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... Send *amille a private message | | | *amille's profile:I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.
I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.
I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them! |
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When someone does something nasty to me I end up thinking it's my fault!!!
Q. I have a problem I never seem to be completely happy and whem somebody does something nasty to me, specially men I try to justify it and end up thinking it's my fault I feel nervous many times and I don't feel confortable with some of my friends as ...
A. 12 October 2006: It may help to go see someone but what I can tell you is that you need to work on the self, on you. Try to build your self-esteem and confidence in yourself, but... also self-respect. Basically there are many men/boys who will not be too interested ... (read in full...)
Dont know why im going limp right before sex, but Im only 17 what can I do!?
Q. Ok... My situation is.. I've been with a couple women in the past couple weeks. I have had opportunities to have sex w/ both of them. The problem is .. While we are kissing n fooling around I become erect.. But after clothes start to shed, I stop ...
A. 12 October 2006: You don't have to feel nerves for it to be a mental issue. Especially now it's happened more than once with different women. Are you a virgin for example? I'm afraid all I can suggest is that you try really hard not to think about it as being aware ... (read in full...)
Holding hands?
Q. Holding hands? Is holding hands juvenile? When should you hold hands? Do some people just not hold hands? Is it too "couple-y"? What do you do?...
A. 4 October 2006: Why would ANYONE thinking holding hands is juvenile? I know they do, but that's such a shame. They're missing out in my opinion! It's nothing like holding your parent's hand to stay safe. Hold hands when you want, there doesn't have to be a time and ... (read in full...)
I was offended when this guy told me I had big breasts!
Q. hi im 16 and i told my boy mate that i fancied one of his mates for a joke lol. and my boy mate went up to his mate and said will you go out with her? Then he said no cos it was all sorta like a joke between us. Then my boy mate asked another boy ...
A. 4 October 2006: You're right to be offended. It was very disrespectful. As you get older you'll see that some men still think saying such things are ok, however old they are, so I can't blame his young age.
Some boys will be attracted to your chest before gett... (read in full...)
My bf likes to perform oral on me, but I take so long to orgasm, is this normal ??
Q. My bf likes giving me oral pleasure as I enjoy receiving it as well because its the only way I can orgasm, but I always take too long to reach that point he always finishes of course but it always takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. Lately he ...
A. 4 October 2006: How about him stimulating you in another way and then going down to bring you to climax? I'm sure you both enjoy it, but an hour is a long time for anyone to perform oral, but that's not to say you're not 'normal' as that's not the case at all. ... (read in full...)
My so called friend is very manipulative and is now up to tricks again! Should I tell her man exactly what shes up to ??
Q. I need help in deciding what I need do about my friend. My friend, 25 years old, I'll call her SAMMIE, is a very manipulative girl. I don't mean to sound judgmental. Infact, I don't want anything about her to bother me... but it does. And I don't ...
A. 3 October 2006: I'm afraid to say that you are also in the wrong and telling either men won't do you any favours as you have a part to play in this deceit.
Just do what you should have done in the first place; tell your 'friend' you will not lie for her.
If sh... (read in full...)
Im really scared of being on my own, I want someone to love me and me love them for keeps!
Q. I just need someone who can love me and care for me.Well where do i start,i left home 18 and set up home with my boyfriend,the relationship was very rocky but i carried on.five years down the line i had a baby girl unplanned but i was over the ...
A. 3 October 2006: Don't be scared of being on your own, be scared of being a mistress for the rest of your life. Have some self respect and stay away from men who have wives! You shouldn't need a (permanent) man to have a great life but you don't know any different. ... (read in full...)
My girl cheated, I really love her! Was it really a genuine mistake ?
Q. My girlfriend has cheated on me and I dont know what to do coz I luv her and I cant let go despite what she has done. She says she luvs me and she does not want this to end thats whats confusing me. my question, can one cheat on someone you really ...
A. 3 October 2006: It's always a bad idea to cheat in hindsight but at the time, the lust probably takes over sense and people don't care about the consequences. It may be easy to cheat, it may be difficult to resist but I do think that you can love someone but still ... (read in full...)
