He duped me! How do I learn the red flags and move on?
Q. I had seen this guy in a walking group over the past 5 months. We were friends a few years ago but lost touch. Over the months he has dropped hints that he likes me, has cuddled and held me for long periods of time and kissed my cheek in a loving ...
A. 13 November 2017: Ignore him.
I think the whole getting a friend to talk to you was a kind of intimidation move. Maybe he was hoping you would feel uncomfortable and leave. He knows you were feeling stressed that is why he roped the friends into his scheme. ... (read in full...)
He duped me! How do I learn the red flags and move on?
Q. I had seen this guy in a walking group over the past 5 months. We were friends a few years ago but lost touch. Over the months he has dropped hints that he likes me, has cuddled and held me for long periods of time and kissed my cheek in a loving ...
A. 6 November 2017: Just be polite but otherwise ignore him.
If he talks to you, you can engage in conversation or not. I'd say treat him as you would any other acquaintance you aren't really interested in spending time with. So no need for long conversa... (read in full...)
I'm confused, is she interested or just making conversation?
Q. So I work with someone who I find attractive. I have never led her on or flirted with her. I am in a happy relationship and she is married. But sometimes I have to work with her and sometimes she will touch me or make light conversation about my ...
A. 3 November 2017: Like I said in the last part of my advice...
You do not have to talk to her about your relationship, it's OK to say I like to keep my private life private. And if she is a VERY touchy feeling and that makes you uncomfortable, just move out of r... (read in full...)
I'm confused, is she interested or just making conversation?
Q. So I work with someone who I find attractive. I have never led her on or flirted with her. I am in a happy relationship and she is married. But sometimes I have to work with her and sometimes she will touch me or make light conversation about my ...
A. 2 November 2017: What's the point, OP?
The give yourself a little ego-boost?
SHE is married... YOU are in a relationship. WHATEVER she might or might not "feel" is irrelevant. It's a place you don't want to go. Treat her as you would ANY other coworker with pr... (read in full...)
He wants to propose and I'm just not ready!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Recently, he has been hinting A LOT that he wants to proposed. He also keeps asking me to find time for him to see my mom.. I know he wants to ask her. Any girl would be super happy... and I am happy... ...
A. 1 November 2017: OP, thanks for the update.
If I were you I'd tell him BEFORE he proposes that you aren't really sure marriage to HIM is what you want. I get that you don't want to rock the boat, but it's NOT really fair to him if you don't SEE a future with him... (read in full...)
He duped me! How do I learn the red flags and move on?
Q. I had seen this guy in a walking group over the past 5 months. We were friends a few years ago but lost touch. Over the months he has dropped hints that he likes me, has cuddled and held me for long periods of time and kissed my cheek in a loving ...
A. 1 November 2017: I remember you, OP and this guy...
Look OP, you took a chance and you got shot down. It didn't work out the way you had hoped. It happens. You read something into his actions because he WANTED you to think there was a possibility of "somethin... (read in full...)
Why is my LDR boyfriend testing me this way?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now and for the last two years of our relationship, he had to move for his job. He’s about 13 hours away from me now. He and I see each other as much as we can, despite the distance. The ...
A. 1 November 2017: Honestly?
Leave him be a few days to stew. No calling no texting.
What kind of test did he think it was anyway? For you to drop EVERYTHING and go see him with NO regards to YOUR job and livelihood? Life isn't a Hollywood movie.
The te... (read in full...)
It was going great and now she has stopped responding ... I guess its over!
Q. Hello everyone! A few months ago I started exchanging Facebook messages with a girl I knew in high school about ten years ago. I'm 30 and she's 29. Things went really well and she agreed to meet up as soon as we could (she was moving back to h...
A. 1 November 2017: Eh, OP it's ONE girl.
You will meet more and probably have great luck sooner or later. Don't let one "rotten" apple spoil the barrel.
Chin up!
And thanks for the update!
... (read in full...)
My ex wants me permanently in the background and have a baby mother too!
Q. Im good frinds with my ex. We are very close. We broke up 5 yrs ago, but during those 5 yrs we have been sleeping with each other. We talked about getting back together and trying for a baby.... But I told him im not ready.He was ok with this...
A. 1 November 2017: OP, let the past go.
You made a choice and considering what happened it's not so strange that you chose NOT to have the child. Don't put the blame on you for HIS current and/or past behavior - you didn't MAKE him act like a dick back then. Do... (read in full...)
How do I tell someone not to touch my boyfriend?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for almost two years. We have a good relationship, not much drama, we both prefer that way. He is introvert but in social situations he can have fun if he wants to. I'm an introvert who is socially shy and Don't have m...
