Can I expect a therapist to maintain privacy?
Q. My wife and I need counseling in a very bad way. I feel like all communication has broken down except for when we say things in an extreme way (loud fighting) and in that case it is not clear anyone is listening or even that what we say is the trut...
A. 23 April 2015: Maybe start out with individual counselors?
I have actually never heard of counselors who will promise confidentiality and then turn around and "betray" the client.. for the "greater good".
I did CBT as a teenager and my parents were onl... (read in full...)
My mom has always been mean to me ever since I was just a child, but she's gotten worse and worse and I'm really heart broken.
Q. I have not spoken or seen my mom in almost a year. To put it nicely, she was never a good mom. She was emotionally and physically abusive through out my entire life, and has never changed. I've always tried to talk with her about our problems and...
A. 22 April 2015: I fully agree with Eyeswideopen
Some people shouldn't have kids. And some people do not comprehend that HAVING them was NOT the child choice, that punishing the child for whatever misery, is NOT right.
If your mom see YOU as a "mistake" then t... (read in full...)
Should I not go to the city of my dreams and work? He thinks I'm being selfish
Q. Hi, i met this boy 2 years ago who happened to be studying in the same university as I do. He was not from the city (A) where the university is, and I am from the city! so he lived in (A) for about 5 years and graduated during which we met and ...
A. 22 April 2015: Do you have better opportunities in the City B than you did in City A? Because if YOU do, why can't HE move there too?
Now he DID move back to A (to live with you) but maybe also to be closer to family and friends?
I don't think there is a... (read in full...)
Receives phone calls from alleged strangers. Secretive with phone. Would it be OK to ask her to change her phone number?
Q. A few facts; I am in a same sex relationship I’m 26 and she’s 28 We have been together a year and a half I am her first ever same sex relationship. So my partner's phone is always on quiet, not even vibrate, just silent. When she wakes up ...
A. 22 April 2015: Let me start with your last question first :
"Would it be wrong of me to ask her to change her number?"
What good would it do? SHE gave him the number. YOU are having all these doubts because you KNOW she will FIB to avoid drama with you. ... (read in full...)
I just want to live with him but he keeps making excuses. Do you think it will happen any time soon?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over four years and yet we still haven’t moved forward in our relationship. We both live at home, me with my mum and him with his dad. I work full time and he is in university. We’ve been together since we were 16...
A. 22 April 2015: He isn't ready. It's really THAT simple. This really ISN'T about his Dad. It's about HIM not feeling ready to that next HUGE step. Whether YOU like it or not.
YOU might be ready to move out. You mention not having a great relationship with you... (read in full...)
I've been ill since he left!
Q. My ex boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago after 7 months together. Its a complicated story. We were first together for a year and a half over 2 years ago. He was in the army at the time and was constantly cheating on me. He was always still so loving but ...
A. 22 April 2015: I will say something other aunties have pointed out to girls on your position.
YOU have been falling in love and dating this guy for "what you think is his potential" WHAT kind of guy you WANT him to be or THINK he can be, NOT for the guy HE IS.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is moving away to a different uni? Very upset and don't know what will happen?
Q. Hi everyone, My boyfriend of 8 months at uni recently got diagnosed with epilepsy. When he had these fits I was with him every step of the way in hospital holding his hand and being there for him. His mum came along to take him home and while...
A. 22 April 2015: Honestly, I'd be more scared that he can't get the medical treatment and support he NEEDS than him going to Uni a different place than you.
Some types of epilepsy can EASILY be controlled and today the medications are so rough as they were in ... (read in full...)
What does a nurse feel when she sees a penis - how should boyfriend react
Q. My girlfriend is a nurse practioner student and I’m struggling to get used to a few things. When she exam on the teaching patient and told me about how she palpated the penis it was a bit awkward. Just recently, during her clinicals (sort of ...
A. 22 April 2015: You know I think it's akin to a male OBGYN/GYN/Doctor/Nurse/PA having to look at vaginas all day.
It's a body part. That is all.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to spend all of his time going out with his friends!
Q. Hey guys! I really need your advice about my relationship. I am 20 and my bf is 21. Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 1,5 years. Some of this time we were in a distance relationship. I felt that he was perfectly in love with me, we...
A. 22 April 2015: I would suggest you stop rowing the "relationship boat" for a while, don't ASK to see him, go out with friends (not dating, just out for a cup of coffee or a game of pool), go out to a club with friends (if you feel like and have time for that).
