| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I told him about my past, he went silent and now wont speak to me until he has 'forgiven me'!
Q. I need some help. When I was 12, i was quite badly raped and beaten to within an inch of my life (I was in ICU for the following 2/3 months afterwards.) I did not open up to anyway and I still remain that way (like, i will jump if anyone touches me, ...
A. 23 October 2011: The guy's an immature douche, I concur. "Damaged goods", speak for himself, he's clearly missed something while growing up. Good riddance! You can do way way better, and there are perfectly healthy men out there with a healthy look on things who ... (read in full...)
27 virgin who has never dated. Is there hope for me?
Q. I am a 27 year old man who is also a virgin. I have never dated, never kissed never been in a relationship at all. All I have ever done is had cybersex and phonesex. If I ever do manage to meet a woman that wants to have sex with me I'm afraid I ...
A. 21 October 2011: DoubleM is right. The best way to flirt is to look into their eyes and smile. If they smile back the attraction is mutual. Then just talk and get to know her. Worst case scenario you have made a new friend who can introduce you to other women. Best ... (read in full...)
He's 21, but still has tantrums. Do I tell him? Does he need counselling? or what? It affects me, but he never thinks about that.
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years (best friend of 5 years) has a BIG problem that I don't know if I should bother dealing with any longer, so I need your advice. We're both 21. I love him to death. But he just cannot handle problems he comes across, no...
A. 20 October 2011: "I don't throw a fit like he does, but it brings me down when my bf decides to yell, hang up on me and punish me for something that happened to him."
Do you know what this is called? Abusive behaviour. He is punishing you when he feels like "li... (read in full...)
Can too much be a bad thing?
Q. Hello, So I'm over the "is my penis size to small or, how do i know if its the right size" I have a much more inportant matter at hand... So here is the story, I'v been with my new girlfriend for about a year not and we have been having sex(...
A. 19 October 2011: Just do what your girlfriend asks, but tell her it worries you when you see blood and you do not want that to happen again.... (read in full...)
Ladies: describe your PERFECT date!
Q. This one is for the ladies - Just wondering, how would you describe your perfect date? Be as original or cliche as you want i'd just love to get some real life ideas! :) Thanks...
A. 19 October 2011: The perfect date is when I get to hang out with a man who is totally awesome and makes me laugh for hours. A man who I feel can look into my eyes and see my soul, type of date. You said I could be clichè. A day with a man who gets me. Doesn't matter ... (read in full...)
I thought we had come to a compromise but then he totally disregards me and does what he wants anyway! Will life always be like this with him?
Q. I wrote on here about 2 weeks ago with the question below* and got some good advice which generally agreed with what i thought. So i asked my husband if he would go away for 3 weeks instead of 5 and in the end we compromised on 4. Problem now is he ...
A. 19 October 2011: As long as he's not spending any of your half of the money, then let him go without a fuzz. You can't exactly stop him without creating a sour marriage.
What I wonder is if you have talked to him at all about all of the plans you THINK he has w... (read in full...)
Why do people give up so easily? Why don't dumper's communicate until it's too late?
Q. My ex dumped me out of the blue. He said that I have no self confidence [not true] and I'm not assertive enough- that I'm a push over. So why did he wait until it was too late to tell me this? Why didn't he even tell me this sooner? Why didn't he ...
A. 19 October 2011: A lot of things don't make sense when you aren't looking at them the right way. From his point of view it makes sense, if it didn't he'd not end the relationship. Even if you can't understand or make sense of it you need to accept that whatever his ... (read in full...)
Does drinking and forgetting to take my b/c mar its effectiveness?
Q. This is a question about the birth control pill. I usually take my pill between 10 and 11 pm, but I go to parties almost every weekend, get drunk, and forget to take it until 5 or 6 am. These are often nights that I have sex as well. How much does ...
A. 19 October 2011: First off, the pill effects in advance, not on that particular day. If you forget to take your pill one day that doesn't mean THAT DAY you are unprotected, it means the next 7 days you will be unprotected (if you start eating you pills again ... (read in full...)
Used my boyfriend's computer and found out he's been using web sex cam sites
Q. I am living with my boyfriend and I just went to use his computer. He works in online marketing so I was aware there would be a lot of things in that nature that I would see BUT I saw that he has been on web cam sex sites - I doubt he needs to go to ...
