He never asks about me our conversations are shallow
Q. So I've been dating X for a little over a month, while we are dating exclusively we are taking it slow and are not in a relationship yet. He's a super nice and overall great guy, our dates are fun, he respects my space and I feel it's going great......
A. 9 August 2019: It's only been a month.
So you two don't REALLY know each other that well. My guess is he has LITTLE experience in dating seriously. He can do the initial stuff like being nice, setting up FUN dates, but REALLY getting to know you as a person a... (read in full...)
I regret my decision to have an abortion and now I want another baby
Q. Hi everyone, So I had an abortion at Christmas. My boyfriend and I were only together for 6 months, we have no money and we live in my flat. At the time it seemed like the sensible decision. However 8 months later, I'm regretting the decisi...
A. 9 August 2019: I will agree with the counseling. People might BELIEVE that having an abortion is no big deal, but it is.
It might not have hit you until now, and that is how it goes.
However, this is also a YOU CAN'T CHANGE the past. All you can do is accept... (read in full...)
He's coming on way too strong but I can't decide if he's genuine or manipulative?
Q. Me and this man have been dating for 6 months, but we have been having alot of arguments the past 3 months it's almost a weekly thing. I do like him but i don't want to make it as an official 'relationship' till i make sure he's the right man, ...
A. 9 August 2019: I think all signs are there that shows YOU that you two are NOT well matched at all. This is why all these arguments are popping up.
Loving someone A LOT doesn't mean there has to be a lot of arguments.
But let me ask you this, HOW do you see t... (read in full...)
Why does my stepfather treat me better than my own mother?
Q. I don't know my biological dad and I have never been really close to my mother, she doesn't seem to care about me a lot. She does the basic parental obligations - feeding me, etc.- but she doesn't care much what's going on in my life and how I feel. ...
A. 8 August 2019: I can't tell you why you mom isn't a good mom. She probably can't either.
NOT all women are maternal and not ALL men have issues with step-kids.
It might be her own upbringing. It might be so many things, but ONE thing it's NOT... is your f... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex but I know he's an ex for a reason
Q. I can't get over my ex.. It's been 8 months but I think about him 10times a day.. Dream about him often.. It makes it worse when he calls to tell me he misses me.... But his an ex for reasons..his not aware I miss him... But I don't know why the ...
A. 8 August 2019: Cut all contact with him. THAT would be step #1. Talking to him still is the same as not letting him go.
He is constant reminder. You know he wasn't a good fit and there is NO GOOD reason to keep in touch.
Eventually you will accept that he w... (read in full...)
My soon to be ex wife threw out my personal belongings. Do I confront her? Or let it pass?
Q. A few days abo, I promised you guys the occasional rant about my divorce and my ex-wife's behaviour. Just to make sure I keep my promise, here comes another one ... Some years ago, I spent a lot of time on B and W photography doing everything...
A. 7 August 2019: Figure out the cost of those items (replacement value) When you talk to the lawyers, THAT comes out of HER share.
Anything of VALUE to you, I would move to a friend's or family members house. ASAP. Same for important documents.
She is being ... (read in full...)
My wife and I are sexually incompatible and I'd like to know how I can kill my libido
Q. I am 30 years old and married. I love my wife very much but we have never had the best sex life. I knew from the beginning that we weren't a perfect match sexually but, when we talked about it, she always said that she thought she would get more ...
A. 7 August 2019: I think you need to talk to your wife before you do anything that can irrevocably change your libido.
Is that something you wife would WANT you to do?
And what kind of trauma has she been through that sex is such a negative thing?
I thin... (read in full...)
How long does it take after a break up to stop hurting?
Q. Hi I’ve just ended a 6 year relationship to be honest I didn’t want to end it but I couldn’t see any other way we never do anything or go anywhere together he won’t talk to me so any problems just build up the last few weeks he has completely ...
A. 7 August 2019:
You write:"I feel so sad that we’ve ended up like this but I’ve tried so many times to change it"
No, You tried to CHANGE him.
