Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 9 November 2017: Contact the Police? Why?
YOU gave him that money. You can't prove it was a loan if you have nothing written down, besides the Police cannot do a thing. It's not a "crime" - it would be something you would have to take to small claim's court (o... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 5 November 2017: Honestly? Unless you have something in writing that states how much you lend him and how he is to pay it back, you might as well chalk this up to a loss.
And for you to try and chase him down? No. The money is GONE. He is not worth trying to keep ... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 29 October 2017: When I say gas lighting (on slow burn) it's (for me) when a person is trying to make it about YOU. Like YOU are in the wrong... not them. Not taking responsibility and/or refusing to look at the situation from YOUR point of view.
He isn't go... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong time to have a baby?
Q. Hello,n I'm currently living with my parents as I've just graduated and it's quite crowded, I've also just found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend lives 100 miles away but has said if I choose to keep it he will move down and get a part time job al...
A. 28 October 2017: *hugs OP*
I'm sorry for your loss.
While miscarriages are actually very common, it's not a nice thing to go through.
Take this opportunity to tweak your birth control (if you were on something, switch brands and if you still seeing your BF... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 28 October 2017: I'm sorry OP, that he doesn't seem to grasp YOUR reasoning why you asked him to end it the first time. He is seeing YOU as being unreasonable because it's NOT what he wants to do.
Can you imagine having to go through ALL these "negotia... (read in full...)
He's left me yet again but what wrong have I done to be treated like this?
Q. I need help please I Feel patheticI met this guy two years ago. He was great he was always guarded we went out on dates for three months didn't sleep together til then. He was great to my son. I have a Lil boy. I ended up moving in with him, and it ...
A. 27 October 2017: OP, this is too much drama.
Don't quit your job. Find a place YOU can afford on your own CLOSER to your job and your son's school and LEAVE this man be.
He doesn't know WHAT he wants. He isn't a stable person and while I'm sure you son adores h... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 27 October 2017: So in short, what HE wants to do is a higher priority than what might be "for the good of the relationship" basically. They aren't real friends. She was the backup plan. And apparently, he likes to keep her around no matter how it affects you.
... (read in full...)
I would like to try sex with him - secretly
Q. My question is I met this guy, a friend of a friend, am a virgin, I would like to have sex with him. Should I ask my friend to ask him, or should I ask him? I would only like fwb. I have fantasy's. am not gay. I wouldn't want this to get out....
A. 26 October 2017: If you ONLY want to experiment, WHY ask someone who is a friend of a friend? Why not use one of this many hook-up apps instead?
And If this is the guy you want to try and have your first encounter with, have the guts to ASK him directly... (read in full...)
I may have put him off. What should I do?
Q. I have really liked a man for a long time. He has shown very strong signs before, that he liked me. I was coming out of a long-term relationship and I wasn't ready for anything/gave out confusing signals. I think I unintentionally hurt him, giving ...
A. 26 October 2017: I think asking him out for lunch as a "thank you for the help" is a very good start.
I think you generally worry too much about something you absolutely CAN NOT control (how he thinks and feels).
So ASK him out for lunch. Sure you rather have ... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong time to have a baby?
Q. Hello,n I'm currently living with my parents as I've just graduated and it's quite crowded, I've also just found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend lives 100 miles away but has said if I choose to keep it he will move down and get a part time job al...
A. 26 October 2017: For me, 21 would have been too young. I was not that mature at 21. I was still in college, had a BF and partying. So definitely NOT a good time for me to have a child.
You seem to know what you want and where you want to go. Which means you are ... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 26 October 2017: You ask:
"And now the impossible situation - if he says he has shut it down - do I believe it and what would now convince me. "
I would PUT that question to him. Ask him with all that it TOOK for him to cut the contact, how are YOU supposed to ... (read in full...)
Where can I find someone who wants to date me?
Q. I am 22 and never been on a date because no man has ever asked me out and I don't know where to go to find men who want to date me. I don't frequent bars or clubs. I have tried doing some volunteering activities and in college I previously joine...
A. 26 October 2017: From your post, it seems like you "sit" and wait for a guy to approach YOU and ask YOU out. Have you ever met a guy YOU thought:" hmm he looks yummy, I'd like a shot at that?"
Do you go out with friends? Not only to bars (because I don't think ba... (read in full...)
My boyfriend took small amounts of money from my purse! What should I do?
Q. I was dating a guy for 3 months, who I love, and knew was broke/unemployed. 2 weeks ago, $15.00 was missing from my wallet. I thought I miscounted, so the next time he came over I took a pic of my wallet, so I knew for sure. $20.00 went miss...
A. 26 October 2017: Well, this is one way to weed out guys you should NOT want to date.
For a guy to STEAL money from you so he can "treat" you to a meal out? That is about as low as it goes... And $20? Would he have taken you to McDonald for a Kid's Meal?