A. 31 October 2017: Honestly? Your BF should be the one to tell her to NOT be so tactile.
You can try and tell her but I doubt she would respect it coming from you.... (read in full...)
Should we end our friendship? We will never have our parent's blessing
Q. I like her and she likes me. We talk everyday. She checks all the boxes for wife material in my book. We are currently only friends and whenever we slip into flirting one of us pull back. We're of different religions. We will never have our ...
A. 31 October 2017: I think if you CARE deeply for her but you can't have a future with her maybe you two cutting the contact is for the best so you can BOTH find SUITABLE partners. Right now you are both stuck on each other even though you BOTH know that nothing can ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should ask a colleague out
Q. I'm 26 and have been single for around 7--8 months now since splitting with my gf of 3 yrs. I found that break up hard and I'm unsure if I want a new relationship. However I've only been with 2 girls in my whole life and I'm desperate to "get out ...
A. 31 October 2017: Honestly, OP?
I'm very much a "don't date at work" kind of person. Because:
1. It's the place where you go to WORK, where you get your income from and where you have to have a "professional" persona.
2. If (or rather WHEN) it doesn't ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my fiancé after 5 years together, she is begging me to come back!
Q. Hello, We live in one of the bigger cities on the West Coast. Met my ex-fiancee (wow, writing that still hurts) 5 years ago. I run a couple successful tech companies so for the last two years I've been traveling back and forth (spending together...
A. 31 October 2017: So OP, do you plan on still supporting her financially and emotionally? In hopes that seeing a therapist will "cure" her or "fix" her?
Because that CAN be a VERY long gamble that might NEVER pay off. Costly too.
I think it's wonderful that y... (read in full...)
My ex wants me permanently in the background and have a baby mother too!
Q. Im good frinds with my ex. We are very close. We broke up 5 yrs ago, but during those 5 yrs we have been sleeping with each other. We talked about getting back together and trying for a baby.... But I told him im not ready.He was ok with this...
A. 31 October 2017: You have already wasted 5 years NOT being in a relationship with him where you could potentially have found someone who does want to be with you.
I don't mean to be hard on you, and I get that we all get a bit blinded by love - but the reason y... (read in full...)
Should I give it a week? Am I worrying too much for no good cause?
Q. I started chatting with this guy online on Thursday. I messaged him first and thankfully the messages have not stopped since and he has been the one to initiate conversation since the first message. I hate over thinking these situations but I...
A. 31 October 2017: Honestly? I would say if HE doesn't ask to meet you after a month.... then he ISN'T really interested in more than someone to chat with.
That doesn't mean YOU can't drop a hint or two, like when talking about favorite restaurants, food, travel o... (read in full...)
My ex wants me permanently in the background and have a baby mother too!
Q. Im good frinds with my ex. We are very close. We broke up 5 yrs ago, but during those 5 yrs we have been sleeping with each other. We talked about getting back together and trying for a baby.... But I told him im not ready.He was ok with this...
A. 31 October 2017: Sorry OP,
This is not a gem of a man. This is a guy who is worried he won't leave a "legacy" in form of a child or children.
He doesn't GIVE a flying FART about you or the potential baby momma. He is just scared he won't spread his seeds.
If... (read in full...)
My husband ordered diet pills for me!
Q. My husband ordered diet pills for me online without saying anything to me about it first. He said he just wanted to help me because he knows my weight bothers me. I don't know how exactly to feel about this am I wrong that him doing that bothers ...
A. 31 October 2017: 1. I wouldn't take diet pills off the Internet without a doctor's suggestions.
2. I'd probably be pissed off at my husband for the wasting of money AND the "you are fat" hint.
3. I lost quite a bit of weight over a period of almost 2 years b... (read in full...)
He wants to propose and I'm just not ready!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Recently, he has been hinting A LOT that he wants to proposed. He also keeps asking me to find time for him to see my mom.. I know he wants to ask her. Any girl would be super happy... and I am happy... ...
A. 31 October 2017: I agree with Denizen, no one says that because he proposes (let's say this year) that you HAVE to marry in 2018 or even 2019.
I do suggest you give it some thought of WHEN you feel you could be ready - I don't think it's fair to HIM if you keep... (read in full...)
I broke up with my fiancé after 5 years together, she is begging me to come back!
Q. Hello, We live in one of the bigger cities on the West Coast. Met my ex-fiancee (wow, writing that still hurts) 5 years ago. I run a couple successful tech companies so for the last two years I've been traveling back and forth (spending together...
A. 31 October 2017: OP,
When you love someone who IS NOT bringing out the best in you then you have a TOXIC relationship. And THAT is what you have.