And that RARELY works out. We all find change hard, even if it's just WITHIN ourselves, trying to change someone... (read in full...)
Do I confide in my husband's sister that he's having an affair?
Q. My husband is having an affair. Do I confide in his sister? His sister is 10 years older and raised him. She knows him the best and I think it would bring me a lot of comfort. I don’t expect her to take my side as this is his family. I also normally ...
A. 7 August 2019: I'd say no.
This is between you and your husband.
I'd say YOU need to figure out WHAT YOU want to do next.
HE is the one you need to talk to. Now you CAN ask him if he would be OK with you confiding in his sister as you trust her and you ha... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 6 August 2019: If you HAVE to live together for a while longer, then yes be civil. Whether she is or not. Don't let her goad you into anything.
3 months might feel like a long time, but keeping busy might help pass the time. I'd say find a hobby, interest... (read in full...)
My girlfriend betrayed me in front of my family. Was I justified in dumping her?
Q. My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it...
A. 6 August 2019: She is only 22, yet WAY more mature than you.
SO ending it was definitely the RIGHT thing - for her. You WERE being a crappy ass BF.
A 22 year old should not be "taking care" of her MUCH older BF financially. Just no.
I hope you put your P... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 6 August 2019: She might be a narcissist. The thing is, what is more important- trying to figure out WHY she made the choices she did OR YOU and YOUR health?
I'd say the latter, which is what I would focus on.
Are you still with her?... (read in full...)
I still find it difficult to feel worthy of being loved or at least, to give love. How do I overcome this?
Q. I've lived in a very unstable family. Basically, my dad was emotionally and physically abusive with me and my mom, I've grown up in family problems and abuse for years, also my dad being a cheater (cheating 5 times on my mom) and being greedy and ...
A. 5 August 2019: Sorry about your past.
But it's truly unfair that you treat this man in your life the way you do, because of something another man did (your father). This guy you are seeing has NOTHING to do with your dad, he isn't your dad and the ONLY commonal... (read in full...)
Do I give my ex extra time to pay me back or go to court?
Q. I was dating a guy for almost a year, he had had a very bad time with his health and wasnt working. He slowly got better and the doctor signed him off sick so he could work. In the time he wasnt working i offered to lend him a bit of money which he ...
A. 5 August 2019: Yep, SUE him.
Find your local Citizen's Advice (as it is free) and they can help you move this forward.
WHAT a loser he is! I hope you get your money back.
Don't be "soft", it won't help you recoup your money or help him realize that when yo... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is bored and prefers living away from me.
Q. I'm worried my girlfriend is getting bored with our relationship. We've been together nearly 4 years. She keeps asking questions like "Do you ever feel like we're more like friends than a couple?" or "Do you ever wonder if we're a normal couple?". ...
A. 5 August 2019: I think what she is saying is what she is thinking. She doesn't want to hurt your feeling so she isn't 100% honest, the pulls the "I was wondering" card out as her response.
I would say reel it in a little. STOP be the ONLY one who takes the "fir... (read in full...)
Even divorcees with kids have it better than me when it comes to dating and marriage! What am I doing wrong?
Q. This is more like a frustration rant. My last relationship ended years ago. Since then, I have been going on dates, dating events etc but have not found anyone suitable. A year back, I have also signed with matchmaking agencies where I spent over ...
A. 5 August 2019: Go travel, OP
Enjoy life. Enjoy who you are. Challenge yourself to be the best version of you, you can be.
My guess is, when you are CONTENT in your life and yourself meeting someone whom you can ALSO be content with is more likely to happen... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 5 August 2019: Good on both accounts.
Even if you DO show up positive for whatever STD, it's NOT the end of the World or your potential sex-life.
Just CHOSE to do differently than your ex. And BE upfront with a potential partner. Listen to your doctor's ad... (read in full...)
We are uneasy with our son's choice of a wife that we know very little about
Q. My son works abroad and is engaged to his Brazilian girlfriend for a year. They were planning to get married next year. Now he has told us that they tend to marry next month in Brazil without us being there! Both myself and my husband feel ver...
