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This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 24 January 2011: Aside from that, and Im ignoring the elements that triggers me here, I think you made the right decision with going for Australian. But I really really hope you will realize that you can not blame the lack of passion on your girl. If you are sincere ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 24 January 2011: I actually liked sageoldguys's reply. Sorry you couldn't see the value in it. I saw the value in it though, so don't speak on "our" behalf when you say no one could benefit from it. ... (read in full...)
I am not religious but have certain beliefs about virginity. Is this hard to appreciate?
Q. I am currently an 33 year old atheist and virgin. I used to be a devoted christian, but lost my faith some years ago. However, my feelings towards sex has remained the same (or even grown stronger) meaning that I still feel that sex should be ...
A. 13 January 2011: You said you know the feeling of feeling cheated on is not fair to other people, and so you have tried to change that. You however couldn't explain to me exactly why you feel this way. So, I will guess here. It is because of your desire to only be ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 12 January 2011: Never mind, I guess this is a lost cause as you don't understand what we've been telling you. And no you obviously do not understand what you have done wrong or you'd not be on here complaining and plotting, you'd be out there breaking up with the ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 12 January 2011: If you know already why do you keep arguing it?... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 12 January 2011: I know you don't want ear bashing, but what did you honestly expect? That we would all sympathize with you and feel sorry for you? The ear bashing you get is for your own good, so you wont land in this situation again or do unjustice to any more ... (read in full...)
She cheated and I forgave her. Now she's doing it again. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hello, a year ago my gfriend cheated on me. We broke up for a short period then I forgave her. A year later, now, I discover she is still chatting online with the guy she cheated with. Frankly I want to dump her. It took me some stomach to take her...
A. 12 January 2011: Chatting isn't cheating, but the point is that you want to leave her. It absolutely shows a lack of respect when she continues to speak to the man she cheated with. You're not happy in this relationship, and she did cheat. You taking her back ... (read in full...)
The Mom of my married boyfriend has threatened to Dis-Inherit him if he doesn't go back to his wife. What can we do?
Q. my boyfriend is married..i know but he left his wife and stayed with his mother and our relationship bloomed. he recently found out that his mother has had him followed, knows all about me..she told him to go back home to raise his 2 girls..(mind ...
A. 12 January 2011: So your boyfriend can be bought for money. Imagine how it would be if he could stand on his own two legs and not be dependent on his mom. Is this the kind of man you want in your life, someone who can be bought, can't stand on his own legs and make ... (read in full...)
Sex Postions for a plus sized couple.
Q. Hi, my wife and I are both plus sized, overweight people, and lately our sex life is being affected because of our weight, we have usually when having sex, had her on top of me facing me, and lately that position has been harder for us to do, and ...
A. 11 January 2011: One last thing, have you tried on different types of furniture? For example if doggy doesn't work because your wife can't get in the right angle she could lean over a chair or something that is the right height and angle. Or you could just ... (read in full...)
Sex Postions for a plus sized couple.
Q. Hi, my wife and I are both plus sized, overweight people, and lately our sex life is being affected because of our weight, we have usually when having sex, had her on top of me facing me, and lately that position has been harder for us to do, and ...
A. 11 January 2011: Yeah I know, we all wish we had a swimming pool! I was thinking most people don't so that'd be a dream only, but hey you never know, haha. Just don't try anything in public pools, I know people do and it's just not .. nice?
Good luck!... (read in full...)
What do I do about my woman hugging, boob poking, chain smoking boyfriend?
Q. ok My bf hugs other girls and pokes there boobs to so I am like wtf I am right here.Also he smokes to and I just found out last night he is not a virgin. He keeps secerts from me and he does not call me at all. I just dont know what to do , I like ...
A. 11 January 2011: Dump the looser. There are way better guys out there. ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to stop calling me that nickname?
Q. My boyfriend has recently started using the same nickname I used to call my ex when we were going out. My ex and I ended on extremely bad terms so it's really weird to hear that nickname used towards ME and be reminded of him. Is there any way I can ...
A. 11 January 2011: Just say you dont like it. ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to not tell anyone I'm pregnant, and that I'm secretly getting an abortion?
Q. I need some good advice, I'm 18 and I'm in college it's my first year. I found out that I'm one month pregnant and I don't know what to do. I feel as if my life is over. I'm thinking about getting an abortion without anyone knowing. Is that wrong, ...
