How can I tell my boyfriend that he doesn't need to bring up his children in every conversation?
Q. I am a horrible person that has hurt ny boyfriend in the past. I have changed however and he can see that. He has kids to another girl that he only gets to.see every known and then. i feel like he still loves this girl no matter how much he tells me ...
A. 21 January 2013: OP: Your "re-submittal" shows that you aren't really interested in a "solution" or "answer" to the question that you posed.... but that, instead, you are quite content to be caught in your "Catch-22".
Good luck..... ... (read in full...)
FWB tells me to "enjoy the moment", but the moment is now 18 months and one aborted pregnancy. What should I do?
Q. Am in an fb or fwb relationship for a year and half now. He is a coworker and friend who flirted a little with me. Because of my personal problems ie divorce, no final financial settlement and children now 8 and 4 entrusted to father by court I ...
A. 20 January 2013: It sounds to me like you are living your life around your sexuality...... That's a pretty shallow premise and base for determining what one does from day to day....
As to your submittal specifics: This guy KNOWS that you are ripe to be exploite... (read in full...)
Can a so-called friend sabotage the things you do?
Q. Is it possible for a so called close friend to sabotage the things you choose to do? I have known a this friend for several years, when we first met, I was going through a downtime and at the time she was a very good distraction as we would ju...
A. 20 January 2013: You both sound a little drama-infused......
YOU need to decide it that's the kind of "friend" who you want to hang around with.....
Good luck...... (read in full...)
How can I tell my boyfriend that he doesn't need to bring up his children in every conversation?
Q. I am a horrible person that has hurt ny boyfriend in the past. I have changed however and he can see that. He has kids to another girl that he only gets to.see every known and then. i feel like he still loves this girl no matter how much he tells me ...
A. 20 January 2013: Why spend any more time with this guy who irritates you?
You need only to be in his presence long enough to say, "You know, hunky-punky, I kind of like you... but I'm not dumb enough to stick with you whilest you figure out where you stand wi... (read in full...)
He wants me to give up my dream of children because he already has 4 kids
Q. i am desperately in.love with an.older man. i met him 2years ago however i have learned that he has 4 kids to his ex gf. i know he has been.hurt in.the past but he.wants me to give up my chances of having children because he already has them. i dont ...
A. 20 January 2013: You should drop him because:
1. He already has 4 kids with one or more "girlfriends" (your word) to whom he was not sufficiently dedicated to marry them and have a "family" unit....
1A. .... thereby, his "committments" sound pretty fragile i... (read in full...)
Boyfriend claims that I just want a ring as a prize!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been talking about marriage. Please note that I am a grown woman with a degree, a job, my own home, car, pay all of my own bills, am completely self-supprting. I am generous in relationships in general with my ...
A. 20 January 2013: Let's focus on your "real" question, which you've put like this: " But now it's like he's been burned by the kooks so much that he's going to hang back with me...and I am most certainly not a kook. What should I do?"
You have described a guy who ... (read in full...)
"time apart" means break? or break up?
Q. If your boyfriend says we need time apart, no contact for a bit is it okay to clarify if this is a "break" or "breakup" or should I just give up...
A. 20 January 2013: It really depends on the words that weren't spoken....
IF what he REALLY said was, "Let's take a break so that I can see if I am able to have s*x with this other girl...." .. then THAT is really a precursor to a break-up.
IF what he REALLY s... (read in full...)
How can you suddenly be so happy with the sort of people that previously you couldn't stand?
Q. Hi, this is not one of them questions where I'm asking for advice on how to get over someone, its more of asking for an understanding to why things have changed as they have. Basically me and this guy liked each other for years and then finally...
A. 20 January 2013: Sometimes... you just have to put a failed partnership SO FAR away, in your rear-view mirror, that questions such as this can get no traction.....
Ask YOURSELF, "What difference does it (the answer to this question) make????" You and he have gon... (read in full...)
What is the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship?
Q. Dear all, Can anyone please give advice from experience about the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship? I've been with my BF for over a year now and I've had a bad feeling about his female work co...
