My ex's actions make me feel like I was never worth fighting for
Q. Hi guys, So this is an ongoing problem with my ex bf that has left me feeling confused, angry, resentful, but mostly hurt, and I need advice on how to deal with the situation. So earlier this year, I posted on this website about whether or no...
A. 26 December 2017: Merry Christmas OP!
I'm glad you found some useful advice here on DC and that it is helping you move forward.
I would just like to add that I think you ought to do 2 things.
1. Change all your passwords (including Netflix)
2. Tell him ... (read in full...)
I refused to trade nudes for friendship. Now what?
Q. A few months ago, a group of boys at my school saw me sitting alone, and asked if I wanted to join them. I never dared to approach them before, because I like one of them. They became my friend circle. I felt happy, hanging out with them, and b...
A. 5 December 2017: I think you give the group of boys WAY to high praise. If they are SO easily swayed to mistreat you then they aren't as great friends as you might want them to be.
Honestly? All you CAN do is hold your head up high and ignore both groups for now.... (read in full...)
I lost a good friend and now feel guilty
Q. Dear All I just need some advice. About 4 months ago I met a girl online as a language exchange partner. Purely platonic. We talked a lot and became really good friends. As we grew closer she said many things that made it clear she was not l...
A. 5 December 2017: Total lunatic doesn't cover it. But she was also a lunatic who KNOWS how to manipulate people for a certain outcome, except... with you it didn't work.
Someone who tells you:" DATE me NOW or lose me forever!!" Is off their rocker! And in between ... (read in full...)
I refused to trade nudes for friendship. Now what?
Q. A few months ago, a group of boys at my school saw me sitting alone, and asked if I wanted to join them. I never dared to approach them before, because I like one of them. They became my friend circle. I felt happy, hanging out with them, and b...
A. 5 December 2017: OP, that is an awfully sad story.
And I get wanting to have friends, I really do. But the boys were NOT good friends with you and the girls were trying to set you up (probably with incentive from the boys). They were trying VERY hard to get phot... (read in full...)
My ex isn't apologetic about his behavior and its starting to turn me off
Q. I broke things off with him because he kept gaslighting me. Anytime I wanted to talk to him about something he’d call me a drama queen, sensitive, emotional. I got so drained trying to salvage things. The last straw was when he told me to shut up as ...
A. 5 December 2017: He is acting more like a 14-year-old than a guy of 25, so for your OWN sake tell him that you DO NOT want to be friends and then you BLOCK his ass. You don't OWE him to friends what all he does is drain you.
He doesn't OWE you an apology. You are ... (read in full...)
My ex's actions make me feel like I was never worth fighting for
Q. Hi guys, So this is an ongoing problem with my ex bf that has left me feeling confused, angry, resentful, but mostly hurt, and I need advice on how to deal with the situation. So earlier this year, I posted on this website about whether or no...
A. 4 December 2017: I absolutely agree with N91, THIS is not about you not being enough for HIM. He isn't enough for himself, let alone for you.
YOU dated a "fixer upper" - you dated him for the potential YOU saw in him and he fantasized about having, NOT the guy ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mother isn't accepting of my children and myself
Q. i met my boyfriend 6yrs ago I have 2 children from previous relationship and left their father due to domestic violence. We are happy and since meeting my boyfriend we have so much in common and my children love him like a dad. We met his mum and ...
A. 4 December 2017: I wouldn't want these people around MY kids. They are NOT a good influence at all.
And your BF is not helping the matter either. While he CAN NOT control his idiot mother, he could have put his foot down with her and said enough, you don't ge... (read in full...)
Am I being over sensitive about this guy who keeps cancelling on me?
Q. Hey guys, I need a little advice on weather or not I handled something correctly.. So a few months ago I was working for a company and I became friends with my manager's younger brother who had just started working there the week I left. I left ...
A. 4 December 2017: He canceled on you 7 times and you STILL talk to him?
Sorry, the second time he FLAKED on you, you should have just blocked him.
You are the backup entertainment. If nothing better comes along he will hang out with you. Why on Earth would y... (read in full...)
I broke it off. Was I right? How do I move on?
Q. I was with her for 1 year. Everything was going great until 3-4 months in we started having problems. We both made mistakes and we’ve been on and off many times. We somehow managed to move past all of that and we fell in love. It’s then when we got ...