She is afraid of losing you probably because she has issues with her own self-worth so she tries to control and m... (read in full...)
I'm dating someone who has a twin brother and when the brothers and the sister-in-law get together, they make me feel very left out
Q. I have been dating an identical twin for the last 4 years. We have been doing well except when it comes to spending time with his brother and his sister in law. When we are all together, I am always to one that is left out. I always get left out of ...
A. 30 October 2017: Honestly? I say something to the likes of:"guys you don't need to huddle and whisper, I can just leave the room"... and then get up and leave.
I think the SIL is enjoying that SHE is the "queen bee" with both twins and you are occasion... (read in full...)
How do we settle on the temperature issue? My partner and I find it difficult to adjust to each other's preferences
Q. It's a bit of a funny thing that is becoming not funny really fast. Me and my partner have vastly different temperatures at which we are comfortable. It's especially pronounced at nighttime, as the temperature that makes him feel OK-ish feels ...
A. 30 October 2017: I don't like sleeping in a warm room, I'd rather grab an extra blanket myself. If it's too warm (out house has no AC) so in summer it can get nasty hot - thankfully my husband feels the same. The kids, however, are fine either way.
I really t... (read in full...)
My past has led me to hate sex, relationships and even the human touch
Q. I hate sex, masturbation, porn and sex toys. I even despise human touch and being social, including relationships. I'm very happy being single being alone by myself, but my family and therapist pressures me to date and socialize, which angers ...
A. 30 October 2017: When people (in general) say I "hate" this or that it's rare that people actually HATE XYZ - in your case, I can see why sex just isn't something you are into. I don't think I'd be a fan either.
However isolating yourself is not helping you over... (read in full...)
Why did this woman pass such a comment on my 'almost' boyfriend?
Q. Hello. I'm a fitness model and I train at a studio with my friend who is also my trainer. We've just got involved together outside a business relationship. There's this other girl who he also trains. She's been with him almost as long as I hav...
A. 29 October 2017: OP, you would be surprised how many people just LOVE to get involved in getting people together (or split up).
And I think when you have a personal trainer that you are PHYSICALLY almost intimate with (in a non-sexual way) she might feel she KNOW... (read in full...)
Do I tell my son she's cheating?
Q. My son's wife is cheating on him. Both she and my son are 29 and have been together for just over 9 years. I received an e-mail about 4 years ago from someone who has sent me evidence that she has been cheating on him for the past 5 or 6 years w...
A. 29 October 2017: If I were in your shoes I'd tell my child. I'd say I didn't WANT to interfere in your marriage but I feel I can no longer be an "accomplished" to this. You don't DESERVE being treated like this by someone who claims to love you - (his wife) and ... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 29 October 2017: When I say gas lighting (on slow burn) it's (for me) when a person is trying to make it about YOU. Like YOU are in the wrong... not them. Not taking responsibility and/or refusing to look at the situation from YOUR point of view.
He isn't go... (read in full...)
Why did he say he was disappointed?
Q. I played a little joke on a sort of friend, who I deep down fancy, but haven’t told him.. On a hook up app their profile popped up so I messaged them sent them a few funny pics of people, told them I know them and that to find out who I am they hav...
A. 29 October 2017: It wasn't just the "joke" (I don't see the fun in it either ... but I digress) it was the fact that you were playing games over an app instead of just TALKING to him since you know each other.
Most people don't like playing dumb childish games li... (read in full...)
We are falling out of love and I don't know what to do
Q. After being attached to his phone the TV and napping all day I asked my husband if he would spend some time with me. He suggested we have friends over I replied I would rather spend the night with just you since we haven't had a night alone in a ...
A. 29 October 2017: Maybe you need to start leaving the house and doing things with friend and family. I don't mean going drinking or anything like that, but LET him miss you. If he doesn't WANT to interact with you at home I'd honestly start focusing on my social like ... (read in full...)
Why have I started despising my married lover?
Q. Is it normal for the other woman to start hating or resenting the married man she's been seeing for a while? How does it go from him being able to do no wrong to thinking less of him over time? So, from love to hate? Seems like such a drop in her f...
A. 29 October 2017: I think it's possible. Maybe because the reality is setting in? You have realized that nothing substantial will come of this and that you are wasting your time and emotion on a man who CAN'T commit to you. Even if he CHOSE to leave his wife for ... (read in full...)
I have nowhere else to live my mother and stepfather have offered me to live with them but my stepfather is a nudist and walks around naked most of the time!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 44 year old single woman (and a virgin) and have nowhere to live because of various events in the past 2 years. However I am welcome to live with my mother and step dad, who are generous and considerate generally speaking. ...
