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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: How in the world can he be the best hubby in the world? Why because he supports you? Because he doesn’t beat you?
Honey the man is having sex with another woman and you do not want him to. This means he is disrespecting you.
SHE is not a ... (read in full...)
I want to get to know this younger guy, but not be a booty call
Q. So I am in the middle of a legal separation at 29yrs old. I started a new job in April and there is this really cute guy who works with me. He's only 21 though. And I know where you are all going to go with this..."rebound" but it's really not ...
A. 13 June 2012: I agree with Cerberus either you have a relationship or you are a booty call… or you are just friends.
You can’t have it all ways…
Just tell him exactly what you have told us. What would you do if he was 31 to your 29? Would that make how you... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like my small breasts
Q. Am 22.married last month.ive got small breasts. And my husband is'nt happy with. Which makes me sad and our sex incomplete. I really need make them little bigger to impress my husband.i need advice and solutions....
A. 12 June 2012: Does he TELL you this or are you assuming he is feeling this?
IF he is telling you this then I am not happy with him as a person much less a husband and you should tell him he needs better skills... and a larger penis and when his penis is the s... (read in full...)
Will this guy tell everyone that I don't shave down there?
Q. Hi, I'm 18 years old. The guy is also 18, he is my friend's friends and we got introduced to each other a few weeks ago. He fingered me today in the morning, I enjoyed it but I wasn't expecting to do anything so I wasn't shaved down there. Th...
A. 12 June 2012: Not everyone shaves or waxes or whatever...
you do what makes you comfortable.
if he talks he's not much of a gentleman
and if he doesn't like it or thinks it's gross or regrets it then he's not worth it...
some men like hair
some ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck at a crossroad- I want to be with my B/f but I'm not sure if I want kids.
Q. My boyfriend of 6 years has just given me an ultimatum. He wants to settle down, get married, buy a house together and have kids in the next few years. For the past year or so, I've been indecisive- I love him with all my heart, he is a wonderfu...
A. 12 June 2012: I always knew I wanted kids. Never doubted I wanted them... till long after they were adults and I realized I would have been better off NOT being a mom... thankfully I had great help with parents, their dad and their stepmom to raise them...
... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is flirting with other guys!
Q. im in a relation with a girl since the past 3 and half years...............since day one she has been very close to her friends. 98% of her friends are men....They used to tease us as i am shorter than her by 2 inches.....they all used to fondle ...
A. 12 June 2012: I asked my fiance one day if he minded if I flirted. I'm an outrageous flirt. His comment "you flirt like you breathe, I'd have to ask you to stop breathing if I asked you to stop flirting"
what he means is my flirting is so natural and norm... (read in full...)
Did he cheat? I can't get this worry out of my head!
Q. Did he cheat? I have been with my boyfriend 6 months officially. I am in love with him but there is something I cannot get out of my head. When we first were together he stayed at a girl mates house with her pretty friend and also with his fr...
A. 12 June 2012: Why do you not believe him?
what gives you cause to not believe him something he's done or your past experience with ex boyfriends who did cheat?
or is this your own insecurity? you call the other woman "her pretty friend" like being prett... (read in full...)
Lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex while in a relationship? Would it be cause for concern?
Q. Having lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex one-on-one when you're in a relationship. Is there anything wrong with this? My boyfriend's friend broke up with his fiancee because she flipped and found out her fiance did this, and this spurred...
A. 12 June 2012: There is nothing wrong with having lunch with a member of the opposite sex who is a friend, co-worker, mentor etc. I had lunch with my ex-husband today. I told my fiancé I was doing it and he told his wife… and off we went to have a lovely ... (read in full...)
Friend's dad has the HOTS for me! SOS!
Q. Hey everyone so I think my friend's dad has the hots for me. I know he's really friendly and that's what i thought at first. I spend a Saturday evening with my friend and then we went to her house to watch the game. When I went her dad didn't k...
A. 12 June 2012: her dad sounds like a tool... he just is pretending he's young and attractive and probably has no clue how he creeps the young girls out... especially if as you say he does it to ALL her friends...
if he does it to ALL her female friends, it's how... (read in full...)
