| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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This guy wants to date me, but he slept with other girls before!
Q. So there's this guy. He's friends with my one friend, Vaughn. Vaughn and I haven't hung out in a while, but he asked if his friend, Eric, could tag along. I was ok with it. So when we met up Eric would NOT stop staring at me. Honestly, Eric isn't my ...
A. 2 September 2010: What Honeygirl says. If there was ever a guy who was after sex, this is the guy. ... (read in full...)
I don't want my family or his family to know that we are having sex, but my boyfriend doesn't seem to understand this!
Q. I dont undestand why my boyfriend of 5 years gets mad when I dont want his family and my family know that we had sexual relationships. I know that his family judges the women for having sex for a young age but he denies it. His cousin got pregnant...
A. 2 September 2010: To be perfectly honest, it's no one's business other than yours. If he was telling his parents and your parents that you were having sex, I'd be a little creeped out. Basically, they don't need to know. ... (read in full...)
Need a male's opinion, does my ex still have feelings for me?
Q. Okay, I was wondering if my ex still has feelings for me. We did not break up that long ago and there are subtle hints but I need other peoples opinion so I know if i'm just over obsessing or not. Firstly, his hotmail password used to be ilove and ...
A. 2 September 2010: I think it's most likely that he's keeping you around as a bit of a spare, in case in the future other relationships don't work out. There is no way that a man who truly loves you would just dump you like this. I think you need to pull away and stop ... (read in full...)
Has my ex just come back to me to take my virginity?
Q. Dear cupid,i was dating my ex for 9 months and we never had sex,and i found out that he was cheating and ended it,we got back together this year(june)and he think we should have sex,did he come back to get what he never got at the first place?my ...
A. 2 September 2010: He just wants to use you. He cheated before, and now he's come back and suddenly he wants to have sex. He'll just use you. You really need to leave this guy. ... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend become a monster? Are these warning signs?
Q. I'm 18 and feel that I care for my older bf. I know that I'm not quite in love with him and yet, he's my "first" and we're happy. The only thing is that I worry about some his behavior. He's sweet, encourages me in everything I pursue, and it's hard ...
A. 2 September 2010: I think you are. Behind the sweet, spoiling façade, there is a guy who is actually quite controlling. It's great that he allows you to pursue projects, but to be going on about bf's texting you every time your phone goes off, and to say if there ... (read in full...)
What is her problem? I have never seen this side to her before!
Q. I got married recently and I really regret inviting an ex colleague of mine which I thought was a friend! Since I've been back from honeymoon all she has done is slag off my wedding, not only to me but to some mutual friends and god knows who e...
A. 2 September 2010: If there was ever a woman who was jealous, this is the one. Take absolutely no notice. She's utterly jealous. ... (read in full...)
He stopped texting after we had sex, what should I do?
Q. okay so there is this guy that i have been talking to kind of and we before we started talking we were always really flirty and stuff so finally he gave me his number and we talked a little but not to much and then recently we started talking a lot ...
A. 2 September 2010: I usually work on the three day rule. If he hasn't got back to you again in three days, then chances are you've been used. If that's the case, then you need to move on. ... (read in full...)
My bf's ex wife drives me crazy
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title: Me and my bf are in cooling off stage. Because we need to think things over if we still want to continue our relationship or not. We are ok as a couple as far as I knew, and the only argument that we have is about his ...
A. 2 September 2010: He is never going to let this ex go. Ever. The fact that all those girlfriends before you had to leave him says it all. When you left, they were communicating more than ever. The truth is, they are two people who love each other, but can't live ... (read in full...)
I've been rejected by a girl for the first time in my life. how should I feel?
Q. ok before i tell me story, if your one of those sentimental femminist types, please dnt even bother responding cuz i dont wana hear it. So for the first time in my life one got away. So I had 3 girlfriends, and I was having a bit of trouble keeping ...
A. 2 September 2010: She wasn't stupid enough to wait around. There's nothing wrong with her. If you can't play the game, don't play the game. ... (read in full...)
I want to fake a pregnany to get back at him!
Q. I already know what everyone will say to this, but please say it anyway! I met a guy on an internet dating site and we have been speaking on msn for a few months, he lives about 100 miles away from me and seemed to really like me. he kept begging me ...
A. 2 September 2010: Do you want a record as someone who has mental issues? And I ask that seriously, because there have been several cases of a woman faking pregnancy, then faking abortions and they have had to undergo psychological evaluation.