A. 29 October 2017: If the choice is between being homeless or live with a guy who is a nudist, I know what MY choice would be.
While I get the "cringe-factor" (sorry, old naked guys are just not something I want to see in my daily life...) I would RATHER suck it ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in a separated man but don't like some of his actions. Advice?
Q. Hello, I recently joined a dating site, and I found someone I know, I actually was at his wedding. But his currently separated from his wife of 2 years and has 2 kids with her. At first I contacted him and told him that I know him and that I was at ...
A. 29 October 2017: Have you two even been out on a date? Or is it all just talking?
Personally? I don't see WHY he should tell you that he is out of the country. You are not dating and not a couple - yet.
Now he could have told you, but I don't think he OWES yo... (read in full...)
A guy keeps sending me mixed signals.
Q. Last month I met a guy, he's a friend's(F1) friend's(F2) friend.. We were a few girls and him. We had dinner and drank alcohol so we were all kinda drunk. F1 would continuously tell me that she feels like this guy is coming on to me really strongly ...
A. 28 October 2017: He is playing games and you are playing games, but not the SAME game.
Is he interested? Yes, I would say that is he but interested in what? maybe a hook-up? maybe to make a new friend? Since you mentioned that F2 was his only friend, maybe he... (read in full...)
Why would he say "I love you" if he has no intention of changing his life for you?
Q. If a married man you've been involved in a long term relationship with tells you he loves you, could he really mean it, even if he will never leave his wife to be with you? It's a terrible predicament to be in when you realize you now love this ma...
A. 28 October 2017: Honestly, OP?
YOU are the one who set yourself up to fail. By "seeing" a married man and then hoping he would dump the wife for you if you two got serious.
YOU made the choice to "date" a married man.
The MOMENT he took back the "I will le... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong time to have a baby?
Q. Hello,n I'm currently living with my parents as I've just graduated and it's quite crowded, I've also just found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend lives 100 miles away but has said if I choose to keep it he will move down and get a part time job al...
A. 28 October 2017: *hugs OP*
I'm sorry for your loss.
While miscarriages are actually very common, it's not a nice thing to go through.
Take this opportunity to tweak your birth control (if you were on something, switch brands and if you still seeing your BF... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says his phone was hacked. I don't believe him.
Q. I recently found pictures of my significant other in his phone along with seeing him on website called backpage. I viewed his history and found him looking up girls in different areas. He denied taking those pictures in my bed from not even less ...
A. 28 October 2017: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/9-things-you-need-to-know-about-backpage.com-and-sex-trafficking
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/07/opinion/google-backpagecom-sex-traffickers.html
Thought you should read those...... (read in full...)
Why did this woman pass such a comment on my 'almost' boyfriend?
Q. Hello. I'm a fitness model and I train at a studio with my friend who is also my trainer. We've just got involved together outside a business relationship. There's this other girl who he also trains. She's been with him almost as long as I hav...
A. 28 October 2017: My guess?
She isn't blind and can see that the two of you are interested in each other. Since you and he are keeping it on the down-low and not common knowledge - she might have been telling you that you should go for him as he seemed INTO you... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 28 October 2017: I'm sorry OP, that he doesn't seem to grasp YOUR reasoning why you asked him to end it the first time. He is seeing YOU as being unreasonable because it's NOT what he wants to do.
Can you imagine having to go through ALL these "negotia... (read in full...)
My ex apologized but she never really said she was at fault
Q. Hi cupid, my ex apologised to me which is a rare occasion. After 2 years since we broke up, one line she said really triggered me... I read her apology and as soon as i saw the line "i dont want any drama" i snapped. This was a girl i really cared ...
A. 28 October 2017: The apology was NOT for you. It was to make herself feel better about what happened. SHE knows she messed up, she knows it was mostly her fault but she doesn't WANT to take responsibility for it and she doesn't want to own it anymore, hence the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says his phone was hacked. I don't believe him.
Q. I recently found pictures of my significant other in his phone along with seeing him on website called backpage. I viewed his history and found him looking up girls in different areas. He denied taking those pictures in my bed from not even less ...
A. 28 October 2017: So someone WENT to YOUR bedroom and took pictures of HIM and then they hacked his phone?
Oh please, it's dripping bullshit here.
Why do you still call him a BF?
Do you know that "backpage" is a KNOWN place to "buy" sex from trafficked and ... (read in full...)
I want to help my friend but how?
Q. I’m in a bit of a pickle, dear Aunts and Uncles! I wish I could tell a friend of mine something that very much concerns her, but I’m afraid it may really hurt her and maybe force her to do something she otherwise wouldn’t. I know that she has pro...