A. 20 January 2013: If'n I were you, I'd "go with" my "gut" feeling.....
If you DO SO, you won't have to feel like the fool, when you find out that your "gut" was correct...... AND, if you find that your gut was incorrect, you can fall back and say, "Well, lover, y... (read in full...)
Confused - why didn't my ex recognise me??
Q. Ok, this might sound a bit weird, but I wanted someone else’s perspective on it. I dated a guy for about nine months in 2009; it was a fairly serious relationship, but we split because we lived too far apart to make it work. It was a fairly amicable ...
A. 19 January 2013: The key to my response is, "Who cares?????"
He's your "ex-" and, for whatever reason, he either actually didn't recognize you.... or, he DID recognize you and chose to feign NOT recognizing you..... But, what difference does it make????... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is extremely distrustful and irrational. How do I deal with him?
Q. My boyfriend is driving me crazy Ok, we've been dating for 2 years. There was an incident with another guy at the beginning of our relationship, he says I cheated, I say I didn't (I didn't even sleep with the guy, we just talked and when I found...
A. 19 January 2013: Here's your key question: "Can't he realize on his own that he's just behaving like a child??"
The answer is "No." And, beyond that, YOU are stuck with the decision of either STAYING with this child (who I predict will take a LOT LONGER t... (read in full...)
Husband obsessed with teenage girls, trying to be ok now but I feel depressed I keep getting images in my head
Q. I am 28 next month, my husband is 30, we've been together 13 years, we have 2 children and he has constanly cheated on me!, all of them much younger, mostly teenagers!, I have gone through his phone and emails and facebook and found out there's ...
A. 19 January 2013: The creature that you described in your submittal is no man.... it is a DOG!!! Unless you are content to spend time with a DOG (and not a very nice dog, at that.....), then you need to put on your "big girl" panties, puff out your chest ans say: ... (read in full...)
If I confront my husband, who cheated in the past, with these texts, he'll take issue with my snooping. What do I do?
Q. About 3 years ago I found out that my husband had been joining dating sites, and chatting and cheating on me with other women he had met on these sites. This had been going on behind my back for 5 years. I realise how good he is at keeping secrets ...
A. 18 January 2013: You write: "..I guess the main problem with it is that he is keeping it a secret, even though it is all probably just innocent...." Sure it is.... Makes me think of this story....
A guy was in a bar and said to the cute girl sitting near him... (read in full...)
Can anyone pls explain how someone can be in love and then just lose feelings overnight?
Q. Can anyone pls explain how someone can be in love and then just lose feelings overnight? I joined on line dating. Not to date, not to cheat, but because I was bored because he would rather be out football training, than be home with me. He doesnt ...
A. 18 January 2013: The easiest and simplest way to do this would be for you to become a guy... overnight. See... for us (guys) there is nothing odd or peculiar about the behaviour you describe. For US, it is "second nature....."
... (read in full...)
Moment of silence for Dear Abby
Q. I think we should have a moment of silence for the passing of our fellow agoney aunt Dear Abby....
A. 18 January 2013: May she rest in peace.... SHE initiated the genre....
God bless you, Abby........ (read in full...)
My boyfriend shows no intimacy or romance when he initiates sex. What can I do to change things?
Q. I really don't know what to do about my situation, and would really appreciate some advice. My sex life with my boyfriend is really getting me down. I really want intimacy and to feel like my boyfriend desires me sexually, but this is usually...
A. 18 January 2013: Allowing that your B/F is about the same age as you.... I'd chalk this up to the guy not yet growing up enough to "know" that what you have described is very, very juvenile.... and NOT what "adults" do when they seek to initiate intimacy.....
... (read in full...)
Should my wife and I try swinging?
Q. My wife is keen for us to move in the direction of swinging, really soft-swinging, at least at first. What she has in mind is us each doing stuff (everything short of penatrative sex) with other couples. She is also keen for each of us to do...
A. 18 January 2013: The choice is your's, of course....
As I see it.... she might have well have suggested that you and she start sky-diving with parachutes made out of Kleenex. The results are likely to be similar......
Good luck....... (read in full...)
Husband sent a "lets have sex" message to a colleague
Q. My husband went out a few weeks ago with his friends to a concert. In the morning he was a bit hungover, but got up, went to the washroom and then hid his phone. I felt bad for snooping, but I wondered why he hid his phone so I found it and looked ...
