Feelings that I don't know how to address
Q. Hi all thanks for taken a moment to read this. I just need some help with a situation I have found myself in. I have a boyfriend we have been together 3 years, we are okay together sometimes. I feel somewhat unloved and not cared for as I should b...
A. 1 November 2021: I don't think you should talk to this new guy at all. He isn't a friend. And it's not OK for you to start a budding emotional affair behind your partner's back.
If your partner is NOT fulfilling your needs you need to COMMUNICATE that to your par... (read in full...)
I think my husband of 4 years is gaslighting me
Q. Dear cupid I think my husband of 4 years is gaslighting me. Short back story, I came to this county to work, had two failed relations,get my husband thru work, dated for 2 years and married. At first everything was fine, then he started saying I...
A. 1 November 2021: Couldn't you have driven him to the party and then HE could have asked for a ride home?
You two seem to not communicate with each other very well, that is not gaslighting. However, he does like to use "silent treatment" (ignoring you or refusing... (read in full...)
The attraction I have to this man has caught me off guard
Q. A new guy started at my work and we've known each other for a short while now, when we first met we got on like most strangers who meet for the first time. Then one day we were both were working late and got into conversation, that we could of just ...
A. 31 October 2021: Remember this, don't crap where you eat. It's always good advice.
This means don't DATE in your workplace.
If it doesn't work out it's going to be awkward.
Why you feel attracted is something only you can know and we can guess about. I'm ... (read in full...)
My husband said he believes it is possible he could find the same connection with other women that he shares with me, his wife!
Q. Hi and thank you for reading my question. What would you say if your husband or wife asked you if you thought you could find the same connection with anyone else that you share with them (your husband/wife)? Or could THIS connection ever ...
A. 31 October 2021: Well, sometimes the truth is a slap in the face.
While I don't think you can "recreate" the SAME exact relationship with someone else I think you can without doubt make connections just as meaningful (or even MORE meaningful) at times.
So I wi... (read in full...)
Why don't I want to give my husband any affection?
Q. I've gone off sex with my husband but I still really love him and am scared he's going to leave me eventually because of it. It's not just sex, I just don't want any kind of affection off him. Off anyone really. No hugging, no kissing, no holding ...
A. 31 October 2021: I would go see your doctor.
While I think it is not "abnormal" to happen in long-term relationships but usually there IS a reason.
Did you gain weight? Did he?
Do you two do ANYTHING together other than the usual routine?
Have you dea... (read in full...)
Nice but shy colleague?
Q. Hello, How do I initiate talking with a nice woman who seems very shy? We are colleagues but don't work together and we are quite mature. I know she is divorced and a mother of grown up sons but she doesn't seem to socialise much at the workplace...
A. 29 October 2021: Perhaps not.
But there are people out there who are not really looking to make friends at work.
... (read in full...)
I'm not sure where I stand with this guy, both sexually and otherwise
Q. I've been seeing a guy 22, I'm 33. We clicked instantly with the same interests it made it easy to talk and get into hours of conversation at a time. He said he wanted to go out and we did and had a great time. We talked for hours and it felt very ...
A. 29 October 2021: Eh, sounds like he is really looking for a f-buddy. He seems emotionally stunted or... he is on the spectrum and doesn't really know how to be a partner in a relationship.
My advice? Wish him well, and move on to someone who is willing and able... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel confused or have I just totally misread the situation with this guy?
Q. I can’t figure out if he’s giving me mixed messages or if I’m reading too much into things. A couple of years ago I briefly dated this guy before he called it off as he just wasn’t feeling it which confused me at the time as he’d seemed really ke...
A. 29 October 2021: He has a GF!
He chatted you up, flirted with you, and then GAVE you his coworker's number? Yeah, that is dodgy!
I say, he has a GF because twice he had the chance to give you his number or ask for yours, and HE DIDN'T. Because he doesn't WANT ... (read in full...)
Is a year and and 4 months enough time for a proposal? Am I being that crazy girlfriend?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together since summer 2020. We’ve been in a happy committed relationship. He just turned 27 this week and I am turning 28 in December. Since then we have made huge strides. We live together, own a dog together, pay ...
