I broke up with boyfriend because if his behavior but now he is changing.
Q. I broke up with my bf a few days back because I felt our personalities were not compatible. Time and again we argue over his flirtations with other girls and him constantly texting them (everyday) and them sending him their selfies. I have mentioned ...
A. 30 December 2014:
READ what WiseOwlE wrote, over and over till it sinks in. TRUST your instincts and STAY away from him. He is not going to change. THAT is who he is. And NO ONE changes overnight, over a week, a month or some not even in a year or 10. THEY are who ... (read in full...)
How do I wipe away memories of bad ex?
Q. Hi, I keep having vivid dreams every night lately, mostly just random dreams but so vivid they are like movies, I can wake crying/laughing/in shock. Last night I dreamt about a man from my past, who I can only label as a sociopath. I spent a good y...
A. 30 December 2014: I have to agree that you are suffering from the "after-effects" of a abusive relationship. YOUR mind is trying to rationalize what went on. Why you stayed, why he hurt you and so forth.
He manipulated you a LOT when you were together and in order... (read in full...)
I am married with 3 kids and secretly sleeping with men
Q. Hello. I am a 34 year old married man, i have 3 wonderful children, and a wife who loves me very much, the only problem is that I have been secretly sleeping with other men, I do feel guilty about it, but I feel so free and happy when I am with ...
A. 30 December 2014: My advice?
GO get tested (not because you are having sex with men, but because you are having SEX with someone BESIDES your wife).
Then FIGURE out what you want. DO you want to BE with men (even if it's only on occasion) or your wife and ki... (read in full...)
My boyfriend despises my best friend and her husband!
Q. I have a real problem on my hands. My boyfriend of 1 year is absolutely despises my best friend from my childhood and her husband. With New year celebration that he is hosting in his house where I just moved in he blankly refuses to invite my girfr...
A. 29 December 2014: You have over time gotten used to your BFF being the way she is, I guess you see in a little different light after your BF pointed out her "flaws", but YOU still see her as a friend (which is just fine too).
I don't blame your BF, he TRIED to... (read in full...)
I've been asked to use my wedding as a fundraiser
Q. I currently am living in an apartment that a program helps with a portion of our rent. My fiance and I are wanting to get married and have recently been told the program that helps us with rent wants us to have our ceremony at the house they use ...
A. 29 December 2014: If I were you, I'd find a nice polite way to tell them, no thanks. My wedding is a private and intimate event and as much as I can understand you asking, I will politely decline.
This is MY wedding.
And then leave it at that. I don't see you ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is financially abusing me, please advise
Q. I think my husband is financially abusing me, he is in a different country at the moment staying with his family. He has told me he has not got my savings back which he gave to a family member to invest in some company. I told him not to send the...
A. 29 December 2014: I don't see "abuse".
I see a guy taking FULL on ADVANTAGE of his "legal wife" to support HIS family back home. And I see a woman who is (perhaps) a little too desperate to be married and seen as a good wife, and thus ALLOWING the man to take her... (read in full...)
Should I confront her about her secret correspdence with her ex?
Q. I've just found out my girlfriend has been messaging her ex in secret, should I confront her about it? We're both 26 and have been together 6 years. Her ex was her childhood sweetheart but they split up after he cheated on her. A few days ago I was ...
A. 29 December 2014: I'd bring it up. For 2 reasons.
1. her sense of double standard. SHE can talk to an ex, but you can't without her going mental? Not OK.
2. She may not be aware that she synced her cell phone with your iPad. So, I'd let her know that she di... (read in full...)
My brother and sister-in-law are keeping their new baby away from family
Q. Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this in advance. My brother just recently had a baby, its his first and the first grandchild. We have a beautiful little 5 week old baby in our family and everyone adores him. Is it normal to not ...
A. 29 December 2014: It's their first baby, they are being OVERPROTECTIVE. I have 3, so I DO remember.
1st baby I did NOT like anyone to hold her, specially not people I barely knew. I did NOT go out much (with or without her) the first 3 months, simply because ... (read in full...)
Are these signals he likes me?
