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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Sex doesn't feel good -- is there something I can do to fix it?
Q. Ok so im 18 i have been sexually active since i was 15 but sex has never once felt good. I have never had an orgasm from penetration. Its kinda like im not feeling anything at all when im having sex. when I was younger i did what i think every child ...
A. 18 October 2011: I think it's a combo of things...
1. I'm older now and for women age does has it's benefits in the bedroom... it leaves me more relaxed and since I don't CARE if I have an orgasm now it's easier to get there...
2. My partner is not as well e... (read in full...)
Courtesy and Texting
Q. I usually wait to text my boyfriend until I hear from him first. We've been together a year. Initially texting like gangbusters on both sides, so it's not like it was an annoyance when we started. I knew he was going out last night (no problems ...
A. 7 October 2011: maybe he didn't get the texts.
Texts are not sent on their own, they piggyback on other packets on the network (why we can get cheap or free texting it costs the company almost nothing for us to use texting) and sometimes they don't get where th... (read in full...)
No sex in months in an otherwise turbulent relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. Quick background...We met online on a dating site and after 3 weeks we moved in together. Sex life was great. Then it started slowly down. At that time I thought 2 months without sex was a ...
A. 7 October 2011: can you tell me why you stay in this relationship?
what are you getting out of it?
... (read in full...)
When someone just wants sex, do they avoid affection like this?
Q. How does a man act if it's "just sex"? I've been seeing this man. We slept together once and since then I've tried not to see him, but I keep ending up seeing him and we kiss. We can never be together - there are so many reasons. Our situations i...
A. 7 October 2011: respectfully of the other aunties... he could very well be starved for affection and that's what he needs from you.
after all he can "rub one out" on his own for a sexual release but he can't get warmth and cuddling without another human being.
... (read in full...)
Guys, don't you feel it if a woman wants you? or you just give it a try anyway and try your luck?
Q. This is what I want to ask you guys and girls, but mostly guys: can you tell when you have a chance with a woman even for just that night, or are just men absolutely oblivious to the signs and you guys need to be told straight forward yes or no? ...
A. 7 October 2011: most men will give it a try anyway I'm sure.
then there are those that are clueless even when you want them. I had to hit my bf over the head with a brick to get him to realize i wanted him...... (read in full...)
How do I show my boyfriend how much I appreciate his kindness to me?
Q. Today my boyfriend bought a computer for me knowing I desperately needed for my college. I have spent most of my time at the library, I don't have to now, thank-you to him! I said thank-you so many times today, I feel I can't say it enough. I have ...
A. 7 October 2011: Wow what an awesome gift. And how wise of you to be grateful to him....
do you cook? can you make him his favorite meal and have a lovely dinner to thank him?
folks who love us do not give us gifts to get gifts in return.. they give us gif... (read in full...)
How long should I wait to start looking for someone after a break up?
Q. How long should I wait to start looking for someone after a break up? I really don't want to be single and my ex does. Should I still wait a bit? Or is it okay to start looking?...
A. 7 October 2011: when you are ready you are ready. so if you feel ready then start looking...
what I've always found is that when you are NOT looking is when the best ones fall in your lap however
therefore go out live a nice life and it will happen.... (read in full...)
Does anyone think the law not allowing 16 year olds an younger to have sex will stop anyone?
Q. Just want to clarify, I don't want to have sex. I just think its unrealistic. Do you think it'll stop anyone? No one will call the police. Especially if their both underage. I know why its there and all, but I also know a pregnant eighth grader. T...
A. 7 October 2011: the laws are the laws...some work some don't
there is a law that says you can't hit or kill another person.. doesn't stop folks
there are laws that say you can't steal... does not stop some people.
there are laws that say you have to pay... (read in full...)
I think my husband is cheating with his cousin
Q. hi dear cupid, good day! until now i don't really trust my husband. i always have doubts in my mind wherever he go and whatever he does.i have doubts that they still contacting with each other with his ex girlfriend which is his 2nd cousin.p...
A. 7 October 2011: when people suspect their partners of cheating and there is no prior history of cheating then there is probably a good reason for it.
why would he not have his cousin's name in his cell phone? why would it come up as just a number not blank?
... (read in full...)