This is something that... (read in full...)
In love with friend's son!
Q. Hi, I'm a 38 year old female (but look much younger) who has been very happily married for 16 years with three beautiful children. We recently went to my home country over the summer and there met one of our family friends after a long time...
A. 1 September 2010: I'm actually seeing an older woman, and I'd love to be able to suggest that you go for it with this guy.
But you know I can't. You're a married woman with three beautiful children, a house, a lifestyle, a good reputation with friends and the comm... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to join the marines. I don't want him to go.
Q. Hey, I really need some help my boyfriend wants to join the marines and i really dont want him to. We were gonna get married soon but i told him i dont wanna marry him before he goes cause i dont want to be newly weds and never get to see him. We ...
A. 1 September 2010: You must let him do this. If you don't, and you make a fuss, he will resent you for the rest of your life. If this is what he wants to do with his life, then he needs to do it. No matter how hard that is for you, this is something you either have to ... (read in full...)
We've been together for three years, what does he mean by "Let's lay low"?
Q. dating this guy for 3 years,after a 2 days getaway, he said lets lay low, no text, i will text you thursday or friday and will have lunch. what does it mean him saying lets lay low after a weekend getaway? ...
A. 1 September 2010: I sense that this guy really does not want total commitment. After three years of dating, there should be more than this. To go away and for him to then say 'lets lay low' suggests that he's a bit of a commitment phobe and is happy to see you when ... (read in full...)
His soon to be ex wife says he can't have anything to do with their baby whilst I'm there. Does she have the right?
Q. Im having relationship problems with my bf due to his ex causing so many problems with us. He left his wife in March and they have an 18month old daughter. She blames me for their marriage and says that he cant see his daughter if im around. we ...
A. 1 September 2010: No, she doesn't. If you were a danger, then yes. But you're not, so she doesn't have the right to stop him seeing his child. He can take her back to court and get it sorted if he has to. A few too many parents seem to use their children as pawns in ... (read in full...)
He sometimes loses his erection during sex! Does this mean he's lost his attraction to me?
Q. my boyfriend sometimes looses his erection during sex. It used to be every once in a while but its happening more often. Recently its to the point where its hard for him to get an erection let alone keep one. Is this normal or could this be that he ...
A. 1 September 2010: Nope. Not you at all. Type up 'Erectile Dysfunction', and you'll find the truth. This can be caused by stress, tiredness, anxiety, older age, lack or proper nutrition and diet, too much weight, more stress etc etc. There are plenty of reasons that ... (read in full...)
Tell me something great about yourself, for my sake:)
Q. So, this isn't really a question. But I'll go for it anyway. As of late, I've been feeling pretty down about men. The reasons being I have somehow started to convince myself that all they want is sex and that they will lie and manipulate to ge...
A. 1 September 2010: Last weekend my girlfriend was called into work on Saturday, after having worked 12-14 hour days for a week. So, naturally she was not happy. When she told me she was coming home, I ran a bath for her, set out some of these vanilla candles she has, ... (read in full...)
Friends taking Ex Abuser's Side
Q. I got out of an abusive relationship about 5-6 months ago. My life has gotten better in many ways. I started dating a friend of mine (who I wasn't allowed to see)and am now pregnant with his child. However, I feel I have not fully recovered from the ...
A. 1 September 2010: These people aren't your friends, and you should just be away from them. They're all like him. You need to get away from these negative people and start making new friends and focusing on your pregnancy. That's the only sure way to get this guy and ... (read in full...)
He blames me for not being able to cum! Help!
Q. I've met this much older man after my divorce. We have sex like we were in our thirties. Four years on he is strugling to satisfy me. And I am near 50 and I am not so crazy about sex. It doesnt matter to me we have less sex. The thing that ...
A. 1 September 2010: Maybe he should go see a doctor. It's not you. And to blame you is a bit low, so depending how you feel about this guy, keep one foot out the door in case you feel like running. ... (read in full...)
I'm serving in Iraq, and My wife has cheated on me.
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title.Sorry, i could not use the one you requested, as its already been used. Hello, I'm 31 yrs old and currently deployed in Iraq. About 1 month ago my wife told me that she had gotten drunk after work one night and ended sl...
A. 1 September 2010: I think tennistar offers some really good advice there. You have the option for counselling, but since you'll be deployed again at some point, this is something that could seriously affect your work. ... (read in full...)