A. 29 October 2021:
What is the hurry here?
You ask "Is a year and 4 months long enough for a proposal?", for some, sure. For others no.
I think it's MUCH better to TAKE the time to ENSURE that the partner you have picked is the RIGHT one long-term, than ge... (read in full...)
Nice but shy colleague?
Q. Hello, How do I initiate talking with a nice woman who seems very shy? We are colleagues but don't work together and we are quite mature. I know she is divorced and a mother of grown up sons but she doesn't seem to socialise much at the workplace...
A. 29 October 2021: I know it's a novel idea, but maybe she just goes to work to... work. Maybe she isn't looking to make friends but be friendly and professional.
You can't MAKe her want to talk to you.
Keep saying hi and how are you and see if she takes the "b... (read in full...)
My partner cannot handle his guilt
Q. My partner and I are so deeply in Love. We fell in love and we left our spouses without having an affair and were honest with them. My marraige had been over for 4ish years although his only 1 year. This was in March (8 months ago) He has so much...
A. 29 October 2021: Step away.
If you two are "meant to be" you both need to process the separation and divorces and get into a routine of your own.
You two BOTH went from one person to another with no break, no time to think about what you want, what didn't work... (read in full...)
My wife and a stranger having sex
Q. Ive always have been interested in watching my wife sleep with a random guy. Shes never joked about anything like that so im unsure on how she would react. How do i go about bringing it up without upsetting her?...
A. 27 October 2021: To be honest, I'd wager most women in a loving marriage or long-term relationship would feel insulted if their partner asked them to screw some random stranger to "entertain" their partner's fetish.
She is your wife, not some two-bit porn sta... (read in full...)
My husband and I are going away for Christmas and its really upsetting my family
Q. I’ve made the decision to go away to Barbados with my husband for Christmas this year and it’s gone down like a lead balloon with my family. But the truth is every year something always kicks off in my family which spoils the whole holiday and I ...
A. 26 October 2021: Hey, DO you. Enjoy Barbados!
They sound jealous. It's not about "family Christmas" for them, it's about routine and doing what they always do. You and your husband said, yeah, nah we are going to do Christmas OUR way this year.
While I perso... (read in full...)
I'm sick and tired of his treatment towards me. It's always about his friends and weed.
Q. Hi and thanks alot So my bf can be very abusive. Verbally abusive. Resorts to name calling at the slightest things. He wasn't like that in the beginning at first he was calm and sweet then he changed alot. Maybe the true colors appeared. ...
A. 26 October 2021: So why are you still with him?
That was my first thought when I read your post.
You say he is abusive - verbally abusive. You say all he wants to do is hang out with friends, smoke pot, and ignore you.
Now if you were a teenager (and he ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I don't know if I should be with him
Q. Hello, I am having some really hard thoughts about my marriage and no one seems to understand. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 8 years but we got married this summer (August 19th 2021). We live in his parents house. I wa...
A. 25 October 2021: OP, you write in one of your replies:
"Im scared to walk away in case its the wrong choice. I dont want to end up alone."
Wouldn't you rather be ALONE than miserable with someone?
I can fully understand feeling obligated to getting mar... (read in full...)
I am unsure what to do with my longterm partner and daughter
Q. I care about my partner but Ive felt like I have always carried her, striving for more in our relationship. Fitness, finances, education, her medical issues. She has suffered depression, anxiety, I am suspecting social anxiety now. I have trie...
A. 25 October 2021: If you did decide to leave why couldn't you get custody and she visitations?
The mother doesn't automatically get custody.
She isn't at a point where she is willing to accept help. She might also not be telling the doctor what she is really de... (read in full...)
We can't agree on when to have children. She wants to wait
Q. Me and my fiancee have had serious arguments recently over when to have kids. We've been together for 6 years, met in Vancouver. American expats in Canada, been here a few years now. Not got dual citizenship yet, just permanent residency. Lived...