Mother putting me under "house arrest" because of HER bad behavior!
Q. Hello Readers! Earlier today my [separated] parents went to court because an incident happened last week where my mother was not letting me [19yrs old] and my 12 year old brother in the house. That was not the first time we were "kicked out" of ...
A. 7 October 2011: Mom has problems seriously
can your brother live with dad or grandma with you?
I get not leaving to protect little brother and I commend you for this... what a tough situation
you are 19 a grown up and your mother is behaving like a child... (read in full...)
Her negative comments about cheerleading really bothered me. Do I have a right to be angry?
Q. Ok so do I have a right to be angry? I am trying out for cheer. Well, I tried out today (haven't gotten results) but this event takes place before then. So I tried out for freshman cheer, and at my school we have three clinic days where we learn the ...
A. 7 October 2011: You always have a right to your feelings. What you do with them is the key.
You acknowledge that she disagrees with you and accept it. But you also have to tell her that you would like her to respect your choice. And assure her that your bei... (read in full...)
Love my job, but! Married Boss is badgering me to have an affair. What's the best realistic thing to do in this situation?
Q. I have been at my job for about a 18 months. about 6 months ago, my married boss started badgering me for sex. I emphatically told him I wasnt interested because he had a wife. plus he is not my type-- although i couldnt say that to his face beca...
A. 7 October 2011: do you have an HR department?
does he have a boss?
I would go to him and calmly tell him to stop it and let him know that if he does not stop it you will have to take it up with HR and possibly HIS boss.
his behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.... (read in full...)
Love bites: sexy or disgusting?
Q. Love bites, "hickeys", do you like giving them? Do you like receiving them? Do you find them a turn on or romantic? Or do you think they're silly or a way of "marking your territory"? Do you think they're hot or just plain gross? ...
A. 7 October 2011: they are stupid.
I hate having them the problem is that the things we like to do tend to cause them... the spots that like that kind of nibbling tend to be visible...
ugh... at 16 I thought they were a badge of honor as do most teens.
... (read in full...)
If I was so repulsive then how can he not think that now?
Q. My spouse is 1/2 my age and had an affair with a woman closer to his age (actually his step daughter, my own child). I am 40 and durring his affair he told her, and his best friend and a few other people that touching me was disgusting. He ...
A. 7 October 2011: oh sweetie do you think so little of yourself that you are willing to accept a partner that cheated on you. NOT only cheated on you but cheated on you with your own daughter (her behavior is none too stellar either btw)
40 year old women who have... (read in full...)
What should I do to make everything be okay?
Q. What do I do? I feel like I'm loosing everything, I've lost one of my best-friends, broke up with my boyfriend, and my dad's moving to another country. I feel like everyone's moving away from me and I don't know what I've done wrong. I feel ho...
A. 7 October 2011: You have not done anything wrong.. sometimes life changes hit us all at once.
Will you still be seeing dad? think of that as a great and lovely adventure when you go to see him...
I'ms o sorry about losing your bestie... that stinks especiall... (read in full...)
Does she fancy me or is it just a phase?
Q. ok so im freely bisexual and have slept with as many women as i have men. One of my best (female and straight) friends lives with her partner and has been with him a year. Recently, we have been out on the town a few times and iv got quite drunk. ...
A. 7 October 2011: IF she is bi-curious (and many many folks are) she may be testing the waters with you...
it may not mean she wants or will have a relationship with you.
the issue is does her partner view female on female as cheating? IF he does then she ne... (read in full...)
Caught boyfriend sending gay emails to other men, now what?
Q. I honestly don't know where to go from here. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years and we recently bought a condo together. Long story short, I was moving my stuff in one weekend and needed to use his laptop to check my email w...
A. 7 October 2011: NOT a prank.
He's bi and never told you.
He needed to be honest.
You need to get STD testing and protect yourself.
But I have to ask (cause no one else has) Why did you read his PRIVATE email? I never read my boyfriend's private stuf... (read in full...)
Does this profile picture mean she's in a relationship?
Q. Hi. This girl I really like uploaded a profile picture on Facebook with her smiling in a photo with a boy. I'm not added as a friend so I can't see her relationship status. Does this mean that she's likely in a relationship? Why else would she u...
