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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What's behind the lock out?
Q. I am a woman in her early 40s. Divorced 2 years and have dated a little but find dating difficult as I never did much before marrying my first husband of 20 years. I do have a boyfriend now. He asked me after only a few dates to see him exclusively. ...
A. 4 June 2012: Well then OP, I think that if it bothers you, you need to at least let him know how you feel.
He does have the right to some privacy.. but if nothing has changed and things are good between you by all means, let him have his privacy.
... (read in full...)
Can my relationship with my mom ever be good?
Q. Hi and thank you all for taking the time to read.....I dont know where else to turn and I feel torn I know there are 2 sides of this story but here is my point of view..... my parents divorced when i was very young.....we were living in my mom's ...
A. 4 June 2012: You have my permission to not have a relationship with your mom is she is toxic for you which she sounds like she is. My fiancé is 39 and he is totally estranged from his mentally ill mom. He has no contact with her at all. I’ve been with him ... (read in full...)
should I just bow down to him and let him call all the shots??
Q. Not sure what to think. Open to suggestion, but please no harsh comments. presently my husband is working and I am not. He says I do not show him any respect. I differ. I am at home with the kids all day (while sending out resumes and arranging ...
A. 4 June 2012: I hear your pain. I am in a similar situation in that I’m the working partner. I also do the lion’s share of the housework in our home.
Part of the problem is the shift work. IT does throw a person off. Is he sleeping in excess of 9 hour... (read in full...)
Have I missed the boat on dating and getting married?
Q. I'm 29 years old and I've never been in the dating or hookup scene. I didn't date in high school or college. I had two long distance relationships, the last one ended when I was 23. I have since been celibate. I have had many female friends, family ...
A. 4 June 2012: You have not missed the boat so to speak. My fiancé is 39 now and he’s finally met a woman (me) who stirred him enough to want to get married for the first time in his life. My son at 25 is still going out and trying to meet the right person.
... (read in full...)
I miss my ex and I'm not sure anyone can measure up to her
Q. Dear Cupid, I had an affair with an married woman. It had been one and half years since we had never meet and talk. One day, I met another woman at work and she's really my type. Unfortunately, she is also married. I keep my self very strongly no...
A. 4 June 2012: You had an affair with a married unavailable woman and have not talked to her or seen her for a year and a half.
You meet a girl you like, then you take her out and spend time with her and treat her nicely and see if a relationship can deve... (read in full...)
FWB relationship I care about him a lot and don't want to end things but it's frustrating not knowing "what we are."
Q. I met a guy at a bar last September, gave him my number, and the next day he sent me a text. It had been a fairly drunken night for me, and I couldn't really remember him, but he wanted me to come over and hook up, so I went for it. Pretty soon it ...
A. 4 June 2012: THE OP SAID:
“I always hear that if a guy wants to pursue a relationship he will, and that makes a lot of sense to me. Clearly something is still holding him back even though he seems to have some level of interest beyond the sex. I'm just not sure... (read in full...)
What's behind the lock out?
Q. I am a woman in her early 40s. Divorced 2 years and have dated a little but find dating difficult as I never did much before marrying my first husband of 20 years. I do have a boyfriend now. He asked me after only a few dates to see him exclusively. ...
A. 4 June 2012: OP I get your feelings. My partner is like that... and I agree with him. We share everything with each other and have complete access to emails and snail mail (he opens mine which I've learned to be ok with since I don't have anything to hide I ... (read in full...)
I don't like boyfriend's arrangements if he should die
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in my 50's, my husband passed away 10 years ago, since then I've dated but never found the right man. I recently began a relationship with a man a couple yrs older, I knew him for years. He made it clear that he would never marr...
A. 4 June 2012: My father is not married to his current life partner. They own their house together however so whomever dies first the other inherits the home… they pay the bills fairly… out of their income (they are both retired) and live as husband and wife ... (read in full...)
I want to stop taking my birth control pill and not tell my b/f
Q. I'm 20. I started dating a great guy a few months ago, and for the past month, all I've been thinking about is getting pregnant. He's 27, has a wonderful job, and would not walk out on me if I got pregnant. His father left when he was young and he ...