A. 24 October 2021: Um, ladies do you expect to become pregnant or through adoption?
Because BIOLOGICALLY (and I presume EVERYONE knows this) after 35 the risk for birth defects etc. are substantially higher. This is because a woman's eggs age as she ages. Older eg... (read in full...)
Am I a narcissist or do these girls just really not like me.
Q. I just recently moved to college and I made some friends. We all live next-door to each other so it’s really hard to avoid them consistently which is why I’ve been trying to salvage our friendship over and over and over again. There’s three of them ...
A. 24 October 2021: Some people don't "mentally" leave High School. If you all are freshmen in college you probably haven't grown THAT much since High School (maturity-wise) and that is OK, it will come (for most).
And while you PRIDE yourself on being grateful... (read in full...)
Feel Like A Toy Should I Leave Him?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a little over a year now, we made our relationship "official" a few months ago. We are in a long distance relationship, living in separate countries. He's never really planned anything for us to do together, like w...
A. 24 October 2021: Just wish him well and cut it off.
OP, date someone you can see in person. Someone you can get to know IN person.
It's easy to get emotionally attached to someone you talk to online and over tech, because they can "build/create" t... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for thinking this way about my family?
Q. Hello, I have had this question on my mind for a long time and I have never really discussed it with anyone. I wanted to see what other people thought. I am a son in a family of five. My relationship with my family is not the best. ...
A. 24 October 2021: Most families have some sort of dysfunction. But when we grow up in one we think this is the "normal" until we meet other people's "normal" that is different. That is life.
I think you might want to DO yourself a favor and not try and change t... (read in full...)
How do I tell the my brothers/sisters I don't have the money to have them for Christmas?
Q. Dear Cupid , I'm a single woman and share a Condo with My Mother in her 60's .. Every Holiday for the past 16 years both My Siblings a Older Brother and a Married Sister with 4 Children have never volentered to have a Holiday at their Home. I ...
A. 23 October 2021: One option is to make Christmas a Potluck, OP
Have EVERYONE bring a dish - maybe you can cook the meats (or whatever is hard to transport and still keep warm) and they bring dessert, side dishes, snacks.
Growing up, my family rotated who host... (read in full...)
I miss my crush so much but I probably won’t ever see him again.
Q. My crush got laid off due to covid last week and I miss him so much, I feel like I have a big black hole inside me. I wish I could say I was exaggerating but I really am not. I have rarely had crushes throughout my life, so when I have one it is...
A. 22 October 2021: A crush is called a crush because you get "crushed" at the end.
If he had been SOOO into you, wouldn't he have asked for your contact info? I find it weird that you think the only way to talk to him is by asking your manager for his number (... (read in full...)
Am I just Easy?
Q. I’ve spent the past 2 nights with a lad I only met last week. I don’t even want to be in a relationship with him but he was really nice to me after I got fat-shamed by a tinder date in a bar, so to be completely frank I’ve thrown myself at him. Am I ...
A. 21 October 2021: Are you just Easy?
Well, yes. It seems so. If you think having sex with a lad who YOU deem "hot" ) or even one you deem NOT "hot") you are a bit on the easy side. All it took for you to drop your knickers were some kind words? From a guy, you... (read in full...)
Should I out my psycho ex?
Q. Warning this will be a bit long winded. So I was with my ex for 8 months. Not much in the grand scheme of things. When we met he seemed perfect. Although a little insecure. He said his exes had cheated on him and it had left him feeling not good eno...
A. 21 October 2021: Yikes, Op
Just yikes! I won't dump on you since you seem aware that YOU put yourself in some of this mess, you didn't "pull out" and "end it" when you KNOW you should have.
We see this so often on here. Women (especially) who ignore all the r... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to get pregnant by his gay friend
Q. I have been with my husband for 3.5 years, but we've been together for 9 years in total. The big issue here is kids, we both want them, yet my husband has other ideas about how and it's caused arguments. He wants me to sleep with his frien...
A. 21 October 2021: This sounds weird.
You have told him no. That should be the end of it.
