What should I write so I don't seem creepy?
Q. There's a girl from Norway on my course, let's call her Emily, that I've adored for some time now. I've seen her go through a rocky relationship with someone in this time, its difficult to see her unhappy. I've been spending more time talking ...
A. 19 December 2014: Good for you! Merry Christmas!... (read in full...)
Would it be ok for me to have a casual arrangement with an abusive ex?
Q. Dear Cupid I have recently came out of an emotionally, verbally very very abusive relationship. He was the love of my life who started turning abusive for past 1 year and I became a typical doormat for him, lost all my self esteem, hated myself f...
A. 15 December 2014: It sounds like a REALLY bad idea. Great sex and all, I don't think it's worth it.
You make it sound like you won't be able to find a GOOD guy who is ALSO good in bed, so why not have a little casual "sexy time" with the abusive ex....
You eve... (read in full...)
Men, would you keep going back if the sex wasn't good?
Q. 1) Would a man (being the initiator 90% of the time) keep having sex with a woman if it was bad sex? Bad as in, you couldn't orgasm during the act and had to take care of yourself later, it was too loose, too wet, too sloppy, she was a dead lay. ...
A. 15 December 2014: Women do it ALL the time, and have for centuries, so why not men? There is more to it then just the sex, the familiarity, the nurturing, the caring, not wanting to be alone and for some.. the financial aspect.
I think generally, if the sex is b... (read in full...)
Unhappily married and strongly attracted to another woman
Q. Hi last week I went out for a Christmas meal and drinks with colleagues and it ended up with just me and a girl. We both work remotely from the office and see each other on the odd occasion but live near each other. Anyway we ended up have a couple...
A. 15 December 2014: YOU chose to stay with your (twice) cheating wife. CHOSE. So you can't really use HER cheating as an excuse for it to be OK for YOU to cheat. YOU obviously do not have an open marriage.
So, SHIT or get off the pot. Decide if you want to continue... (read in full...)
Is this the correct approach to use with feuding parents?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm going to ask a series of questions and I just wanted your opinion. I fully understand that kids (I know I'm not so young) should be kept out of feuding parents business, but no one ever gives useful advice when they force your han...
A. 15 December 2014: First of all, I'm SO SORRY you are stuck in the middle of this drama and that you parents (specially your Dad) doesn't seem to realize what they are doing to you kids by involving you.
1. If you FELT it was WRONG to call your mom on some bogus "r... (read in full...)
Did he ever love me? Will he come back?
Q. Hi I met a.man last year and couldn't believe it when he showed interest. Only thing is he loves to drink and always be out, it's not always possible having children and working full time and when he asked he would give.me a ten second window a...
A. 15 December 2014: Thank your lucky stars he moved on, he sounds like a loser. He could only be nice to you, if he smoked weed? Seriously?
Him nitpicking you was him telling you that he felt he could DO better then you, that he was ENTITLED to someone "better"... (read in full...)
I love him but I'm not in love with him.Is it my duty as a wife to support him when he has not supported me for a long time now?
Q. Where do I start. I have 2 boys from a previous relationship, I was with their dad from 11-22, we were kids and were always arguing as he never supported me etc it was mental torture! I met someone else who was kind and I fell for him. He lived ...
A. 15 December 2014: Does he do the house work, if he is home all day and not working? If not I would start making "honey-do" list of all the stuff that needs done while you are at work, get him into the thinking that HE also needs to participate. At some point maybe he ... (read in full...)
He is so bossy,and full of commands, Feeling confused nd considering breaking up. What should I do?
Q. Been going out with this guy for 6weeks, and I love him so much. We have little issues but the one that makes me mad is when he says I don't behave like a woman even when I know I do everything just to please him. He says we are working towards ...
A. 15 December 2014: 6 Weeks and he is acting like a relationship dictator? You know this isn't going to change when you have a ring on your finger? Once you marry, he will expect you to "obey" and "behave" as a wife too, not just a woman.
And he says you are working ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he thinks it's disrespectful to finger a girl. How can I encourage him to consider it as part of lovemaking?
Q. My boyfriend says he thinks it's disrespectful to finger a girl and that he's never done it. I think the disrespect thing is a cop out. I don't get it. He says he never has and never will. It's a big deal for me because it's a way to be intimate...