I mean ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got another woman pregnant on a break and I am not feeling good about it
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend on and off close to 3.5 years. Nothing has been perfect, but one thing is we really do love each other. We've both been faithful, never any worries there. And when we did take a break before (a few times) we both ...
A. 26 October 2017: You have to decide if this a deal breaker or not.
It would be for me. It might not be for you.
The fact that your relationship is ALREADY unstable and has gone through several "breaks" or on/off periods makes me think that while you two ca... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 25 October 2017: Denizen, I do love the questions and the debate but... I think MANY (if not most) people regard their cellphones as private and personal as a diary.
You wouldn't read someone's diary, would you?
Think about it? People personalize thei... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 25 October 2017: I think he is playing dumb.
I think the REASON he is using the "friendship guise" is because he was hoping you would buy it. That is also why he dragged it out for so long in telling her what was up.
AND, why he chose to tell her that YOU had... (read in full...)
Guys, do you miss the other woman if the affair ends suddenly?
Q. Guys, do you miss your mistress when your affair ended suddenly. I just ended my affair with a married man. Without stating the reason why. I know it’s wrong to be in love with him. So please spare me all the nasty comments. I feel kinda ...
A. 25 October 2017: I think it all depends on the guy and the woman. If she was "just" a bit of sex, attention and feeding his ego on the side of his life, then maybe he doesn't miss the PERSON as much as he might miss the sex and the attention. Because sex and ... (read in full...)
Just a kiss but what should I do now?
Q. Hi, So I've recently been partying a lot more, fairly common for someone my age. Anyway, last night, I got very very drunk and ended up kissing a boy. Now this may seem like a really silly question but my issue is that I can't stop thinking...
A. 25 October 2017: Next party? Don't drink so much.
Following each other on social media means squat. But if you reached out with an "invite" and he accepted then perhaps he is interested in getting to know YOU - the REAL person not just the drunk girl at the part... (read in full...)
Do I need to' know' he is the one?
Q. I’m 29. My parter is 10 years older. We’ve been together 5 years. I love him; he loves me and everything is great. I just want to know what people think of soul mates? Or when people say ‘when you know, you know’ i guess i just know that our re...
A. 25 October 2017: Personally, I love the notion of a soul mate but I don't buy it. I don't believe that there is ONE person for each of us, some kind of cosmic handpicked partner. The notion sounds lovely but utterly unrealistic.
What I DO believe is we have an ... (read in full...)
How did I get involved in their drama?
Q. Well I'm feeling kind of embarrassed. I reach out to my old friends probably once a year. I reached out to who seemed like a little brother because his parents were like surrogates to me for 6 years. He never saves my number so I said can you save ...
A. 25 October 2017: No need to beat yourself up, OP
You did something that you have done before - reaching out and saying hey how are you doing? And it happened that instead of reaching the (intended recipient) GUY, his wife saw it.
IF you wrote NOTHING inapprop... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 24 October 2017: If it was her/his "office land line"? then probably. If she/he had left her CELL phone on her/his desk, then no.
One is PUBLIC/belonging to the company/firm we BOTH work for, the other? Her/his private and personal phone.
If the coworker did... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 24 October 2017: I agree OP, weed affects people differently. Because our brains and genetic are different (if only slightly) from each other.
Of course these days the amount of THC is different in CONTROLLED grown pot/weed than homegrown from question... (read in full...)
My husband was exposed to HIV and I am very scared
Q. Hi, I am juggling with a serious situation ., My husband has been exposed to hiv at work he is a health care provider. He is given post exposure prophylaxis now.we have to wait and see what happens in future.my husband is the best human being you ...
A. 24 October 2017: The likelihood of him actually having caught HIV is low. With the meds out there these days again, it can be managed and it can be treated to a point where the virus is negligent in his system. Which means passing it on is also highly unlikely.
... (read in full...)
What is it like being a stepdad?
Q. Hi I've got to known this girl for 1 year and she has daughter that's 5 years old, what's it like being stepdad? My parents say just be dad from start that way you see him grow in stages as you have a full dad title ...
A. 24 October 2017: If I were you I'd go find some "how to be a stepdad" kind of books, so you have an idea of how to make the best of it, for HER and you.
Talk to your partner about rules and boundaries so you are both on the same page.
Do try "too hard" in th... (read in full...)
He's changed how the trip expenses will be split!
Q. So, I'm in a relatively new relationship.....we met in June but things have gotten more serious in the past 2 months where we now are exclusive......he's been talking about an event he wants to attend in the big apple in december and so we've been ...