Do you think a virtual relationship can become a real relationship?
Q. Hi! My question is: do you think a virtual relationship can become a real relationship? OK, if you want to know why I'm asking this question, just read my story below, if it's too long for you just answering my question will be enough :)! S...
A. 12 June 2012: It's possible that it will work but only if one of you or both of you move and you can be together full time eventually.
20 is pretty young however (as is 25 for a man) so it may be nice for now but later on it may fizzle out as the newness ... (read in full...)
Should I ask for my wife's password to her phone?
Q. My wife just informed me that she put a password lock on her smart phone, so that the kids cannot access her phone. I did not ask for the password. This is something we have never done before. I don't regularly read her texts and things. To be ...
A. 12 June 2012: Oh dear… I see big huge red flags here… am I the only one?
Is her phone a new phone? What is it that she’s keeping the kids out of?
There is a GROWING friendship with a MAN that you are concerned about and clearly you are wondering wh... (read in full...)
My friends comment on this, so is there a solution or a medical procedure to fix the fact that I am cross eyed at times?
Q. I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who is experiencing the same problem as I am. You see, I'm kind of cross eyed. Kinda as in I can actually appear normal when I concentrate, but when I'm not focusing, that's when people can see that I am ...
A. 12 June 2012: my lazy eye drifts in when I am very tired or emotionally stressed. it's only noticeable by very close friends who know to look for it...
best advice for the music video... SUNGLASSES....
... (read in full...)
As a guy, I am asking girls, Is it true that attractive girls choose guys the way I am suggesting?
Q. If there were no marriage, and contraception was 100% effective, it seems to me that generally speaking, girls (specifically, girls in the hottest 20%), would choose guys based on rank/status relative to other guys. Not that these girls would choo...
A. 12 June 2012: Your question is bogus. Your ideas are trying to figure out CHEMISTRY and make it mathematical. It does NOT work that way. Attraction is not scientific. It’s emotional. It’s vague.
What is attractive to me is not what is attractive to someone else... (read in full...)
How do you know when you're overweight?
Q. so um...how do you know if you're overweight? every time i go to school i feel like i'm so much bigger that everyone...i am fairly tall to so i always feel like a gigantic freak...none of my friends understand...is there a diet program someone ...
A. 12 June 2012: So the goal here OP is to be healthy. Right now I’m a size 8 and I’m not fat but I’m also NOT healthy. I am not getting much exercise and I’m eating like crap….
You need to eat well and get 30-60 minutes of exercise per day…
BMI does not wor... (read in full...)
Are my anxious fears about my future ability, to satisfy her, valid or invalid?
Q. I'm 19 years old, and my girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. She and I are both virgins, and we both want to wait until we are married to each other to make love together. My penis is 6 inches long when completely erect. S...
A. 12 June 2012: Ah the daily “is my penis too small” post. Your penis is fine. Stop worrying.
Sex is not about penis vagina only… the biggest sex organ we have is between our ears.
Relax and enjoy… you will find what works for the two of you…
... (read in full...)
Is my fear that he might be considering cheating going to unsettle our relationship?
Q. My bf signed up to dating site and now i am questioning every thing he has done in the past. I have always been insecure but he has stuck with me and been together three years, now have a beautiful baby girl together. We have been through so m...
A. 12 June 2012: Ok so he said he never thought of cheating on you but he signed up for a dating site to “look at the pictures” and he did it because YOU drove him to it…
I’m sorry I’m NOT as forgiving as the other ladies… he’s NOT taking ownership of his beha... (read in full...)
Is there any way to correct the emotional damage I've caused her? I prefer plus size women, usually.
Q. I have met the most wonderful girl on the planet. Smart, funny, intellectual, but most of all she has a wonderful personality. She is even beautiful, which is where my dilemma begins. I am attracted to larger women and, regrettably, have confessed ...
A. 12 June 2012: You have not caused her emotional damage. IF you are attracted to heavy women, then that’s your taste. We don’t have to have just what we prefer to be honest. IF everything else about her is fine then perhaps you can learn to find her lack of ... (read in full...)
Do you have to be physically attracted to someone to have sex with them?
