I don’t feel romantic love for him any longer but he doesn’t seem to listen to the potential for a great friendship. What do I do?
Q. A month or so ago I wrote about having a great connection with a man who was 57 and older than me. I thank all the aunts and uncles again for all the wonderful advice. I sat back and thought everything through and I got to know him better. ...
A. 26 October 2016: Return the t-short and CDs. If you know when he is out of the office (or wherever he works) drop them off at that time.
The longer you LET him drag it out the LONGER this will go on. He will go from being this "admirer" to a stalker.
Cut him... (read in full...)
I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!
Q. I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...
A. 22 October 2016: Anon Female,
Have you talked to your doctor? Could he/she recommend some brand and simple methods for you to use? I would think baby shampoo/soap would do well for someone like you. People use them on babies so they HAVE to be safe. They also sme... (read in full...)
I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!
Q. I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...
A. 22 October 2016: I get that some people with depression/mental issues can get into a funk, and stop taking care of themselves. It's still gross. I feel gross when I ALMOST go to bed without brushing teeth - like if we get home from a VERY late event and all I want ... (read in full...)
She was out all night and didn’t text! I need outside views as I’m angry!
Q. OK, this may seem a little trivial but I'm really interested in other's views. My gf, who I have lived with for 2 1/2 years went out for a meal and drinks with work. I dropped her off at the train station at around noon and said if you're getting ...
A. 21 October 2016: Well, sometimes we have good intentions of NOT to fight, but then reality hits and well, shit happens.
Sounds like she needs to QUIT drinking altogether. Not just talk about the "issues". The only thing that WILL prevent these events? IS NOT drin... (read in full...)
She was out all night and didn’t text! I need outside views as I’m angry!
Q. OK, this may seem a little trivial but I'm really interested in other's views. My gf, who I have lived with for 2 1/2 years went out for a meal and drinks with work. I dropped her off at the train station at around noon and said if you're getting ...
A. 20 October 2016: I think you should try and talk to her instead of the silence. Because silence can be misleading.
I think you have every right to BE mad, upset and disappointed and I think it's ONLY fair to tell her HOW worried you were. I think perhaps (I hope)... (read in full...)
She was out all night and didn’t text! I need outside views as I’m angry!
Q. OK, this may seem a little trivial but I'm really interested in other's views. My gf, who I have lived with for 2 1/2 years went out for a meal and drinks with work. I dropped her off at the train station at around noon and said if you're getting ...
A. 20 October 2016: Honestly? I would have been upset too.
If work would pay for the taxi home, WHY stay in a hotel? Who wouldn't rather just get home and sleep?
But less on that and more of a - she told you the "plan" but didn't stick to it and didn't let you k... (read in full...)
I don’t feel romantic love for him any longer but he doesn’t seem to listen to the potential for a great friendship. What do I do?
Q. A month or so ago I wrote about having a great connection with a man who was 57 and older than me. I thank all the aunts and uncles again for all the wonderful advice. I sat back and thought everything through and I got to know him better. ...
A. 20 October 2016: I think your best bet is to forgo friendship (he can't be a friend) and forgo contact overall.
He is trying pity manipulation on you right now. To make you FEEL so sorry for him that you don't dump him. The thing is.. YOU can not FORCE yourself... (read in full...)
I had two great male friends but they have dropped me as a friend! I’m heartbroken. Leave them be? Or keep trying?
Q. Hi everyone. I had two male friends and I say had because neither of them will talk to me anymore..:( Things got a bit awkward in terms of friendship because they both told me they liked me. The first one; he asked to meet up and I made ...
A. 20 October 2016: Leave them be. IT IS NOT your fault that both these guys developed a crush on you. If you were clear about just being friends and you stuck to those boundaries then you did nothing wrong.
They also did nothing wrong by letting you know and then... (read in full...)
I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!
Q. I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...
A. 20 October 2016: Tell him;" I love you to pieces, but I can't handle having an unhygienic BF. It makes me NOT want to be intimate with you or even be near you. I know it sounds rude, but if I can't tell you this, who can?" "If this doesn't change, I don't see us ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex initiate conversations on skype?
Q. Why does my ex boyfriend initiate conversations with me daily on Skype when we're no longer together? He's been initiating conversations for about 2 weeks now. He also apologises when he is quiet on there and says 'I really hope you're okay'...