A. 4 June 2012: How much will it cost you to raise this child on your own?
how much time? alone as a single mom? because that's what you will be.
how much money? because you will need lots of money for the attorney to sue him for child support and if he do... (read in full...)
Would you pursue her?
Q. Would you pursuit? We met when I was almost 20 and she almost 35. Now I am almost 35 and she is almost 50. I told her I love you. She was happy but ignored it. There are social conditions for which pursuing would be really bad. But s...
A. 4 June 2012: so you've been with men and now want to try a relationship with a woman.... she asked you to not be around her....
perhaps she's not the right one for you....
sounds like you need to go out and figure out if you are bi or straight or gay..... (read in full...)
I thought he was younger, but what if he is older?
Q. I need some advice on older men. I am 29 years old and a few days ago I met a man who very kindly gave me his number for me to get in touch to go out, I was extrmely flattered I put his age at about 33 - 35 but have know discovered that he could be ...
A. 4 June 2012: When my fiance was 29 I was 42.... just saying...
that being said oldbag gives GREAT advice...
lunch is not as datey as dinner...
his job has no bearing on his age... he could be older or younger... he may not look his age... in order to k... (read in full...)
My family feel that if my 27 year old boyfriend is having sex with me, then he should pay for ALL my expenses! And the poor guy does enough already!
Q. Ive been dating my boyfriend almost a year, im 19, he's 27 he also lives 3 hours away but visits every weekend. He pays for 99% of everything when we're together the hotels, dinner, movies, concerts etc. I havent worked in about 5 months i cant ...
A. 1 June 2012: OP I agree with you totally. He should not be doing everything for you, just what he wants to do that you are comfortable having him do.
Personally I’d ask your mom if she wants you to be a prostitute. When she says NO (because what mother w... (read in full...)
My wife says I'm a worthless man because I cheated. She cheated first!
Q. My wife keeps calling me a worthless man. I work two jobs to support three kids plus my wife and I feel she is being ungrateful. My wife cheated and I cheated after to get revenge, she has been calling me this ever since. She also says I have don't ...
A. 1 June 2012: Yep I agree that you need to find the time and money for counseling..
I realize with three kids that day care expenses eat up a lot of money but is your wife working outside the home?
as for cheating for revenge... what a lousy reason to do i... (read in full...)
Are all women capable of having orgasms through intercourse? Anyone know a good technique?
Q. Are all women capable of having orgasms through intercourse? I think they say only a small percentage of women can orgasm just from intercourse. I'm 33 and it only happened once for me. I would love to figure out how to have more. I can climax from ...
A. 1 June 2012: No NOT all women are capable of having orgasms through intercourse. I think it’s around or under 30%. AND if they are counting women like me who have had it ONCE as a fluke then the numbers are even lower…
I would personally NOT waste my time ... (read in full...)
Ladies, how would you react if your boyfriend was complimenting another girl in your presence?
Q. Ladies, how would you react if your boyfriend was complimenting another girl in your presence? In my case, the girl was not a close friend of his but rather someone he knew, like an acquaintance. I didn't know her at all and he told her that she ...
A. 1 June 2012: I agree with Ciar. You do have the right to feel whatever you feel but I think he was just stating a fact and being nice to someone...
I think you are over-reacting... do you feel insecure about your relationship?... (read in full...)
I'm grossed out about the fact that my boyfriend is really hairy, doesn't clean his teeth often and has a bad case of dandruff.!
Q. Ok so I am a 16 year old girl and I am dating this awesome guy, and I have a problem. I love him 2 death but some stuff about him just creeps me out. Like the fact that he's really REALLY hairy. And for some reason hair really grosses me out. I m...
A. 1 June 2012: “I love him to death but some stuff creeps me out:”
Then honey that’s not love….
I don’t like back hair… thankfully my partner does not have back hair… but if he did I’d have him wax it… have you asked your boyfriend to groom better?
You shoul... (read in full...)