How old is your husband? Does he not understand the BIOLOGICAL function of sex? It really isn't about romance OR pleasure. It's for reproduction. To produce the next generat... (read in full...)
Please help me stop uttering other people’s name during sex
Q. I am currently dating this guy who is amazing inside and out and he satisfied me much in bed as well. But the problem is I sometimes mentioned other man’s name during sex. And yet i have not slept with those guys i have mentioned or any guys that ...
A. 20 October 2021: Nicknames, my dear :)
If you are not in control of your mouth (as far as what you say/yell during sex) stick to a nickname. Babe, honey... whatever.
And also, TRY and use some self-control.... (read in full...)
My difficult mother hasn't spoken to me since our disagreement
Q. I have a rough relationship with my mother. Growing up, she's been emotionally and verbally abusive, so as soon as i graduated college and found a job, I moved out, despite her objections. (See my previous questions if you want to understand our ...
A. 20 October 2021: Of course, you feel guilty, she TRAINED you to feel this way.
I don't think you did anything wrong, you SHOWED her that you have boundaries and that her attempt at manipulation is not going to work anymore.
Enjoy the silence and peace and qu... (read in full...)
Our conversations have quickly escalated into sexting
Q. I approached a guy (call him ALEX) on social media. Alex is the cousin of one of my sister's friend. We didn't know each other then. I wrote to him to say hi. But the convo escalated quickly into about sex. And we sexted. I immediately regretted it ...
A. 20 October 2021: You thought that because he was a scholar he would be a good potential partner. You thought wrong.
He showed you who he is and what he is willing to give. He was willing to give "sexting" because he wasn't looking for a friend or a potentia... (read in full...)
Language barrier, temper, or both?
Q. Language barrier, temper, or both? I have been dating a man for a couple of years. I speak english , and english isn't his first language. I find he interrupts what I say completely differently than what I mean. Example: today we were texting ...
A. 19 October 2021: Just throw in the towel, OP
It does sound like a language barrier but also as a guy who seems to WANT the drama instead of asking what you meant by it. He "interprets" it as HE sees fit regardless of what you might have meant, could have meant, o... (read in full...)
How can I convince him that a single bed for both of us is not okay ?
Q. Me and my boyfriend live together and he impulsively threw away our king size bed where we could fit with our children. We can't afford a new bed and ended up sleeping in a single bed which is very uncomfortable. The kids still get in at night and I ...
A. 19 October 2021: Save up for a bigger bed. The headboard/footboard is less important, but a GOOD mattress with the RIGHT size and a good frame is important.
Not much else to do is there? This is not his mother's fault. Even if she is enjoying the drama?
If you ... (read in full...)
My husband's friend uninvited him from a trip because they didn't warm up to me
Q. Dear Cupid I am an extreme introvert person, always enjoyed being along than in groups. I do not have any problem talking to people one-one but have issues in groups, so mostly I listen while in groups and may be ask one/two open ended questions,...
A. 19 October 2021: Talk to him.
What HE decides to do about his friends is up to him. If I were you I would make SURE he knows that if there are things he wants to do with friends YOU don't have to tag along.
If you are being honest, would you have wanted to g... (read in full...)
I want to help my sister and I don't know how
Q. My sister Brooke (not her real name) Skyped me the other day saying she's feeling depressed after her husband told her he was gay and had only married her to get into the U.S. from Australia. But this isn't one of those "He's only just realized he...
A. 19 October 2021: Ask her what you CAN do to help.
Platitudes are useless. Nice, but useless.
I can not imagine her pain here, I'm sure you can't either.
What does she want to do? I'd suggest talking to her about making a plan and then following through. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hired a maid to clean his house now can't afford her and wants me to pay
Q. Hello and thanks My bf and I have been together for a year. He hired a maid to clean his house and now can't afford to pay her. He asked if I could help. I don't even have a maid. I'm surprised, hes healthy and quite capable of cleaning his ...
A. 18 October 2021: Good grief!
From what you write it doesn't sound like you two live together (so that is what I will presume).
If he wants a maid to clean his house, THAT is a cost HE will have to be responsible for. (as in, PAY).