... (read in full...)
Should I confront her to stop her over the top behaviour toward my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend for the last year has a female friend who has always made me feel uncomfortable when she is around him, he loves all the attention, he always has loved female attention and it's something I have got my head around but this particular ...
A. 22 April 2015: Are you his mother?
HE IS allowing this, because HE is getting something out of this. Whether you feel annoyed or mocked is less important to him. Or that you would LIKE for him to have some kind of boundaries. HOW would he feel if a DUDE this to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's business takes up all his time, now he's moving out too!
Q. Dear Yin and Yang, I have been with my partner for 3 years. The first two were very happy - I was at uni and he only worked weekends (he was a dancer), so we had a good amount of time together and even though I worked a lot, we had enough energ...
A. 22 April 2015: Let him go. Let him move out.
I actually think HIM being on his own a bit could do him good. You have been more like a parent than a partner for him for a couple of years and all he DID was basically take advantage.
His life is ALL about him... (read in full...)
Can I expect a therapist to maintain privacy?
Q. My wife and I need counseling in a very bad way. I feel like all communication has broken down except for when we say things in an extreme way (loud fighting) and in that case it is not clear anyone is listening or even that what we say is the trut...
A. 22 April 2015: I think if you make an appointment and spell it out that you wish to discuss things that YOU DO NOT want brought up in the "couples session" your counselor has to respect that boundary and privacy.
BUT... He is my point of view. IF these things y... (read in full...)
Whose surname should our baby take?
Q. Hi I was wondering what peoples oppinions were on surname for children. My first child has my surname as he's dad doesn't bother with him anyway, am pregnant with my second only been with the dad about 8 months we are not married who's surname ...
A. 22 April 2015: Since you are not married, I'd give the child YOUR surname. You can still put the dad's name on the birth-certificate.
Or you could hyphenate it.
So let's say your BF's name is Smith and you are Doyle
Your second child will be a Smith-Do... (read in full...)
The guy I'm dating is addicted to porn but wants to stop?
Q. I recently started dating this guy who I really like. He is very honest, and after we had gotten to know each other quite well told me he has an addiction to porn which he is trying to quit. I dont have much experience with relationships, s...
A. 22 April 2015: Yikes.
What he is saying is, that it's NOT his fault if sex with REAL women are not as good (in his mind) as watching people FAKE sex. So he might NOT be interested in you sexually.
Honestly? I'd walk away now. YOU have nothing invested in this... (read in full...)
Met him on tinder. Met up with him. He said some weird things about him being dangerous. Should I text him?
Q. Hey! So I met this guy on tinder, I've seen him out sometimes. We started chatting a bit for like 2 weeks and saw each other when we were out but didn't talk to each other. Then he started asking me what I was doing during the evenings a coupl...
A. 21 April 2015: Don't be stupid. THAT is my advice.
You met him on an app, you know NOTHING about him. And the second time you see him you TAKE him home, so now... he knows where you live... NOT smart.
Have you tried to google him? Or look him up on Facebook? ... (read in full...)
I don't know whether I need to be more supportive or whether I'm just enabling him to walk away from his responsibilities, what can I do?
Q. My boyfriend seems to be going through some personal crisis, and I don't know what to do. We currently live together and are tied into our tenancy for another 4 months minimum. I am 23yo and he is nearly 30. We have been very happy living tog...
A. 20 April 2015: I think YOU are being a VERY realistic GF, not a bitch AT ALL. If he quits he might not be able to get benefits while looking for another job, so WHO is going to pay all the bills? YOU?
Quitting because he HATES the job, but he can't pinpoint... (read in full...)
What are some tips or advice for helping with depression?
Q. Hi all. For the past few months I believe I've been dealing with depression. I had a break up with a serious boyfriend who I was with for over 3 years and self esteem issues regarding that, there's been job and money issues going on with me as well ...
A. 20 April 2015: I'd suggest you DO not go try herbal remedies all willy nilly. There are MANY good useful homeopathic medicines and supplements out there, but I'd strongly advice that you talk to your doctor before "experimenting".
St. John’s wort causes many dru... (read in full...)
Why has this girl I have suspicions about suddenly gone MIA from my BF's classes?
Q. Why has this girl suddenly disappeared from my BF's martial arts classes? I accused my BF of flinging with this girl. He denied it and still does. He is a martial arts instructor. We are both in his class. I told him I don't like her, have my eye...
