A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Why am I obsessing over the boyfriends one night stand? I found out he had a one night stand when we first met but before anything happened between us. It's really not that unusual, this was the final one night stand of over 100! I can't get this out of my mind and I'm bordering on stalking the girl now! I like to torture myself by seeing her and I'm going crazy! Please help.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (11 August 2006):
 Hey,
first off - when you both met and nothing had developed at first - he hadn't seen any sparks, therefore, to him, a one night stand wasn't cheating cos you hadn't hooked up but you may have felt something then and not noticed that you were feeling things for him? So when you look back - you see that the feelings were there and hey presto! You feel insulted because it now feels like he was cheating.
You also probably envy this girl a little bit because she got to him before you did-sure, it was a one night stand but again, looking back you maybe think he wanted her more? I think in this case it's pure envy. What you've got to realise is that he can't have liked her that much or he'd still be in touch with her after this one night stand. As it is, he's with you - doesn't that tell you something. Focus on everything between you two, forget about his past and focus on the future.
Hope this helped,
Phoebe
xxx
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (8 August 2006):
 Firstly, don't obsess about her as she's not the problem, your boyfriend's past is. It's not healthy for you to harbour these intense feelings though so you need to work out what the problem is exactly. Is it the number he's slept with? The lack of committment as they were for one night only? The closeness in date to the last one to you two getting together? All of these? Not sure why you were told the number of people, even if you asked, what did he expect? Congratulations? Respect? Was he trying to boast? If so, he needs to understand that it's not impressive to you but rather worrying. There's probably a very large doubt that he can commit to you and you're thinking he may cheat. This is understandable but for this to have any hope of working, you need to take him for who he is with you and give him a chance. Forget about this girl, as you say, she was the last in a line (a very very long line) of shags, nothing more.
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