Q. *OP's original title* Are these signs coworker likes me? He gently nudged me on the back and when I turned he smiled and walked away He hits the back of my chair so I'll look up and notice him He stood in my way in the lunchroom, he got...
A. 29 December 2014: Sounds like he is 15? Sort of a cross between flirting and intimidation. In my book, pretty clumsy attempts of flirting. It's (to me) more like a "brother behavior". Looking for attention.
I think what really matters is this, ARE you interest... (read in full...)
Moving on from FWB -- do you think he'll understand?
Q. I sent a goodbye email to a guy in my life that is not healthy for me. We have known each other for 4 years but never had relationship. We only had physical only FWB. I caught feelings he didn't so we decided not to be physical or talk anymore. ...
A. 29 December 2014: You know it's the RIGHT thing for you to do, so STOP beating yourself up over it, or second guess yourself.
YOU don't want a FWB (good for you) and HE doesn't want a relationship (at least not with you) so what reason is there to stay "friends... (read in full...)
He asked me not to email or text while he's abroad, because his sisters might see?
Q. Hi all, please see the other question for brief background info as i was already feeling nervous about where i stood. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-im-with-him-i-feel-loved-i.html bf of three months, i love him , he doesn't love me ye...
A. 29 December 2014: I have to agree with the smart ladies, Auntie Bim And Ciar.
He doesn't WANT you to contact him, because he doesn't WANT his family to know about you.
And why is that? Well, if he is Indian, his family MIGHT (most likely) want him to marry a g... (read in full...)
With my boyfriend but want to know more about his friend
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and our relationship is doom now. We argue a lot and I feel unconnected with him anymore. We don't have same interest and seems like being in different opinion on many things. I admit that we both feel ...
A. 29 December 2014: Eh, I suggest you figure out what you want to do with your BF and relationship, before you "explore" getting to know another guy.
My guess is that you are ALREADY reading WAY more into the "shared" looks, because you are unhappy and miserabl... (read in full...)
Abusive manipulative ex bought me an xmas present. I' ve gone no contact but feel guilty for not saying thanks.
Q. Dear all. Happy Christmas!! Please advise. Thanks. I jave recently finally got out of a long horrid relationship with a guy My feelngs have almost gone, and I'm doing ok. Anyway, to get to this point I decided no contact was best, so changed ...
A. 27 December 2014: Dear OP,
Don't beat yourself up over this. You said thanks without giving him a way to contact you, so it's not all bad.
YOU did nothing wrong. He is a manipulative person because THAT works for him, just BE GLAD you are no longer with him.... (read in full...)
Is her mother being disrespectful for seeking too much information about any sexual relations and of intimacy in our relationship? Why is her Mom asking?
Q. This girl I’m in a relationship with for a year and a half, her mom always asks her if we were having sex. I mean we are two grown adults so why would her mom want to know that information, that’s private. She would tell me how her mom would sa...
A. 27 December 2014: I think her mom is being inappropriate, not necessarily disrespectful. I would ignore the question EVERY time. And I would ASK your GF if she has been asked that.
Or you can choose to say, THAT would be none of your business.
... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 26 December 2014: You have been together for 5 years and NEVER lived together? I have to say for me living together is the "litmus test" to see if two people really WORK as a couple.
But not all people think like that.
It sounds like the two of you are on diffe... (read in full...)
Former friend has joined the new group and is causing problems with gossip and lies.
Q. Hello. My problem is this. I've been friends with this woman for three years. We were best mates all this time but then suddenly things changed. She began to spend time with a few other girls and for a long while we never saw each other. S...
A. 26 December 2014: Honestly, I had to re-check your age group, because this sounds SO darn high school to me.
She WASN'T a good friend in the past, good friends don't just drop you for no real reason and she CERTAINLY don't cause drama in YOUR new group of friends.... (read in full...)
I want to stay calm and be rational but something doesn't add up. Are the texts really innocent?
Q. My boyfriend is a friendly guy but he takes it too far with women he doesn't know well. When we were going through a bad patch he struck up a friendship with his new single neighbour and she then came on to him despite knowing about me and this ...
A. 26 December 2014: My guess is, HE saves the INNOCENT looking texts and delete the others. That way (because of your "open policy") you will be in the dark as to what really goes on.