A. 20 April 2015: I have to agree with SVC
Giving someone the stink-eye and accusing the BF of interest in the girl - IS about YOUR insecurities. Thinking you have to MARK your territory is about YOUR insecurities.
My husband is a people person, I'm not. I trust... (read in full...)
My busy body downstairs neighbour thinks she rules the block!
Q. Please could somebody help with with this issue... My neighbour downstairs is a busy body(i live in a block of flats, i'm top floor) she thinks she rules the block and orders everybody around. She cornered me as soon as I moved in with a set of ru...
A. 20 April 2015: Having GREAT noisy sex is not disgusting - someone LYING about you in hopes of getting you in trouble? NOW that is disgusting.
Chin up and do something this lady can't - ENJOYING life.
Maybe KINDNESS is the way to go, from my experience bulli... (read in full...)
My online girlfriend got married, should I leave her?
Q. Should I leave my online GF of almost 3 years, after finding out she is married just a few months ago? she has 2 children at home,and she can't really talk or email because her husband is around,and we haven't spoke by phone since January,and not a ...
A. 20 April 2015: I think she saw you as "fantasy" or "escapism" from boredom, she most likely enjoyed your attentions and affections, but since it was long distance so she found someone closer by to day and the "play relationship with you online"
WHAT she did was ... (read in full...)
Was making light of it and ignoring how much it hurt me the right action? His comments about beautiful women upset me.
Q. My boyfriend sent me a text today saying "I wish I could have sent you a pic of the women that just left my job , holy crap I think she was a pole dancer hahaha with 2 kids" I have to be honest this hurt my feelings because I have low self esteem a...
A. 20 April 2015: I think his text was ridiculous. While he might just have been in awe of this mother of two pole-dancer, his text to you is what I would think inappropriate. The whole, I wish I could have sent you a picture of her.. LOCKER-ROOM mentality - or the ... (read in full...)
I do want to go back to work after baby is born. My Bf wants me to stay home. How do I resolve this?
Q. I'm currently expecting my first child with my boyfriend of three years. Although our child wasn't planned, they weren't unwanted and the pregnancy was a lovely surprise and we are both excited. However in the past few months as my due dat...
A. 20 April 2015: I forget.. Don't the UK have paid maternity leave?
I know my brother and sister in law SPLIT their maternity leave (In Denmark both parents get paid maternity leave)
---------
Parents have the right to a total of 52 weeks leave with mater... (read in full...)
My ex didn't try to keep our relationship alive, but now that I've moved on he is trying to sabotage me!
Q. My boyfriend of over a year stopped having sex with me the last four months of our relationship. Everything was perfect except for the part we weren't having sex. We still kissed still went on dates and we're still very affectionate towards each ...
A. 20 April 2015: I think you need to tell him to BACK off.
Explain that you MOVED on because you felt neglected and ignores sexually. And that he HAS no reason to interfere with your life any more.
I do wonder though - part from "trying" to initiate did you... (read in full...)
How can I tell this boy that I am really into him?
Q. Dear cupid I really like this boy but every time I talk to him I feel weird inside. I like him because we have so much in common we both love art and drawing We're both really smart and fun so how do I tell him I'm really into him? I hope you...
A. 20 April 2015: I'm with Notsohappy.
If you start declaring your crush or that you are REALLY into him, it can becomes JUST plain awkward, specially if he sees you as a friend and no more.
Having a crush doesn't mean you HAVE to yell it from the roof tops or... (read in full...)
Should I be too scared to say anything, just in case I'm reading too much into this?
Q. Im in love with a guy and every time I see him im heart stops but im not sure how to read if he likes me. I have known him for 8 years now his ex step daughter and my daughter are friends we both stay in the same street when I see him he always g...
A. 20 April 2015: I wouldn't "declare" my crush or feelings. Maybe ask him in for a cup of tea or down to the pub one afternoon for a meal/drink. It will SHOW him that you are interested without making things awkward.
If he is interested he'll find a way to be le... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or weird that I'm kind of jealous of younger women?
Q. Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are. The reason why is because i'm a gu...
A. 20 April 2015: You write:
*yes, I will admit, as a guy, I often am bitter and resentful, hate, despise, loathe on how I was dealt with the card of having to be the initiator.*
Because it's EASIER to be bitter than getting out there and trying.
It's ... (read in full...)
Does missing someone else other than your partner mean you love that person more?