A. 27 October 2017: So you want to tell your delusional friend that she is living in a fantasy world and that she needs to grow up and get her head on straight?
If so, that is going to be VERY hard to do. There is a REASON she lives in her own little fantasy world wh... (read in full...)
What is my best course to date my cousin?
Q. I’m in love with my cousin. We haven’t seen each other in 3 years her mom is my aunt and she has been going through a custody battle but she finally won. Anyway, when we were younger we would swim together and I was ten she was 9 and she would flash ...
A. 27 October 2017: Her mom is your aunt, so you ARE related by blood. That is what makes her your COUSIN and not just some random girl. Now if this AUNT is the wife of your mom/dad's brother and had this girl BEFORE the marriage... then yes, she isn't related by blood ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't trust that I love him. Its getting old
Q. i grew up with my husband as teenagers when we were 16 he moved away.i never saw him for about 37 years , we both had spouses and children but seperated, when we met after all those years we fell for each other very quick got married 3 1/2 years ...
A. 27 October 2017: Talk to him about HOW he thinks people show love, tell him HOW you show love.
Try this one with him:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
And consider reading the book together. It might help... (read in full...)
How do I explain to my fiance that I want to go out dressed up as a female without hurting her feelings?
Q. I'm engaged to a wonderful girl. I've always considered myself a female in my heart. I have been crossdressing secretly in the past but I can't anymore. I really want to go out and be feminine once in a while. I explained my fiancee my situation. I ...
A. 27 October 2017: Just ask her how she would feel about it and go from there.
I think if she can ACCEPT that you crossdress and STILL want to marry you, it might not be as big of a deal as YOU think.
And honestly? I think hiding your dressing up from her is a ba... (read in full...)
How do I end a FWB relationship and just be friends?
Q. How do I end a friends with benefits thing? I'm 18 and he's 21 and we were friends for about a year and a half before we started sleeping together basically, and he took my virginity. There was a point before we had sex where I thought I had ...
A. 27 October 2017: Just be honest.
Tell him, I am done with the "benefits" if you still want to be friends (and I would like to keep being friends) then there will be no more sex.
He might choose to cut you loose if he isn't getting sex. And THAT you have to acce... (read in full...)
He's left me yet again but what wrong have I done to be treated like this?
Q. I need help please I Feel patheticI met this guy two years ago. He was great he was always guarded we went out on dates for three months didn't sleep together til then. He was great to my son. I have a Lil boy. I ended up moving in with him, and it ...
A. 27 October 2017: OP, this is too much drama.
Don't quit your job. Find a place YOU can afford on your own CLOSER to your job and your son's school and LEAVE this man be.
He doesn't know WHAT he wants. He isn't a stable person and while I'm sure you son adores h... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 27 October 2017: So in short, what HE wants to do is a higher priority than what might be "for the good of the relationship" basically. They aren't real friends. She was the backup plan. And apparently, he likes to keep her around no matter how it affects you.
... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong time to have a baby?
Q. Hello,n I'm currently living with my parents as I've just graduated and it's quite crowded, I've also just found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend lives 100 miles away but has said if I choose to keep it he will move down and get a part time job al...
A. 26 October 2017: For me, 21 would have been too young. I was not that mature at 21. I was still in college, had a BF and partying. So definitely NOT a good time for me to have a child.
You seem to know what you want and where you want to go. Which means you are ... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 26 October 2017: You ask:
"And now the impossible situation - if he says he has shut it down - do I believe it and what would now convince me. "
I would PUT that question to him. Ask him with all that it TOOK for him to cut the contact, how are YOU supposed to ... (read in full...)
Was he trying to deceive me?
Q. Was he trying to deceive me? There are two aspects to an action. What was the intention behind something (the mental part) and what action was taken/not taken (the physical part). What is bugging me on an issue is what was the intention behind...
A. 25 October 2017: I think he is playing dumb.
I think the REASON he is using the "friendship guise" is because he was hoping you would buy it. That is also why he dragged it out for so long in telling her what was up.
AND, why he chose to tell her that YOU had... (read in full...)
It was going great and now she has stopped responding ... I guess its over!
Q. Hello everyone! A few months ago I started exchanging Facebook messages with a girl I knew in high school about ten years ago. I'm 30 and she's 29. Things went really well and she agreed to meet up as soon as we could (she was moving back to h...
A. 12 October 2017: Oh, she got the messages.
And maybe that BF of hers saw it too. So the whole:"Oh he is just an old school friend" doesn't work as well as an excuse when said "friend" posts... "We look great!:)"
Honestly, if I were you I'd stop trying with this... (read in full...)
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