A. 11 January 2011: No, it is not wrong. If that is what you want to do that is your decision, and if you choose to tell someone it is because you want to, not because you have to.
But, such a decision takes courage and strength. It could be easier with the support ... (read in full...)
Sex Postions for a plus sized couple.
Q. Hi, my wife and I are both plus sized, overweight people, and lately our sex life is being affected because of our weight, we have usually when having sex, had her on top of me facing me, and lately that position has been harder for us to do, and ...
A. 11 January 2011: Have you tried looking in the bookstores? They have books on sex positions, it is possible that they might have one for overweight people as well? Or that you at least could look through such a book and see if anything in there will work for you. ... (read in full...)
Nightmares every night!
Q. I have nightmares basically every night. Most involve someone/something I love dying, or running away from something or my LT bf cheating on me. Is there something wrong with me? It's getting ridiculous. ...
A. 11 January 2011: When you have the same dreams over and over, or nightmares in varying similarity over and over, it is a sign that there are things in your life you haven't dealt with. You need to address these problems in your awake life, and then your dreams will ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 11 January 2011: I do try to be nice to all people, and I don't say this to be mean to you. Im sure deep down you are a great guy. But you need to face yourself in the mirror here! You ARE a lying cheating scumbag, and if you cry because you will have to break one ... (read in full...)
Considering anal sex for the first time....Unsure of what to do?
Q. I have been considered anal sex with my husband. I always said I would NEVER EVER do it! However, I have recently gone through a situation that I actually recently posted about, where I became very close with my brother in law (bil) and he int...
A. 10 January 2011: Take it slow, get lubricated a lot, and just do it as a spur of the moment when/if you feel ready and RELAXED. You need to be completely relaxed for his penis to be able to enter.
I also think it could be a good idea if you at first just have a f... (read in full...)
I am not religious but have certain beliefs about virginity. Is this hard to appreciate?
Q. I am currently an 33 year old atheist and virgin. I used to be a devoted christian, but lost my faith some years ago. However, my feelings towards sex has remained the same (or even grown stronger) meaning that I still feel that sex should be ...
A. 10 January 2011: "How should a christian/muslim person be able to accept this, even if not devoted (at the time being)? "
The world isn't black an white for the majority of us. We're a bit in the gray zone. Take me for example, Im semi-religious, celebrat... (read in full...)
What is it with flaky women on internet dating sites?
Q. I broke up with my partner of 10 years in 2009 and last spring I felt ready to date again. As I dont really meet many people through my work or hobbies (well, I meet people, just not single women), I decided to give internet dating a go. I kn...
A. 10 January 2011: As the saying goes, you need to kiss some frogs before you, in this case, can find your queen. You are right, these women shouldn't be on dating sites in the first place. But as there is no way of telling what people may do or not do, the only ... (read in full...)
He wants me to move to be with him but I don't trust him! What should I do?
Q. So my best friend introduced me to this guy she used to work with. I started talking to him although he lived about 2,000 miles away from me. I was a little hesitant because he was so far but I thought, what the heck who knows where this can go.. So ...
A. 10 January 2011: Do not trust this man. You are right about everything you question, it's weird and red flags! I wouldn't count on getting any money back from him, we can always hope, but he doesn't sound like a trustworthy man after even denying whats in writing ... (read in full...)
Do others get caught having sex?
Q. I have been caught several times by my parents and my boyfriends parents "messing around"/ foreplay and once having sex, I am so traumatized! Does this happen to a lot of people? ...
A. 10 January 2011: Never happened to me. I rarely have sex at my mothers house though, or any other relative, but the times when I do we lock the doors. That or she will hears us through the wall and she's not bothered by such things. ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want our relationship status on facebook?
Q. Why is it that when your dating someone and you want to share it on facebook they dont want to. Its been a long time now since we've been together but he still acts like he doesnt know it. I havent done anything to him at all so what does this mean? ...
A. 10 January 2011: At least he can remove the post that says his relationship status. If it says he is single and he wont change it to "in a relationship" then he should remove it so people can't see it.
But, many don't want to update their love life on facebook... (read in full...)
Shall I shoot him a friendly text after what happened last night?