A. 15 December 2014: Let's say you didn't like *throwing out an example* ... anal. That you don't EVER want to try it because you find it gross or disrespectful.... and your BF wants to try it.. because... it's a way to be intimate?
There will BE things you like/ do... (read in full...)
I feel suffocated but can't say anything becausethey will be hurt!
Q. Hi all I am a student studying abroad for the past two years. I have grown up enjoying a healthy and close relationship with my parents and family. But unlike the rest of my family I am a complete introvert. I am an artist so I go into these phase...
A. 15 December 2014: I would tell them that you are TRYING to adapt and that you will cut the contact to twice a week.
I don't think YOU getting "detached" - you are GROWING up.
One think I will say is this, you have family that loves you and WANT to be there for ... (read in full...)
I love her but I deserve better
Q. So I was in relationship for 3 years, she broke up with me 3 weeks before 30th birthday. I didn't hear for her for weeks only to find out she had a new boyfriend, they even got married. It was a sham marriage but she still loved him. She married him ...
A. 14 December 2014: I agree, CUT her out of your life, you do not OWE her a darn thing, she has decided to get married for all the wrong reasons and then want you on the side for entertainment and company.
CUT her lose. Block her number, her e-mail should go to spam ... (read in full...)
Do they have to give me time off to get married?
Q. Hi, Just a quick question. I am looking to get married next year 2015. Preferably during August, but anytime during the summer holidays is fine. Now with regards to work, I would like to take two weeks off during wedding occasion, to incl...
A. 14 December 2014: Like jls022 mentioned, you have no "legal right" to get time off for your wedding, BUT if you are ANY kind of smart... you TALK to your manager NOW, so they perhaps can figure out how to make it work with everyone's holidays.
... (read in full...)
He told me about his past to try to seem "more desirable"
Q. I have been seeing a guy for 5 weeks. He already tells me he thinks I am the one and that he is falling in love with me. He has a female co worker who he sits next to. However after a drunken work party he came to visit me, he was drunk andsta...
A. 13 December 2014: EVERYTHING Ciar said.
I would NOT keep dating this man. He is not a keeper.
Having a ONS - OK .. can happen I suppose, but in your 30's and he got drunk and slept with a co-worker? Red flag.
He shows up DRUNK after a work party at your place... (read in full...)
Can an abuser ever change?
Q. My partner and I have been together for a little while now. Up until about two weeks ago, we only had usual couple arguments. Here lately, I've been wanting to break up. Over the course of a week, every time I would say I want to leave, he would get ...
A. 13 December 2014: I agree with WiseOwlE and CMMP
DO NOT hold your breath hoping he will change. He is capable of change (anyone is) but it WOULD take YEARS of him working on himself with the help of a therapist/counseling.
KEEP your distance, change your numb... (read in full...)
I only contacted him because of the baby
Q. i tried posting this yesterday but i can't find anywhere. My situation, i contacted my ex bf to inform of our baby. he wanted a dna test so i was just following up to see when/how, if he had found any info about getting a test done, etc. He said he ...
A. 13 December 2014: Don't let HIM take charge of the DNA testing.
CONTACT the Child Support Services for your area and GO through them. THEY will contact him for the testing. (and you) since Daddy/baby will be tested together in some places.
It's YOUR job to make... (read in full...)
Am I just being a paranoid wife or is there something going on?
Q. Okay I have been married for ten years to a military member. Moved around many times and recently moved to California 5 months ago. I am a stay at home mom for my autistic daughter and have had a hard time finding work due to limited schedule. My ...
A. 13 December 2014: I so agree with Auntie Bim Bim
Invite her over, "kill" her with kindness. It will put them BOTH on notice. But it will also be a REMINDER to this woman that he ACTUALLY HAS a wife and kid.
AND I do think there is something going on. YOU do... (read in full...)
I feel angry with the world right now ........
Q. I am a quieter, nice and ok but and ignored person, I have some anger in me that I cant let out? I don't want to be passive aggressive (im not but don't want to be, Ive seen others like this) what can I do, I dont want to let it build and ...