A. 7 October 2011: everyone is friends with everyone on facebook.. go ahead and ask her to be your friend esp since you know her IRL... (read in full...)
A wifes past the good and the bad
Q. what is meant by the comment of a wife's past, or sexual past when i see women replying( her past has made her the wife who she is today) . what is the positives , and the negatives . are there any benefits or lost benefits . ...
A. 7 October 2011: I really need more info from the OP before I can answer
but to be honest EVERYTHING that happens in a person's past shapes who they are in the present and who they may become in the future.... (read in full...)
How do you define "sex"?
Q. So here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-how-important-is-sex-to-you.html someone asked how important to you is sex. I have a slightly different question... DEFINE IT... is it just the act of intercourse? is foreplay mandatory? ...
A. 7 October 2011: @Andi_d...
Yep I agree with what you are saying but even then sometimes my partner who I love very much and I just have to have a quickie.... and then even though it's love... it's not love making it's just sex...... (read in full...)
I'm just not interested in having a relationship. What's wrong with me?
Q. I'm just gonna' jump right in here... Almost a year ago I lost my Dad. At the time I was in a relationship that was coming to an end. Anyway, when my Dad passed my partner at the time told me she was pregnant. But because of the timing of my Dad...
A. 7 October 2011: IF you are really happy then don't change anything..
BUT I am betting that because YOU asked you are PRETENDING to be happy. You've suffered tramatic losses in the last year and perhaps pretending to be happy is what's really going on.
The ... (read in full...)
What are the ethics of dating and intimate relationships in the workplace?
Q. I would like to ask a question....what do ypu think of intimate relationships/dating between co-workers? for example are they right? should they be avoided? also is dating between a boss/supervisor and a lower worker ethical? also can some of the ...
A. 7 October 2011: I think that there can be problems dating a co-worker. If you break up and work together then what?
That being said I work for the federal government here and we have MANY married couples that work in the same building.... not allowed to work in ... (read in full...)
How do you define "sex"?
Q. So here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-how-important-is-sex-to-you.html someone asked how important to you is sex. I have a slightly different question... DEFINE IT... is it just the act of intercourse? is foreplay mandatory? ...
A. 7 October 2011: @mystiquek...thank you that was pretty much my point.
Sex is about orgasms and release in my book. I'd rather make love. I can take care of my own needs for an orgasm I don't need anyone to do that for me. I DO however need someone to "love on m... (read in full...)
FWB doesn't call me gorgeous like he does other girls
Q. hi, i am seeing this guy for past few years.. we stay in separate cities so it is not exactly exclusive but we aren't really seeing anybody else .. it is basically more sexual than emotional! we sex text a lot and such stuff.. recently he shared ...
A. 7 October 2011: OP said: "Just because I give n get sex, does it mean I don't deserve to be called pretty or sexy? You guys think I should straight off ask him the reason behind this? See it hasn't been all sex as well there have been times even a weekend wen we ... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 7 October 2011: Hugs for you OP this is one of the hardest things we do.... learning and growing and taking our lumps...
May you find someone that loves and adores you like you deserve.... (read in full...)
How do you define "sex"?
Q. So here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-how-important-is-sex-to-you.html someone asked how important to you is sex. I have a slightly different question... DEFINE IT... is it just the act of intercourse? is foreplay mandatory? ...
A. 7 October 2011: @sageguy... trust me I am not struggling with this at all.
I was basing this on the question do you love sex as shown in my original question....
I'm betting some women meant to say I need making love vs
I need sex....
so may... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 7 October 2011: What CaringGuy said... ... (read in full...)
My husband has given me STIs!
Q. I have been treated three times for STI's in the past five months. My husband claims he knows nothing of it. I have not slept with anyone else except him. I now insist we use condoms and he complains its not proper for people in marriage. Should i ...
A. 6 October 2011: Yeah a yeast infection is not necessarily sexually transmitted.
And a UTI is also not a sexually transmitted disease.
How were you treated... exactly WHAT infection did you have?... (read in full...)
Am I being a doormat for her ex?
Q. Here is my agony. I was in a long-term relationship with my partner for six years, when I met a girl online that I developed a great friendship with, after about 15 months of corresponding daily we started developing feelings for one another. These ...
