late it's down to personal choice and situation. Do it when YOU want to. Maybe when you're comfortable enough with someone you really care about. I think that most men expect that they're ... (read in full...)
Could someone please tell me what sperm is supposed to taste like ?
Q. This is a very weird question to ask just anyone but I was wandering what sperm is supposed to taste like? I dont want guys to answer this question just women... Please I really need help with this..?...
A. 15 August 2006: If you're wanting to taste it but are nervous, here's a top tip (no pun intended), make some sweet food for your fella. The tatse of sperm very much relates to diet. So if you want to swallow for the first time, try making a fruity concoction (I'm ... (read in full...)
We havent had sex for 7 months!!! All he says is he doesnt feel like it!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 16 months now and for about the past 7 we have had no sexual contact whatsoever! His excuse is that 'I just don't feel like it' Now any I guess normal person would think they are being cheated on! But I ...
A. 15 August 2006: There's 2 of you in this relationship so it doesn't matter what I think his reasons are. Your needs are not being met so he needs to talk to you about his feelings. There may be many reasons other than an affair to explain why his sex drive has ... (read in full...)
I cant get my ex out of my head, I want to be his friend but I dont want to fancy him anymore any advice ?
Q. heya i need help getting over my ex... i just split up with my boyfriend and we're gonna stay good mates but i cant even start to get over him. i think i loved him but it wasn't gonna work. i work with him and so i have to see him regularly which ...
A. 15 August 2006: My personal opinion is you can't start to get over him until you DO cut him out of your life. He's your ex for a reason and I don't see the relevance of whether you fancy him as you've admitted you think you love him and are not over him.
T... (read in full...)
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