A. 18 January 2013: I love the kind of message you B/F sends when he is "just chatting."
Makes me imagine that, if he were planning to rob a bank, he might send a message to a friend, which message said, "Let's go make a withdrawal..."
It's time for you to confr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend creates all my present. Is he cheap?
Q. My boyfriend has a strange attitude toward gifts. He has never bought me anything, but rather creates all his presents for me himself. I don't have a problem with handmade things. They are wonderful and thoughtful. My problem is, the quality of m...
A. 18 January 2013: You write: "... but he doesn't seem to understand the present thing...."
Would you please explain just what YOU think is "the present thing"?
Good luck....... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is back and she wants him back!
Q. Hey everyone, My boyfriend was in a relationship with a woman for over 8 years and then came the big 'break up' my boyfriend went into depression,I dint know him then,I mat him abt 2 years ago thru a friend and I found him charming and attracti...
A. 18 January 2013: "The ex-" can only "be back in the picture" IF your B/F allows that.....
Show this submittal to him and ask him, point blank, if his ex- is "back in the picture". IF he sez, "no," then take him at his word.... and don't mention your concerns... (read in full...)
Do I get out of my troubled relationship now or stick it out till August?
Q. Hello, I've been dealing with some issues lately and I've decided to turn to the internet for help. I've been dating this guy for nine months as of the 17th of January. Let's call him Ted (that's not his real name). Ted and I have known each ot...
A. 18 January 2013: Please re-read this, which you wrote:
"We fight a lot. Many couples do, but our fights usually turn physical. The level of physical aggression can range from pinching or poking each other to more serious physical altercations such as punching... (read in full...)
Don't I deserve to be treated right? Just brokeup with ex and am pregnant by my ex. But like this other guy.
Q. Not even a week a ago I got out of a long relationship with someone who was using me for everything like money and sex it was a 9 year off and on relationship. He is the father of my seven year old and now my unbornchild. I know I am already over...
A. 18 January 2013: Unlike R1, I don't think this is much complicated, at all.
In my opinion, neither of the guys you've described is really worth your attention... IF you consider that you have a 7 year-old and a soon-to-be child, both of who need their Mother's... (read in full...)
So what's my next move? The guy at work I'm very very attracted to? Or my Bf of one year?
Q. hello, i work in a medium sized company, 7months ago a new guy joined our team of 6. He is really good looking, attractive, polite ect ect. we do get on really well and i feel attracted to him, he is very much my type to be honest. The thing is ...
A. 18 January 2013: It's always difficult to be around girls who I find to be interesting/attractive/sexy.....
I think back to my early years, when my allowance was pretty generous ($1, by the time I was 14!)... and I went to the candy store.... and there, before m... (read in full...)
I'm confused by her actions. Would you describe her actions as disrespectful?
Q. Okay first off let me thank you guys for taking time out of your day to listen to me ! Well me and this girl let me call her A and my name C. Okay so i started talking to mid december and we had a blast talking to one another and even see...
A. 18 January 2013: Here's my "take" on this....
Young people (you are one of them) are in that stage of life wherein they are meeting and interacting with one-another, and developing their educations and interests... and life is very dynamic. AND, this will con... (read in full...)
I want him to enjoy oral sex, like he did in the beginning!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I was a virgin when I met him. We didn't have sex until 9 months into our relationship. But before I lost my virginity to him, we would have oral sex and he would sometimes spend 45 minutes going ...
A. 16 January 2013: What you're learning, amberdan, is that we guys will say or do JUST ABOUT ANYTHING to get you girls to consent to vaginal intercourse.......
We will do - and, convincingly, feign enjoying - oral... since we "know" that that will lead to your agr... (read in full...)
Am I a loser for not drinking or doing drugs? Will I find a girl to date?
Q. How can I be comfortable with the fact that I dont drink or do drugs. Last night, I went out with my friends to a partyhiuse and there was rndless amounts of drinks and drugs there. I never drink, so I am the sober one. I have some friends who do ...