He used me so his ex would want him back and give him all he wanted...now I want revenge!!!!
Q. Revenge. Hi everyone. The last time I wrote was back in August when I told you that my ex of nearly 4 years wanted to get back with me. We did get back but it only lasted 4 weeks. He decided he wanted to go back to the woman he had left me for. ...
A. 3 October 2006: Then set a great example to your son by showing how to respond in a composed and rational way or you'll just be teaching him that's it's ok to seek revenge and cause others pain, damage etc when you get hurt. ... (read in full...)
I went on the pill behind my boyfriends back now he feels I am hiding other things from him!
Q. I started going on the pill when I start having sex with my bf (last November). It was recommended by my doctor and she said I don't need to tell him about it (as many girls don't). From last November to recently, my bf used a condom. I always felt ...
A. 3 October 2006: I'm sorry but in a relationship, honesty is always the best policy as otherwise secret keeping leads to more suspicions. I don't know your reasons for choosing 2 methods of contraception as that really isn't necessary. I know neither are 100% ... (read in full...)
Should I be mad that he slept with his ex before we dated ??
Q. My boyfriend and I were pretty close before we dated. We didn't have sex but did other stuff. We were at college and we were leaving for a holiday. I told him to do whatever he wanted I didn't want to stop him. He said he wasn't going to do ...
A. 3 October 2006: To be honest, the only response I can give is this, don't say something to someone unless you mean it. Don't say it to test them and then get mad at them when they do what you said you were fine with. I'm sorry but if you told him to do whatever he ... (read in full...)
I keep having really bad dreams!!
Q. ne1 awake? keep having really bad dreams and i need cheering up.i just awoke in a cold sweat again any words of wisdom?my dreams r of nuclear bombs going off wierd i know but they scare the life out of me!...
A. 3 October 2006: I also have bad dreams and they're very realistic and leave me very distressed. Check your diet and keeping a food diary, it may be something you're eating/drinking. Trr to have a warm bath with calming oils before bed. Don't take any stimulants ... (read in full...)
He constantly accuses me of lying and it simply isnt true!!
Q. my partner constantly accuses me of lying which causes me to hurt quite painfuly as i hate lies and everybody whom knows me would say im so truthful i can offend without purposly knowing but atleast you know where you stand with me,and im respected ...
A. 3 October 2006: You need to ask him if there's been something in his past that causes him to mistrust you so much. Cheating parents, a cheating partner etc. Then you need to tell him to accept you for who YOU are, not what other people may have been to him. It is ... (read in full...)
My galpal's husband hates her being friends with men. Should I continue with this or let it go?
Q. Ok sorry for the length. I've got a time bomb waiting to happen but lack some confidence here. Ever since leaving my old job I've been in contact with a married older female colleague (she's 46 I'm 26). We spend a lot of time together socially...
A. 3 October 2006: She is in a bad situation but you agreeing to see her in secret isn't helping. It does sound like you get on really well, but can you be sure that she hasn't got an ulterior motive? All the secrecy and sneaking is, whatever your relationship, a form ... (read in full...)
Im 20 and have feelings for the guy who was my teacher at 14, I havent seen him since, but I do love him!
Q. dear cupid i am 20 i met this guy when i was 14.he was my teacher.he only worked in my school for one year so i have not seen him since.He must be around 30 now.Trouble is i have fallen in love with him.it sounds stupid obviously nothing ever hap...
A. 3 October 2006: You may have strong feelings for him but I suspect they are still attached to the crush you had at 14. It's a romantic notion to harbour these feelings for so long and to maintain your teenage love. I can't see how this can be anything other than ... (read in full...)
His depressive bouts drove him to drink and drugs and another women!!
Q. Mine is a rather complicated situation. I will try to be brief. I met my partner 5 years ago on the internet. He moved in with me, 60 miles from his kids (then 5-15yrs). After 2.5 years we moved closer to them. We had ups and downs. He could be ...
A. 2 October 2006: Never mind about the lonely old spinster for now, cos at 42 you're not past it! Don't stay with someone because you don't want to be alone. Don't stay with someone who's hurting you. Don't stay with someone because you think you can save them, or ... (read in full...)
