Follow up to an earlier question about some decisions I have to make
Q. This is technically a build on my initial concerns that I raised a question about in January. I am fortunate and pleased to say that an excellent career opportunity presented itself, moving back in to my desired career field and I have regained a ...
A. 21 September 2018: Nothing to be embarrassed about. You see problems and you want to fix them but you hold off because you don't want to hurt your partner. I get it.
But it also equate to you shooting yourself in the foot to try and not hurt her. And you DO hurt her... (read in full...)
Why would my cheating wife try to contact me after 6 months of NC?
Q. Well it's been almost 7 months since my cheating wife left me for her boss. Although she never admitted to an affair I have mountains of evidence proving otherwise. Long story short... I thought I had her blocked on everything. I have been ...
A. 19 September 2018: Good for you!
Life DO go on. And ignoring her e-mail or calls is appropriate.
Keep moving forward!... (read in full...)
Follow up to an earlier question about some decisions I have to make
Q. This is technically a build on my initial concerns that I raised a question about in January. I am fortunate and pleased to say that an excellent career opportunity presented itself, moving back in to my desired career field and I have regained a ...
A. 17 September 2018: But if you do nothing... nothing will change.
So, maybe look into what option for mediation/counseling there are available (so you have a solution before having the talk).
Admitting to her that things aren't working for you and that you need he... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on a dating app! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend is on a dating app online for an hour. There's no photos and details but it says single looking for a relationship and half the profile is false to hide his identity. As soon as he went to sleep the profile said offline. What should I ...
A. 11 September 2018: You know what?
My dad cheated on my mom. Several times.
That doesn't mean I can't trust my husband, it doesn't give me the "right" to join dating apps or whatnot in hopes of either catching him or flirting with other people.
That his father... (read in full...)
I am paying my girlfriend's rent but we are not on good terms. What should I do?
Q. Found girlfriends journal. Made the mistake of reading some of it. She has been in contact with her ex in prison. Sentenced 25 to life. Wants to visit him as soon as she can. Hasn't seen him in like 2 yrs. I have been supporting her almost 100% for ...
A. 9 September 2018: So her ex who is in prison is a sexual predator with 3! convictions... And she is pursuing something with him.
What does that tell you about HER?
Many people have had shitty upbringings, little education but they don't LIVE of others.
I get... (read in full...)
His family hired lazy useless employees and I need to know how to cope!
Q. My partner and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We've been together a very long time. This year, he and his family opened a business. His parents made the decisions about the staff they're hiring and what they're paying, without ...
A. 9 September 2018: You are welcome OP.
I see Aunty Cindy gave you more extended advice, I'd definitely take a leaf from her "book".
I would add one more advice, Find a job elsewhere... That way you don't have to both DEAL with the drama at work and HEAR about t... (read in full...)
My mom prefers her granddaughter who is rich than my daughter and baby son who are not!
Q. My mother has been insisting on getting my daughter and son baptized in her church. I don’t go to church because in her community there is a lot of fake people who I don’t want to hang around with. They judge me because I am a teen parent and I am ...
A. 8 September 2018: Buy the bibles for your kids, that way you KNOW they will get one. Same with the crosses.
While a cross with diamonds that were in the family long sounds great... A cross is a cross, it's a symbol of the faith. Diamonds make no differen... (read in full...)
Scared of having a miscarriage
Q. Hi all, This one is mainly for the ladies, also men who have had a pregnant partner. This might sound silly to some people but I guess I just need some reassurance and guidance. Maybe even just to have someone to talk to I guess. So I am just s...
A. 8 September 2018: My second pregnancy I started having contractions (which is how I found out I was pregnant). I had what I presumed were my period almost on time for the first 4 months and then I started to have contractions, which just didn't add up. I went to see ... (read in full...)
My 5 year daughter's friends show each other their private parts
Q. I have a 5 year old daughter, and yesterday she came to me saying that boys and even girls show each other their private parts. They are all 5, and i was shocked about it. She told me that 3 boys and 1 girl were asking her if they can show my daugh...
A. 8 September 2018: I have worked with kids age 0-6 and this is not out of the ordinary. Kids are curious.
Does it mean it's OK? No. She didn't WANT to see their parts, she declined, yet the kids did it anyways. Which, again... isn't out of the ordinary. They are... (read in full...)
Best friend forgot my birthday
Q. My best friend from college has been there for me through thick and thin. We’ve been friends for 9 years now. This week she forgot my birthday. She didn’t say anything, send a card or even apologize. I don’t think she has any idea. Last month...