Q. This is a bit embarrasing, but I went out last weekend and got talking to a guy I have seen a few times on nights out, we ended up dancing together and chatting all night and he came back to my flat, with my friends. We had sex, and again in the m...
A. 9 January 2011: I don't think you should text him. He stood you up, it's his turn to message you or get in touch with you. ... (read in full...)
Do these signs seem like he is in love with me?
Q. Does it mean a man loves you if he tells you the following things: You give me butterflies, you take my breath away, you make my heart beat faster, you are beautiful, hot, sexy and make my life better and that he thinks about me constantly. He also ...
A. 9 January 2011: I once heard that it takes a good time for men to fall truly in love, that they are infatuated by most part in the beginning. So don't give your heart to him yet. But it is clear that he likes you a lot, and could be on his way to falling deeply for ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be friends with her if I can't be her boyfriend!
Q. In short, I know a girl who I became friends with over the past year. But to be honest, being friends with her is not like being friends with one of my guy friends. We talk, or rather she does most of the talking. I find myself in a role of helping ...
A. 9 January 2011: Do you just not like the way your friendship is (you paying for things and always having to listen to her rants) or are you actually in love with her and genuinely want her to be your girlfriend?
It's not selfish to want to be in a relation... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is not ashamed of being nude in front of others...
Q. Last night, we had around 20 people over for a New Years party, and I was trying to fall asleep a little later in the night. I was nearly asleep when someone ran to the bathroom (which is right outside of my room) to inform his girlfriend that my ...
A. 9 January 2011: There are different views on what is a good relationship. In your case you want to own his body. In many relationships it's about respect for each other and not about owning the other. Sex and intimacy is given as a privilege in those relationships, ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't treat me well or help out, is it because of our age difference?
Q. Hello every body, here is my story,I am 23 years old and my husband is 37 years old,we have been married for 2 years now and his mother was living with us since we got married. he was my 1st love and relationship so I do not really have any experie...
A. 9 January 2011: You are right in every single thing you have brought up. I only need to correct you on the point about sex: what is normal is dependent on the couple itself. If you want more sex then there is too little sex in the relationship. If you want less ... (read in full...)
I am not religious but have certain beliefs about virginity. Is this hard to appreciate?
Q. I am currently an 33 year old atheist and virgin. I used to be a devoted christian, but lost my faith some years ago. However, my feelings towards sex has remained the same (or even grown stronger) meaning that I still feel that sex should be ...
A. 9 January 2011: I read your update and question... and not sure if someone else already asked you this, but my question to you goes like this: you are an atheist and a virgin, and you believe in having sex with only one person in a lifetime. However... why do you ... (read in full...)
Am I addicted to him or is it me who is wrong?
Q. Sorry, but this is a long rant because I am exasperated by my relationship. To put it into context, I was brought up in an abusive family situation which involved, along with many other negatives, my mother being extremely emotionally neglectful ...
A. 9 January 2011: Dear you, please read through your own post, and then follow your doctors orders.
I read everything. And despite what you may think I understand you all too well. A am only half your age, but I am following in your exact footsteps. So perhaps ... (read in full...)
Is this age difference acceptable?
Q. The girl im in love with is 14, and im 18... Are these feelings i have too much of an age difference?? And im not sure if it is ok to act on said feelings.. Any advice would be awesome..........
A. 9 January 2011: I would say you should wait until she is 16 and you 20, or better yet she is 18 and you are 22. At that age the difference is acceptable. But at 14 and 18 the age difference is too big to be acceptable. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want to have sex at 14?
Q. i am 14 year old boy. Sometimes i feel like i want to have sex even though i am 14 :/ is this just my hormones or something else. I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my mom or dad can anyone help ?...
A. 9 January 2011: It's completely normal, and it is because of hormones. However, like someone else also said: it's normal to want it, but a bad idea to have it. Wait with sex until you are a bit older. In the meantime you can masturbate and explore your sexuality in ... (read in full...)
Is it unhealthy to have sex everyday?
Q. Is it unhealthy to have sex almost everyday? And after we have sex it hurt and was sore it has did this a few times what's wrong?...
A. 9 January 2011: It's not unhealthy to have sex every day. But if you are sore then it is probably because you are either new at sex, or he is too rough with you, or you got a cut and it needs time to heal. ... (read in full...)