A. 4 August 2019: How old is he?
If he is past 25, I would be pretty upfront about him helping with some expenses when he is home for 6-8 weeks. Your house is not some flophouse, it's your home and HE is a grown ASS man. If he was staying at a HOTEL he'd be payin... (read in full...)
I don't feel the love anymore and wonder if he is cheating
Q. I think my boyfriend is cheating on me but I have no proof. We have been together for 2.5 years. Probably within the past 5-6 months our relationship has changed drastically and it hasn't gotten any better. I am feeling so unwanted and alone. I feel ...
A. 4 August 2019: Yep, you need to sit him down (when the kids aren't around) and have a talk. DO NOT start the conversation with "I think you are cheating" - it will only lead to unnecessary drama.
Tell him how you feel like he is shutting you out and that you... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 4 August 2019: Definitely get re-tested.
You CAN have an STD and not have symptoms. Chlamydia can render a woman infertile if not treated in time.
I think you NEED to cut yourself some slack here. YOU and her got tested BEFORE having unprotected sex,... (read in full...)
Online romance was going well till we face timed. He acted like things were great but has now said he can't be in a relationship
Q. So I'm pretty upset...been chatting to this guy for a month...we have talked every day for hours. We get on really well or so I thought...similar interested he makes me laugh loads and he was initiating texts like good morning texts etc. He used to ...
A. 4 August 2019: I agree, it's impossible to know what he is really thinking,
My advice? Wish him well, block and delete. Simple.
I think it wasn't your facetime that made him cancel. I think it was the REALITY of you perhaps wanting more or him no longer be... (read in full...)
Boyfriend deleted his ex girlfriend's texts
Q. I've been living with my bf now for almost 2 years. Recently, his ex texted him again. I know because he told me that she did. I asked to read the texts a few days later, but was told that they had been deleted. I asked why he had deleted the...
A. 3 August 2019: No, you are not crazy for thinking deleting a conversation is iffy.
However going straight to the "worse case scenario" is not fair either.
Why not have a conversation with him and ASK him HOW he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot a... (read in full...)
Fiance cheated, how do I move on from my first serious relationship?
Q. My now ex-fiance and I were dating and living together for three years. He proposed in December 2018. Starting in April, he started going out often and neglecting our relationship. Last month, he finally confessed everything to me. During this ...
A. 2 August 2019: It is a hard blow to be cheated on. I don't think it matter whether or not it was physical.
He invested, confided and bonded emotionally with her instead of you. THAT to me is cheating.
How do you move on? BY accepting that THIS is 100% on ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the other woman he's cheating?
Q. My husband and I are going through a divorce due to his affair. Should I inform the other woman that he's married? It seems she doesn't know. And in the chance that she does know and I look like a fool, I can live with it. I know it's sel...
A. 2 August 2019: Such honesty! How refreshing!
(and no I'm not being sarcastic!) I think you are 100% honest when you say you want to do this FOR you, and to ruin their chances.
HOWEVER, I think the "feel good" you HOPE to get from doing this will be short li... (read in full...)
My b/f found out I texted my ex to make sure he no longer contacted me. My b/f hit me but I want to make things right with him!
Q. Me and my bf were in good relationship but I messed up everything . We loved each other alot . I used to hide things and our relationship become worse than anything. Day before yesterday we decided to forgot the past and started a fresh ...
A. 2 August 2019: YOU did nothing wrong.
YOU told your ex that you wanted NO further contact.
If I were you I'd let this guy go. IF he can HIT you and HARM you for telling an ex to stop contacting you, what ELSE will he HIT you for?
Hitting you is just N... (read in full...)
Condoms we don't use and message to other women. Is he cheating?
Q. i dont know what to think. i went to my boyfriends truck to get a lighter because he likes to stash all of them in his truck for work. i found a box of condoms that we dont use. i have also found messages in his phone to other females. these ...