A. 4 December 2017: I think you did the right thing, something you should have perhaps done sooner. Those issues you two had 3-4 months in, should perhaps have told you that this is not going to be a good long-term relationship. Having issues THAT soon and being on/off ... (read in full...)
He wants me to trust him but he doesn't behave as someone that I can trust!
Q. Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I've been seeing my current boyfriend off and on for about eight months now. During that time we have had several breakups. Once over him being too flirty with another girl as I stood by as a ...
A. 3 December 2017: I so agree with N91.
Just end it and find someone you are ACTUALLY compatible with. He isn't it.
You have dated 8 months, it's ON/OFF and you have broken up several times - you know what that tells me? It's not a HEALTHY relationship. th... (read in full...)
My pretty friend gets constant attention. How do I cope?
Q. This is long but I feel that details and some background info are important to get an understanding for some answers. This is not your typical, my friend is evidently prettier than me story. I have a friend who is very pretty. She's not a supe...
A. 3 December 2017: Sorry OP,
You need to stop fixating on this shallow shit. So you are both pretty in your own ways and NEITHER of you are really lacking in attention. So really WHAT is the issue?
Not everyone out there CARES mostly about a girl's looks.
... (read in full...)
Should I have an affair with a married man?
Q. This is going to make me sound like a horrible person... Maybe I am. I've been infatuated with this man for months. I can tell he doesn't care about me emotionally because once I say no to a booty call, he says good bye. I'm not going to lie, I'...
A. 3 December 2017: Good Lord, in what universe is this even something to contemplate?
Where is your common sense, OP?
You are 18-21 so, OLD enough to know about moral codes, what being faithful means and perhaps you even have a clue about self-respect - a... (read in full...)
Bereavement has hit our relationship
Q. My partner's ex girlfriend killed herself 6 weeks ago, he took his pain + grief out on me. We have been together 6 years + 3 children. I don't see a way back. He is sleeping on the sofa since. Is it time to walk away. ...
A. 2 December 2017: I agree with Auntie Cindy.
It all depends on what you mean and what he did.
There are without a doubt some components of guilt as to why he is behaving the way he is, but that doesn't EXCUSE abusive behavior. And I presume YOU didn't push her ... (read in full...)
Mental health problem blighting my life
Q. I wanted to come in here because I feel I need to ask for advice/feedback after some therapy had not worked. I have OCD and excessive rumination. I worry to the point where I feel I am handicapped from my thoughts. For example this incident jus...
A. 2 December 2017: Finding a therapist who KNOWS and is TRAINED in ODC behavior patterns can make a huge difference. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is what you are looking for. It's a short-term "treatment" aimed at giving you tools to TAKE control of the ... (read in full...)
Handsome man being hot, but now cold. Should I just assume he's not interested?
Q. Long story short, he asked me for my number. He texted me that day saying that he'd like to go to the movies later with me. I had a really busy day and didn't reply till the following day cause I didn't want to rush and say the wrong thing. I re...
A. 1 December 2017: You could give it another day or two and then reach out with a day/time you DO have time for a coffee... Doesn't have to be a long meet up, just 45 minutes to share a cup and have a little chat. THAT is..... IF you are interested in getting to know ... (read in full...)
How do I move on from this married man and pick up the pieces of my life?
Q. Two years ago I made a choice to enter into a relationship with a married man and I am having trouble pulling myself out of this horrible loop. I am struggling with depression from dealing with the consequences of this and am looking for advice to ...
A. 1 December 2017: How do you move on?
One day at a time. First, you CUT all contact that isn't work related to him. While he might not like that you no longer want to give him sex you need to put yourself first.
NIP it in the bud to call him when you feel ba... (read in full...)
I'm scared to break up with my boyfriend because of the repercussions it could have on both of us
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 6 months now, I do love him but it’s long distance and when we’re together it’s amazing but when we aren’t we fall very quickly in arguing everyday. I think it would be best for us to break up instead of ...
A. 1 December 2017: So, am I getting this right? You want to stay in a relationship where you argue all the time, it's a rebound and neither of you are really WANTING to be in the relationship - because.... you don't want to be depressed? and you don't want HIM to be ... (read in full...)
Is he really out of town? Was I played? Did he really like me at all? Or was I just a girl in his back pocket during the few months we were together?
Q. During the summer I was approached by a guy in the city. He complimented me on my outfit and we started up a little chat and we exchange numbers. Fast ward we eventually went out on our first date a few weeks after meeting. We talked everyday pretty ...