A. 20 October 2016: He could be soothing his guilt for dumping you.
He could be bored or lonely.
Or he just wants to keep getting your attention, so you won't move on and find someone "better"...
The REAL question isn't why HE is doing this, it's why are YOU? ... (read in full...)
How do I move up this man's prioriies?
Q. I really like this guy I met through social media. we chat now and again, and then he goes quiet then suddenly he'll message me again. We talk mainly about music and I've tried to make new conversation but he goes quiet, then replies. Every new ...
A. 20 October 2016: If you just talk now and then, there is no way of knowing if he LIKES you, LIKES you... or just likes the attention from you.
Have you ever met up? Gone out together for a meal/drinks?
If not, is he single? And would you ask him out?
If y... (read in full...)
Am I right to have these trust issues?
Q. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend went to his local pub, and he saw a married woman that he knew that day. I wasn't there at the time. She asked him to help her pick songs on the jukebox and then he said he danced with her. He said it wasn't intimate ...
A. 20 October 2016: I don't equate dancing or "twirling" as emotionally cheating or even being inappropriate. Dancing doesn't HAVE to be intimate. Shoot I have salsa-danced with total strangers and it wasn't a big deal. It certainly wasn't an attempt to cheat or ... (read in full...)
Why are more men dependent on women's support these days? Women is the child bearer, care giver, career holder, and now the financial supporter to men? What roles do men play then?
Q. First and foremost, no offence to the men in this room. I'm posting this question because I am really curious to know the answer. Why are more men dependent on women's support now a days than men taking care of their women? I've often read posts...
A. 20 October 2016: I don't think it's the norm that women these days pay for everything on top of everything else. BUT I do think it's getting more common that women from a younger age looks for independence for themselves but do not "expect" that on a partner.
... (read in full...)
Why would my wife threaten to leave me over my porn use?
Q. My wife says she will leave me if I keep watching porn. What is wrong with her? I have no idea why she thinks watching porn is bad. This is something I like to do and do it privately. I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess wh...
A. 20 October 2016: If you had told her BEFORE marriage this would NOT be an issue. Because? She wouldn't have married you.
You seem to think porn is JUST fine, yet you hide it.. so how fine is it?
Some people are OK with porn (like you) and some are not (like he... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't contribute financially towards the household. How much longer should I wait for things to change?
Q. Hi my partner of three years lives with me and is always struggling financially due to being a contract worker with intermittent income who also has to pay maintenence for his child with ex wife. Often he contributes little or nothing as he first ...
A. 19 October 2016: Tell him to move out. Give him 2 weeks 30 days to find a place to live.
You can still date, but for now, you can't live with him. I think that is fair enough. I would just tell him that you can't afford to have him live with you and NEVER contribu... (read in full...)
I told him that I thought his kids were sabotaging our relationship and now he won't talk to me
Q. Hi, I'd been dating this guy for 3months. At first we would go on dates about 3 times a week, then it cut down to once or twice a week and thereafter we'd only get to seeing each other once a month. I thought his kids had something to do with this ...
A. 19 October 2016: Leave it be. STOP contacting him and honestly? block his number.
To be frank, I don't think the kids planned surprise parties and dinners EVERY time they knew he had a date with you, I think HE used his kids as an excuse to not go out with you... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 19 October 2016: You write:
"Idk...some ideal, that may not even really be what's happening here, that a woman should never capitulate or compromise to a request from her husband that can be viewed as a request to control her free will to use her body as she plea... (read in full...)
Where to now? Is my married loved a narcissist? I feel I can no longer trust him
Q. I had a year long affair with a married man. I am his tennant in the house that he rents out. He left his wife just before Christmas and came to live with me and my kids in the house. During our affair we had a secret bank accounts, and phone nu...
A. 19 October 2016: Does it really matter WHAT he "is"?
He is a married guy who HAPPILY cheats on his wife. And you are a YOUNG person who HAPPILY cheated with a married guy AS LONG as the affair suited you, benefitted you.
You don't have a relationship, yo... (read in full...)
Should I follow my therapists advice?
Q. Most recently I had dated a man for 8 months; we were introduced by friends and hit it off right away. He asked me to be exclusive right away which my therapist back then said it was weird since he didn't know anyone thing about me or had never be...
A. 19 October 2016: I agree with Cindy,
I think either you are analyzing your therapist's advice to suit YOUR ideas or you should be having this conversation with your therapist.