A. 19 October 2011: If I were you I'd have him in for a talk at the principals office immediately. He's been a naughty boy, that's for sure. But it might not be as serious as you fear. Perhaps a warning will be sufficient.
If a warning doesn't make him straight... (read in full...)
Why do people give up so easily? Why don't dumper's communicate until it's too late?
Q. My ex dumped me out of the blue. He said that I have no self confidence [not true] and I'm not assertive enough- that I'm a push over. So why did he wait until it was too late to tell me this? Why didn't he even tell me this sooner? Why didn't he ...
A. 19 October 2011: He didn't want to end it, he was just hoping to see some changes that never came. It's not like a person can ask the other to change for them, what real option did he have? I was wondering the same thing earlier today, so I am glad you asked. ... (read in full...)
Don't want to stay, can't leave, what do you do with a marriage like this?
Q. Probably this is a very classic situation. 25 year long marriage went cold. My husband stopped looking at me, touching at me etc. There is no sex, affection, years ago. He went into silence, and passive aggressive responses. When ask why, he ...
A. 19 October 2011: Have you talked to him about divorce? Maybe you should. Not in a raging temperamental outburst, but in a direct and up front manner, to the point. He's closed down. Your marriage is cold. You'd like to consider divorce, but the circumstances being ... (read in full...)
27 virgin who has never dated. Is there hope for me?
Q. I am a 27 year old man who is also a virgin. I have never dated, never kissed never been in a relationship at all. All I have ever done is had cybersex and phonesex. If I ever do manage to meet a woman that wants to have sex with me I'm afraid I ...
A. 19 October 2011: "If I ever do manage to meet a woman that wants to have sex with me I'm afraid I will fail miserably because I'm a virgin"
Being a virgin doesn't automatically make you a bad lover. A good lover is someone who looks out for his partner, is eager... (read in full...)
Can too much be a bad thing?
Q. Hello, So I'm over the "is my penis size to small or, how do i know if its the right size" I have a much more inportant matter at hand... So here is the story, I'v been with my new girlfriend for about a year not and we have been having sex(...
A. 19 October 2011: Just don't go too rough on her... You'll learn to control your thrusts in time. Try to be careful with her, that's all. It's not a real problem as such, you just can't be hammering at her like crazy with a size like yours, you must be gentle. Sounds ... (read in full...)
If both people in the relationship are virgins, can you still contract STD's?
Q. Hey so i was just wondering if both people in the relationship are virgins, can you still contract STD's?...
A. 19 October 2011: You need to read up on the different STD's there are out there. Yes, you can still be infected with an STD even if you are a virgin. However if you are you'll most probably be aware of it and hopefully have the integrity to tell your partner. There ... (read in full...)
Could this just be some twisted way of ending the relationship with me because I was a bad kisser?
Q. I have this guy in a college class of mine and he has been flirting with me a lot. Yesterday I finally told him he should ask me out. We went to his house and watched a movie, ended up kissing and cuddling during the entire film. So he walks me back ...
A. 19 October 2011: Nothing to do with your kisses. It sounds like he's got a lot going on right now, and for the time being you are better off keeping him at arms length no matter if the story check out or not. Although why wouldn't it be probable? He kissed you on ... (read in full...)
Does it mean he cares if he refuses to make her the other woman?
Q. Is this a fair statement? If a married man has a female friend he is attracted to and she is attracted to him, does it mean he cares about her if he refuses to make her the other woman? Any opinions?...
A. 19 October 2011: I don't think it says anything about his feelings towards the woman. Instead it says a lot about his integrity, character and nobility to stay faithful.
Of course, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about others, it's just that this act on itself d... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over a first love?
Q. Do women get over their first love that they had sex with for their first time, or even if it wasn't a first love that they had sex with the first time?nEven if it has been several years since it took place? I would like to hear views from the lady...
A. 19 October 2011: Uhm, yes we do get over them. Why do you ask? Don't men ever get over their firsts as well? ... (read in full...)
Commitment - Phob - a load of BS??
Q. I have been "seeing" this guy for about six months now. We sleep together regularly...we spend a lot of time together...alone and in groups - we share many mutual friends. We have never labeled what "We are" but we both acknowledge our care for one ...