A. 7 September 2018: Some people are absolute shit about remembering birthdays and other "important" dates. My husband is one.
I have come to be used to it. And WHEN he remember it's all the nicer.
I add people to my calendar on the phone (and I have a paper org... (read in full...)
Is this relationship based on sex?
Q. I am in a weird relationship with a 48 year old man. I lost my virginity to him but lied I was on my period. I had sex because I was ready to and do not feel an ounce of guilt. All I wanted from him was to have sex, get over with the pain and move ...
A. 7 September 2018: You are in an "almost prostitution" like relationship.
He pays your rent and take care of you, picks you up from work and gives you money... you in turn... gives him sex.
The fact that you say... you say:
"I'd rather sell my body to the highe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on a dating app! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend is on a dating app online for an hour. There's no photos and details but it says single looking for a relationship and half the profile is false to hide his identity. As soon as he went to sleep the profile said offline. What should I ...
A. 7 September 2018: If he is still looking, why waste your time on him?
He is trying to hide it from you, so you don't know what kind of crap he gets up to behind your back. That is disrespectful and untrustworthy behavior.
I'd ditch the man and look for one of ... (read in full...)
Is she worth pursuing?
Q. I'm in a really low place right now. I've been dating a girl for the past 4 months ( I'm 30 she's 26) and during the past month she's grown incredibly distant. She only texts me when I text her now, sometimes it takes her days to reply, she never ...
A. 7 September 2018: I'm sorry, but she isn't worth all the effort you are putting into this.
While she said, that she would tell you if she isn't interested... she has said it in words but her actions... they say - "nope I'm done, and if I just stop putting in ANY e... (read in full...)
I have an IUD and we don't have condoms so why did I find them in my boyfriend's things?
Q. Me an my fiance have been together for almost 10 years we are in our 20s an have a daughter an wanting more kids lol but we were going to bed when he comes in an puts his cigarettes an that down an he leaves the room an I look were he put them cuz ...
A. 7 September 2018: Maybe he just REALLY doesn't want another kid and is trying to be responsible and NOT knock you up, but using the "for fun" as an excuse?
Or he wants to have condoms ready in case he gets a chance for a little "strange" on the side.
YOU kno... (read in full...)
He’s going away for the weekend with one of his best female friends!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 months,we knew each other before though and its pretty serious. Everything has been good but there is one thing Im not comfortable with and its that hes going away for the weekend with one of his best girl ...
A. 7 September 2018: OP, you have been dating for 3 months.
The trip was booked and arranged before you, so NO I don't think you have ANY say in it.
What I would do, in your shoes, is take this as a lesson in trust. Wish him a great vacation and then KEEP busy w... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable in wanting us to cut back on our weed expenses? I
Q. So my husband works to keep me at the moment he literally pays for almost everything (including holidays, clothes, materialistic things etc) But bare in mind I don't ask him for that he just does it. I'm unable to work at the moment due to my severe ...
A. 7 September 2018: I think you need to get off your ass and 1. work on getting help for the anxiety and depression so you can ACTUALLY contribute to the lifestyle you are leading.
Yes, you may not be asking for anything or telling him what to spend money on and buy ... (read in full...)
Should I call him out or just drop it?
Q. Back story: I started seeing this guy back in February, but ONLY as a hookup (my intention at the time, since I was getting out of a 6 year relationship). This lasted for a couple months, and near the end of the couple months, I realized I was s...
A. 7 September 2018: Just block him and move on.
He is wasting your time. And you are wasting yours ON him.
He LIKED the idea of a serious relationship and did make an effort.. for a couple of months and now has come to realize he doesn't realllllly want ... (read in full...)
I am paying my girlfriend's rent but we are not on good terms. What should I do?
Q. Found girlfriends journal. Made the mistake of reading some of it. She has been in contact with her ex in prison. Sentenced 25 to life. Wants to visit him as soon as she can. Hasn't seen him in like 2 yrs. I have been supporting her almost 100% for ...
A. 6 September 2018: You inform her that you can no longer support her and then you STOP paying the rent. If the place is in YOUR name, you might need to file an eviction notice. It's not really your problem whether she has a place to live or not.
What future do you r... (read in full...)
How should I go about finding a good intimate connection with the opposite sex
Q. Two years ago I came to this site and I got some great advice on getting over my ex. I have since then focused on building myself up through affirmations - prayer - positive advice from people and trying to give back to society as a woman ( helping ...
A. 6 September 2018: Maybe you should TRY and meet men in a different way than dating sites?
I mean if all you get met with are men who doesn't seem interested in you as a person, just your looks... I think you are in the wrong "pond".