Q. Person A: my husband. married for less than 3yrs, together for longer than 10. my bestfriend. opposite personality. my enabler in co-dependent relationship. always felt that something was missing. Person B: co-worker who I had an instant connecti...
A. 20 April 2015: I don't think you have WASTED your time with your husband, IT has just been a LONG lesson.
Look at what you have learned about you! Look at how you have WORKED on you.
Yes, marrying him was not the right thing FOR you, and maybe not for hi... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girlfriend she's spending too much time at my place?
Q. How do I tell my girlfriend she's spending too much time at my place? My girlfriend doesn't have a place of her own and lives with her parents. Her parents live about 25 minutes away but she doesn't drive so it takes almost an hour for her to ...
A. 20 April 2015: There is NO way to tell her with without her getting upset or get her feelings hurt. But if this keep going on, you will start to resent her for having NO considerations. She IS being inconsiderate.
IT IS easy her her to say, if the situation we... (read in full...)
Should I explain myself to an old flame, or simply move on with my life?
Q. During my days at university, I had a bit of a fling with a girl I stayed with in my halls. Our relationship became quite passionate, but it was short lived, as I was graduating, moving back home and didn't want to commit to a relationship with ...
A. 20 April 2015: You should let her know that you have decided to cut the contact as your GF isn't happy about you two talking, that you wish her well and good luck. NO more needs to be said. BUT I think cutting her off with no explanation is kind of cruel, she DID ... (read in full...)
Does missing someone else other than your partner mean you love that person more?
Q. Person A: my husband. married for less than 3yrs, together for longer than 10. my bestfriend. opposite personality. my enabler in co-dependent relationship. always felt that something was missing. Person B: co-worker who I had an instant connecti...
A. 20 April 2015: I don't think it means you LOVE them more. You love the IDEA of B more than A.
You were already disillusioned and unhappy with A when you met B, B seemed liked a breath of fresh air. It is EASY enough to fall for someone NEW when what you have is ... (read in full...)
Why should I have to accept gay people, just because others do?
Q. I no we're meant to accept gays but I cant help but think its wrong and I don't hate it but I find it wrong I'm 13 by the way. I don't get why gays should be taught about in schools because why should I have to accept just cos others do? I do...
A. 20 April 2015: Accepting that LOVE IS LOVE, no matter what is NOT hard or complicated.
Gay, straight, bisexual do not CHOOSE whom they love.
Two guys (or gals) who are in love doesn't have a DIFFERENT way of loving then a guy and a gal. LOVE IS LOVE.
Does... (read in full...)
What are some tips or advice for helping with depression?
Q. Hi all. For the past few months I believe I've been dealing with depression. I had a break up with a serious boyfriend who I was with for over 3 years and self esteem issues regarding that, there's been job and money issues going on with me as well ...
A. 20 April 2015: Depression is not something you can just wait out or wish away. And while eating right and exercising can help you in minor ways, I would suggest you go see your doctor and get a real diagnosis.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or weird that I'm kind of jealous of younger women?
Q. Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are. The reason why is because i'm a gu...
A. 19 April 2015: I think it POINTLESS to have this envy. Because if ANYTHING it makes you un-datable if it shines through when meeting girls.
FACTS ARE, men are usually the one to make the initiative. Because historically MEN have had the "power" when it come... (read in full...)
Should I reach out to him and request one final discussion, for closure, following out break-up?
Q. I recently ended a relationship that lasted 3.5 years and was very chaotic (lots or arguing and communication issues) That happened about 2 months ago. Since then I've been on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes feeling great and thinking I'm ...
A. 19 April 2015: I think closure, in the way you describe it is unnecessary. YOU already know it wasn't working and while you MIGHT have been able to HANG on a while longer, it still wasn't working.
Sitting down and AGREEING is pointless. There is NO point to... (read in full...)
Family Interference every step of the way. What we can do to get past this?
Q. Basically I've been with my now fiance for seven months. Since the beginning of our relationship somebody has always had a problem with us being together, whether it be her family or one or more of her ex boyfriends interfering (one of whom she...
A. 19 April 2015: I agree fully with Auntie Bim here..
7 months and you are already living together and trying for a baby? WAY too soon. She already has 2 kids, so SLOW down.
As for the ex (like Auntie Bim says IF HE is the FATHER of the children he ACTU... (read in full...)
My busy body downstairs neighbour thinks she rules the block!