He said he wanted to sleep with other women while away at Uni and then come back and marry me!!!
Q. Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend. We have been friends since we were 11 and best friends for about 4 years and 10 months we started going out. It has been amazing and I love him so much...until he told me that while he gets his uni degree o...
A. 2 October 2006: I have to say (and I shock myself with this) but I think he was in some ways right (even if he probably didn't handle it very well). First love is all new and so no-one's going to know what to do. I think 11 is very young (too young) to meet someone ... (read in full...)
I dont feel we are financially stable enough to have a baby, but he thinks its okay! I want a baby but I'm scared!
Q. I have been with my partner for 19 months now, we are engaged and living together. When we had been together for about 6 months I had a miscarriage, even though we were very upset about this, we knew it was for the best. We were still at college and ...
A. 2 October 2006: For centuries people have been having babies regardless of wealth. There may never be a right time financially but you feel ready, that's important. It's a mature decision to think of the finances as babies/children/teenagers aren't cheap, but ... (read in full...)
How can we get rid of his destructive ex ? its upsetting us both!!
Q. This is to know if somebody has any advice or past experiences on ex girlfriends like this...my boyfriend and I have been together for almost three months now....Everything is wonderful but one thing...his ex is still making his life miserable even ...
A. 2 October 2006: This is actually your boyfriend's problem, not yours and although it's nice you're upset for him, these things happen, try not to worry about her. It's probably 'killing you inside' because you have strong feelings for him, but that seems quite a ... (read in full...)
Did he get the wrong impression of me because of this other guy, who was stalking me? What should I do?
Q. There's a man that I've liked for quite a long time. We always smile and say hello to each other but had never really had the chance to have a conversation. One night when I went out I happened to bump into him we started to chat. He seemed really ...
A. 2 October 2006: Have you any way of contacting him? Just ask him straight out on a date. If he says no, or is being weird, say that you're sorry if you got it wrong, but you thought by asking for your number he was interested. Ask if anything's happened to change ... (read in full...)
My mother is controlling my whole life and I can't get her to stop!!!
Q. Hello, I am in my mid-20’s and my mother does everything she can to rule over my life. I am married, own a house, about to go to school for my master degree, and I have a steady job (for now). Whenever I share anything personal with my mother, ...
A. 2 October 2006: I am sorry for your situation I really am. I am also sorry to say that you cannot change your mother. There's a saying, you can't choose your family. Perhaps going to that point you made about wanting to be friends...would you pick your mother as a ... (read in full...)
He used me so his ex would want him back and give him all he wanted...now I want revenge!!!!
Q. Revenge. Hi everyone. The last time I wrote was back in August when I told you that my ex of nearly 4 years wanted to get back with me. We did get back but it only lasted 4 weeks. He decided he wanted to go back to the woman he had left me for. ...
A. 2 October 2006: My really good tip is to forget it! This may make you feel better for moment but not long term. Revenge is a very soul destroying act and would only bring you down to their level. Cut all ties with him, give up the plans, the pretence, all of it. ... (read in full...)
He used me so his ex would want him back and give him all he wanted...now I want revenge!!!!
Q. Revenge. Hi everyone. The last time I wrote was back in August when I told you that my ex of nearly 4 years wanted to get back with me. We did get back but it only lasted 4 weeks. He decided he wanted to go back to the woman he had left me for. ...
A. 2 October 2006: My really good tip is to forget it! This may make you feel better for moment but not long term. Revenge is a very soul destroying act and would only bring you down to their level. Cut all ties with him, give up the plans, the pretence, all of it. ... (read in full...)
I was cheated on by my ex boyfriend...now I can seem to get past the worry of my current boyfriend doing the same!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year. My previous boyfriend cheated on me (i lost count of how many times and with how many different people) this effected me very badly as i was blind and thought he was 'the one'. Since this happened ...
A. 2 October 2006: As much as there are a couple of issues there that don't sound like your boyfriend is perfect, you MUST stop this behaviour or you will drive him away and then convince yourself you were right all along. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy.
J... (read in full...)