My family feel that if my 27 year old boyfriend is having sex with me, then he should pay for ALL my expenses! And the poor guy does enough already!
Q. Ive been dating my boyfriend almost a year, im 19, he's 27 he also lives 3 hours away but visits every weekend. He pays for 99% of everything when we're together the hotels, dinner, movies, concerts etc. I havent worked in about 5 months i cant ...
A. 1 June 2012: so basically your mother wants you to get a job as a prostitute... getting paid for sex is prostitution.
would it be cheaper for him to put you on a train to come stay with him on the weekends?... (read in full...)
Can I get a STD infection from having sex with 3 clean guys?
Q. I had sex with three guys unprotected the past 3 days drunk. I know they're all clean since I know all of them. My question is even though they're clean, can I contract a std from bodily fluid with 3 different guys in a short period of time. or some ...
A. 1 June 2012: if they don't have something for you to catch then you can't catch it.
however it's been shown that women with multiple sex partners are more prone to HPV than women with only one or two partners...
the bigger issue is why are you doing th... (read in full...)
Was it such a big deal that I lied to my b/f's mom about a job interview?
Q. Hello. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. Just recently I was supposed to go to an interview for a retail department store, but I cancelled it because I was too lazy.. : Anyways my boyfriend's mom asked me how it went and...
A. 1 June 2012: IF you will lie to her you will lie to him or anyone else.
People either lie or they don't.
So you are lazy and a liar. it's a big deal and I understand why he's upset.
you are young enough to figure out how to NOT be lazy and to no... (read in full...)
He already has a girlfriend of a year and has been married twice
Q. A man recently added me on Facebook through a good mutual friend. First we just made friendly conversation and such, then he asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee. I agreed. We got along really well. He already has a girlfriend of a year and has ...
A. 1 June 2012: RUN FOREST RUN!
Honey he's all fun and games and no stability...
I'd not step back towards him in any way shape or form...... (read in full...)
I don't think I've had an Orgasm yet. But what can I do about my more urgent problem? During and after sex? Help!
Q. I am a 21 yo girl and do not think i have ever had the big O. When my boyfriend goes down on me i often always have the sensation of peeing when i do not have to or have nothing to pee out. However, I have a had an accident or two when the "pee...
A. 31 May 2012: I always pee right before we have sex... (and right after too to help prevent infections)
if you know you peed before hand then your bladder is empty and you can relax.... also putting a towel down under you (or a pee (bed) pad that you can ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to my ex and tell him I'm sorry for my part in the break up?
Q. I broke up with my long term boyfriend a few months ago. At the time, to me it seemed like the only thing to do. This was because he seemed increasingly disinterested and distant with me. I think it was because I made myself too available to him. I ...
A. 31 May 2012: Personally I would talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and take the responsibility. You could also tell him you would like to try and work it out with him.
IF he agrees great.
IF he says NO, then for yourself you need to go NO CO... (read in full...)
I don't want a FWB relationship with the father of my 2 children. How do I make him understand?
Q. Is it worth trying again. I split up with the father of my 2 children several months ago. He left as I asked him to. There were commitment issues. He didn't.want to be tied down by us. Our relationship had become.stale and we were rarely intimate. ...
A. 31 May 2012: Just say NO
and keep saying NO
NO
NO
NO
eventually he will get the message.
... (read in full...)
Do some women like rough sex?
Q. Few days back I was watching a adult movie with my wife. There was a rape scene. After the movie my wife wanted to rewind and see the scene again and she saw that again. How come a Rape which is supposed to be a disgusting act can be stimulating. Ok ...
A. 31 May 2012: yep lots of women like rough sex (me included) not all of us are the flowers and candles and romance girls.
and rape fantasy is a very common one...
... (read in full...)
Girl won't be with me because of her moms beliefs! - HELP!!!
Q. I am in a very bad a frustrating situation. I was married to a girl who left me for another guy and was living with him before we even got an official divorce. It took me a long time but I am finally over that now and have met the absolute girl of ...