All of these issues are pointing to me leaving, should I go?
Q. I have a boyfriend who I have 2 kids with. We dont have anyother kids between us. My boyfriend is a "street" hustler and just recently quit dealing. However he didn't save any money and is broke. He doesn't help me pay any bills (which are very ...
A. 9 January 2011: It's not up to us to decide for you. You need to take a look at your relationship and see what you feel is best, not only for you but for your children as well.
If you're already at the point where you want to leave you might as well. It's jus... (read in full...)
How can I make him think about me as girlfriend material?
Q. Well, here's the thing: I'm seeing a guy to whom I'm really into, although I won't let him know that because I'm not very sure about the way he feels about me. I've to say that he's kind of "emotionally unavailable" I'm a bit "femme fatale" in terms ...
A. 9 January 2011: I think the question is: is this guy boyfriend material? You already are girlfriend material, and you know it. But this guy however needs to learn how to act like a boyfriend. At the moment he might like you? How about he cleans up his act and let ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance for me with women?
Q. I’m 24 year old and still a virgin and therefore I don't any experience of sexual relations with women. However I do masturbate occasionally. My worry is that, I cannot last long for more than 2 minutes while I masturbate. So, would it be same with ...
A. 8 January 2011: You can marry and still please a woman, and this can be fixed. Don't worry. But what you need to do is talk to your wife about this once you are married, and then listen to her when she tells you what to do. If she doesn't know anything about sex ... (read in full...)
What does he mean? And were we flirting?
Q. A lad I know from school texted me saying 'what would you say if I liked you' I don't know whether to take this as: 'he likes me' or what? But i replied saying 'that i think you're quite cute and i don't know what i'd say' but I was talking to him ...
A. 8 January 2011: He meant to say he likes you, and yes that is called flirting. ... (read in full...)
I've just given up caring that boyfriend doesn't treat me right
Q. My bf hasnt always treated me right. And as a result I became very insecure for 2 whole years. But suddenly I woke up and I felt I didn't care. Not about him, I still love him. But I feel like I've just given up caring. I don't know what's changed ...
A. 8 January 2011: Might be self preservation. You didn't leave him, and as a result your mind has decided to shut itself off from it, as to not get hurt more.
It does happen. The mind works to take care of you by nature, and I've seen the mind shut itself off befo... (read in full...)
How do you get rid of boredom?
Q. How do you get rid of boredom?...
A. 6 January 2011: You get off your ass and get active.... (read in full...)
Bad girls!
Q. What does it mean if a guy says "Are you a bad girl?" to you ? It will be something sexual, as he has said that he wants to have sex with me, but what does being "bad" mean exactly? Or is that just something that guys say when they are turned on? ...
A. 6 January 2011: "bad" in this context does mean he asks if you like to have sex, in particular with him.
It's really not a good way to ask, it's an offense to be honest. When he asks like that he basically asks if you are "bad" enough to want to sleep with any... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!
Q. Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...
A. 6 January 2011: I think you are good as you are now. It's great to keep up appearances for your partner, but they can't demand it of you. As well as you've not let yourself go, you're not overweight, and you don't look bad at all! Wanting the person to stay as they ... (read in full...)
How do I force him to seek help?
Q. Hello, and thanks in advance I've been with my bf for 2.5 years and its been a constant battle more so this last 1.5 I'm unable to go anywhere with gf's unless he is present, unable to have my own privacy on Facebook without him having acce...
A. 5 January 2011: Leave leave leave! Thats what you do. He is NOT your responsibility, you are NOT married to him and he is out of control. What ever do you gain by getting him into therapy? Nothing!
Please, find a new man. I am sorry for not going into deeper e... (read in full...)
I really love my girlfriend and our daughter but I love her 18 yo cousin more
Q. Ok, so here is my situation. My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years we have a 5 year old daughter. The first couple years were great but the middle was horrible. We got together at 19 and I made some mistakes in the relationship that I ...
A. 5 January 2011: I think you only like her because you want to escape your own situation. She resembles you when you were that age, and you wish you were young and without responsibilities again.
You do know that even if she was to return your feelings, you'd st... (read in full...)
Why is he looking at porn when he has an available, willing wife in his bed??
Q. My husband and I are both in our twenties and have only been married a few months. We're expecting our first child and ever since we've been together I've always been very sexual with him. Since I've been pregnant, my sex drive has doubled and Ive ...