With the neighbor it's kind of 50/50 whether it's his "fault" that she hit on him. ... (read in full...)
Her words have me confused!
Q. When my ex broke up with me I told her how I wanted to marry her and that I was secretly saving money on the side to buy an engagement ring. She told me “Don’t buy her a ring because she wants a ring, buy her a ring because I want to buy her a ring” ...
A. 26 December 2014: My guess?
You ONLY told her you were saving up for a engagement ring AFTER you two broke up. Making her think you are now "offering" marriage, not because you WANT to marry her, but because you think that is the ONLY way to stay together... (read in full...)
Why would he delete messages if they are innocent?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together around 7-8 months before me there was a girl at work he was friends with or so he says he was friends with they talked on Facebook and he'd give her lifts home she then started to tell people he'd tried it ...
A. 26 December 2014: Yea, IF they were SOOOOO innocent he would have shown them to you to make SURE you don't have to doubt. INSTEAD he deleted them and went on the offensive, BLAMING you for being UPSET at his behavior.
For whatever reason you do not trust your gut... (read in full...)
Why can't lovers be friends instead of enemies?
Q. Dear cupid I have a few exes in my life that I still communicate with but now all of a sudden everyone of them seems as if I did some thing wrong to them but I didn't.We as adults still talk to one another but now they are ignoring me.I'm not ...
A. 26 December 2014: I think it's really up to how a relationship ended, and down to the individuals. Some people can become friends down the line, others can't really. They just keep tabs on exes for whatever reasons, familiarity, lingering feelings, so forth.
I thi... (read in full...)
Would you change something that you hated about yourself, even if family and friends were against it?
Q. So recently I have been thinking about having a my breasts lifted and possibly made a little bigger. I have spent the past three years getting into shape after years of feeling bad about my body and my body went from a size 18 (uk) to a size 8-10. ...
A. 25 December 2014: I agree with Maverick. Having lost baby weight 2 time (70+ lbs)- I went from 36 DDD to 34 B - but I did a LOT of chest muscle/upper body exercises and they don't sag at all. I have ONE stretch mark on one boob, so I guess that is kind of lucky too ... (read in full...)
Abusive manipulative ex bought me an xmas present. I' ve gone no contact but feel guilty for not saying thanks.
Q. Dear all. Happy Christmas!! Please advise. Thanks. I jave recently finally got out of a long horrid relationship with a guy My feelngs have almost gone, and I'm doing ok. Anyway, to get to this point I decided no contact was best, so changed ...
A. 25 December 2014: Personally, I'd leave the present with the sister and tell her to give it to her brother (you can re-wrap it) and tell him in a card that it was nice of him to think if you, but no contact means JUST that, no gifts, no card, no nothing.... (read in full...)
What can I do about my nasty mother in law?
Q. Hi everyone. First, il wish everybody on here a very merry Christmas and I hope you all have a great day! Anyway, here's the deal, I am married for two years and been trying for a baby for almost a year, but we are certainly not panicking ...
A. 25 December 2014: "Kill" her with kindness and IGNORE all the monster-in-law rudeness.
If she starts talking smack about your hubby or you.. then just change subject, don't argue, don't get in the gutter with her, pretend you didn't hear it, because.... whatever... (read in full...)
I need some reassurance before I make a doctor's appointment
Q. Hi. I am a 24 year old female and I'm currently in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We started going out in March this year and everything was perfect( I thought). And we broke up 4 months later cause he didn't trust me. We got together in mid- ...
A. 25 December 2014: Dearest girl!
WHAT are you thinking?
HE has MOST likely contracted HIV from his MANY sexual encounters. HIM blaming you is RIDICULOUS! But I guess it's EASY for him to do because you are EATING out of his hand.
HE has 6 GF and you Promise... (read in full...)
What's up with his behaviour? He has a Gf. Would it be weird to hang out with him?
Q. I saw a guy friend today that has a GF, he admitted he liked me and that he didn't want to hurt me or his GF by cheating but still bothers me to hang out with him. Its like he is obsessed. We used to hang out alot but I stopped since his GF is home ...