A. 2 August 2019: Did you ASK him?
He can probably give you an idea MUCH better than any of us.
If you know him well, you can hopefully tell (by his reaction) if he is lying or not.
Honestly though? Sounds like he carries condoms for "just in case" and with ... (read in full...)
I think I'm caught in what would be called a roundabout, complicated form of porn addiction
Q. Hi everyone. I am sixteen years old. I am a normal bloke, I think. Or maybe I am not. I have been reading this website a lot for the past one week. I generally understand that a lot guys struggle with porn. I also understand that porn has ...
A. 2 August 2019: I think you are perhaps having some slightly obsessive behaviors but not abnormal for you age.
And of course there is the lack of self-control that comes with the rush of hormones and adapting to them. You are 16 so your body is still changing... (read in full...)
Even divorcees with kids have it better than me when it comes to dating and marriage! What am I doing wrong?
Q. This is more like a frustration rant. My last relationship ended years ago. Since then, I have been going on dates, dating events etc but have not found anyone suitable. A year back, I have also signed with matchmaking agencies where I spent over ...
A. 2 August 2019: I think finding a suitable and well matched partner is mostly luck.
I don't think divorcees are in vogue, but I do think have have WAY better chances of finding a new partner than they did 20+ years ago.
Maybe ASK where they met their signif... (read in full...)
Did he lead me on or am I just stupid?
Q. I've posted numerous times before anonymously. Long story short - my ex and I work together. Friends first then started dating which was perfect...he told me he had a stronger bond with me than he'd ever had before with anyone, after three mont...
A. 1 August 2019: You need to leave him alone, OP
You are PRACTICALLY stalking him at this point.
OK, you thought this was going somewhere and in the end it didn't.
My guess is he dumped you because you SAW him at his lowest. He doesn't WANT to date som... (read in full...)
Boyfriend deleted his ex girlfriend's texts
Q. I've been living with my bf now for almost 2 years. Recently, his ex texted him again. I know because he told me that she did. I asked to read the texts a few days later, but was told that they had been deleted. I asked why he had deleted the...
A. 1 August 2019: He doesn't OWE you to show what she texted him. She might still have feelings for him, but he OBVIOUSLY moved on with YOU.
He CHOSE to delete them instead.
I would suggest you ask him, why not just block her?
And I think he made the choice... (read in full...)
My prince charming has turned into a frog
Q. Hello and thank you My husband was very charming, and loving before we got married. After our marriage things changed. It seems he doesn't like compromising and feels he can still act single. He talks to exes( no children involved) he goe...
A. 1 August 2019: Time for divorce, OP
He isn't going to change. He was NEVER a "Prince Charming" he just played a role to reel you in. What you see NOW is who he is. His "authentic" self.
You can either continue with this despicable man or decide that YOU ... (read in full...)
He wants phone sex but I don't should I give in?
Q. My boyfriend and I are long distance right now and will be until Christmas. We're living at opposite sides of the country. We can see each other a couple of times a month. For the in-between time, he wants us to try phone sex. I find the whole idea ...
A. 1 August 2019: Just be honest.
There are things you just don't find sexy. Phone sex is one of them.
When my husband was deployed there was a LOT of wives and GF's who made little "homemade solo porn" for their partners, some had "boudoir pictures" done p... (read in full...)
I want to trust him but how can I when hes so private about everything?
Q. Hello and thank you for your advice I did post once before here. I snooped through my husbands cell. I know it was wrong but hes so secretive and if I ask him something he won't answer me. So yes I had a bad feeling and looked through his cell...
A. 1 August 2019: I'd ask him WHY you should TRUST him and HOW he plans on rebuilding the trust HE broke when he cheated.
And go from there.
Personally though, if my husband cheated on me with 2 women, I wouldn't care about rebuilding trust, I'd file for divorce... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my conservative- verbally abusive living situation?
Q. How can I navigate my abusive living situation? Background - I grew up in a conservative home ( think our current state of the union remarks) is here my parents care about money- materials and how good their daughters looks and well educated...