A. 1 December 2017: So this is a guy who moves around for work A LOT? As in, does he works a contract (or what not) for 1-XX months and then moves and work somewhere else?
Or does he have a "home base but travel for work? It's kind of unclear to me.
How you descr... (read in full...)
He chose my friend over me but now I think he likes me
Q. Me and this boy went out for about a month then broke up,he then turned for me for help cos he liked my friend.I got jealousy missed him and told him I love him.whilst he was making up his mind we were making out at mine.he then decided know and ...
A. 30 November 2017: I agree you are trying to "do" things you aren't ready or mature enough for. At your age, I GET the whole "I want to try it all! and ALL the boys/girls" - to "flit" from person to person.
However, when you DATE someone - as in being BF/GF th... (read in full...)
How do I become a more submissive girlfriend?
Q. My personality has always been very jokester and very sarcastic (think of every character on Roseanne type of sarcastic) and I? know when to be serious and turn it off, but in my everyday life it is just who I? am. But I’ve been dating this guy for ...
A. 30 November 2017: Good for you.
I have seen (especially) women who change to please their partner and they become a shadow of their "former" self and well, the guy dumps them. Because? She is no longer the woman he fell for...
Be who you are. If you DO think you... (read in full...)
Back in touch after 6 months but still confused where I stand with him
Q. Hey all - this is a long one so please bear with me. About 6 months ago, a guy I knew started flirting with me and I told him I liked him and he replied that he thought I was fit but just wanted "laughter". There came a point where he wanted to do ...
A. 30 November 2017: Urgh, OP
JUST stop wasting time on this immature toad. Seriously. He is playing games.
Someone who gets pissy when you tell them you want a deeper thing than semi-intimacy and no relationship - that is the kind of guy you STAY away from. He is... (read in full...)
I want to have fun but it leaves me feeling guilty
Q. Im on my first twennies, basically my parents are pretty strict. I've always been the good girl that never hides anything from her parents. I've never lied to them about anyhting or done anything that they dont approve with. I moved from australia ...
A. 30 November 2017: Everything in moderation?
While I get the whole "I want to try EVERYTHING" because you have lived a somewhat sheltered life, go slow. Smoking is NOT all that it's cracked up to be. I mean WHY chose to smoke toxic leaves? Your body won't thank yo... (read in full...)
How do I become a more submissive girlfriend?
Q. My personality has always been very jokester and very sarcastic (think of every character on Roseanne type of sarcastic) and I? know when to be serious and turn it off, but in my everyday life it is just who I? am. But I’ve been dating this guy for ...
A. 30 November 2017: Thinking before you speak is always a good idea.
Totally changing yourself to PLEASE a guy is NOT. If humor is part of who you are then EMBRACE it. Doesn't mean you have to constantly crack a sarcastic comment. Because sarcasm (and yes, I'm flue... (read in full...)
Am I right to doubt his fidelity?
Q. We've been dating for two years. Mostly it's been great. Lately however I'm feeling hurt because he got drunk and told my best friend and me that he wanted to "play" with us both? My friends chalk it up to his drinking but now I feel like I'm not ...
A. 29 November 2017:
I DO think you need to have a SOBER conversation about HOW his statement made you feel. I don't give a flying fart that he was drunk. Sure, people say dumb stuff while drunk but this? Nah...
But I don't think it means he isn't being faithf... (read in full...)
Fallen for my priest. Help!
Q. Oh my god I never see the day but I actually have a crush on my priest - for heaven's sake, the bloody priest. Is my love life that bad that I fantasise about him. My question is have you ever had a bad crush on someone your not suppose like...
A. 29 November 2017: A crush is JUST that.. A CRUSH. It's an infatuation, part fantasy, and part wishful thinking. Nothing more.
I think you need to accept that you find him attractive but there is no road to take THAT any further.
WE ALL get crushes. Most of... (read in full...)
Desperate to get my life on track
Q. I have had a very traumatic 2017. Traumatic by my standards and believe me, I am not a drama queen ! I was married in an abusive marriage in Asia, left that, went abroad to study and now live in the UK for the last 12 years. I was married agai...
A. 29 November 2017: I agree with Andie.
You need to focus on your health, wellbeing and getting a job you can handle.
Dating can come later. Once you are in a healthy state and state of mind. That way you have more chance of the relationship being a HEALTHIER one ... (read in full...)