I only seem to like him sometimes, is there something wrong with me ??
Q. I have a crush on my best guy friend, but it's as if I only like him every other day. He has asked me out on numerous occasions, but everytime I say No. Is there something wrong with me?...
A. 2 October 2006: If he keeps asking you out, perhaps it's his interest in you that's making you attracted to him?
Try not seeing him for a while and see if absence really does make the heart grown foner or if it's actually out of sight, out of mind.
... (read in full...)
How can I make him see Im sorry for cheating and that I want him and he can trust me!!!
Q. I have been in a relationship 2 years, We are engaged and living together. I have cheated on him in the past which I'm sorry for and I would'nt do it again, but he now wont trust me at all, How can I make him see I want him and i'm sorry ?...
A. 2 October 2006: If you cheat on someone it's surely not surprising that they don't trust you. Why should they believe you won't do it again? He probably didn't think you'd do it in the first place and he was wrong. There is nothing you can do except show him how ... (read in full...)
He told me that if I had a threesome it would prove I love him!!!!!
Q. Hi Im currently in a relationship with a man of 37 I'm 21 We are engaged and living together 2 years. He has 2 children to a women he was married to ten years, they split up 2 years before we met. I have cheated on him in the past and I deeply r...
A. 2 October 2006: Why would you want to make him realise this? Why are you not running as fast as you can in the opposite direction away from this vile man? What exactly is it about him that you love? He's abusive and he manipulated you into a situation he knew you ... (read in full...)
He cheated but this was last christmas, should I give him a second chance ??
Q. i have been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and i was dying my friends hair and she told me that he cheated on me with another girl. and i was like ya ok and i didn't believe her, so when i was finished i called him and asked him and he denied ...
A. 2 October 2006: It's hard when you find out something that happened a while ago, but it's still up to you. If you think things have been great since Cristmas, perhaps he realized the huge mistake he'd made and has been making it up to you without you knowing. If ... (read in full...)
Together 4 years and on the verge of breaking up! Im really close with my boyfriend but at the same time feel so apart!! what should I do ??
Q. Hi My boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up. I have been with him for nearly 4 years. We moved in together after 1 and everything started to go down hill from there. He was at a very low point in his life and I hurt him even more wi...
A. 2 October 2006: There are many issues here. Firstly, as your boyfriend hasn't written so I feel I shouldn't comment on him, although until he seeks help with his depression I feel that your relationship will keep turning in this circle.
I think it's very impo... (read in full...)
I had a thing with my mates friend for a while, we moved on and he didnt want anymore to do with me, I since slept with my friend, but feel I should tell his friend it happend so he wont think bad of me!!
Q. I feel so guilty. In February I caught up with a mate of mine, lets call him CC, who I had been friends with for about 2 and a half years. He had another friend of his there called DD and he happened to have been a guy I met at a nightclub 5 years ...
A. 2 October 2006: Feels weird taking about people named after bra sizes but here goes.... It isn't actually clear whether CC knows you slept with DD. He may and not have told you. So, if he does, there's nothing to say. It's nothing to do with DD what you do with CC. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has supported me throught alot, just lately Im angry and take it out on him! How can I stop!?
Q. I love my boyfriend very much hes such a good man, and hes great to my daughter. I was In an accident 7 months ago and still not back to work, and hes stuck with me this whole time, and lately I have been in a funk, and have been taking it out on ...
A. 2 October 2006: As you're aware you're doing it, that's a positive thing at least. There's no sure fire wire to stop, just ...... STOP! When you start doing it, stop. Count to ten, leave the room, whatever it takes. You're clearly frustrated by but it's not fair to ... (read in full...)
How long should a male last in sex? Any tips on lasting longer?
Q. How long should a male last in sex? also what techniques could you apply to last longer...
A. 1 October 2006: Ther is no definitive answer to the time. Some men only last seconds, some minutes, some hours....It's all relative and very varying. I guess you could put it around the 10-20 minute area including foreplay. There can be times when a quickie is all ... (read in full...)
Scared to let him know how I feel for fear of getting hurt, but I want him to know! What can I do ?