A. 1 August 2019: Be home as little as possible. And also, YOU wouldn't be ABLE to pay for this treatment IF they hadn't put a roof over your head. So while they might be annoyed with you and the choices you have made for your finances (and to an extend theirs) you ... (read in full...)
Do I have to invite this person to my party?
Q. I'm having a birthday party soon.I have to restrict numbers because of budget. Some of the people coming are frinds of my gf- I've been with her for 10 years. There's one particular guy I can't stand. He often makes digs at me, and although never d...
A. 31 July 2019: You could have declined going to HIS parties, regardless of your GF.
I think you can decide WHO you want to invite and who you don't. But I find it VERY petty that you go to HIS parties and then don't want to invite him.
It's NOT like you HAV... (read in full...)
A guy keeps coming back when he doesn't want a relationship.
Q. My ex and met online game site 3 years and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We ...
A. 30 July 2019: Honestly, OP
You know what will happen. He will be all excited about you for a while and then break it off citing distance or whatnot, then go silent and come back to you when he has nothing better to do.
STOP wasting your time on a man w... (read in full...)
Friend inviting me on holiday and professional/personal boundaries.
Q. Two situations I need help with, that involve professional/personal blurring amongst gay men: - I have this friend; he is very well connected in the art world. He is friends with a hotel owner, who has offered him a full paid up trip in Europe, ...
A. 29 July 2019: Asking him about separate beds was a nice way to gather information without presuming he wanted sex (which he obviously did) and thus you can make your choice based on that.
There is nothing RUDE though in making presumptions (we ALL do it ALL t... (read in full...)
Weed consumes his whole life
Q. Hi I’ve got a problem hopefully you can help me with my partner is a heavy weed smoker this drives me mad when we first met he had the odd joint now and again fast forward to 6 years later and he spends hundreds on it each month never has any money ...
A. 29 July 2019: EDIT meant to say:
OP, I don't think ANON thinks you should just ACCEPT his weed consumption and attitude.
... (read in full...)
Weed consumes his whole life
Q. Hi I’ve got a problem hopefully you can help me with my partner is a heavy weed smoker this drives me mad when we first met he had the odd joint now and again fast forward to 6 years later and he spends hundreds on it each month never has any money ...
A. 29 July 2019: OP, I don't think OP thinks you should just ACCEPT his weed consumption and attitude.
What he/she is saying is in HER/HIS life weed comes first - if people WANT to be with HER/HIM they have to accept the weed smoking as part of who she is.
D... (read in full...)
Weed consumes his whole life
Q. Hi I’ve got a problem hopefully you can help me with my partner is a heavy weed smoker this drives me mad when we first met he had the odd joint now and again fast forward to 6 years later and he spends hundreds on it each month never has any money ...
A. 28 July 2019: OP,
He isn't going to change. YOU are no longer the most important part of his life, weed is.
If you DO go on holiday and HE can't caught with weed (not all countries are OH SO happy about weed/users) he can look at serious jail time IN A F... (read in full...)
My husband is extremely insecure and wants to change
Q. My husband is extremely insecure. The weird thing is, I've always admired him for his confidence, humor, and many other wonderful traits. He was very direct in asking me out and always made me feel important. We've been together for three years ...
A. 27 July 2019: Bring him along when going out with friend?
Maybe not EVERY time, but so he can SEE what you all do, who is there and fell like he is part of it too.
I think it's healthy for couples to have friends and a social life that doesn't JUST rev... (read in full...)
Friend inviting me on holiday and professional/personal boundaries.
Q. Two situations I need help with, that involve professional/personal blurring amongst gay men: - I have this friend; he is very well connected in the art world. He is friends with a hotel owner, who has offered him a full paid up trip in Europe, ...
A. 27 July 2019: Situation #1
Just be UPFRONT and tell your friend:" hey I'd love to travel with you and be good company but I'm not looking for anything sexual, I want to be upfront so you can CHOOSE if you rather bring another friend/companion".
He isn't a fr... (read in full...)
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