A. 31 May 2012: It’s like the tattoo quoting the bible showing to be against homosexuality and the user forgot that the bible is also against tattoos… it’s a question of picking and choosing…
If they don’t believe in it there is NOTHING YOU can do. IF she does... (read in full...)
My wedding was supposed to be in 2 weeks but fiance has walked out
Q. I have been engaged to a wonderful man, we made a year this past Sunday. We were having some issues-arguments-but eventually it calmed down and we've been fine. Kisses, hugs, and love making included. Even cuddling at night. He woke up a few days ...
A. 31 May 2012: I can't add anything more of value to this other than what K C 100 said....
... (read in full...)
Would you date a woman/person who is separated?
Q. Hi everyone. I am especially interested in MEN'S opinions but this question is open to everyone: Would you date a woman who is separated if you liked her or would her separated status stop you from asking her out or considering her for a lon...
A. 30 May 2012: I have been known to date men when separated myself.
IF they are sure the marriage is over and the process is in place to formally end the marriage then yes I can't see an issue with it. BUT saying you are separated and being separated are two ... (read in full...)
Is a marriage between two alcoholics more likely to survive?
Q. Can a marriage survive if both husband and wife are alcoholics. I continue to read that chances of a marriage to a substance abuser of any kind most likely will not last but, if both of them are alcoholics that possess the same characteristics, ...
A. 30 May 2012: IF both are active functional alcoholics I can see it being a messy volatile non-productive relationship.
I know lots of functional alcoholics. they are unpredictable and difficult to deal with.... (read in full...)
Online friend devastated that I had boyfriend. He doesn't believe that I care for him but I do. What should I do?
Q. I have been talking to someone for four years from India. He is younger than me and we talked everyday all day and night. Recently I told him about a guy I was dating here. Now he has totally lost his mind. He tried to kill himself and his friend is ...
A. 30 May 2012: HIS FRIEND is contacting you? How do you KNOW it’s his friend? I’m betting it’s him. He’s playing a silly game with you… FOUR YEARS is way too long for adults to be chatting online and not moving forward in a relationship
ONLINE friends are one ... (read in full...)
She had 2 glasses of wine with me and then because of her diabetes she had to go to hospital! I'm worried she will think I took advantage because we had sex before she went to hospital....
Q. So I have a real problem I think ill make this as short as possible...I met a diabetic girl online 3 Weeks ago, after talking for 2 of those Weeks we meet up 3 days in a row, all the while each night we are being intimate, not intercourse, just ...
A. 30 May 2012: Don't be scared... just talk to her...
if it was the first time she drank, she knows now that she does not react well to alcohol... and she needs to be more careful about it.
diabetes can be dangerous and next time you can say to her 'look I'... (read in full...)
What did my boss at the restaurant mean when he said "Clean the shaft too"? Was he hitting on me?
Q. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I think my boss was coming on to me a couple of days ago. I work at a restaurant. I'm still kind of new to the place, only a few months in. I was cleaning near the latte machine and one of the spoons was dirty...
A. 30 May 2012: A shaft on a machine is a common term.
You find him attractive so perhaps you are looking for the sexual play in his words?
It's possible he really meant "clean the shaft of the machine" and didn't mean anything sexual with you....
You... (read in full...)
Bleeding after sex?
Q. What maybe the problem when after making love you experience spots of blood on your pants....i mean me and my boyfriend having been havin sex and evrything was just great until last month when we had sex when i got @ home i was bleeding as like if i ...
A. 30 May 2012: IF you are worried about a medical issue you should consult a qualified medical professional.
Women sometimes spot after sex if it was rough.
women can spot from implantation bleeding (meaning you are pregnant)
women can spot from ovulation ... (read in full...)
He sent a text saying 'sweet dreams to the sexy one'. What would you make of this?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend and i always txt each other good nite and it's usually cute and personal,but last nite he texts nite nite sweet dreams he always says those words first, but then he added, to the sexy one. Maybe i'm being silly but that t...
A. 30 May 2012: I don't find texting personal at all... if it bothers you then ask him what he meant... he probably didn't mean anything bad by it at all...
I think you are over reacting....
as for what I would like for bedtime...
we used to have bed... (read in full...)