As for asking for exclusivity right out of the gate, it makes sense to me. I (as an ... (read in full...)
My Gf is not talking. Should I consider the relationship is over??? Or could I revive our relationship?
Q. I want to keep the relationship but she won't reply to texts or take my calls. literally begged to her to talk, but she didn't respond. should I call this an end to this relationship? it's two days since we last talked. we recently fought ...
A. 19 October 2016: It's been 2 days of silence. Not a huge amount of time. She can have lost her phone, been away from the phone etc. I'd say no need to overreact.
However, the woman is married. She CAN NOT commit to you. Not till after the divorce is final.
... (read in full...)
He blanked me for weeks then blows up because I was with some one else?
Q. I was texting / meeting a guy (let's call him Fred, this isn't his name) and was seeing each other for about 9weeks.. Then for some reason he stopped talking to me. He said he had family issues and personal problems and can't give me what I want, he ...
A. 19 October 2016: Why on EARTH do you want to be with Fred?
He treats you like a dirty handkerchief. When he has a cold (wants you around) he can talk to you, but the moment he has other things and priorities you are just tossed in the hamper and then on TOP of t... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a girlfriend?
Q. Okay where do I begin... I recently met this girl about 1 month ago she is very kind, beautiful and has feelings for me, she says she eventually wants to be more than friends and that she likes me. I looked her up on fb, being a former cop and ...
A. 19 October 2016: I'd just cut the contact and move on.
If she can't be honest about this, how can you trust anything that comes out of her mouth?
So if I were you, I'd stop wasting any more time on her and look elsewhere for a partner.
You did the smart thi... (read in full...)
What's the best way to tidy up down there?
Q. Im worried i have too much hair down there that when my boyfriend sees it hes going to be put off. Im quite young but im getting to that stage in my relationship, i dont care for your judgement about my age, where my boyfriend is touching me. But ...
A. 18 October 2016: I hope you are more concerned with forms of birth control than whether you should shave your privates or not.
If the birth control thing is sorted out, I'd suggest you start by trimming NOT shaving. If you aren't used to shaving that area you can ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she's bored of sex and I'm fantasizing about other women. We're doomed, right?
Q. Mf gf said she is bored of sex yet I am the only one trying to be kinky or sexy in bed. It's doing my head in. Maybe I should be honest with her and tell her Ive been fantasizing about other women because you arent doing anything anymore. I have ...
A. 18 October 2016: Suggest to your GF you two take a month of sex. If you don't live together then set up date night where you go HOME alone afterward.
Telling her, you fantasize about other women will do one thing and one thing only - hurt her feelings and make her... (read in full...)
My whole world has revolved around finding a man and now at 32, I am desperate, hopeless and ashamed at how I've failed. Is there any hope for me?
Q. My whole world revolves around a man and finding a man can someone help me see there is more to life than this- ever since I was 16 I have idealized that finding a man would somehow magically make all my problems go away. This thinking (childlike) ...
A. 18 October 2016: I think there is hope for you, but not till you let go of the desperation. Desperate women attract men there is no future with. Look at your own patterns. You were SO desperate that you entered and stayed in abusive relationship or relationships ... (read in full...)
My ex broke up with me, then texted me 2 months later that he still loved me, then said he didn't want to lead me on!
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. I've been dealing with it. The other day,out of the blue, he sent me a text message that said I love you. I felt that was not intended for me, so I called and told him that I think he sent the text to the ...
A. 18 October 2016: I think he was feeling a little lonely and was reminiscing of the past with you.
And it was selfish. He wanted to say something grand, but not have to DO anything grand (as in really talk about the issues or whatnot).
Honestly? I'd block while ... (read in full...)
I saw her first!
Q. I'm so pathetic. Here's why. No better place to begin from, well, the beginning, so I'll start there. I've lived in the same town all my life. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call it Hopetown. (Try and stalk me if you want to, that's not the real...
A. 18 October 2016: OP you are young, but your mindset? it's all wrong. You make her sound like she is some prize or possession. She isn't. She is a person. And when you moved away she stayed friends with you, but she got herself a BF and obviously you don't like that, ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: I get why your wife is offended, it makes you come off as controlling, insecure and well distrustful. However, I think for her to RESPECT that you don't LIKE for other men to kiss her on the lips and thus turning her face is an option, but it's HER ... (read in full...)
Did my letter to him mean I've lost him for good?