Maybe try some meetup even... (read in full...)
How important is respect in a marriage?
Q. How important is respect in a relationship? I am back in the dating scene after 2 years and this always seems to come up for me in terms of “respect” My father has been legally married to my mother for 33 years ( I’m in my early 30”s) an...
A. 6 September 2018: Different folks, different strokes.
No one is blissfully happy with their partner 24/7. And some couples (like your parents) have fallen into certain habits over the years, bickering becomes routine, familiar.
Does it mean YOU have to find a m... (read in full...)
His family hired lazy useless employees and I need to know how to cope!
Q. My partner and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We've been together a very long time. This year, he and his family opened a business. His parents made the decisions about the staff they're hiring and what they're paying, without ...
A. 6 September 2018: You can't fix this for him, as much as you want.
You have told him your view on it, now let it go. It is then UP to him and his family to decide what to do. It's not really up to you.
Be the ONE thing in his life that isn't stressful. Right... (read in full...)
After one date his messages have become short and infrequent. Should I give up?
Q. I connected with a guy on a dating app and we hit it off. We seemed to be on the same wavelength, there seemed to be a lot of chemistry, a real attraction. We continuously messaged each other. We arranged to meet and counted down the days. The ...
A. 6 September 2018: just block him.
That way you can move on without feeling he is looking over your shoulder.... (read in full...)
Does this indicate that there is more than a friendship or just nothing to worry about?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend has a female friend which happens to be his accountant but he told me they are also friends,they around the same age group, he is older than me, when my bf did his housewarming get together he invited me and my family plus his ...
A. 5 September 2018: Is this the same story that you wrote in about a while back?
Except she was the Realtor?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-overreacting-or-is-there-something-going.html
Changing up the story.... altering details... might get the ans... (read in full...)
Follow up to an earlier question about some decisions I have to make
Q. This is technically a build on my initial concerns that I raised a question about in January. I am fortunate and pleased to say that an excellent career opportunity presented itself, moving back in to my desired career field and I have regained a ...
A. 5 September 2018: I think you have to consider a few things before trying to fix anything.
NOT having kids now... is smart, as things are not REALLY working.
You bend over backward for her, but that also makes you resent her. So, YOU do need to change YOUR own ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help support him as he tries to strengthen his knee!
Q. Hello I would like your opinion on this. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in the USA, he lives in the East Coast, while I live in the West Coast. We've been together for about three years. My boyfriend injured himself ...
A. 5 September 2018: Also, OP
I noticed that you wrote:
"Today, my boyfriend asked if I can support him by giving him $200 per week. "
So it's NOT a loan. It's just you handing him money.
He is a GROWN man, in his 30's? And expect you to finance his taking ho... (read in full...)
I’m worried and insecure about my body!
Q. i’m a little worried about my nipples and i’m really insecure about my body. my nipples are pointy and i’m not sure if it’s normal or attractive. any advice ? HELP .... lol ...
A. 5 September 2018: Nipples are nipples, OP
They vary in size, color and "pointy-ness". YOU have nipples because they are part of the biological system that helps feed your offspring. So they have a FUNCTION, it's not about HOW they look.
Do I, personally, thin... (read in full...)
Am I stuck up for wanting basic things?
Q. I'm been with my bf for a year and half. He lives with his mum still and now built a cabin in his mums garden and says he plans to stay there. I am not happy about staying there with no bathroom, kitchen, space for my things but he says I am stuck ...
A. 5 September 2018: No having a house with the SIMPLEST amenities (such as a bathroom and kitchen) is not being stuck up. Sounds like you live in the garden shed, not a house or even cabin....
No one is forcing you to live there though, why not find a place of your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help support him as he tries to strengthen his knee!
Q. Hello I would like your opinion on this. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in the USA, he lives in the East Coast, while I live in the West Coast. We've been together for about three years. My boyfriend injured himself ...
A. 5 September 2018: His story does seem odd.
I would simply tell him that you sat down and made a budget and you don't see an extra $800 a month.
I also think that money between people who are dating is a bad idea, even worse because you don't SHARE finances a... (read in full...)
How do I stop being a glutton for punishment?
Q. I was involved with attached guy for over a year.I'm not sure if he is actually married or common law but he lives with his kids mother and thier twin boys.When we met he told me that their relationship was over but just trying to figure out what's ...
A. 5 September 2018: You get a new phone number or just block his.
He is playing you like a 2 dollar fiddle.
He is NOT going to leave his wife/partner and MOTHER of his 2 children.