When is it time to tell my FWB goodbye
Q. I've been talking to this boy for around 3 months every day and have always said it will be a causal thing. I guess it's as close a thing you can get to friends with benefits. We get on well and there are genuinely no deep feelings from either side. ...
A. 29 November 2017: Now is the best time.
You are ALREADY dating someone else, so DROP the FWB guy. While guy #2 may not be your next BF.
If you don't really care FOR the FWB guy what's the point in keeping him around? Meaningless sex is just that... MEANINGL... (read in full...)
Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair?
Q. Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair? I know many would use harsh and negative remarks on such question. I did no Contact and he reached out and I caved in. I am thinking of telling his wife so that I can move on for good forever...
A. 28 November 2017: So you want to use the wife for your own benefit? You want her to hurt so YOU can move on?
Sounds real nice of you! (and yes, that was sarcasm)
Should you tell the wife? You have absolutely ZERO moral or other high ground to be thinking that yo... (read in full...)
I like a guy but he seems to prefer a slimmer girl, do I have a chance?
Q. Been working at Starbucks for about a year now, it's right next to my uni business school. There's a guy who's been coming in for the last few months and is pretty lush hehe, blond, blue eyes, muscular and wears our uni rugby T shirt, he's rly tall ...
A. 28 November 2017: My take on this?
You can't. You can't do ANYTHING to make him chose EITHER of you.
He might not even BE interested in EITHER of you. Even if he thinks the other girl is a "cute little thing" it doesn't MEAN he wants to DATE her or anything.... (read in full...)
Can we get back to normal after swinging?
Q. Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...
A. 28 November 2017: Michelle, I think you are looking at it from the wrong angle. You DID try it and you decided it's NOT for you. IT is OK to find that there are things you DO NOT want to do.
Don't you think it is JUST (if not more) selfish if your husband says he ... (read in full...)
Can we get back to normal after swinging?
Q. Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...
A. 28 November 2017: I think you SHOULD tell him.
Whether or not you can go back to "normal" is impossible to say, I think it's highly unlikely at least from what I have heard and seen from other people who have done this.
Regardless of how OTHER people handle it... (read in full...)
How can I start finding healthy men to date?
Q. So I recently moved to Dallas from Houston after my partner and I of 7 years separated. I'm still in love with him. I feel that ever since I had to let him go he has done better for himself. I believe that I was enabling him in so many ways. I also ...
A. 28 November 2017: My advice?
WAIT til your divorce is final. TAKE the time and work through getting OVER your soon-to-be ex-husband before jumping into the dating pool.
It's not FAIR to any potential guys that you are STILL carrying a torch for your almost ex-h... (read in full...)
Dealing With Catty Customers At Work?
Q. I work for a "posh" retail store which has a lot of female customers, I've been awarded employee of the month for customer service before and am always friendly to people, I've only been there since last year but already know a lot of people by name ...
A. 28 November 2017: How do you deal with it?
By not giving a single F!
Seriously. Being polite and nice when working in customer service is a MAJOR skill that VERY few possess these days, so no wonder you make "employee of the month". So it wasn't anything YOU did... (read in full...)
How do we choose which couple to ask To join us on the cruise?
Q. My husband and I used to be very close with 2 other couples. It was always the 6 of us doing stuff together. We never made plans without including both coupled and vice versa. Well the 2 couples had a very serious falling out and are no longer ...
A. 27 November 2017: Choose neither.
Go with your husband and enjoy it. Going with either couple will alienate the other couple and more drama will ensue.
It's a given.
It's not like you and your husband can't go on a cruise or vacation without going with frien... (read in full...)
My husband's brother has a super weird obsession with me and tries to sabotage my relationship with his little brother!!
Q. My husband's brother has a super weird obsession with me and tries to sabotage my relationship with his little brother!! Has anyone experienced this? What can I do to get him to back off? The worst of it is that he has stolen my husband's username ...
A. 27 November 2017: Is he your BF or your husband?
To quote you:
" I really don't encourage this crap but my husband, as the little brother, does not want to directly confront his older brother."
"This brother has also, on multiple occasions, advised my bo... (read in full...)
I said yes to a guy but I just don't like him that way
Q. So I know this guy for about 4 days now. We met when I was stuck in my car on a road and he helped me to get back home. Then he asked me for my phone number and I gave him, because he was acting sweet and I thought we could make good friends. He ...
A. 27 November 2017: You have already decided that you do NOT like him in "that" way. The whole "if he lifted" is bogus and you looking for reasons to not take it any further.