Q. Me and my best friend met a group of lads about 2 months ago. within a week we all felt like we'd known eachother for years. I started seeing one of the lads and im so comfortable round him i feel like i could tell him any thing and he would never ...
A. 1 October 2006: It's so easy to have intense feelings when you spend a long period of time with someone, especially one to one. When that's with someone of the opposite sex, it's even easier to confuse those feelings and assume them to be a crush. If you fancy him ... (read in full...)
I had my doubts about us, we broke up, hes getting with someone else and I miss him!!
Q. Dont no what to do me and my boyfriend were in love and happy but then i started to have my doubts for no apparent reason he didnt do anything wrong anyway I told him how i felt and he said we shouldnt go out anymore if i was feeling like this we ...
A. 1 October 2006: I'm not sure what it was that ignited your initial feelings of doubt, but it may be wise to have a think about that and see if you can work it out. If you were acting on instincts, sometimes they can be right. The gut feeling is a good one to follow ... (read in full...)
Why is that all the men I seem to like, dont treat me right, but the ones I dont like do!?
Q. Why is it that the men I want, want me but dont do anything or enough about it, and the men that i dont want, want me and treat me like a princess? Im beginning to think theres something wrong with me in particular, its been happening a lot ...
A. 1 October 2006: It's called sod's law my dear! Don't worry because one will come along and tick all your boxes. It's hard right now but when you meet a guy you like, try not to assume he's gonna be just like the rest of the men you meet. Give them a chance and they ... (read in full...)
Could he really have moved on in only 6 weeks ? and is there a way I can still get him ?
Q. Hi.. this isn't much of a major problem but more like one of those things, I guess. Anyway, I'm sure this has happened to many girls, but there's this guy I had my eye on ALL year before college closed for the Summer. I was SO mad for him, he's a ...
A. 1 October 2006: I guess if he thought he wasn't in with a chance with you, he could have made the decision to get on with his life. I hate to make you feel like you're not that important to him,. but he's right to 'move on' as unrequited feelings are awful! Good on ... (read in full...)
I've never had a boyfriend and find it hard to talk to boys!
Q. i have neva had a bf and i am 15 i find it really hard 2 make covo with boys as i dont hav many male fiends...
A. 29 September 2006: Don't worry, 15 is still young to be having boyfriends. You will find you'll make male friends soon but there's no rush. If you're with a group of friends, just try to overcome your fears and talk to any boys who may be around, just for practice. ... (read in full...)
Happy in relationship, but can't get pleasure from sex!
Q. Hi.. I'm 16, been with my boyfriend for a year and half. I love him very much and we both lost our virginity to eachother. He's now 19. I'm really happy in this relationship, but the only thing that gets me is that I don't get pleasure in sex at a...
A. 29 September 2006: If you get off during foreplay, have you tried him (or you) touching your clitoris whilst he's inside you? Or a vibrating egg? Is he touching/licking your breasts whilst you're having sex? If not, encourage that too. There's lotions to stimulate ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to talk, where he won't answer me?
Q. how do i get to talk to my boyfriend when he won't reply to any messages?...
A. 29 September 2006: Be patient and wait for him to reply? I don't know! I mean uou're not really giving much away are you? There's NOTHING here to go on. Sorry but can't say anything when you haven't given more information. Does he live far from you? If not, go round. ... (read in full...)
Two online interests...how can I make her see she choose the wrong one?
Q. I know it sounds lame, but I somehow got into an online relationship with this great girl. Ive never done it before, it happened by accident, but it was going great for a while. We talked almost every day. We made each other laugh, seemed to connect ...
A. 29 September 2006: Honestly? I think you should forget about her. What did you have exactly? An online relationship for 6 months, you never even met her and she chose a jerk who has trouble and danger written all over him. She's looking for something you can't give. ... (read in full...)
What is a 'wet dream'?
Q. what is a 'wet dream' and do boys and girls have them?...
A. 29 September 2006: It's when you ejaculate uncontrollably, ie; when you're asleep. It's more common in young teen boys. Girls don't have them although they can get sexually aroused whilst sleeping but that doesn't share the name wet dream... (read in full...)
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