Take a few minutes and think of his children.. maybe that will help you stop ... (read in full...)
He keeps using dating apps!
Q. I keep catching my fella using dating apps. First he denies it and calls me paranoid, then he says it is me who goes on them and that is why i am so suspicious, then he admits it and says it is just for a laugh and has not any intention of meeting ...
A. 5 September 2018: What is it exactly that you love about him?
That he is gas-lighting you? Lying to you? Being a total twat-waffle?
He might be able to stop, he CHOOSES not to.
And you know what that means, right?
IT means he is STILL looking. You are not... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help support him as he tries to strengthen his knee!
Q. Hello I would like your opinion on this. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in the USA, he lives in the East Coast, while I live in the West Coast. We've been together for about three years. My boyfriend injured himself ...
A. 5 September 2018: What exactly is he needing those $800 a month for? And why is it down to you to pay for that?
i mean, get that that you two have been dating long distance for 3 years, so it seems serious but you having to support him with $800 a month?
You sai... (read in full...)
How do I enforce boundaries with my sister?
Q. This post is not about my romantic relationship per se, but more about my sister and how it is affecting my life as a whole. To give a little background, I have been living with my sister(~7 years older) and a friend for past 6 years. I am ...
A. 5 September 2018: Time to move out, OP
Or just wait until you are DONE with your doctorate. (congrats on that!).
I think she sees herself as your "mother" more than sister and if this is how she has always been, SHE isn't going to change.
But it IS time ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's family word is golden, mine doesn’t count!
Q. I need some advice. I have been dating a guy for five years, his family is top priority with him, I am bottom of his list. I will add that his family absolutely dislike me, no matter what I do, it is always wrong. He has a large park RV that his...
A. 4 September 2018: You have to decide if being the LAST priority is what you want from a partner.
You have to decide if dating someone who's family try and sabotage your relationship is what you want.
He is NOT going to change.
Sounds to me like your BF is us... (read in full...)
I lied about my age. Can I salvage this relationship?
Q. Hello, Im new to the Dear Cupid community. I never thought I would resort to a site like this but I really want to save my relationship or get advice whether or not my relationship is worth saving. I know this entry will be a lengthy one.. so...
A. 4 September 2018: You started dating Valerie WAYYYYYY too soon and ended up being her rebound more than anything. I know that's not what you want to hear, but that is how it looks to an outsider.
And you PURSUED (don't lie) a married woman. It doesn't MATTER t... (read in full...)
She's had more sexual experience than I have. Will I regret it later?
Q. I'm a 25 year old guy, my girlfriend is 33. We've been on/off for a year and have quite a strong bond (we broke up once, recently rekindled it, now its getting serious again. No other partners in the inbetween) I have a real problem with our...
A. 4 September 2018: Why isn't 10 enough?
You really think the more women you have sex with the more of a man you are? Or the better a lover?
Because neither are true.
The more people you have sex with... the higher the probability of STD's and unwanted pregn... (read in full...)
Was I taken advantage of by my now ex?
Q. Hello aunts I'm at a low phase in life right now. In academics, career and health. I'm doing everything possible to set those things right. I feel people take advantage of my niceness. I used to be naive and vulnerable before and never stand up f...
A. 4 September 2018: Bot much you can do about it now.
My advice? Don't sleep with a man until you are both on the same page.
Can it be that he just wanted to sleep with you and never intended marriage? Sure OR he might be telling the truth. An YOU both should have... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I don't want to know about his personal masterbation habits?
Q. I hope this question is not too vulgar. It's actually quite personal and embarrassing but I'm not sure how to handle my situation most effectively without some advice. I'm sorry for the length. It's a two part question i guess. A few weeks ag...
A. 3 September 2018: Seems like I'm not the only one who finds YOUR behavior cringe-worthy, controlling and yes, manipulative.
The whole.. "We should watch porn, but I get the remote, I control what we watch, don't SHARE... honestly? It's ridiculous!" I have to ask w... (read in full...)
What is there that I can do/say that will get him to wake the freak up out of this angry hostile mood hes been holding onto for a good 3-4 years towards me?
Q. Well heres the situation that I need advice on to see if im in the wrong on this one or not. Ive been in a relationship with this guy for over 5 years now. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship does. But the main concern I was hit ...
A. 2 September 2018: Why are you still with him if he has had "angry hostile mood hes been holding onto for a good 3-4 years" ?
Why put up with that shit for so long?
He OBVIOUSLY is not going to change, so really the ball is in your court. Id his behavior accepta... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask of my b/f not to watch violent movies when he knows that it triggers me because of my past?