Younger colleague who has a girlfriend asked me to a football game and wants me to meet his family! What is he doing?
Q. I am friends with a much younger man at work we have never dated i heard he has a girlfriend. he asked me to a football game 5 months from now and wants me to meet his family what does it mean? what is he doing? ...
A. 30 May 2012: Have you ASKED HIM why he wants you to meet the family? Are you sure he has a girlfriend? You say you HEARD… but does he talk about her? Maybe she’s not really a girlfriend.
I hate the term cougar and I hate that so many younger men assu... (read in full...)
I'm bleeding again even though I've had my period this month! What is wrong with me?
Q. I am constantly having something wrong with me. this time,,, today I started bleeding but I have already had my period this month, the bleeding only lasted the day and it was very very dark(almost black) and very thick. not a slimy thick but an a...
A. 30 May 2012: Sometimes women have implantation bleeding (when you are pregnant)
some women bleed when they ovulate
some women have "breakthrough bleeding"
some women bleed from rough sex
the ONLY way for you to know what's going on is to see a doct... (read in full...)
So much promise. And now nothing? How do I handle my online friend? was he ever genuine?
Q. I have been chatting with a guy online and via web com and mobile almost everyday for a month. The guy got so much into me and he swore and made me believe him that we have future this and that. He wanted to come to see me to the UK as he lives in...
A. 30 May 2012: Well the truth is probably not going to be pleasant… but I’m betting that the chemistry you feel online and that you feel in person is not there for him….
You sent him a text to ask about it and he has not responded. The ball is in his cour... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset with my boyfriend for masturbating 3 times a week when we only have sex once or twice a week?
Q. Is it normal for a guy to masterbate 3 times a week even tho he has a girlfriend? And say your having sex once maybe twice a week. Does the girlfriend have a right to upset with him? ...
A. 30 May 2012: Is it normal? Sure. Is it abnormal? Maybe. IT’s what is working for him. Do you have a RIGHT to be upset with him? No. Sorry you don’t. IF you have talked to him about it and asked him to refrain from masturbating and asked him to have sex ... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 30 May 2012: “many special someone's can there possibly be?”
There are lots and lots of special someones…. And everyone’s special someone is different from other peoples…
Sex is not intimate. Lovemaking is. As a former swinger I can tell you that going t... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 3 days and b/f already wants sex
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been dating since the 26th of May and he is already ready to have sex. He told me he didn't want to have sex and then leave me. He never lied to me before and we we're the best of friends before this. What should I do? I ...
A. 30 May 2012: I agree with CaringGuy.
And so do you or you wouldn't be asking.
... (read in full...)
What is the best way I can persuade her to be with me?
Q. I need a quick answer to this problem, any advice is appreciated. I am going to have a one on one meeting with my girlfriend this week, she is going to decide between myself and another man. Im assuming her mind will be made up What is the bes...
A. 29 May 2012: There is NOTHING you can do or say that will make her change her mind. The fact that you are willing to even entertain such a thought is upsetting.
What amazes me is that you think so little of yourself that you are willing to accept the c... (read in full...)
Would you date someone with scars from self-injury?
Q. Would you date someone with scars from self-injury? I recently went through a pretty rough period while I was far away from home at college, and I became so mentally worn that I resorted to cutting as a coping method. I know it's bad, and I kn...
A. 29 May 2012: My BFF's daughter is now past 30. she is happily married and the HEAD of Research and Development for her division.
She was a cutter at 16. She cut enough that her friends told her mother... She also had large piercings that later in life she... (read in full...)
We both want to get married one day, but I'm worried that if I move in with him he will become too comfortable and never marry me!
Q. Hi everyone, So I have this question about marriage. I have been with my bf for 2 years. We love each other and get along pretty well. We decided we wanted to move in together and are actively looking for a place together. It is all extremely ex...
A. 29 May 2012: If you are concerned that he will not marry you if you move in together, then by all means discuss it with him before you move in together.
It's important to make sure you are both on the same page.
Perhaps you could get engaged prior to... (read in full...)
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