A. 13 December 2014: Go see your doctor have your hormones checked out. I'm not even kidding. After I had my 3rd child my hormones were out of whack, I really WANTED to yell a lot (thankfully I do yoga so I used the relaxation methods to "cool" me down instead).
You a... (read in full...)
He constantly takesdigs at me.
Q. I met this guy at work who is a few years younger than me. At first i didn't particularly like him as a person as he seemed quite immature and arrogant but over time i warmed to him a bit. He has since left but gave me his number and we've been t...
A. 13 December 2014: Eh, why keep him around? He certainly isn't a friend. I'd just block/delete his number and move on. He sounds like a dickwad.
I think he is more like a 5 year old then someone in his 20's. He likes attention ANY attention, both negative or posit... (read in full...)
What should I write so I don't seem creepy?
Q. There's a girl from Norway on my course, let's call her Emily, that I've adored for some time now. I've seen her go through a rocky relationship with someone in this time, its difficult to see her unhappy. I've been spending more time talking ...
A. 13 December 2014: You could use any of these quotes:
http://www.quotegarden.com/christmas.html
Because they are NOT too personal, but can still show you care. I don't think declarations of feelings should be in a Christmas card.
You could also write your gr... (read in full...)
Why does this man give me the silent treatment? Why not just tell me what is wrong?
Q. I have been seeing this man for 3 years now. A few months ago he got really upset with me and wouldn't talk to me for a month. Finally, we talked and began seeing each other again. Now, the same silent treatment is happening, and he has blocked my ...
A. 12 December 2014: Control.
The only way he seems to be able to control YOU and the relationship is by using the silent treatment. The silent treatment makes you DOUBT yourself and think that YOU must have done something wrong, where you might NOT have.
Most li... (read in full...)
He complimented the online girls but never me
Q. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We split because of his powerful porn addiction and the fact he would compare me with the porn stars. Anyway after a year of seperation and him repeatedly saying he now realises how much he values t...
A. 12 December 2014: Do you lack what?
WHY should it be about what you lack? Not what HE lacks?
My guess is, he doesn't compliment you, because he "has" you and thus doesn't feel has HAS to flatter you, to get you to like him, unlike women he doesn't really k... (read in full...)
Why would he star her on FB?
Q. A few months back I found out my bf "starred" a fb friend (which meant he will receive updates on her statuses and photos) but upon asking I realized she was a random cutie he found on fb! I asked if he could "unstar" her and he did it. Today ...
A. 12 December 2014: Because he wants to, regardless of how you feel about it.
I think, he partly did it was because he is interested in her, otherwise WHY be interested in seeing her updates/pictures if she is a random stranger?
He never explained to you why he ha... (read in full...)
Does one bj make your husband gay?
Q. My husband used my laptop and forgot to close the sight he was on, when I got home I turned on the computer to check on a recipe and there it was: My husband was making a date with a woman ( he gave her his cell phone #), I was furious. He said that ...
A. 12 December 2014: If I HAVE to put a label on it, I'd say your husband is bi-curious. Properly been for most of his life but always stuck to the "norm" which is straight, think that he could get away with "trying" it on and with no consideration to you, he had a ... (read in full...)
My period was late and it's lasted longer since I gave up my virginity
Q. I Have a question. i usually get my period for 4-5 days and i lost my virgnity one day before my period. it was late by 2 days and now im on my 7th day of my period. What can this be?...
A. 11 December 2014: Not everyone has clockwork period through out their lives, it comes in stages for most.
Best thing you CAN do though, if this is out of the norm, is see your doctor. But my guess is, you won't.... (read in full...)
I cannot imagine dating him. I like him as a friend only. Yet I've been told he likes me. What to do?
Q. Today, a friend of mine told me that this guy, let's name him A, is interested in me. However, I consider A as a very close friend, possibly even a best friend. After hearing he likes me, I don't know how to react to this. I never realized tha...
A. 11 December 2014: Go met him for coffee (but buy your own) and if/when he tells you he likes you LIKE YOU, be honest and tell him that you see him as a friend no more. You can't see you two dating. Be honest.
And yes, thing will be a bit awkward for a while, t... (read in full...)
It's as if she has dropped off the earth ..........
Q. I think I've just been late "Turkey-dumped." I am a college freshman at a state school around an hour from my home town. I have been dating my high school sweetheart for around two year, and we have been fairly happy all of this semester (My ...