A. 6 October 2011: something is not right... even when I was married and seeing my current partner I made time for him even if was private emails from work..
IF they have children together or own property together or have co-mingled funds etc... it could be a bit... (read in full...)
Sex doesn't feel good -- is there something I can do to fix it?
Q. Ok so im 18 i have been sexually active since i was 15 but sex has never once felt good. I have never had an orgasm from penetration. Its kinda like im not feeling anything at all when im having sex. when I was younger i did what i think every child ...
A. 6 October 2011: I didnt' like actual intercourse until I met my current partner...
I did not orgasm from penetration until I met him. I have learned that my orgasms from penetration are different from the orgasms I have when I masturbate... and at 18 I did not ... (read in full...)
Are big areolae a turnoff?
Q. Are big areolae(2 inches) a turnoff? Is an areolae reduction a turnoff to men or are men ok with a reduction?...
A. 6 October 2011: I will tell you that mine were reduced in June as part of a breast lift (mastopexy)and now in my opinion they are too small... so tread carefully.... (read in full...)
I feel waves of romantic emotion toward her, I'm not sure about an LDR but I want her to be happy.
Q. She is pomosexual I am a demiromantic pansexual who identifies as male and sometimes androgynous. She lives up North, while I live down near the Carolinas and Florida. We're both in college. We share similar hobbies. She and I talk on the phone, ...
A. 6 October 2011: Trains and buses run up and down the coast easily. I suggest a road trip of some sort.... where there is a will there is a way
I am in an LDR... but we are older and only 2 hours apart.
My opinion... before you decide what you are going to do ... (read in full...)
Don't want to scare him away. But how can I drive him wild and make him fall for me? Any reliable strategies please?
Q. I've known this guy for about a year now, we've been just friends, but recently he's been texting me about hooking up and being friends with benefits. But he even said a couple times that it would just be fun, nothing serious; so I guess that mean...
A. 6 October 2011: deep sigh
women who like men who like sex... next on Dr. Phil...
Men sleep with women as FWB because they can
Women sleep with men as FWB in hopes that they will be intimate and fall in love with them... sadly it's not how it works IRL.
... (read in full...)
He signed "all my love" but then I haven't heard from him since he's started uni!
Q. Okay, I haven't had a lot of experience at all when it comes to relationships, which may explain why I'm obsessing so much. Note: this is a typical teenage angst question so feel free to escape now while you can! you have been warned! Any way, ove...
A. 6 October 2011: just the way he signed his letter.. not to be taken literally. I'm sorry.... (read in full...)
What's wrong? I'm cute and fun he was not bored but something happened right? I'm lost
Q. I met a guy in 2007 but at the time we lived in different cities so we stayed friends through email then Facebook. We talked frequently with laps in between when dating other people etc we are in the same industry so we have lots in common but he's...
A. 6 October 2011: I agree he sees you as a friend not a girlfriend.... (read in full...)
I think I might be falling out of love with my boyfriend, but I don't want to hurt him. What do I do
Q. I'm in a dilemma and really need some help. Although I have a boyfriend, I've started to fall for a different guy, which sounds really shallow I know, but please read my explanation of the situation. I truly don't know what to do. :( I'm 19, a...
A. 6 October 2011: I think that it's time for you at 19 to move on
you were 14 when you met this guy... he was 45. Now I'm a big proponent of age gap relationships. I have one. My boyfriend is 13 years younger than I am.... and that's enough for me.
you hav... (read in full...)
You don't bring me flowers anymore..
Q. I've been dating someone for 3 months...we moved fast and are in a committed relationship. I want to know why things change...We used to text constantly during the day..now? Not as much...He used to bring flowers...Now? Nope..We have been ...
A. 6 October 2011: does he have to say it? NO
do you want him to say it YES
do you NEED him to say it: maybe
if you do you need to tell him.. if he can't it may be a deal breaker.
MY BF never says it to me... well rarely maybe once a month or so.. but he SHOWS... (read in full...)
A question about being engaged and fancying others
Q. this is a question for people that are engaged or have been engaged.......... Truthfully when you are engaged to somebody do you EVER fancy/fantasize about somebody else. Say for example, you see somebody regularly and then think 'oh actually they ...