Having a maid is NOT ... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend use to be a sissy in high-school
Q. I recently discovered that my bf of 1.6 years was a huge sissy back in high school like super feminine. I found from some of his old female friends when I attended his high school reunion with him a few nights ago. They even said he never had a ...
A. 13 October 2021: This has to be a wind-up post...
What are you 12?
Are you still the same person as you were in High school?
If you are, then maybe you need to grow up.
Being effeminate (as a child, teenager, or adult male) doesn't automatically me... (read in full...)
How can I seduce or flirt with my cousins wife
Q. How can I seduce or flirt with my cousins wife. I have caught her looking at my dick while talking to her.. should I make a move or wait until she makes the first move....
A. 13 October 2021: You should grow up and leave your cousin's wife alone.
Keep your porn fantasies INSIDE your head. The world doesn't revolve around your dick.
Jeeez... (read in full...)
Am I wrong or overreacting or should I leave
Q. I’m 29 yr old female from Ga and me and my gf have been together for almost 3years now, She has kids but that’s not the issue… She also has this ex who keeps hitting her up and randomly sending how much she still loves her and misses the kids, she ...
A. 13 October 2021: While I don't think it's your job or "right" to dictate who she can talk to and how much, I think when people "drag around" exes into their next relationship things can get very muddy.
How about the kids? Do they miss her? If she was a parent f... (read in full...)
Why not tell me to go and move on
Q. Me and my gf broke up over an argument. First time in 5 years. It was due to her always complaining about money issues. She was not working enough and kept using credit cards which one day I snapped and told her to fix her problems. We both stopped ...
A. 13 October 2021: Whether you snapped at her or you told her in a more polite version, doesn't matter. To be honest we ALL have a limit to how much complaining we are willing to listen to. If her going on and on about the debt but doing nothing, I don't blame you for ... (read in full...)
My wife wants to quit her responsible job and I'm worried about our future
Q. My wife is 47 and told me she wants to quit her job (which she enjoys) to become a nurse or paramedic. She has a very responsible job currently, it's got a 9-5 workday like mine, but my worry is that it'll be new levels of stress for her that she...
A. 11 October 2021: The steps to becoming an EMT are not as complicated as they may seem. After achieving a high school diploma and obtaining CPR certification, completing an EMT-Basic program leads to EMT-Basic certification. Following that, completing a paramedic ... (read in full...)
I don’t know if I should stay with him or not, as the more I’m getting to know him, it sounds like everything is all his way or the highway.
Q. I’ve been dating a man who’s older than me. He was all full on with me at the start, I think I was being love bombed looking back on it and he was seeing a future with me. The first couple of months was difficult for us to see each other as h...
A. 11 October 2021: I think you are finally getting to "know" the real him.
He IS a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. That is also why he is dating someone younger. He is presuming she will fall in line easier than someone his own age.
If I have to be very ... (read in full...)
He shared my intimate photo with somebody else. What do I do?
Q. I sent an intimate photo to the guy I’m dating. You can’t see my face and there’s no full nudity, but it’s implied. Anyway, he was at a bar the other night and he told me this woman kept hitting on him. She wouldn’t leave him alone even thoug...
A. 11 October 2021: Ask him to delete all of the "intimate photos" he has RIGHT in front of you next time you see him in person.
If he can't treat them (and thereby you) with the respect and privacy as they were intended - (and he FRIGGGING knows that) then he doesn... (read in full...)
He's more than just a crush but I might put my job in jeopardy – Do I just go for it?
Q. I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any ...
A. 9 October 2021: I forgot to add the age-old advice, don't eat where you crap. Don't date where you work.
Figure it out, be professional. ... (read in full...)
He's more than just a crush but I might put my job in jeopardy – Do I just go for it?
Q. I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any ...
A. 7 October 2021: I think YCNBS's suggestions is rather clever and it might just work:)
For now, though, keep being professional. And any personal chats should happen OUTSIDE of the workplace, not on company time.
If it turns into something more, HE can cha... (read in full...)
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