A. 18 October 2011: The term "commitment phobe" is a term from popular culture, not rooted in any actual phobia. Nor does it have a precise definition. In general it describes a person who does not want to take responsibility. In other words, yes, a person who wants ... (read in full...)
I neeed HELP!!!!!! virgin about to make biggest mistake of his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. My friend is 19 and a virgin. We are both going to the same college. He met this girl at a school party and she gave him head over the weekend. She later asked how many gilrs he has been with and he said 0. Her roomate is leaving this week and she ...
A. 18 October 2011: Just tell him your honest opinion as a friend, but do not try to persuade him. It's his life after all and he's entitled to make his own mistakes. In fact he needs to make his own mistakes. You can't always be around to watch out for him, and he ... (read in full...)
I neeed HELP!!!!!! virgin about to make biggest mistake of his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. My friend is 19 and a virgin. We are both going to the same college. He met this girl at a school party and she gave him head over the weekend. She later asked how many gilrs he has been with and he said 0. Her roomate is leaving this week and she ...
A. 18 October 2011: Just tell him your honest opinion as a friend, but do not try to persuade him. It's his life after all and he's entitled to make his own mistakes. In fact he needs to make his own mistakes. You can't always be around to watch out for him, and he ... (read in full...)
B/f says I'm not his rebound, but I worry about it
Q. Hi. Well this is a strange question, I guess what I’m asking is if my relationship seems normal and that I’m not being used as a rebound. Firstly, we have been together ten months, nearly eleven. I met him four months nearly five months after he had ...
A. 18 October 2011: You are not his rebound. You are only scaring yourself with these thoughts. Maybe you do not feel worthy of him for personal reasons, and so you are looking for reasons why he couldn't possibly care for you the way he says he does. I think it's t... (read in full...)
Was this online girl for real?
Q. I started using Zoosk a couple of months ago, and contacted a few girls. One named Naomi replied to me, and we started to chat casually on email. She told me she wanted to exchange pictures, and although I regret it, I did send her some indecent ...
A. 18 October 2011: Probably not. Don't ever webcam with online people, many pull pranks on young boys pretending they are a girl who wants sex with them, only to have a laugh at you.
Be careful in the future, do NOT send out indecent pictures. ... (read in full...)
23 and never been kissed or in a relationship
Q. Why am I single? I feel like everything I do gets effed up or something. And really badly too. The guys that are into me I'm not into. The guys who it was mutual with either didn't want to be in a serious relationship or there was a whol...
A. 18 October 2011: There's a happy medium between "settling for anything" and "being picky". You need certain standards, but you do not need sky high expectations that no living man can ever fulfill. What are you looking for in a man? When you haven't had a boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Six years with no intercourse. Is this normal?
Q. I've been with my bf for 6 years,on and off.he wants to have intercourse but i dont for various reasons.he said he shouldnt have to wait any longer as 6 years is a long time and he said he doesnt want to be with someone who wont have intercourse ...
A. 18 October 2011: For most people an adult relationship involves sex, yes, and that includes intercourse.
I don't know what sort of anxiety you have, but if you do not want intercourse with him, and he seeks a relationship with intercourse, then you and him can ... (read in full...)
Why do I have the worst of luck in everything, including love?
Q. My main question here is why do I have the worst luck. I wonder, am I cursed? I mean, I haven't had one girl say that they liked me, I also was rejected once. I don't mean to start any religious conflict, but does someone "up there" hate me?? Let me ...
A. 18 October 2011: Don't be a drama queen. People fall in love, they get rejected, they accidentally bump into each other. You have so far been rejected ONCE in your life and you think you are doomed. It's time you face the facts. PEOPLE GET REJECTED ALL THE TIME. ... (read in full...)
I lied for 7 years about what I looked like with a LDR and now that he knows the truth he is different to me
Q. Dear Cupid, I was 13 years old in the year of 2005, possibly to young to understand the word love. I met two young boys,my age, one day chatting on the internet. One of which took my number and started texting each other almost all the time...
A. 18 October 2011: Give him space. Then in some time, maybe a year or more (he needs loads of space away from you right now) contact him again. Tell him you are sorry, you were young and stupid, but that you genuinely care for him and enjoyed your friendship. Ask if ... (read in full...)
How long should I date her without a sexual relationship?