Q. A year ago i went though a trauma. My ex beat me black and blue and strangled me repeatedly in a spontaneous rage. It took a few months for him to begin serving prison time, and so my feelings of safety were further compromised during that period ...
A. 2 September 2018: I think the BIGGEST thing you can do is work on your issues your PTSD.
To expect that everyone around you to walk on eggshells in fear of "triggering" you, is not super realistic. Now that doesn't mean that people you spend time alone with (li... (read in full...)
Stay or look for other opportunities?
Q. Hey guys, I'm wanting a bit of advice in terms of life direction at the minute please! I'm 25, recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, moved to the city and continued my job which i've been at 8 months now. I am very happy with how m...
A. 2 September 2018: I'd give this job a bit more time. Otherwise you can end up seeming "flighty".
Having a full year BEFORE moving on is always good. I don't think many job will be "easier" to do in London over where you are now, as far as your age and experien... (read in full...)
After one date his messages have become short and infrequent. Should I give up?
Q. I connected with a guy on a dating app and we hit it off. We seemed to be on the same wavelength, there seemed to be a lot of chemistry, a real attraction. We continuously messaged each other. We arranged to meet and counted down the days. The ...
A. 1 September 2018: I would start looking to see what else is out there. Him cancelling last minute? Not good. I don't really care HOW busy he might be at work, he would have had a sense of whether he could make it or not - unless he is totally clueless about his work ... (read in full...)
Can a gay man become straight or could this ruin our friendship
Q. It was 5 years ago when I decided to move from Ireland to Chicago to work it was there I met my best friend. Me and John met at work and formed an unseperable friendship. We have been through so much together from breakups to happy moments to ...
A. 30 August 2018: No, gay is gay. Straight is straight.
Maybe he was bisexual with a MALE preference until he met you.
Maybe he wants a "normal" family, which would mean... dating a woman. Maybe his mom wants grand-kids or his family doesn't want him to be g... (read in full...)
Is he interested in me? Or the girl he is sort of in a relationship with?
Q. There's this guy I met,he is my teacher at church.The first day he taught me he asked for my number,I gave him and since then he has been organizing to teach me privately. He would ask how my day was,how I was doing and sometimes he would walk me ...
A. 30 August 2018: I think he is being inappropriate with you. He is supposed to be your teacher?
He isn't supposed to HIT on you. He is supposed to TEACH you. That is slimy and creepy.
And he HAS a girl already. The whole "kinda in a relationship" is... (read in full...)
Why would my cheating wife try to contact me after 6 months of NC?
Q. Well it's been almost 7 months since my cheating wife left me for her boss. Although she never admitted to an affair I have mountains of evidence proving otherwise. Long story short... I thought I had her blocked on everything. I have been ...
A. 30 August 2018: Maybe things aren't going so well, so she wants you to be "stand-by" "spare" - just in case...
She obviously thought you "dumb" enough to not catch her or admit to cheating, maybe she thinks you are "dumb" enough to either forgive her or be "frie... (read in full...)
After one date his messages have become short and infrequent. Should I give up?
Q. I connected with a guy on a dating app and we hit it off. We seemed to be on the same wavelength, there seemed to be a lot of chemistry, a real attraction. We continuously messaged each other. We arranged to meet and counted down the days. The ...
A. 30 August 2018: While you HAD a lovely first date, you are still strangers (regardless of how "in-tune" you feel) so him being more focused on work KNOWING it's a busy one, I don't find his behavior that odd.
Now if he tries to set up some "late night meet up"... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say. I just feel lost and alone.
Q. My relationship is ending. I feel like I'm losing my best friend, my person. I know I should "man up" but the grief is overwhelming right now. A 7+ year relationship is ending and I don't see any way that I can ever move on. The woman I fell...
A. 29 August 2018: It's not so strange to be feeling the way you are feeling. I think we have all been there at one point in time. So, know that it will get better, but breaking up with someone doesn't mean memories vanish or feelings just stop.
I have certain ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say. I just feel lost and alone.
Q. My relationship is ending. I feel like I'm losing my best friend, my person. I know I should "man up" but the grief is overwhelming right now. A 7+ year relationship is ending and I don't see any way that I can ever move on. The woman I fell...
A. 29 August 2018: You "man up" as you call it or you can DEAL with it. Ending a long term relationship is very much like grieving. It's the end of something familiar with a person you care(d) for, of course it will hurt! It would be weird if it didn't! Emotional pain ... (read in full...)
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