A. 24 December 2014: I'd back off and cut the contact, this can't end good (specially not for you). Because GUESS WHAT? If you hang out with him and things happen.... and the GF finds out, HE will find a way to make this ALL your fault. And because she LOVES him, she ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is emotionally unavailable so I cheated. Now what?
Q. I have been with my bf together for 1.5 years and for the past 6 months, we have been arguing a lot (a weekly basis, and it always ends up with me crying). Things we argue about: him flirting with other girls excessively, him texting other girls ...
A. 24 December 2014: End it with your BF, you are making each other miserable, so WHY drag it out?
And STOP blaming your BF for your actions. YOU cheated because you wanted attention and affection.
You BF is destroying the trust and by staying WITH him you are... (read in full...)
Would you be jealous of this cheat's wife if you were me?
Q. I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on. ...
A. 24 December 2014: Would I be jealous of her? No. She didn't win some great prize. She got a husband who was a cheater (might still be one) and she got MATERIAL goodies of an affluent lifestyle, so WHAT? Having new shiny things doesn't make a person have a happy life ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to feel hurt that she let her exes give her oral sex but not me?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together getting on for five months now and at some point we have had a chat about the sexual experiences we've both had in our pasts. My girlfriend has openly talked about how she enjoyed oral sex when her ex's have ...
A. 23 December 2014: I agree with Peppe. You are so focused on what she DID with other dudes and some weird sense of entitlement to HER body, because YOU date her.
IF she doesn't LIKE cunnilingus (you going down on her) then WHY is it a MUST for you to do it?
P... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my frustration at the rude ignorant behaviour of my Bf?
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend and I were in (large well known store) tonight. The cashier was being very slow and having difficulties with the register or something. WE had to wait...My bf then starts saying OUT LOUD something along the ...
A. 23 December 2014: My husband has a tendency of making an ass of himself while out, because he has a big mouth. I usually just tell him to go get to Duct tape so we can try and fix his stupid.... He is who he is. And yea, it can be annoying. At times I just walk ... (read in full...)
He feels responsible for his depressed ex gf......how do I deal with this?
Q. Ive been seeing this guy for a month now. We really like each other and things were going great. Til now. I dont know the ins and outs of why he and his ex of 7 years split up back in summer but I do know that they werent right together and they ...
A. 23 December 2014: If he is defending her, he isn't over her. It's not all guilt.
Also, MY advice, don't talk smack about a woman you do not know. Don't try and guess he motivations. YOU might be spot on, but this guy isn't ready to hear that.
Personally, I... (read in full...)
I am supposed to visit my BF for Christmas, but he is not responding to me!
Q. Dear Cupid I'm in LDR with my bf for past 1 year. We r in a relationship for.past 4 years. He went abroad for his work. Earlier he used to call me everyday and we used to talk everyday or text me. Nowadays he is not calling me and if I do.he is no...
A. 23 December 2014: Can you cancel the ticket? If so, I'd do so. And then I wouldn't bother calling/texting him till he actually reaches out for you.
I DO think that phonecalls/text EVERY day might be a tad over the top (it would be for me) but totally ignoring... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 23 December 2014: It's not your age that is holding you back from a fulfilling relationship, it's your attitude and how you generally view women.
I have no idea HOW ON EARTH you have come up with this absurd and skewered view of women VERSUS men, but it's absolute... (read in full...)
How to COMMUNICATE I don't like what he called me?
Q. Chatting with a great guy via text and we've yet to meet. Our meeting being next month. Last night he had to go to sleep quite early and while saying good night, referred to me as 'babe'. "Night night babe sleep well." I feel the babe thing is wa...
A. 23 December 2014: I know a guy who called EVERY girl he met (and was interested in) babe. Why? Because that way if he was juggling more then one girl, he wouldn't mess up names. After that, I never really liked "cutesy" nicknames lol. So I don't blame you for not ... (read in full...)
When I'm with him I feel loved. I love him. But am I getting too attached if he does not yet feel able to say he loves me after 3 months of dating? What should I do?
Q. Hi thanks for reading. In a relationship with a guy three months this month. He's 25, I'm 24. We live other side of england in a sense so we go for weekends away. I did suggest dates etc (we only ever had one day date was our first date) sinc...