Q. This guy I been talk to for years I broke of with him he never would ask me out it's been over 3yrs and never ask me he always come up with excuse not go out with me I see him about veryday when he goes by me and I he see me stand their when h...
A. 18 October 2016: I agree with Wise, you can't lose what you never had. Only the fantasy of what YOU think could have been or what you WANTED it to be.
Your age is set to being in the 40's - so for me... writing a letter seems just off. Something a pre-teen... (read in full...)
Can I ever regain my trust in men?
Q. I had been in a relationship for 8 years with my now ex. We were supposed to be getting married and so I guess the guilt got to him. He admitted sleeping with 3 other woman. The last one was two years ago when he was 22 and the first was when h...
A. 17 October 2016: Aww, OP I'm sorry.
One thing straight off the bat is, NOT ALL men are the same, NOT ALL men will lie, NOT ALL men will cheat. So for you to paint HALF the World's population with the same brush as your ONE BF is not really fair is it?
YOU BF ... (read in full...)
Is there a code to rings on her finger?
Q. What is the meaning of rings on a woman’s hand. Does a ring on the right ring finger show a signal single status for a woman? Does a ring on the right ring finger of a woman show an openness to pursuing a romantic relationship? if a girl does not ...
A. 17 October 2016: There are no set rules to where a person should wear a ring. Ling before I got married I would wear whatever ring on whatever finger (it fit), it was NEVER meant as a hint to men/guys... EVER.
I know SOME men and women will wear a band on their ri... (read in full...)
Is he meant for the single life? Where do I stand in his scheme of things?
Q. Hey guys, Long time read, and this is the first time I've needed to ask for advice in a very long time. I was having a pretty good run! I'm not quite sure how to word this properly so bare with me. My partner and I have been together coming ...
A. 17 October 2016: Has he been to see his doctor?
Getting a vasectomy at 19... can perhaps affect his mental health, levels of testosterone, autoimmune system etc. So I'd start by suggesting he go see his doctor and get a full work up. It's been 20 years since th... (read in full...)
I suffer from OCD and obsess over every little thing, lately the fact that my ex dumped me. What can I do to help myself?
Q. Does anyone have any tips on moving on and rising from a situation - to be frank I have been diagnosed with OCD since I was a young girl now I'm (31) and I feel like my whole young adult life has been a big obsession and worry cloud. I either worry ...
A. 17 October 2016: There is a book called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder for Dummies (yep) and it explains how out minds work when dealing with OCD and how to work through things when we get stuck.
OCD is like a glitch in the brain. For something it can work well bec... (read in full...)
How long can a relationship survive without sex?
Q. My Fiance and I have ended up at each others throats recently and it's getting too much for us both. We're both in our Mid twenties, and have been together now for almost 6 years, but to simply put it, she no longer wants sex. She doesn't get arou...
A. 17 October 2016: I think it's a lost cause, I'm sorry.
If you two haven't really had ANY sex in the last 4 years it's not going to magically happen if you JUST wait it out....
I have been married for 20... the reason our pretty active sex life stopped was due ... (read in full...)
How can I end an affair with a married woman who is having an affair with another?
Q. What steps can I take to end a affair with a married woman that is having another affair. Yes, call me stupid. I deserve it. She is a long term friend and we have known each other for years. We are very comfortable with each other. The other af...
A. 16 October 2016: Tell her you are done and you will be blocking her. Then do so.
I feel sorry for your wife. Having a husband who respects his wife so little that he stays with her out of sheer convenience.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always invites his friend to tag along
Q. hiya ive been with my boyfriend now for 4 years we have a 2 year old daughter. the problem is whenever we are supposed to spend any time together he always invites his mate along. we were supposed to be spending bonfire night together just me him a...
A. 16 October 2016: What do you do?
Accept that this is who he is and how he is.
Start doing "family" things without him. Take your child out and enjoy those outings, if he asks why, tell him you are TIRED of him never wanting to do these things without his frie... (read in full...)
Is lingerie an appropriate birthday gift for my girlfriend?
Q. we've been dating for 6 months. we're really close and intimate. Were both 23. We had sex for the first time a few nights ago. She having a birthday party coming up im thinking about giving lingerie for her birthday. I'm wanting something on the c...
A. 16 October 2016: I agree with Ciar.
SO many ways lingerie can go wrong. Wrong size (she will think you think she is fat or whatever) Wrong color (she will think you don't know her) Wrong type (she will think you want her to be more/less slutty) etc.