Q. Please could somebody help with with this issue... My neighbour downstairs is a busy body(i live in a block of flats, i'm top floor) she thinks she rules the block and orders everybody around. She cornered me as soon as I moved in with a set of ru...
A. 19 April 2015: If your landlord knows she is a crackpot I'd go with the ignoring OR if you have the chops.. CONFRONT her. and let her know if you hear of more false accusations, you WILL consult legal advice.
I would ADVICE not screaming at her IF you do confr... (read in full...)
Can someone explain it to me? Why would a girl subject herself to being used and discarded?
Q. I have a friend who has the most uncanny ability to be a jerk to specifically women he just hooks up with and still have them at his beck and call. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's the weirdest dynamic I've ever seen. Most recently, he had a...
A. 19 April 2015: He sounds like a total asshat and I have had many male friends who at times could be a tad self-centered, but NEVER to this degree. Had they acted like this? I don't think I would be friends with them.
Why do these girls "let" a guy do this? I ... (read in full...)
I am happy for my sister, but still jealous!
Q. I am 20 and my sister is 18. To put it blunt, our uncle is rich. 2 weeks ago, my uncle bought my sister a brand spanking new car, worth about $25,000 for her birthday, and to be honest it made me feel awful. My uncle has never bought anyt...
A. 19 April 2015: You already HAD a car, she didn't? Maybe that is why?
I'd be a bit envious too, so I don't blame you - but here is the DEAL. YOUR uncles and HIS money are HIS. WHAT he spends them on IS his CHOICE. While I DO think it's UNFAIR that he makes SU... (read in full...)
Do married men who cheat usually have multiple mistresses or stay with just one?
Q. Do married men who cheat have more than one mistress or do they stick with one for a long time if she is willing to stay with him? Would it not be too complicated to have multiple women when he already has a wife AND a mistress? Just having a wi...
A. 19 April 2015: Does it matter?
It's not like a man who is WILLING to cheat on his wife (no matter WHAT excuse he gives) is a great catch or person.
If he is WILLING to cheat on a wife, with whom he has shared vows (and yes they DO mean something to mos... (read in full...)
I cheated twice then lied, how do I get her back?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been together almost 2 years and were best friends for a year before we started dating. I fucked up about 8 months into our relationship and had sex with a girl after a party and was drunk and convinced myself it didn't ...
A. 19 April 2015: I don't think you can "just" wipe the slate clean. She has lost all faith and trust in you. And from what you write... she isn't interested in trying again.... (read in full...)
I do want to go back to work after baby is born. My Bf wants me to stay home. How do I resolve this?
Q. I'm currently expecting my first child with my boyfriend of three years. Although our child wasn't planned, they weren't unwanted and the pregnancy was a lovely surprise and we are both excited. However in the past few months as my due dat...
A. 19 April 2015: Do what feels RIGHT for you. He is your BF, not your husband nor your "master".
Maybe start with some part time? While Jr. is little?
I really don't think it's smart to stay at home if you CAN and WANT to go back to work. If he.. left you af... (read in full...)
I left my abusive ex, so why am I in so much pain?
Q. Dear all. Your views would be much appreciated. I don't understand what's going on with me. In breif, I finally got out of an emotionally abusive relationship around six weeks ago. The ending had been on the cards for sometime. My ex bf used to ...
A. 19 April 2015: It's like when you quit cigarettes. You still crave them even if you INTELLECTUALLY understand that they are nasty and bad for you till they are ALL the way out of your system. You will have dreams of smoking and wake up feeling guilty. And you did ... (read in full...)
I cheated twice then lied, how do I get her back?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been together almost 2 years and were best friends for a year before we started dating. I fucked up about 8 months into our relationship and had sex with a girl after a party and was drunk and convinced myself it didn't ...
A. 18 April 2015: I wouldn't take you back AT all, so I'm not really going to try and give you advice on how to "get" her back.
LEARN from your mistakes OWN you actions. Blaming your cheating on drug and alcohol is a piss poor excuse - specially the second time aro... (read in full...)
My online girlfriend got married, should I leave her?
Q. Should I leave my online GF of almost 3 years, after finding out she is married just a few months ago? she has 2 children at home,and she can't really talk or email because her husband is around,and we haven't spoke by phone since January,and not a ...
A. 18 April 2015: Jeeez are you seriously questioning of you should END it?
She already did. SHE MUST have been dating him while being your "online GF" - so OBVIOUSLY she didn't take your relationship very serious.
She is just using YOU for entertainment an... (read in full...)
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