Q. I am a male with a high-sex drive in my mid twenties. I have had a lot of partners and dated even more women, but only one previous lover. I met this new girl who I am absolutely attracted to in multiple dynamics and hope her to be my next love....
A. 18 October 2011: "I am truly drawn to this woman. I really want to get sexual and intimate with her"
Maybe a re-phrase is needed? I am truly drawn to this woman. I really want a great and intimate relationship with her.
Makes the world of a difference. If y... (read in full...)
Personality vs looks?
Q. Hi, So I was wondering... Is personality or physical attraction more important? Any thoughts would be appreciated!...
A. 17 October 2011: Yepps, looks fade, so why start it out with something you originally do not like? I feel like elaborating a bit, if you do not mind.
As you grow old together you adapt to the changes in each body, but also the main features will be the same. Hi... (read in full...)
How many men think sex isn't good unless a BJ in involved?
Q. How many of men consider that sex is not good without blowjob? Is intercourse alone not enough to satisfy a man? How many women would perform oral sex on a stable partner vs a casual sexual encounter?...
A. 17 October 2011: I have never met a man who wasn't ok with "just" intercourse. I say "just", because intercourse isn't some second place act, it's an amazing sexual experience. Blowjobs are just good for variation, and the men I have been with feel the same way. ... (read in full...)
I was dating his best friend but then he suddenly passed away, now the friend has feelings for me.....what should I do?
Q. I had been dating and working on a relationship with a childhood friend and he unexpectedly passed away. It has been three months and his best friend and I are now very close. I no that he has romantic feelings for me. I am attracted to him but I ...
A. 17 October 2011: I think that right now you and him are both grieving, and that is what has brought you closer. If you start a relationship now before you have finished grieving and healed, the relationship will be a troubled one. You need to wait until the time is ... (read in full...)
Personality vs looks?
Q. Hi, So I was wondering... Is personality or physical attraction more important? Any thoughts would be appreciated!...
A. 17 October 2011: Both are important for a relationship. If you only like personality you have a friendship, if you only like the looks you have a purely sexual relationship that can never go beyond a casual fling.
Both attractions need to be there, you need to ... (read in full...)
Does being turned on more by girls make me lesbian???
Q. So I'm a girl and I hang out with guys all day so they got me to watch porn and then I started to watch lesbian porn. It turns me on more to see a girl naked then seeing a guy. but I don't want to be lesbian. what does this mean if I get turned on ...
A. 17 October 2011: No, it does not mean that you are a lesbian. Porn is porn, porn is not the real world. What you are stimulated by in a fantasy (which is what porn is) is not necessarily what you are stimulated by in real life. Unless you have fallen in love with a ... (read in full...)
I told him about my past, he went silent and now wont speak to me until he has 'forgiven me'!
Q. I need some help. When I was 12, i was quite badly raped and beaten to within an inch of my life (I was in ICU for the following 2/3 months afterwards.) I did not open up to anyway and I still remain that way (like, i will jump if anyone touches me, ...
A. 17 October 2011: You did not do anything wrong by not saying this earlier. This was a private matter, not something you would want to publicly announce to everyone and no one. Telling him was a sign of confidence and trust in him, which he did not show that he ... (read in full...)
Christmas stress....
Q. Hello! I'm worrying about Christmas.... I have been with my boyfriend for two years and have spend both Christmases away from each other, so we said last year we would spend xmas together in December 2011. We thought of some ways to be together l...
A. 17 October 2011: So in other words your boyfriend isn't interested in spending Christmas with you unless YOU do the sacrificed and go to his parents place. Wow. How generous. And while you and your mom will be separated for any future Christmas should you want to ... (read in full...)
Thinking of losing it with a friend
Q. Hey everyone. I feel like my problem is a but out of the oridnary, but here goes. I'm 17 and a senior in high school. I'm also a virgin. I've had boyfriends before, but it just never happened. Anyway, my best friend (boy) is still a virgin too. ...
A. 17 October 2011: Let me ask you some questions first. Are you sexually attracted to him? Can you kiss him, and like it? Will it feel weird to kiss him? Have you tried? Before you jump into bed together, at least do a test with kissing each other, as in a make-out... (read in full...)
I told him about my past, he went silent and now wont speak to me until he has 'forgiven me'!