A. 11 December 2014: My guess is, she met someone else OR she can't really handle the LDR. Those two options makes the most sense.
What are you going to do? CUT the contact 100%. That means STOP texting, e-mailing and REMOVE her from your FACEBOOK (and her friends)... (read in full...)
His mothers engagement ring never feels like my own?
Q. I got engaged last August, his mother died a year beforehand he said he will give me her ring but i never felt 100% happy with it as i never got to see it till i got engaged. The ring keeps slipping off and when he tries it on my finger he says its...
A. 11 December 2014: I think in this case yes, you should say something. I think proposing with his mother's ring is awesome. I love the sense of adding the new fiance to the "family" by using a family heirloom. BUT in this case, my guess is... he is using the ring ... (read in full...)
I am back with my ex, now how to let the other guy down gently!
Q. how can i let a guy down ,id split up with my boyfriend about 2 week ago i went out on a night out with friends to a different town and met a man it was nice having attention and a cheeky snog but i feel thats all it would be hes not boyfriend ...
A. 11 December 2014: To OP. The truth WILL come out, one way or another (Specially if you PLAN on having "snog guy" as a friend)- wouldn't you rather be the one to have told your BF? Kissing a guy isn't (or shouldn't BE) the end of the World. BUT NOT telling can seem ... (read in full...)
How do we rebuild trust after this?
Q. Me and my boyfriend had an argument about 5 weeks ago now as I found messages on his phone to other girls. Messages like 'Hey Sexy', a picture of a girl with no top on and his reply was 'now thats hot' and other stuff. We had a chat and we both...
A. 11 December 2014: I agree with YouWish
YOU need to get to the "bottom" of WHY he did it and WHY he thought it was OK to do while in a relationship. And DO NOT accept a "I don't know" or "I didn't really think"... excuses.
It is up to YOU to figure out what ... (read in full...)
Why did this man make the comment if he didn't mean it?
Q. There's a guy at work who's very loud and doesn't really care about offending people. He's always flirting with me and making vulgar comments so he's not exactly my favourite person. I told him I had a sister and he asked to see what she looked ...
A. 11 December 2014: What YOU need to do is, say to yourself:
" WHO THE F CARES what that asshat thinks?"
HE knew that you would be hurt/offended by his statement - I think he is the kind of guy who LIKES to make others feel bad, so HE can feel good.
He know... (read in full...)
I feel lonely, tired and depressed!
Q. Dear Cupid I was in long term relationship (3 yrs) and broke up about a week ago, i still think we broke up. Long story short, he became verbally emotionally abusive for past 1 yr, ignoring me for weeks, not spending any time with me, calli...
A. 10 December 2014: If the Iphone and laptop were GIFTS, the no you can't take them back even if he NEVER spend more the n$10 on you. BUYING those things FOR him was YOUR choice. LEARN from it and NEXT BF, don't give crazy expensive things you really can't afford.
... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm blamed for our break up. How can I fix this?
Q. My Fiance and I have been together for about 5 years. We both hurt each other Bad which lead to us breaking Up for about a year well we decided to work it out but now it just feels like theres a void between us i take part blame but it seems. Lik...
A. 10 December 2014: UNLESS you two can sit down and work out WHATEVER broke you up in the first place and PUT that issue in the past, this will ALWAYS loom over the relationship and it will come out at EVERY little argument.
Sometimes getting back together is NOT t... (read in full...)
Is he just playing me? Could he really like me? Or has he met someone else?
Q. I met a man on an online dating site. We exchanged long emails for about a month before meeting, out of circumstance. When we met things got pretty intense quickly. He obviously liked me a lot (I liked him too) and he started sending a lot of text ...
A. 10 December 2014: Eh, my guess is he found someone ELSE to play "fantasy date" with.
He talked to your friend first, that didn't pan out, then he talked to you and all was golden til you brought up the "little" fact that he "claimed" to BE divorced, but really w... (read in full...)
I am back with my ex, now how to let the other guy down gently!
Q. how can i let a guy down ,id split up with my boyfriend about 2 week ago i went out on a night out with friends to a different town and met a man it was nice having attention and a cheeky snog but i feel thats all it would be hes not boyfriend ...