Q. I think I worded a question wrong the other day, but what I really wanted to know is do men sleep with women that they aren't physically attracted to, especially more than once. I think my suggested question title got changed and people basicall...
A. 11 June 2012: the old saying:
women need a reason to have sex
men just need a place... (read in full...)
This girl wont text me back..what should I do?
Q. I meet this girl online and she gave me her number to text her so i did and we had a nice little chat then i asked her if she wanted to meet in person she said yes and she also said she is available all the time and I then said how about this wee...
A. 11 June 2012: sometimes texts don't get through.
important things need to be done verbally with a phone call or face to face...
give it a few days then touch base by phone call if possible and see what she says.
but be prepared to accept that she was j... (read in full...)
I can't stand my boyfriends family as all they do is lie and cause trouble.
Q. I cant stand my boyfriends family as all they do is lie and cause trouble. My boyfriend split with his ex wife a year ago but his family wont accept it. Until lately ive accepted that i will just never be a part of his family as he has kids to her a...
A. 11 June 2012: Did he leave his wife for you? You say he will go back to his wife if you leave… why is that scary for you? If you leave why would you care what he does with who?
IF there is a chance he can work it out with his wife and keep his family intact n... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I love him?
Q. I am 15 years old and madly in love with a 20year old with cerebral pasly. i love him with all my heart and want my parents to know. His parents and basically whole entire family knows which is why i feel bad. Is it wrong that im in love with him or ...
A. 11 June 2012: It’s not wrong that you love him but at his age and your age the gap is a bit big right now. What you want at 15 will change at 17 and again at 20 and again at 25 and yet again at 30 etc…
You are very young to be planning a wedding… you need to ... (read in full...)
Is this more than a sex buddy?
Q. I have a sex buddy , im always understanding torwards him i dont want him to think im so demanding or clingy so i play it off there are times when i get jeleous and show it like last week we were in the pools and my friend slashed water at him so i ...
A. 11 June 2012: You have a FWB with Danny and like Cindy said his jealousy is not about how he feels about you but more about his EGO.
IF the only reason you are not official is because he’s friends with your brother (and it’s his doing that you are not offi... (read in full...)
My husband is still emotionally attached to his ex-girlfriend!
Q. Here is some background. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 12 of those years. He is still emotionally attached to his first girlfriend. When they dated 22 years ago, he was 16 and she was 14. I am so hurt that he...
A. 11 June 2012: Agree we need more info.
In what way is he still attached to her.
I mean I have fond memories of my first boyfriend. I have tons of memories of good times with former partners… including ex husbands…. But that does not mean I’m attached to them... (read in full...)
In a relationship and I don't want to cheat but I want to fool around with other people! Do other people feel this too?
Q. Hey everyone. So I love my boyfriend, we have been dating for almost 2 years and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry him when we get out of college and stuff (I'm 18, he's 20). But have any of you ever wanted to just fool around with other people? Just ...
A. 11 June 2012: Again, dear OP if you don’t know then you can’t say you want to marry him… what you can say is I DON’T KNOW!
Being sexually attracted to other guys for a woman in love means you see an attractive man and think “he’s attractive I’d do him” but ... (read in full...)
Did I blow my chances by having sex on the fourth date?
Q. I need help, I have been dating this guy for a couple of weeks and I am interested in him, however on our fourth date we had sex and now I am worried that I have gone from the potential girlfriend to just the good time girl without a future. Afterw...
A. 9 June 2012: did you say yes and go for ice cream?
I love ice cream after sex... it's replaced the after sex cigarette!
4th date?
he asked for ice cream afterwards...
I hear wedding bells... (no i'm kidding but if you do marry him do let us know)
... (read in full...)
We met on facebook and he wants to have sex with me
Q. MODERATOR NOTE: TWO QUESTIONS COMBINED FROM SAME ASKER so im 16 and i know this guy from fb that i have been iming 4 bout a month now he is 23 and realy cute n he asked me out and wants to sleep with me but he said if i dont sleep with him then he ...
A. 9 June 2012: NO NO NO NO NO!
NO! I have no problem with teen sex or premarital sex.
