| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I can convince myself of anything, just by saying it out loud
Q. I don’t know how I manage to do this but I can trick my brain into thinking something completely different to how I’m really feeling. It sounds odd, but If I speak out loud what I want to hear or feel like, I can change my brain way of thinking and ...
A. 29 May 2011: It's possible. It's how we all work. The thing is that a lot of people go and tell themselves horrible things, and then they have no idea how to feel confident.. But it's just reversed of what you do. They tell themselves bad things and unless they ... (read in full...)
Last night I lost my virginity to him. Now I'm jealous of his past
Q. I'm 23 years old and lost my virginity to my 26 years old boyfriend of 7 months last night. He's my frist boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything, but I'm not his first. I'll start at the beginning because it will be a little easier to follo...
A. 29 May 2011: Yikes. He lacks courtesy, but who can blame him, he's new at this game of intimacy. You're also new at this, so what Im about to tell you will hopefully calm you down. "This time was better than last time", him saying that was him stepping in the ... (read in full...)
Guys do not respect our relationship and hit on my girlfriend!
Q. i have a really large frustration and would love some input and suggestions. i'm gay and have a great, happy relationship with my girlfriend. we've been together for two years now. she's beautiful. she's got a gorgeous face, sexy figure. she's ...
A. 29 May 2011: Unfortunately, it's not so much that they don't respect your relationship, as it is that they don't respect her. Imagine if she went out on town without you. Guy's would still do the same to her. So, it's not a problem with respecting the ... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong relationship? Or just a commitment-phobe?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have been generally happy together and suit each other well (are told so by everyone around us). Even though I was the one to make all the first moves and then later asked him to move in with me, I go ...
A. 28 May 2011: The problem is obvious: it's the wrong relationship. You don't want to ruin what could be a great relationship? Lets take a look then shall we: you cheat on him, and you long to be free, you feel something is missing, and you are unsure about your ... (read in full...)
A constant reminder, in my thoughts, and dreams... Help!
Q. Hey guys, so i need some help and don't know where else to go, people tell me to do all different things but i just don't know what to do! Ive been broken up from ex boyfriend almost a year ago next month. Realising it's been a year blew me awa...
A. 28 May 2011: Closure, whatever you mean by that word, is something you find within yourself. So you can't blame that, or the way you broke up. I don't like that word even, "closure", because what does it mean? Peace of mind? Being friends with an ex? Being on ... (read in full...)
What is this beautiful girl doing with me?
Q. After a night of her crying on my shoulder over the last douche bag to cheat on her, my best friend of over a decade and I slept together. Believe me, I've been totally in love with her since we pretty much met and believe me, it was totally not how ...
A. 28 May 2011: "What does a fat f**k like me have to do to get through to an extremely hot girl like her!?"
I personally wouldn't ever describe myself the same way you do. Take some pride in yourself for starters, perhaps that will help you out.
As for the qu... (read in full...)
Am I allowed to get waxed?
Q. Basically, I'm a sixteen year old girl and I want to have my vagina waxed because lots of the girls I am friends with in the sixth form have had it done and their boyfriends love it, I'd probably prefer getting a wax because I'm guessing it looks ...
A. 28 May 2011: I think you'd be allowed, but best thing is to ask the people who do the waxing, at the salon.
I question your reasons for getting a wax though. Do you have a boyfriend whom you are sexually active with? Has he and you talked about this, and you ... (read in full...)
My colleague offered me a low price for some kitchen items& isn't talking to me now!
Q. Hello! A girl I work with is moving in to a new house with her boyfriend and she sent an email round with a list of things she needed ie microwave, toaster, kettle, furniture etc....as they don't have much money. She said if anyone had these...
A. 28 May 2011: Why do you care so much? She thought you asked for too much, and clearly she enjoys used things rather than something brand new. Maybe she just didn't need what you had to offer?
Look at it not from the viewpoint of friends/colleague. She doesn't ... (read in full...)
Baby Blues.
Q. I've been really getting down lately a lot of friends have been having kids lately, I'm 23 and I've been broody for over 2 years. I just haven't been in a place to have them, I know have a lovely partner, but he isn't ready for them. I've got ...
A. 28 May 2011: I can't help much with this one other than say: you're not alone. I have the same lingering feeling me, and society doesn't ease the pressure either. Then everyone around me seem to be popping them out one by one.
What I found helpful was to l... (read in full...)
Is honesty really the way to go with men?
Q. Hi guys, I have a silly situation which many of you will tell me to snap out of, but here goes: After my breakup I began rebounding with a guy I had met a few months before. We started sleeping together and as he was only the second guy I had...
A. 27 May 2011: Honesty always pays off. If you want a relationship, and this man can't offer you what you want, then instead of being strung along for months or years, you now know.