A. 16 January 2013: You ask: "How can I be comfortable with the fact that I dont drink or do drugs?"
Here's how:
You "say" to yourself: "Anybody who drinks to excess or does drugs in any form, is a LOSER,.... and, by not partaking of either of those,.. ergo, I... (read in full...)
Why do I keep putting all my anger over things on my ex?
Q. Hi. Just to set the story, I have been in a very happy relationship for 2 years, I am settled and live with my partner. My relationship with my ex was mentally abusive, and ended 3 years ago, he put me down and made me feel like nothing, he wa...
A. 16 January 2013: WHO is determining what goes on in your life? .... YOU? ... or this despicable ex-?????
IF you EVER wish to get out of this trap in which you've entwined yourself... then focus on YOU .... and give not a whit about what "ex-" is doing, who he's... (read in full...)
I feel good but bad at he same time. I told my FWB that I'd developed feelings for him. Now he wants a break?
Q. Oh gosh, okay, sorry if this is a little long it may just end up viewed as venting. I've been seeing this guy and I've posted about this situation a couple of months ago. Well, we continued seeing each other and it seems now that it was clearly ...
A. 16 January 2013: I'm sorry to hear of your travails.....
HOWEVER, what you are experiencing is pretty routine.... we see so many such "questions" on this site... WHEN two people enter in to a "FWB" situation, they usually overlook that one of them may "fall fo... (read in full...)
I cant count on my boyfriend anymore, what should I do now?
Q. Hello, Please advise me since Im very nervous because of my boyfriend's behavior..he is almost 11 years older than me, never married and lives in germany since he was 13. he left his country at the age of 13 to join her mother in the USA but coul...
A. 16 January 2013: From the story which I can decipher from your submittal.... it "sounds" clear that you are hooking yourself on to a guy who cares not a whit about YOU....
Why not do yourself a favor, and FORGET ABOUT HIM?.... and get on with your life....... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never replies to my messages on time and it really bugs me!
Q. there is something that bothers me so much about my girlfriend and is that she does not reply my messages on time, if i text her she takes even hours to text me back and if i send her a fb message she reads it and then until next day replies. at the ...
A. 16 January 2013: While the four responses before this one seemed to give similar explanations for this behaviour.... I believe that there is, yet, another (explanation)....
People who are cronically late.... or upsetting of time and schedules.... are cited as... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty that I've stopped being a customer at a shop because of expenses?
Q. Should I feel guilty about this? For several years now I have got on very well with a local shop where I buy my lunch. They treat me like a daughter. But this year I need to conserve my money as I know I have some big expenses later this year....
A. 15 January 2013: It's not YOUR job to keep THEIR business bustling.....
HOWEVER, if you feel it would be a "nice" gesture - in light of how much you like them, and you've had a good relationship in the past..... it wouldn't hurt you to take a breakfast or a lunch ... (read in full...)
I love 2 men and don't want to hurt either of them
Q. I am in a very weird position. I love two men! I was dating a man in the army who was just about to deploy, he said he really likes me etc etc Then he went away and we decided to talk about taking our relationship further when he comes back. He is ...
A. 15 January 2013: You ask: "What are the things i need to think about in order to decide?? "
Well first and foremost, you must note that ONE of these men is married; hence, is a lying, cheating dog. Then note that one is an available and - apparently - honorabl... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my husband's fantasies and learn how to dominate him?
Q. My husband confessed to me last night that he wants to wear panties and be dominated by me. I am a submissive person by nature and was kinda sick by his fantasy. I like a manly man! I know he has talked about this and has acted on it with another ...
A. 14 January 2013: This issue will remain until/unless you and hubby put it before yourselves and determine just how to reconcile it. AND, you (both) may choose to do this in concert with a professional (a counsellor) who can help you give structure to just where you ... (read in full...)
He cheated and I continuously gave him grief. How do I let him know that I am sorry?
Q. Hi guys Little advice please. 7 months ago i found out my parnter had been cheating on me at the beginning of the year. i knew he was up to no good and my suspicions were confirmed when she contacted me months down the line telling me she h...
A. 14 January 2013: HE cheated; and YOU are looking for ways to make up with him????????? Sounds like you have the data inverted....
What you do with a cheatin' man is dump him, and not look back....