BUT virginity is NOT a curse. I's not something to get rid of.... it's NOT a bad thing. NOT for boys or girls...
1. he's too old and if he touches you he wil... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gave me Herpes!
Q. I am in a bit of a turmoil here. I have just gotten herpes from my BF. It seems that he had it all along but didn't want to tell me because he thought I wouldn't want to be with him if I knew about it. There was once when he had a bump on his area ...
A. 9 June 2012: Since he had bad medical info from the doctor about not being able to spread the herpes when he was not in an outbreak, is it possibly he truly did not consider Herpes an STD (I know it's a far stretch but sometimes people amaze me)
I know tha... (read in full...)
I don't want to be the rebound girl!
Q. Hey, I have known this boy for ages now as we went to school together. We're now at the same college and have been flirting throughout the whole year. All of his friends have always hinted that he was into me by asking if i was seeing anyone and if ...
A. 9 June 2012: Why did he break up with his gf? was it his doing and it was because of you?
if that's the case then he broke up with her for you... that's the only time it could be workable this soon after a breakup. I agree with aunt honesty... just be his f... (read in full...)
My six yr old son doesn't want to meet my new partner
Q. split with my ex 2 years ago and we have a lil lad of 6. When we split we agreed if we got with any one else we would meet the person b4 letting lad get involved. Ive met a lovely woman and have been with her 8mths. The ex and lad know bout her. ...
A. 9 June 2012: Well you shouldn't ASK him. you need to TELL him.
he's 6 and he'll be contrary if he can.
Your new partner is part of your life. Your son is part of your life. The two important parts need to meet IF the relationship is serious which yo... (read in full...)
If a man masturbates will it cause problems later when he marries?
Q. i want to ask 2 qstns 1st is that i have sum prblm with my penis. its skin is not smooth, due to more hair follice growth on skin it look like having pimples on it. when i concerned with dermatologist, a/c to him there is no prblm but i am not sat...
A. 8 June 2012: All the men I have ever known have had hair growing up the shaft of the penis… it’s NORMAL. Thoughtful men will shave the hair on the shaft so the partner does not get hair stuck in their teeth…
My partner is very hairy and he finds inte... (read in full...)
Could this hot banker like me and be making subtle moves on me?
Q. There is an amazing woman who is my personal banker and every time I go in to see her about my account (1x weekly but much more this past week)she is constantly twirling her hair, eyes flutter back and forth to my eyes but the question i really ...
A. 8 June 2012: FIRST Dates are just to see if you click..
I think one or two hours over a drink is a great first date
then you can progress to dinner...
but to be honest EVENTUALLY you should if you continue to see her come clean about your marriage.... (read in full...)
My married lover wants to start having sex with her husband but she wants me too!
Q. Hello, I am in a unique and hopeless situation and writing here with the hope that some of my friends will help/advise me to overcome this problem. I am married and emotional person and in intense relationship with co-worker for ...
A. 8 June 2012: It’s not just up to her you know.
You can easily tell her that you don’t want anything any more and just keep the relationship strictly professional which is what I think you should do.
IT’s not just her choice. You have a say in it too. And ... (read in full...)
I thought I had married a wonderful person but my husband is a serial cheater!
Q. okay so i have been married for soo little now i bearly ahve a year with my husband i have a newborn and ever since we got married hes lied to me 1st he went to texas with his family while we were engaged and met girl #1 and gave him her number and ...
A. 8 June 2012: so you are married a year with a baby... did you get married because you were pregnant?
he sounds much like my ex husband who could not bear to have the attention of only one woman... he needed the ego stroke of many women wanting him... but woul... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I get naked for this European guy online?
Q. I have been chatting with this guy in Europe for about six months now. I am VERY attracted to him and I think he feels the same way. We always have great chats and make each other laugh. He constantly tells me how beautiful and perfect I am and that ...
A. 8 June 2012: It’s really wrong. Yes it is.
Like everyone has said… you don’t know that he’s not recording it. Of course in a few years when your friends find the video on some amateur porn site, then you’ll know…..
He’s in Europe. What possibility ... (read in full...)
Does masturbating diminish physical strength?