However, your message to him was just as confusing as his to you, in that cas... (read in full...)
My conservative wife wears low-cut tops that show her bra?
Q. OK, this is going to sound odd, because I certainly find it odd. My wife is in her 40s. She has always been very decorous. Serious professional, dedicated mother, married for 20+ years. A virgin when we got together. Very conservative sex...
A. 27 May 2011: I don't think she does it for any reason in particular. She probably also thinks that after 20 years of marriage, you've seen her body often enough for her to be able to drop the act of glamour. She just doesn't care if you see anything or not, she ... (read in full...)
Oral sex with a canker sore?
Q. so i perform oral sex on my gf and i had a canker sore... im super scared and so is she...can she catch somthing from it??? and if so what?? ...
A. 27 May 2011: Cold sores are more common on the outside of the lips yes. However, as we are not doctors we can not tell you for sure. But, unless a doctor tells you otherwise, this sounds harmless. ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid about money, or is he just using me?
Q. help iv been dating dis guy for the last 6 months..i told him right in the beginning that i wanted to split everything 50/50. he seemed happy about it..but i realized now that i'm slowly ending up being the one that pays most of the bills......
A. 26 May 2011: Don't hold it back. Just tell him "I want you to pay for your half" and if he asks if this is your treat, dont say YES!! He's only using you as long as you allow him to. It could be for various reasons, but yes, you're the one paying the bills, and ... (read in full...)
Should I just not argue ever with him?
Q. I had an argument with my boyfriend and he told me he has enough stress to deal with from his ex wife, he didn’t want more from me and that I was starting to sound like her. So I should like never argue and always be agreeable just because he has ...
A. 26 May 2011: Discuss this with him once you have both calmed down. What you heard when he said this was "So I should like never argue and always be agreeable just because he has all this stress with ex? I don’t go out of my way looking for an argument but I ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to have my g/f want anal?
Q. My girlfriend since one year ago has had very many sexual partners and she is only 19 years old. (i am 20) People always say that it is a good thing because she is very sexual if she has been sleeping around, but she isnt. She only did it because ...
A. 26 May 2011: You don't respect that she wont do it. If you did respect it, you wouldn't be on her asking how to make her do it.
Those times you tried were real. You were up her butt. And you weren't careful, and you didn't use lube. If you cared about her feel... (read in full...)
Should I Sue Her?
Q. Okay here is my previous post and question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-she-is-genuine-and-it-is.html My girlfriend and I have broken up now.I have spent more than 20k on her in the past 8 months. I bought her various gifts fr...
A. 26 May 2011: It might be fraud, but you can't sue someone for buying into cheap lies and stories. If someone sold you a near bankrupt company, and you knew it was close to bankrupcy, I doubt you'd get anywhere with filing a report.
She doesn't owe you anything... (read in full...)
Can a woman give herself completely to a new love, despite having had many lovers in her past?
Q. I am 31 years old and dating this girl (27 3rd year surgical residency) which I absolutely love we are both very sexual beings. The problem is that we have different views on sexuality, even though she says that we don't. I have only had one sexual ...
A. 26 May 2011: Right.. and as we always learned, trust no "statistics" that are given without any proper research. There is no research in your post, male anon, just your statement. Hence, it is not valid, and should by no means be taken seriously. ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to tell him what I want, because I know he won't approve.
Q. my boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year and 3 months. i love this boy with out question. I want to go with my aunt this summer and see family and friends i havent seen in a long time But he doesn't want me to. ???...
A. 26 May 2011: He doesn't have a say in this. Why doesn't he want you to go though, just out of curiosity?
Anyway, he doesn't have a say. You go visit your family, don't be whipped. ... (read in full...)
Can a woman give herself completely to a new love, despite having had many lovers in her past?
Q. I am 31 years old and dating this girl (27 3rd year surgical residency) which I absolutely love we are both very sexual beings. The problem is that we have different views on sexuality, even though she says that we don't. I have only had one sexual ...
A. 26 May 2011: Why are you so eager to learn the number of partners she has had? I don't think it is healthy that you try to dig into it. Clearly you will not be ok with the answer, and no one really wants to know every detail about their partners sexual past. So ... (read in full...)
Oral sex with a canker sore?
Q. so i perform oral sex on my gf and i had a canker sore... im super scared and so is she...can she catch somthing from it??? and if so what?? ...
A. 26 May 2011: What I read is that a canker sore isn't contagious.
If it is herpes type 1 (commonly known as a cold sore), it can be transferred to your girlfriend during oral sex.
If you are unsure of what you have, contact your doctor to get tested while... (read in full...)
I made a special effort to be with my girlfriend, and twice in one day she said she preferred to hang out some other time!
Q. ok so me and my girlfriend dont have as much time to spend together as we like because we dont live together yet, but we see each other as much as possible. But my girlfriend recently took an extra shift at work on one of the few times we had to ...