And let... (read in full...)
My friend is accusing me of being a shitty friend because I like the guy she was cheating on her boyfriend with!
Q. This is a very complex situation, so please bare with me as this story might be a little long-winded. In August, my friend Leslie started hanging out with this guy, Ian, she met through Tinder. They were talking to each other off-and-on for n...
A. 16 October 2016: I think Ciar analyzed it perfectly.
Read her post through a few times and see if you can "get" what she is talking about.
Leslie is a cheating GF and YOU are GLADLY enabling her. Why is that? That's the kind of friend you would want at YOUR bac... (read in full...)
How could he have issues with my weight and yet have such mind blowing sex with me?
Q. I'm looking for some perspective on a recent situation I experienced that has left me a bit confused. I dated a guy for about 5-6 months. During the entire relationship, we got alone EXCEEDINGLY well. I have never dated anyone as attentive or ten...
A. 16 October 2016: Was it your weight?
I kind of doubt it. While there is a saying "men can have sex with "anything" with a pulse" - that might be correct for a one night stand, but to begin and carry on a relationship for a month? Nah, don't believe it.
I think... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my ex/ maybe boyfriend and go on the date? Does that make me a cheater?Or should I work things out with him?
Q. I am unsure of how to proceed. My ex (I guess) broke up with me back in September because I waned him to spend more time doing things with me because all he did was play video games. I wanted to go out and do things. After a lot of fighting h...
A. 16 October 2016: You already know you two are NOT a good match so why are you trying so hard?
He lied to you initially about his interest, to match them up with yours. THAT was how he got you hooked, you then saw that he lied and you STILL?! stick it out with him... (read in full...)
What do younger guys see in older women?
Q. Older woman, younger man... I am in my mid 40s. I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia. We flirted during one tour, and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day. He was really sweet and caring in bed, and then was...
A. 15 October 2016: Who says isn't seeing a woman his own age? You two are not exclusive at all, you just occasionally meet up and have sex.
Is there a future here? I don't see it. If there was more than a great physical connection, it might not even have a future. ... (read in full...)
Depression, drinking and having to go on holiday abroad
Q. I live with my parents, and i'm currently on medication for depression. when my parents have had holidays, ive been able to look after myself and have behaved. I'm seeing a pyschlogist at the moment who is helping me through my troubles. I asked he...
A. 14 October 2016: It's not your LAST holiday ever. It's the LAST holiday your parents are TAKING you on. You are in your 20's, so an adult. YOU want to go on holiday, you work, you save up, you book a vacation.
You dad is just stating that he no longer wishes t... (read in full...)
Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 14 October 2016: I think adoption is a GREAT thing, no matter what. I would do a LOT of research into it before making the final decision.
There are SO many kids right now in Brittain who are in need of a home. I watched a documentary on the foster care and adop... (read in full...)
How can I get over being mistreated?
Q. Earlier this year I was in a short term relationship a couple of months when I met this guy through friends of mine. Within two weeks the man asked me to be Ina relationship and even though we were both sexually attracted to each other - I didn't ...
A. 14 October 2016: I have to ask, are you mad at HIM or are you mad at yourself?
That would be my starting point.
If you are mad at him for being a piece of crap BF you are wasting your time. Being mad won't change who he is. It won't change that it didn't work o... (read in full...)
Do I ask how my former student is doing? I don't want to overstep any boundaries!
Q. Thank you in advance for all that take the time to give their advice. Not a relationship question however I really would like some opinions. Last year I worked briefly with a student during their last year at school. That same student lived directly ...
A. 14 October 2016: I think that is very kind of you and I don't think it's overstepping to call on them and see how he is doing. As for visiting in the hospital, I don't know. I know some people battling various cancers are "medically" better off not having visitors. ... (read in full...)
Depression, drinking and having to go on holiday abroad
Q. I live with my parents, and i'm currently on medication for depression. when my parents have had holidays, ive been able to look after myself and have behaved. I'm seeing a pyschlogist at the moment who is helping me through my troubles. I asked he...
A. 14 October 2016: While I get that your psychologist said you could drink two halves of beer, I think it's irresponsible of her to suggest you should even entertain drinking AT ALL. I can't imagine ANY psychologist telling a patient to drink alcohol at all.
You a... (read in full...)
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