Q. I need some help. When I was 12, i was quite badly raped and beaten to within an inch of my life (I was in ICU for the following 2/3 months afterwards.) I did not open up to anyway and I still remain that way (like, i will jump if anyone touches me, ...
A. 17 October 2011: I think you are the one who should not forgive him. I have no idea what it is he is talking about, as there is nothing you did that he needs to forgive you for. I think that maybe your boyfriend isn't the kind of man you thought. It is a horrible ... (read in full...)
We want a baby, but we have no support on my side of the family.
Q. Some background information: I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been together for almost 4 years and we love each other very much. I'm the only child and my parents, grandparents, and my aunt are TOO overprotective and still look at me as a child. ...
A. 17 October 2011: Do what you want to do primarily. But use your common senses. That's all I, a random stranger online, would ask of you. You don't have to justify having a child with your boyfriend if everything is settled and ready for it, it's entirely you and ... (read in full...)
I cant even get a woman to go on a first date with me!
Q. I am an asian man, who is completely bald, and living in the midwest. And by bald, i mean i've almost lost all hair on my scalp and now, losing my eyebrows too. I'm professionally successful, relatively healthy, average built, 6 feet tall, 170lb...
A. 17 October 2011: Your hair doesn't matter. You need to shave your head though. Women do not find a "moon" to be sexy. However, losing hair is a natural process, so we accept it. You can be stylish while bald, but you must shave off the remaining parts of the hair ... (read in full...)
How much did you regret not losing your virginity to your husband/wife?
Q. Did you regret not losing your virginity to the person you're married to? How much? I'm torn between waiting until marriage (for religious and mostly nonreligious reasons) and just going for it with whoever I feel like. But I don't want to one day ...
A. 17 October 2011: I guess this depends on what you envisage your future husband to be, and what kind of men you are about to meet in the future (which you have no idea of unless you have a crystal ball, but you might have a slight idea). If you want to marry a ... (read in full...)
I promised not to have sex with her until we get married, but I cant help not trust her and think she will lose it to someone else!
Q. My girl friend is 17yrs i love her so much, and i promise not to have sex with her until we wed. But am afraid she may lose her virginity to another because you cant trust most girls. What should i do. ...
A. 17 October 2011: Break up with her if you can't trust her. That's the basic of it. If you can't trust her then I do not see how you and her will ever marry. And even if you take her virginity and marry her I do not see how that would prevent her from ever cheating ... (read in full...)
Ladies: How can you tell exactly when you ovulate?
Q. Hey all, Firstly, this post is for other women out there. Men may find it disturbing. I'm 28, almost 29. I have polycystic ovary syndrome, well, I have symptoms of PCOS (chin hair, inbalanced hormones levels etc). My gyno diagnosed me with...
A. 17 October 2011: Not to run a commercial on you, but have you ever heard of the baby-comp or lady-comp? It goes under various names. It's a small computer-kind of thing that takes your temperature every morning and then calculates when you will ovulate. It tells you ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, does not want to break up, but has no feelings for me, what do I do?/
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for just about eight years now, and until recently have been very happy. After a few months of feeling like he didnt want me around him, I asked if he was mad and had i done anything to upset him. He told me ...
A. 17 October 2011: I was trying to sound belittling, certainly not towards you OP. I think you are just what you said you were, emotional right now and upset. Your boyfriend recently told you something no woman wants to hear, and it is breaking your heart. You want to ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's normal not to be interested in sex at 16?
Q. My boyfriend and I am having a small conflict right now. Alright firstly I am asian and my boyfriend is American(Half English). We are both sixteen..At first I thought he was really a sweet and pure guy but these days he is acting differen...
A. 16 October 2011: You are normal. But so is your boyfriend. The truth is that people are different when it comes to this. Some are interested in sex from a very early age, others are not interested in sex until much later. I think the reason your boyfriend got upset ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, does not want to break up, but has no feelings for me, what do I do?/
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for just about eight years now, and until recently have been very happy. After a few months of feeling like he didnt want me around him, I asked if he was mad and had i done anything to upset him. He told me ...
A. 16 October 2011: "had to shut of his sexual feelings and so forth to deal with the dancers" Was he working at a strip club? In either case, this doesn't make sense to me. A man is hardly an instinct driven cave man unable to separate dancers from his girlfriend in ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
