A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’ve recently broken up with my partner due to a few reasons we split up nearly 2 weeks ago but he is acting as though we are still together he won’t talk to me about any problems we have this is one of the reasons I ended it but now he’s talking about where we’re going for Christmas his mams and dads or mine I clearly told him we were over and that I didn’t want to be with him anymore what do I do now thank you
View related questions:
christmas, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (17 August 2019):
 You didn't think to mention in your first post that you were still living with the "ex"? Did you not think that was relevant? Or do you enjoy playing people?
If your "ex" is not listening to your requests to leave, then you need to step up the eviction process. Get a solicitor to send him a letter, giving him a fixed amount of time to leave your home. If he does not leave by the due date, you can take matters further and take legal action to get him removed.
If you are tough enough, you could wait for him to go out, stick all his stuff in bin bags outside the door and lock him out, changing the lock so he can't get back in. I have done this myself in the past with an ex who was just using my home as free digs. If you think he can turn violent, have a friend or family member over to stay with you for a few days to discourage him from coming back.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 August 2019):
 Before I answer your question, I have one for you that I hope you come back and follow up on. I'm going to answer this as I currently see it, but I have a sneaking feeling that I may be close to the mark here:
My question to YOU is: Would you describe your relationship as being "on again, off again"? Have you broken up with him in the past and gotten back together? Is that instead HIS habit, where he's done that to you??
If the answer is "yes", then he doesn't think you're serious, and that this is just another manipulation tactic you're using to get his attention. If that's true, and you ARE serious about being done, then he needs to know that by your ACTIONS.
If this is the first time you've broken up, you need to use MORE than words. Just willing to be away from him and TELLING him you're broken up is not enough. That's like getting sued by someone, and having a judgment but not taking steps to COLLECT that money!
You need to CUT this guy off. He shouldn't have the ABILITY to even HAVE a conversation about Christmas. He shouldn't have any conversation about ANYTHING unless you parent a child together, and then it should be restricted to parenting the child and nothing further.
Like others have said, if you live with him, MOVE OUT! Cal friends or relatives and get help moving out and finding a new place. Live with parents for a month or two if you need to save money to get out on your own, or just DO it! Get an apartment in your name and get away from him!
If you don't live with him, then this becomes infinitely easier. He's trying to gaslight you into believing that the conversation was just a spat, that it never took place, and you two are still together. His ego can't handle a true breakup, so he is in extreme denial, just like some people have deluded themselves that their loved one isn't dead, or Elvis Presley or Michael Jackson are still alive, or whatever.
It's time to become DEAD to this guy and block him everywhere. STOP talking! No more communication of any kind!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019): Thank you for your answers it is so hard because we live together I have told him I want him to go but he’s still acting like we’re together even when I have clearly told him we’re over
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (15 August 2019):
My usual way of reading posts is to read the post first and then to look at the information on the poster. When I read your post I thought someone very young was writing, someone in their early teens who did not know how to set boundaries with people. I certainly did not expect you to be in your 30s!
Your "ex" thinks he is still your boyfriend because you are not setting any boundaries. If he is acting this way, why are you even speaking with him? Block all contact so he can't message or phone you. If you see him in person, walk away and do not talk to him about Christmas as anything else personal. How hard can it be?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019): That's reversed-psychology and his ego talking. You don't realize what you're doing, and he just can't accept that you would have the audacity to decide this is it! Be in-denial, and act as if nothing has changed. Your decision is overruled!
He wouldn't be talking in this way unless he had some means to contact you. You can't end it and still have open-communication. You're accepting contact as though you ARE still together.
Block, delete, remove him from all your social media contacts, and limit your inbox access to only select-contacts. Return his belongings, let him keep whatever you've given him, and completely ghost yourself from social media for a month or so; so you yourself will come to terms that the breakup is real.
You haven't done that, because you yourself haven't fully-accepted the breakup.
Alert everyone that you do not wish them to intercede on your behalf, nor offer him authorization to your feed via their social media access. Inform everyone that you wish no further contact with him, and would appreciate their cooperation. That includes your parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grannie, grandpa, and neighbors.
If he attempts to reach you at your job, threaten to report it to the police. Take preventative-measures in order to avert or prevent stalking. DON'T BE THE STALKER!!!
You will not move forward until you yourself deny him contact.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 + ♥, writes (15 August 2019):
 Block all his contact and move on with your life. There’s no reason to still be speaking, you’ve made it clear that things are over therefore what’s there to discuss?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 August 2019):
 Yep, I'm with Auntie BimBim
Time for EITHER of you to move out if you life together. If you were silly enough to buy a house together, it needs to be sold or one of you to BUY out the other.
And once you have moved out, CUT all contact. THERE is no real need to keep in contact after all assets are split.
He doesn't seem to have really accepted the break up or he thinks because you two are still talking you weren't really serious.
Only way you can both move on is to LET IT GO and go no contact.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 August 2019):
 If you are living in the same house put plans in place to move out as soon as you can ….
If you are NOT sharing accommodation then simply remind him you are no longer in a relationship with him and block him, on facebook, on messenger and block his number on your phone. If he knocks on the door don't open it and tell him you are calling the police. Make sure friends and family are aware you don't want to be in contact with him and for them NOT to give out your contact details.
Stay firm.
...............................
A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (15 August 2019):
Cut contact with him. Block his number so he can't phone you. Walk away from him if he talks about stuff you don't want to hear. What's so difficult?
...............................
|