A. 10 December 2014: Be honest with both of them and personally, the whole "let's be friends" is kind of patronizing to the "snog-guy" and do you really think your BF would be OK with that?
Use a little common sense here.
... (read in full...)
We bought a home together. Now she's taken up with a new guy and kicked me out of our home. How can I convince her that I'm not the ''controlling'' one?
Q. I have lived with this girl for 3 years. She recently started talking to some other guy and left me. The problem is im pretty sure she is being manipulated. This guy kicked me out of the house we bought together and controlls who she talks to. Ever...
A. 10 December 2014: If your name is on the deed to the house and YOU pay the mortgage, you NEED to have THEM evicted.
I STRONGLY suggest you find legal help and get your PROPERTY back.
And honestly, STOP enabling her by paying HER bill (unless it's the mortgag... (read in full...)
How to tell a friend he/she can't stay in your apartment?
Q. I have no idea how to tell my friend that she can’t stay with us this spring. And this is just a tip of the iceberg. Background: We’ve known each other for about 15 years. We have common interests and I love our talks. We have fun together. Our li...
A. 10 December 2014: Exactly what Tisha said, simple and to the point, you won't HAVE to explain WHY she can't stay with you, just that she CAN'T.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no time for me and calls me terrible names
Q. Hi, everyone, hope your day is going well. I have been with my boyfriend for two months now. He lives an hour away, I drive to see him just about every weekend. When I go all he wants to do is play video games. So, for hours I just sit there and ...
A. 10 December 2014: Save your gas money, honey.
HE isn't as into you as you are into him. And do you seriously think if he treats you like this after ONLY 2 months that he will become NICER down the line?
He Is right about one thing, you DID make a BAD choice in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had incest fantacies and it only complicates from there
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year has had a past form his teenage years where he writes and fantasizes on online portals, about sex with his mom. I was never aware of this and have recently came across this profile of his. He has used her real name there and I ...
A. 10 December 2014: No, walk away you are fantasy fodder nothing more. What he is doing can RUIN your future. By using YOUR name and YOUR picture. I would actually contact the moderators/owners of those sites and get your name/photos removed.
As for the whole Oe... (read in full...)
The drama is getting too much ...........
Q. I am dating an almost divorced man. His final court date for his divorce is in February and that's it. For the past month his soon to be ex is in overdrive trying to patch things up even though she filed. I beleive when she filed it was to scare ...
A. 10 December 2014: Amen to Auntie Bim's advice!
If you feel THIS is drama? Then don't hold your breath and think it's over come February.
Hubby ex wife (they divorced 23 years ago, we married 17 years ago)still occasionally tries to stir the pot. When their son c... (read in full...)
I want to say sorry in a Christmas card!
Q. Does anyone know how to write an apology in a Christmas card? I've never been good with words so I'm not sure if i should just wish the person i care about a happy holiday or to just say "I'm sorry" for hurting them? Ideas? I screwed up and s...
A. 10 December 2014:
Don't. Christmas cards are not for a "get out of jail free card" or "I'm sorry please forgive me".
YOU have already apologized many times, one more time won't make a difference.
Let her TAKE her time, and decide WHEN and IF she is ready to l... (read in full...)
How much angry behavior is too much?
Q. How far is too far? My husband got really mad this morning. I'm a house wife and I'll admit I'm not the best at keeping up with everything. I had two loads of laundry in baskets on the floor this morning. I had folded one load and just needed ...
A. 10 December 2014: You know there are days my hubby blows up over little (imo insignificant) things and throws tantrums. It can be that I didn't charge my phone (yeah I'm not ON my phone a lot during the day, so it DOES happen that the battery dies) which mean if he ... (read in full...)
I've gone a week and a half no contact, how long should I wait before contacting her again?
Q. Hi there, I began dating a friend of mine who is 40 years old and her and I were together for 11 months. It seemed like things were serious as she moved to a townhouse closer to me so that we could see each other during the week. During the time we ...
A. 9 December 2014: If she has said:"I need more time" you NEED to respect that and give her whatever time she NEEDS. However that doesn't mean you have to sit on your hand for the next year.
I would give her a month, after that.. I'd look elsewhere for a partner.... (read in full...)
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