A. 24 October 2017: I think it all depends on what you can afford.
First of all, it's ONLY 2 months in so BARELY an established relationship (no offense). And if he suggested ONE kind of sharing bills (like you pay this and I take care of the rest, WHY didn't y... (read in full...)
Is my crush inappropriate?
Q. Hey all! I have a big, fat, unavoidable crush on a good friend of mine and I am not sure I should, nor am I sure whether I should talk with her about it. My friend is about 9 years older than I am, and I hesitate to bring anything up because she i...
A. 24 October 2017: She is engaged, so OFF limits. It's really that simple.
My guess? She knows you "fan-girl" a little bit over her but I don't think she knows to what extent.
If you bring it up? IT will change EVERYTHING. She might even feel it's HER fault a... (read in full...)
Am I being played here, or does he really associate being my boyfriend with one day marrying me?
Q. My ex-boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me last month, we had a pretty amicable breakup (he told me that we have a good thing and it was hard because he loves me but he just doesn't see himself married to me one day and tbh I don't either since ...
A. 24 October 2017: So he doesn't want to be your BF and he doesn't want YOU to be his GF, but he still wants the whole "having a GF experience" with dates, sex, texting and hanging out? Am I getting that right?
So what happens when he DOES meet a girl he wants to... (read in full...)
I'd like to help them save their marriage!
Q. Oh boy. I have two friends that have been married for ten years. The husband has been having an affair off and on for three years with a chick he refused to ever completely sever ties with. The wife has taken off with other guys during their splits ...
A. 24 October 2017: The WIFE needs counseling? Are you serious?
She cheated with this guy and later married him and then he turned out to cheat her on as well and the FIX is for her to get counseling - oh and a new car? Like she is for sale? The price of staying ... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 23 October 2017: Nope, Denizen - I too, would let it ring.
UNLESS said, friend, in the garden, TOLD me: hey if the phone rings can you answer it? I'm waiting on a call from XYZ."
9 out of 10 times I let my husband's phone ring and go to voicemail. As I ... (read in full...)
The relationship I am in has become exhausting
Q. So I need to preface this by saying I am not a second-chances person. Basically once someone loses my faith or trust, they usually can't get it back. That being said, I dated this guy for about a year, from September of last year to earlier ...
A. 23 October 2017: You write that you don't want to "fix" him or "change" him but that is EXACTLY what you are trying to do. When he didn't SAY the 3 words you felt you were owed and you deserved you ended it. Even though you state that you FELT loved. you write:
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was kissed by a gay guy and now he wonders if he is bi?
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months just told me he was kissed by a gay guy at a party I wasn't able to attend, and also told me he thinks he might be bi now. I'm just wondering if other people consider this cheating. I'm pretty uncomfortable with the whole ...
A. 23 October 2017: Yep, I'm with Cindy.
If kissing a girl is cheating in your book, so is kissing a boy.
Personally? I'd end it and wish him luck in working out what he really wants. He is using the "I think I'm bi" as an excuse. If he says that... then may... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 23 October 2017: Nope, count the money you spend on him as a loss. Then you BLOCK his sorry ass.
The guy was using you. You paid his rent and food - he "paid" you back in sex and fake intimacy (at least I think THAT is how he sees it).
He isn't interested in yo... (read in full...)
Is 15 years too big a gap for us?
Q. Hi I have been talking to a guy on line who states he is 39 although looks a little older in his picture. I am a 54 year old woman but I do not look my age and have stated that I am 43. I work as Cabin Crew and surrounded by loads of young p...
A. 23 October 2017: YOU obviously think that 15 years is too big of a gap - OR you wouldn't have lied about it.
Starting ANY kind of relationship BUILD on lies (big and small) is DOOMED to not work out.
What do you really think his reaction would be when he finds... (read in full...)
My long distance love wants me to send sexy pictures of myself
Q. I've been going out with this boy for 2 months now and it's a LDR situation. I knew it was going to be hard to not spend all that time together but I felt I could handle it. Lately he's been asking me to send naughty pictures to him and it m...
A. 23 October 2017: I so agree with Aunt Cindy here,
This has disaster written ALL over it. The fact that he KEEPS asking for something you have told him, you DO NOT want to do - it's a HUGE red flag. And then you INTEND on meeting up with this ALMOST stranger... (read in full...)
Should I try to see if he is available? If so how?
Q. Ok! Where do I start? I met a boy seven years ago. We were on a summer abroad in Australia and we fell madly in love with each other. When the summer ended we both went back home. But lived in opposite parts of the country and it just wouldn’t have ...
A. 23 October 2017: IMHO and I don't want to rain on your fantasy here...
Before you consider contacting him, ARE you two still at opposite sides of the country, and will that likely continue? Becuase there is NO point in starting something that from the word GO!... (read in full...)
Why would a man get distant when time together is limited?