So CALL the guy and tell him that you have to cancel the trip to the other city.
And STO... (read in full...)
I've been hooking up with my ex and now he wants proper sex but I'm hesitant because I want my first time to be with a boyfriend
Q. I am a 16 year old girl. I dated this guy for a year and a half, but we broke up in January when I found out he had been sexting other girls. Over the summer, he changed a lot, and he decided he wanted to get back together with me. I told him I'd ...
A. 27 November 2017: He doesn't want a relationship with you but he wants sex. He might have grown a little over the summer but he still doesn't respect you much.
He is QUITE fine with USING you.
OP, Honey... you say you WANT your first time to be with someone you... (read in full...)
My question is how do u determine if someone is worth giving a chance or hanging your coat and going out there and meeting new men again ?
Q. I recently met a older man (38) and Im 27. I am a bit of a rutt. He is incredibly sweet to me, dorky, handsome, secure job and apartment. But downside he is a bit like a manchild, abit of of a horder, collects disney toys, has a slight very light ...
A. 27 November 2017: OP, not much in your post tells me that you actually LIKE this guy on a deeper level. Sure he looks good on "paper" but you mention WAY more "flaws" (or on the "con" side of a "pro/con" list) than you mention good points.
You sound like the rela... (read in full...)
Should I treat this like I just got out of a BPD relationship or am I going about evaluating this situation wrong?
Q. I am in high school right now and my first girlfriend recently broke up with me. We dated for about a month and a half and the way she broke up with me was not what anybody does to anybody else. I'm trying to understand and make sense of why this ...
A. 26 November 2017: OP,
You can be mad at her and feel she did everything WRONG to you but facts are... she isn't ABLE or READY for a relationship whether YOU want to be in one with her or not.
She keeps mentions all these ISSUES she has so maybe you need to TAKE... (read in full...)
Why has my boyfriend started lying about petty things?
Q. My boyfriend has started lying . Instead of wanting to see me this weekend he told me he was looking after a family member ( child under age 10 without the parents ) who was visiting . Yet i know that was a lie as i saw him walking around town on ...
A. 26 November 2017: I don't think this is a "new" thing. I think this is part of who he is. You have only known him for 5 months so you really don't know WHAT he lies about (in general) and what he doesn't.
I agree that lying about little unimportant things is bad. ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of trying to avoid him ...
Q. Okay so this is a really weird situation. I liked this lad since my first year of high school, we had flirty banta untill he left in 2016. After showing up on the bus on my way to the first day of college a few months ago, it bought old feelings up. ...
A. 26 November 2017: If I were you I'd drop being "friends" with him. He is looking for someone to have casual sex with and YOU are looking for a BF. So you two want different things from the get-go. Also, HE doesn't CARE about you to the extent that you CARE about him. ... (read in full...)
He cheated on his boyfriend, do I tell?
Q. I used to fancy a friend of mine, he knows but clearly has no interest I’m coping with that. Now his started going out with a guy 10 years younger than him, he told me they were fun buddies cause he couldn’t go out with someone younger than him...
A. 25 November 2017: I think you should stay out of it.
You have ulterior motives for telling and NOT noble ones. You want to lash out, you want SOMEONE to feel what you are feeling. Hurt and upset.
I agree with YCNBS - watch how your "friend" treats partners.... (read in full...)
I'm trying to get it all together to be an adult and be ready for the world but my mom thwarts my every move!
Q. Hey, I'm in a frustrating situation right now. I am a legal adult and I want to become independent and learn how to handle school and work at the same time; however, my mom is dead set against it (even though she helped me apply for a job at Publix ...
A. 25 November 2017: The military is strict, but ONLY up to a point. If you mom think it's going to be like you joining a nunnery she is VERY mistaken.
Learn the little things at home that you can. Laundry etc. Help out around the house. If you want to BE an adult - ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to get it all together to be an adult and be ready for the world but my mom thwarts my every move!
Q. Hey, I'm in a frustrating situation right now. I am a legal adult and I want to become independent and learn how to handle school and work at the same time; however, my mom is dead set against it (even though she helped me apply for a job at Publix ...
A. 23 November 2017: I think your mom isn't ready for you to be an adult yet. If she and her husband are fighting about money and the marriage is in a bit of trouble, it IS easier for her to focus on you instead of her marriage.
Also, if SHE worked when she was your... (read in full...)
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