A. 23 December 2014: Some people will say I love you at a drop of a hat, others WANT to take the time to FEEL that when they DO say it, it matters. I think YOUR BF is one of the latter. And I think it's a good thing.
It's ONLY been 3 months. So for now I would LO... (read in full...)
How do I let stubborn guys know that I really do not want to give out my number?
Q. I live in a town where men interpret "no" as "yes, but I'm just playing hard to get for now." In addition to that, they're also very forward and persuasive. Often when I'm approached for my number but am uninterested, I'll initially just plain ou...
A. 21 December 2014: Just say no, and if they keep asking IGNORE them. That is NOT being mean, That is called standing your ground. You CERTAINLY do not have to ADD them on Facebook or give out your number if you don't want to.
I seriously doubt you will get a reputa... (read in full...)
He changed his mind about marrying me but still expects me to stay
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend for a year ... we've been together about a year and a half now. We're both in our 40s and divorced with adult children. He asked me to marry him last year and over the last several months, he has seemed to be ve...
A. 21 December 2014: I would say, now you know where you stand. This guy will KEEP stringing you along as a couple (without marriage) for as long as he can. If you start pushing for him to decide, I bet you he will walk away.
As for his health insurance, I can't se... (read in full...)
We had a good date, kissed goodnight, but this morning I am blocked!
Q. Hi, hopefully going to be a short question! If not forgive me. So I started talking to this guy a few weeks ago. I know him through my ex but they aren't good friends they jusy know eachother. He asked when he could take me out we chose frida...
A. 21 December 2014: This wasn't your fault.
I think you were NOT the only girl he was seeing or maybe the "ex" wasn't REALLY an "ex" - he blocked you so he wouldn't have to explain you to another girl.
And yes, the picking up a friend was a "move", not nece... (read in full...)
Help, my friend keeps cancelling on me?!
Q. Hi after some advice- my so called friend keeps cancelling on me. 3 night we have arranged to go out/do something together and she either never replies to me saying what time are we meeting or you know general questions and then texts me for exam...
A. 21 December 2014: Don't be afraid to let her know you made other plans, YOU after all didn't like it when SHE didn't text you, so don't play those games.
You ARE allowed to go out with other people, specially if she has flaked n you SEVERAL times.
A:" I'm sorry... (read in full...)
Torn between what I want and what I need to do
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and its time to get to the next step which is the intimacy part. I am still a virgin which adds extra pressure. Ive saw him look at another girl and i feel if i dont give him what he wants sexually he will ...
A. 21 December 2014: I think, like Peppe, that you are not ready. And IF he cheats BEFORE you sleep together, then it's NOT your doing or fault. CHEATING would be HIS choice.
Are you on birth-control or did you two use a condom when you tried? Maybe... you two need... (read in full...)
My ex is coming over and says he doesn't want sex. What if I do?
Q. Dear cupid, My ex is coming over tomorrow to hag out,he says he wants to catch up and watch TV. He says he doesn't want to have sex but what if I want to? I know I'm not gonna pressure him but I don't want to come on too strong. What do I do?...
A. 21 December 2014: I agree with Auntie Bim.
If he already told you up front no sex, just.. RESPECT it.... (read in full...)
Move to Israel or be lonely in this beautiful city?
Q. I am 47 and live in Bavaria. Before moving to London I had lived here for 20 years. In 2011 I came back to Germany after living in London for 4 years. It had been very challenging living there throughout the recession and I was very depressed a...
A. 21 December 2014: I would wait for him to get settled a little first, then go on a few vacations. I would NOT uproot til you knew the country better.
My dad has been several times and love Israel. I think it's his second favorite place to be. Which says a lot, sin... (read in full...)
Help, my friend keeps cancelling on me?!
Q. Hi after some advice- my so called friend keeps cancelling on me. 3 night we have arranged to go out/do something together and she either never replies to me saying what time are we meeting or you know general questions and then texts me for exam...
A. 20 December 2014: Tell your friend that you are sorry her mom is in the hospital and then go out with other people.
You might want to remember that EVERYONE else don't revolve around you, and what YOU want to do.
For now makes plans without her, if she has start... (read in full...)
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