Good luck..... (read in full...)
Do I still have a chance at getting this girl?
Q. There is this girl I've had my eye on at school lately. I don't know her on a personal level at all because we've never spoken to each other. However I have another female friend that does know her. I had my friend ask the girl what she thought ...
A. 13 January 2013: I think you are a chicken-sh*t. IF you fancy this girl... then it's incumbent on YOU (not some third party!), to walk right up to her and say: "Hey, delicious lady, I REALLY fancy you.... and can see you and me spending LOTS of time - maybe the ... (read in full...)
Was this 'picking someone up at a bar', or not?
Q. So I just want to know if this is considered picking up a guy from a bar? There is a guy I have met but don't know too well. He is a friend of a friend. I have met him before, sat on the same table and had dinner. On my friend's birthday I hook...
A. 13 January 2013: A "bar" is an establishment which has less than 50% of its income from food. (otherwise it's an "eating establishment").... at least that's so in many states....
So.. did you encounter this guy at a place that has more than 50% of it's revenue ... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 13 January 2013: meccamega: If you are content to be critical of your Father... and not grant him any latitude in HIS life... especially as it may (or might NOT) relate to YOUR life.... then what is the use of ANY of us suggesting that you could look for the ... (read in full...)
My BF's ex still has feelings for him. Is she a potential threat?
Q. Hi guys. Something has been annoying me, as a... potential threat. A girl gets feelings for my BF. She often posts on her Facebook page with heart broken words, and says missing "someone" for a few months till now, since me and my BF have been ...
A. 12 January 2013: She can only be a threat if B/F allows it.... How about posing this question to him? AND/BUT... if he sez: "Of course she's no threat"..... then take him at his word and let that be the end of the matter until/unless you find there is ANY ... (read in full...)
How should I greet her? First date with a girl I met online.
Q. I have been speaking to this girl on a dating site now for a week and we are going on a date tomorrow. Any tips? When I greet her is it just a casual hello,? Any advise or tips will be muchly appreciated !...
A. 12 January 2013: You approach her... extend your right hand... and say: "Hi, (her name), I'm (your name). Nice to meet you. It's surprising that you're even prettier than you appear in your profile picture..... but who's noticing? And, by-the-by,.... do you have ... (read in full...)
In love with a girl who has another boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. I'm going through a very complicated relationship... I love her a lot.. I have been there with her for a quite long time about 8 months now.. She was my friend at first but I fell in love with her later on.. She had a bf and she loved him a lot.. bu...
A. 12 January 2013: Until she's really free and clear of her encumberance at the hand of this (other) guy.... I'd give her all the space she wanted... and I'd focusing on finding a real girlfriend who knows who she is and what she wants.... AND the "who she is and what ... (read in full...)
My Bf has gone on a vacation to Hawaii without me! When he returns should I make demands and set out my expectations?
Q. Hi Dear Cupiders, I really wanted to get some unbiased input from you all. I'll really try to make a long story short. There is a lot of history between my bf and I. We were together for 1.5 years, broke up because he cheated and left me for anot...
A. 12 January 2013: You write: "Lastly, when he returns, I don't want to argue over this. I want him to respect me and include me as an important part of his life. Should I make demands and set my expectations?..."
I wouldn't bother "arguing over this." When he ... (read in full...)
Truly, should I forgive her? She claims she still loves me despite all her actions?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 5 yrs. She moved into my apartment 2 years ago. l love her deeply and she means the world to me but am beginning to wonder if my love is not being reciprocated. August 2011,she asked some boy out on ...
A. 12 January 2013: Let's go through your questions, one at a time:
"Does she really love me ?Should I break up with her ? How do I ever trust her again ?Does she deserve another chance?"
1. No... never did,
2. Yes, soon,
3. You don't, because you needn... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 11 January 2013: With the several exchanges and follow-ups, it becomes clearer that you and your Father have widely diverse standards and expectations.... That's not uncommon.
What I can't understand.... and would want to extend to you... is my opinion that you... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 10 January 2013: maccamega: How about a follow-up post in which you give us "the REST of the story"????? I'm quite certain that there is more to your "question" than what you've told us...
Thanx, in advance........ (read in full...)
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