Q. so i have been seeing someone for about 2 years now, we are both military and it is now the time for me to rotate to a new duty and he will not be able to come with me. We both love each other very much but the closer i get to leaving, the more ...
A. 23 October 2017: You feel you should make the BEST of the little time you have together... he feels pulling away now is the least painful.
If you are in the Armed Forces you should know this is how MANY people react to PCS's and deployments. This is super common. ... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 23 October 2017: I agree with Denizen and WiseOwlE
This is most likely a cultural thing. and some would perhaps feel it was an invasion of privacy as well.
I don't think you SHOULD text your BF or anyone else from THIER phone unless they ask you too. As in;"... (read in full...)
Two guys... So whom should I go for?
Q. I have an issue where I'm interested in two guys and I don't know what to do about it. The first guy we met on a night out (he's 21 and I am 18) and there was this instant thing between us, an attraction, but also we got along really well. We've be...
A. 22 October 2017: I think, despite what guy #1 is saying... he is looking for sex mainly. And the talking (or rather texting) has slowed down because you aren't falling for his words and jumping into bed. If he really respected the fact that you are not ready for sex ... (read in full...)
Why did she keep that key ring for so long?
Q. I have a friend who flirts with me all the time.We used to have a great friendship until one day I heard her saying I'm annoyed.We had an argument and have each other cold shoulders.However,recently I wrote a letter to her saying that I really don't ...
A. 21 October 2017: I agree with Denizen,
She didn't WANT to give you the keyring because she didn't really want to deal with you. Not because she has a crush on you. She felt OBLIGATED to give you the keyring.
Honestly? You are wasting your time trying to be "fr... (read in full...)
Most of the things he does really gets on my nerves!
Q. I have been going out with a guy for almost a year now, when we first started going out I thought he was really sweet and I really liked him, we see each other every week but now it's been nearly a year I feel like things have changed, he still ...
A. 21 October 2017: I agree, the expiration date of your relationship has shown up.
You two are still young and maturing but at different paces. You are outgrowing him.
You can love someone and NOT be with them because they are NOT (or no longer) a good m... (read in full...)
Does my FWB have feelings for me?
Q. I've been friends with benefits with a guy for over 3 years. We hook up nearly every week. I telephoned him today to speak to him, he was busy building a draw and I didn't realise I was on loud speaker, during the call we were talking and he was ...
A. 21 October 2017: 3 days of FWB? Sorry, OP he is not going to change his mind and all of a sudden want a relationship with you. He has shown that over 3 years.
What exactly did you think would change? And WHY waste more of your time on a guy who really... don't gi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 21 October 2017: OP, I see nothing wrong in your stance on drugs.
If drugs (and weed is included in this according to the laws of the land) is something you want nothing to do with then I suggest HE might not BE someone for you.
I absolutely GET that pot/wee... (read in full...)
He is not being supportive and I am literally broken because of what is happening!
Q. Hi, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. We both currently live 100 miles apart and only get to see each other once a week. We decided an abortion was the best option for us as it wou...
A. 21 October 2017: I'm sorry you are going through this.
It seems like he sees this as YOUR problem, not his. I don't think he understands that THIS will affect you emotionally and physically. For him, it either hasn't sunk IN what's going on or ... he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Given his past, do you think that this man would be a good parent to my daughter?
Q. I recently left an abusive marriage, and have been seeing a man from work for almost a year. He moved in with my kids and I over the summer. He has always been very sweet and caring to all of us, but the relationship isn't perfect, though I love ...
A. 21 October 2017: I don't think anyone who has an attitude towards women of his past really distinguishes between them all, as in, he calls the exes and past partners *insert derogatory name* but you are DIFFERENT. You are still a woman like the rest. Now he might ... (read in full...)
Haunted by the past and now I'm expecting
Q. Hey, my name is Nancy, I'm 22 years old. I don’t know how to make this story short, but here we go Man, I've been feeling really depressed since early this year, my mental stability was ruined the day I accidentally found my husband's sex tape wit...
A. 21 October 2017: First off, I am presuming this sex-tape is from BEFORE you two dated, so it should BE left in the past.
Second of all, I would be FAR more concerned that he FILMED this girl without her consent, not whether he liked her more or whatever... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 20 October 2017: To add a little food for thought, here is an article about weed and PTSD.
http://bigthink.com/christina-brown-fisher/medical-marijuana-supporters-advocate-for-better-access-to-treat-ptsd-in-veterans
While I myself is not a fan of weed/pot and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 20 October 2017: For people with war-time PTSD to look to drink or drugs is not uncommon. Many feel it's an easier way to numb how they feel, it's self-medication rather than having to deal with doctors and therapists - AND... the stigma of having mental issues. I ... (read in full...)
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