A. 26 May 2011: You can feel upset and bummed out. It's not a crime to get bummed out, and it is quite understandable. You wanted to see her, you expected to see her, you went through the extra efforts and then... nothing. Who wouldn't be let down?
Then again, s... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex gf I am moving and the new place is by her?
Q. Ok. I am selling my condominium. I am sick of working on it. I have found a great deal on an apartment in a neighboring city. The only problem is that the apartment is only about 6 blocks from my most recent ex gf. We dated only 4 1/2 months but I ...
A. 26 May 2011: Don't tell her. And if you do run into her, tell her then. She's your ex, no need to send her any reports on what you do. And, no need to let her conduct what you are to do either. Want to move? Then do so. What she thinks about it is her private ... (read in full...)
I've lost attraction to my wife and fell for a co-worker
Q. Ok so yes I know I'm a p.o.s. I've come to grips with that. Here's my problem... My wife and I have been having problems, some pretty major, but we are dealing with those. Ive lost attraction to her, which I hate, and again I'm trying to get over...
A. 26 May 2011: What is p.o.s.? I don't know if I can answer when you do not explain this. ... (read in full...)
Could there be any tips or advice on how to get over my guy making out with a girl last summer on top of a dumpster?
Q. So I am finally with the man of my dreams... We have had our ups and downs... good times and bad times.. and yet, we always managed to work things out, through communication, open mind and trust for one another. He's the first man in my life that I ...
A. 26 May 2011: I can relate, sort of. You care so much about this guy that even the smaller thought of a threat gets you started. Things like this might not have bothered you if your guy wasn't "mr dreamy" himself. He's just too good, and it makes you feel all ... (read in full...)
I don't find my wife attractive anymore
Q. Me and my wife have been living together for nine years and married for the last six we have two children the youngest is four years old throughout our relationship her weight and appearance has fluctuated. in the last few years I have found her ...
A. 25 May 2011: First off, your problem isn't trivial. And it is not less of a problem than other things, it is in fact quite serious. Loss of attraction towards your partner is serious. It isn't shallow either. Just wanted to say that. You can't brush this under ... (read in full...)
Can a narcissist and a co-dependent person have a relationship that works?
Q. Hi. I am a co-dependent person. For those who do not know what this is, it is a person who feels the need to please other people in order to get his own validation. I have had treatment for this but still ahve strong codependent tendencies. Last...
A. 25 May 2011: This can work perfectly, if you are a good match, and it can go straight downstairs and eat you alive. She, the narcissist, won't care much. They never do. But you might be torn apart. The things is that I don't see a narcissist working in ANY form ... (read in full...)
Just how likely is my penis size going to be a problem when I do become sexually active?
Q. This will seem like it's verging on a question I've seen asked a hundred or more times across the net, but bear with. Does size matter? I've read up on it enough to have my own thoughts on this, but it's still playing on my mind a lot. I've rece...
A. 25 May 2011: 4.5 is not below average. Where did you gather your statistics? The average is between 3.9 and 7.9 erect. An no woman cares what the measurement is when flaccid.
You're average. Anything that is average works.
Given that you are an insecure ... (read in full...)
Its just not working and I want to break up but I'm afraid he'll tear up my house
Q. I am a 29 yr old black female I've have been in a relationship for a year now my boyfriend doesnt want to have sex he say's it's because he doesn't want to get me pregnant, he has to work etc. If i try to make a move he turns on his stomach wow, ...
A. 25 May 2011: Does he live with you? If he is a serious threat, violent etc, then have someone with you when you break up with him. If he has keys to your home, ask to have the keys returned right there and then (you could also change the locks to the door), and ... (read in full...)
Why do women date the bad boys but marry the nice guys?
Q. Dear cupid, i was wondering why women date and sleep with bad boys through out there youth but run to marry nice guys in there 30's when there less attractive and are looking for stability and safety for a guy who has worked hard, being dumped for ...
A. 24 May 2011: Oh hebejeses, Im a bad girl too then since guys fall for me. Or should we twist this and say "why do good guys only go for the pretty women instead of the good girls, and only go for the good girls when the pretty don't want them any more?"
I'd b... (read in full...)
What constitutes a pedophile?
Q. Is a person considered a pedophile if they just have sexual thoughts about children and teenagers much younger than them? Or do they actually have to sleep with a minor to be a pedophile?...
A. 24 May 2011: They are pedophile if they are sexually aroused by children, and have the intent to have sex with them. Simply thinking about it in a fantasy world doesn't make you a pedophile, as people can have all sorts of twisted sexual fantasies. It is the ... (read in full...)
Why do women date the bad boys but marry the nice guys?