A. 6 October 2011: I'm married not dead... of course you look at others and find them attractive... it's the adults that say "nice" then go home and love on their partner...... (read in full...)
Ladies in their 40's, can you share your birth control solutions?
Q. Any ladies in their 40's who have finished their families, just wondering what type of birth control you use? I'm not sure if anyone else still takes the pill at that age like I do as it is raising my blood pressure. Dr has advised that she w...
A. 6 October 2011: You don't do a hysterecomy for birth control.
I had a tubal and it is 100% effective if done properly.
You have to do it in three parts
Cut the tubes
cauterize the tubes
crimp (tie) the tubes
just crimping them or just cutting th... (read in full...)
Did I somehow drive him away? What's he about? Cuddle one day. Then ignore me?
Q. Recently a new guy started working where I work. After hanging out a few times we exchanged numbers, and soon after we were hanging out all the time. He'd even text me a few times a day just to talk. For about 2 weeks he'd always want me to come...
A. 6 October 2011: sounds to me like he's starting to like you and is NOT ready for another relationship so soon after his last one (a good and healthy sign to be honest)
YOU didn't do anything. Just let him be. DO not push him to be with you... he needs time and... (read in full...)
What to do? The Cook and I made out in the back room of the restaurant. Do we continue? He's married.
Q. I work at a restaurant as a server. I get along with everyone I work with fairly well, but the cooks exceptionally. All the cooks are men (but I've always been more partial to having male friends than females) Somehow I managed to attract the atte...
A. 6 October 2011: I think you should start looking for a new job to be honest.
Avoid having contact with this man as much as possible.
doing it once is like eating ONE piece of candy or one potato chip... you say it's just one but you always have more.
... (read in full...)
What is do the numbers signify? What's normal for you? Is more sex with more people success? Or is more relationship with one person more?
Q. Out of curiosity, how many a) romantic relationships (i.e. dated for a while, no sex) b) full-on-committed relationships (i.e. with sex) and c) sexual relationships did you have by the time you were 22/23? This question is both for men and wom...
A. 6 October 2011: I got married at 21 the first time but my husband was NOT my first. I had been dating him from the time I was 18 or so. However, growing up in the 70s I was a full blown adherent to the free love movement having been on BCP since age 14 and not ... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 6 October 2011: he only needs to contact you when he's ready to get laid.
that's what friends with benefits means. It's a nice way of saying "that person I'm not committed to that I don't have to pay to have sex with"
... (read in full...)
FWB doesn't call me gorgeous like he does other girls
Q. hi, i am seeing this guy for past few years.. we stay in separate cities so it is not exactly exclusive but we aren't really seeing anybody else .. it is basically more sexual than emotional! we sex text a lot and such stuff.. recently he shared ...
A. 6 October 2011: It does not matter how hot you really are. HE DOES NOT SEE YOU THAT WAY. You are way more invested in this relationship than he is.... (read in full...)
You don't bring me flowers anymore..
Q. I've been dating someone for 3 months...we moved fast and are in a committed relationship. I want to know why things change...We used to text constantly during the day..now? Not as much...He used to bring flowers...Now? Nope..We have been ...
A. 6 October 2011: ROFL we have two places still in two different cities... we still consider ourselves living together as we are together more than we are apart.
we refer to our places as our {his state} apartment and our {my state} home...... (read in full...)
Are big areolae a turnoff?
Q. Are big areolae(2 inches) a turnoff? Is an areolae reduction a turnoff to men or are men ok with a reduction?...
A. 5 October 2011: I would not have an areolae reduction if that's the only thing that's the issue.
Men are not going to whip out a tape measure and measure them... as long as you let them play with the "titties" most men will love it....... (read in full...)
You don't bring me flowers anymore..
Q. I've been dating someone for 3 months...we moved fast and are in a committed relationship. I want to know why things change...We used to text constantly during the day..now? Not as much...He used to bring flowers...Now? Nope..We have been ...
A. 5 October 2011: once you are living together you can see each other every day and communicate face to face.. texting and calling tends to get less and less... even emails stop... because you will talk to each other when you get home and have dinner...
SOUND... (read in full...)
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