A. 5 January 2011: Is this a problem because you don't have sex with him often enough to please you? And you are feeling that he wastes his hard ons to the screen? Or does he please you, but you are amazed that he is still capable to go an extra round for the screen? ... (read in full...)
How many partners is too many partners?
Q. I am a 29 year old woman trying to figure out if I have had too many partners or if I am just average and don't need to worry. I feel pretty average. But when men ask, I'm never sure how I measure up. I know it depends on the man. How many p...
A. 5 January 2011: No, if they wanted to know about STD's they'd ask about STD's, not about your number of sexual partners. There's a difference: asking the number of partners means nothing in terms of whether you carry any STD's or not. Asking to get checked up in ... (read in full...)
Relationships: An Observational Assumption
Q. I was revising physics when an epiphany struck me that made me realize something potentially significant about the high rates of failure in cross-gender relationships, that is male and female companionship( and if you're wondering what the ...
A. 5 January 2011: Found anyone to cuff up with yet Jmtmj? ... (read in full...)
I don't want to go on the weekend trip with my fiance. How do I tell him?
Q. My fiance wants me to go on a four drive this weekend to his brothers house. I don't really like staying at other peoples houses. It makes me feel uncomfortable and its not my stuff not my house and I allways feel like I have to ask to use the ...
A. 5 January 2011: Compromise. Go through the arrangements you have in the near future and talk about what events you will attend and which events you wont. Perhaps it's a little late to back out of this committment now, but talk to him about you wanting to have a ... (read in full...)
How many partners is too many partners?
Q. I am a 29 year old woman trying to figure out if I have had too many partners or if I am just average and don't need to worry. I feel pretty average. But when men ask, I'm never sure how I measure up. I know it depends on the man. How many p...
A. 5 January 2011: I don't think that's a lot, but then again Im not someone who finds the number of sexual partners a cause for concern at all. At best it describes a life style, and would to me mean the same as if someone told me they once backpacket through Europe ... (read in full...)
Relationships: An Observational Assumption
Q. I was revising physics when an epiphany struck me that made me realize something potentially significant about the high rates of failure in cross-gender relationships, that is male and female companionship( and if you're wondering what the ...
A. 4 January 2011: Im just going to repeat myself if I answer your last question, so excuse me. Mimic the bonds created in family? Fully possible. But you don't like my answer :p
As for "blood is thicker than water", yepp thats true in most cases, but only because ... (read in full...)
Relationships: An Observational Assumption
Q. I was revising physics when an epiphany struck me that made me realize something potentially significant about the high rates of failure in cross-gender relationships, that is male and female companionship( and if you're wondering what the ...
A. 4 January 2011: Excuse me, love is the bond in family? Hardly the way you idealistically imagine. Finances, need, dependancy, supply, those are bonds in a family. If there is love as well then you are lucky! Family is obligation as much as any marriage is, and ... (read in full...)
Relationships: An Observational Assumption
Q. I was revising physics when an epiphany struck me that made me realize something potentially significant about the high rates of failure in cross-gender relationships, that is male and female companionship( and if you're wondering what the ...
A. 3 January 2011: What do you mean "we have to take whatever comes with it". Of course you have to, but you also take whatever comes with family and you can't replace them.
The problem with men and women as you portray is not really as much of a gender specific... (read in full...)
Relationships: An Observational Assumption
Q. I was revising physics when an epiphany struck me that made me realize something potentially significant about the high rates of failure in cross-gender relationships, that is male and female companionship( and if you're wondering what the ...
A. 3 January 2011: You've rediscovered the marriage I am afraid. In marriage you are forever bond to one person, until death separates you. You become family. There is no option of leaving. Divorce is a "new" idea created by the protestants. Before that if anyone ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is not ashamed of being nude in front of others...
Q. Last night, we had around 20 people over for a New Years party, and I was trying to fall asleep a little later in the night. I was nearly asleep when someone ran to the bathroom (which is right outside of my room) to inform his girlfriend that my ...
A. 1 January 2011: This is how he is and what he likes to do. You either accept that as a part of him and stop trying to control him to fit into your standards, or you find someone who's already good enough for your standards. Plain and simple. If you're tired of this ... (read in full...)
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