Q. Dear cupid, i was wondering why women date and sleep with bad boys through out there youth but run to marry nice guys in there 30's when there less attractive and are looking for stability and safety for a guy who has worked hard, being dumped for ...
A. 24 May 2011: Stereotyping. This isn't whats happening in the real world, this is just some story you are telling yourself.
Women date nice guys. Women marry nice guys. Nice guy date bad girls. Nice guys marry bad girls. Nice girls marry bad guys... It reall... (read in full...)
Thank you for all the help!
Q. This is not a question just a big thank you to people who have helped me over here for the past few months. I came across this site through internet browsing, looking for the answers I needed with my relationship. I met a guy who i never thought wo...
A. 24 May 2011: :)... (read in full...)
Does it make men mad when they can't finish
Q. How do I last longer in bed I'm 18 and when me an my boyfriend get intimate I always have to stop an he don't get to finish sometimes because it hurts. I want him to be able to finish an be happy. And one more question does it make men mad when they ...
A. 24 May 2011: Listen, if a guy says it doesn't bother him, it doesn't bother him. Men don't speak in riddles or say no when they mean yes. They say it like it is. It doesn't bother him. If it does bother him, he will let you know. ... (read in full...)
Does it make men mad when they can't finish
Q. How do I last longer in bed I'm 18 and when me an my boyfriend get intimate I always have to stop an he don't get to finish sometimes because it hurts. I want him to be able to finish an be happy. And one more question does it make men mad when they ...
A. 24 May 2011: If it hurts you stop. Period. You can finish him off with a handjob or blowjob. Alternatively you can have longer foreplay. If he's been horny for a longer period of time, through foreplay for example, or if there's been several days since you last ... (read in full...)
Does it make men mad when they can't finish
Q. How do I last longer in bed I'm 18 and when me an my boyfriend get intimate I always have to stop an he don't get to finish sometimes because it hurts. I want him to be able to finish an be happy. And one more question does it make men mad when they ...
A. 24 May 2011: If it hurts you stop. Period. You can finish him off with a handjob or blowjob. Alternatively you can have longer foreplay. If he's been horny for a longer period of time, through foreplay for example, or if there's been several days since you last ... (read in full...)
My wife's sex life before she met me, and her attitude towards sex now have left me shattered....
Q. This seems to be a big topic here. I have read a lot of the responses from people and they are helping. What I notice is that there are two categories of people suffering from this. One is people who have had a lot of partners (maybe even more tha...
A. 24 May 2011: I'm not the person who answers these questions the best. So I won't tell you all that I think around this, as I don't have any pity for you at all. But there are some illusions you're working by that are just illusions.
1. "That statemen... (read in full...)
Guys : Girls what do you think of "the rules?"
Q. The Rules: do you ladies out there follow them? And men- does it work? Do you like a lady better of she ignores you until you call? I'm asking because I'm such an open book and I think I make it too easy for guys by being easy going and not pl...
A. 24 May 2011: No one should be playing games. I never read "the rules", but my love life would certainly not get improved by a book. Those relationship books are for fun and entertainment, or perhaps for understanding one another a little better (if men and women ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me to never wear my sister's dress again because it made him feel he was kissing her!
Q. So today when i went to see my bf i was wearing this dress, it belongs to my younger sister and she wore it to a dinner we all attended a while ago. So when my bf saw me he asks me about the dress and said it looks like something my sister would ...
A. 24 May 2011: He doesn't like the dress and thinks he can dictate what you are to wear?
Set him straight. He doesn't have a say in what you wear, and if you like the dress you will wear the dress. If it gives him perverted ideas that only reflects on his own ... (read in full...)
What exactly does everyone consider cheating?
Q. Hi aunts, a question: whats really is cheating? When someone u are in relationship with chat with her ex but not tell u until u ask when u see received calls in her cellphone...
A. 24 May 2011: Cheating: kissing/having sex
Crossing the boundaries: up to each couple to decide for themselves
Deceiving: hiding things from your partner, things you do that you want to hide from your partner
Things that need to be hidden should never be ... (read in full...)
How do you know when you're ready to move in with your girl/boyfriend?
Q. How long do couples date usually before moving in together?...
A. 24 May 2011: Anywhere from one month to three years. Some even longer. Depends on circumstances in most cases, and need. Many move together because it is practical and cheaper that way, or if it is the only way they can see each other (if they originally live ... (read in full...)
Isn't it time for me to be happy and move on?
Q. Me and my best friend have been in love with eachother for 2 1/2 years but he has been with his gf for 4 years. I never ever ever had any intention of trying to break them up! Infact two years ago when we confessed we were in love with eachother, I ...
A. 24 May 2011: Yeah this guy doesn't truly love you, sorry. If he did he would have left his gf long time ago.
And if he was unable, unlikely but ok, he should have been the one to "end it" as you put it. He's the one who's having an emotional affair after al... (read in full...)
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