Q. okay...i want u people to clear this to me once and for all!!Is masterbuating in any way NOT good for health???Does it decrease physical strength???i have heard all kind of things but m not sure what is true...thanks in advance!...
A. 8 June 2012: Masturbating is good for your health both mental and physical.
it does not decrease physical strength
you will not go blind
you will not grow hair on your palms
you will relieve stress and tension.... (read in full...)
How do I help my friend come out of depression?
Q. hiiiii how to make people come out of dipression when their very close friends pass away..... how can i make make my friend come out of dipression... his close friend is no more with whom he used to share everthing... ...
A. 8 June 2012: you can't make anyone come out of a depression
sometimes even with situational depression medication is required till the body adjusts and takes over creating the right chemicals in the brain.
you can be a friend and listen and be there but str... (read in full...)
Should I just be lending the money as a loving girlfriend and not expecting it back?
Q. Hi guys, can anyone help with this..........I've been with my partner for 2 and half years now and around 3 months ago I asked him to move in with me. It's my house, he was living with his parents. There is quite a pay disparity between us, I earn ...
A. 8 June 2012: I have a very different take than most young folks on money… Thankfully my current partner (and all my prior ones to be honest) agreed with my take on it. IF you live together my money is your money. IF you are living as husband and wife you ... (read in full...)
My husband is being unreasonable with money. What should I do?
Q. The problem: My husband and I share different beliefs on money. He likes to purchase expensive things where I like expensive things also, but rather buy something reasonable. He lives "in the moment" whereas I like to think of the future. I do...
A. 8 June 2012: I Know how you feel about this.
my fiance and I have differing ideas on spending money.
for example we don't NEED a new tv in the living room but because we are in heavy spending mode right now (house renovations) he wants a new 60 inch TV f... (read in full...)
He says the cheating was a wake up call but now I'm scared he will do it again.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend Stuart for 5 months but recently we had a few problems. A couple of weeks ago a girl named katie added me on facebook, she is in my sisters year and I've heard she has a reputation and that she sleeps around. I was ...
A. 8 June 2012: you can't move on. it's there. the elephant in the living room that no one talks about
he cheated
he destroyed your trust.
you have to accept that you will never look at him the same way... that you will always wonder if he's cheating again. ... (read in full...)
We met 2 weeks ago and he said "I love you" 5 days ago, I told him I just wanted to take it slow. Now he hasn't called in 2 days!
Q. I've met this new guy 2 weeks ago, he's an amazing guy, everything about him is great, we have so many things in common. He said "I love you" about 5 days ago, and i didn't respond to that, i just told him that we should take things slow and that i ...
A. 8 June 2012: You're NOT in love... just lust and limerence... which is so much FUN!
part of living is taking the risks.
give him some time... let it progress... but don't say no to things just to protect yourself..... (read in full...)
Would you date a guy that's 14 years old if you are 17 years old?
Q. Hey everyone... I just wanna ask this question. Would you date a guy that's 14 year old but he's almost 15 and you are 17 year old? And he's also in the 7th grade and you are in the 11th grade in school. Thanks, I'm just asking....
A. 8 June 2012: I was 16 and dated a 14 year old boy... for a bit.
now it seems laughable to me since when I was 17 my current partner was FOUR...
not that i wanted to date him when he was four...
if you like him and he likes you then go for it.... (read in full...)
Could this hot banker like me and be making subtle moves on me?
Q. There is an amazing woman who is my personal banker and every time I go in to see her about my account (1x weekly but much more this past week)she is constantly twirling her hair, eyes flutter back and forth to my eyes but the question i really ...
A. 8 June 2012: Ask her for coffee!
... (read in full...)
In a relationship and I don't want to cheat but I want to fool around with other people! Do other people feel this too?
Q. Hey everyone. So I love my boyfriend, we have been dating for almost 2 years and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry him when we get out of college and stuff (I'm 18, he's 20). But have any of you ever wanted to just fool around with other people? Just ...
A. 20 April 2012: Honey if you want to "fool around with other people" "just to get it out of your system" you should NOT be thinking of marriage with this man....
you are very young... you started dating when you were not yet even an adult (16 is young even if ... (read in full...)
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