Should I start something?
Q. I like this guy, and we have flirted a lot. The problem is I'm moving away for uni in 2 weeks, and I don't know if we should start something. He says he's just up for some fun, what should I do?...
A. 1 September 2010: I think it's best you don't start anything. You'll get hurt. ... (read in full...)
What can I do to repair this?
Q. hi i need advice...im miserable. first of all i have herpes, and i just met this guy a few weeks back. we have great chemistry and talk for hours on phone each night. but i was afraid to tell him about herpes. so i did tell him, but only day after ...
A. 1 September 2010: I'm afraid to say that your guy has a point. And the post at the bottom, Moo's Mum, is unfortunately wrong on this case. There is a risk that someone can catch STD's, including herpes, from mutual masturbation. All medical sites say that, so I'm ... (read in full...)
I don't want to get my heart broken...does this guy like me or not?
Q. Okay, so I hope this doesn't sound like I'm desperate or looking into things too much... But this is my dilemma... Basically I've known this guy for a while (I never really spoken to him much though) but not the weekend just been but the weekend ...
A. 1 September 2010: If he has said that he doesn't want a relationship because he likes his space, then he's must likely looking for a FWB, which is marginally better than being used for just sex. If you're looking for a committed, full on relationship, then I think ... (read in full...)
How do I knock some sense into this man?
Q. Hi, I don't know where to begin...I guess I would like some advice on how to deal with my boyfriend of 5 mths... Prior to the commencement of our relationship, I had spent a good couple of months getting to know him in fear of having my heart b...
A. 1 September 2010: You're mum's right. This guy of yours sounds like a bit of a loser to be honest. Personally I'd go one step further and just end it with him. At 5 months and with his behaviour, it's safe to assume that he's just using you for his own convenience. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has gone cold while she has been on holiday, what should I do?
Q. Okay so I need advice on what is best to do - my girlfriend has gone to florida on holiday with her friends and family for two weeks, she's already been there a week so next week she will be back, hopefully. But the point is whilst she has been out ...
A. 1 September 2010: Just relax. She's on holiday, so her contact will only be limited anyway. You're making too much fuss over too little. When she comes back, just work at it. But she's on holiday at the moment, so she's just relaxing and such. And she told you the ... (read in full...)
I have a son with my married lover and now he has cut off all communication with us since his wife found out about the affair!
Q. i have had a lover for 28 years. he has 3 sons with his wife and 1 son with me. i stayed away from him for about 6 years and now he has come back into my life. i am 55 and no one ever wanted to date me. except him. Anyway his wife just found out ...
A. 1 September 2010: Men do this because they can get away with it. For 28 years, this man just used you, and you let it happen because you thought no one else would date you. I'm afraid to say that he never loved you or the child he has with you. He used to child to ... (read in full...)
For the men: Do you still find your ex's attractive or ever think about them?
Q. Hello, I just want to ask the guys if they still find thier ex's attractive? Do you still think about your ex? And also do you think about your ex during sex with your current partner? Thanks in advance for the replies. ...
A. 1 September 2010: I would say it depends on the ex. For me, I couldn't care a less about my ex. She cheated and lied to me. At first I was heartbroken, then I was angry. Now, I genuinely don't feel anything for her at all. I don't like her, but I don't hate her. I'm ... (read in full...)
My ex husband is causing trouble for my entire family and no one can stop him!
Q. I was married for a short time 27 years ago. We got divorced,he disappeared, paid no child suppport and I did not look for him, it was done. Three years later I remarried, my husband adopted my daughter and things have been wonderful for years. ...
A. 1 September 2010: What FA said. If it can be proved he is using your credit card, then that's fraud. ... (read in full...)
Thanks to my ex I feel extremely insecure about my small breasts
Q. This is going to sound stupid, but I have a huge complex with my small boobs, thanks to my ex. We didn't break up because of that, we broke up because he was abusive and too controlling. But the thing is, in some occasions he bluntly told me ...
A. 1 September 2010: The worst, worst thing a woman can do is be unhappy with herself and her body. Men aren't quite as easy to understand as you've made out in terms of 'all of us being alike'. We're not. We're all different. You, sadly, went out with a moron. And he's ... (read in full...)
What should I do?? wait till marriage or not? seriously need advice.
Q. so am 21... i loved my exes (3) i gave them everything..i loved them. but they all disappeared from my life without goodbye. ive been hurt soo much.. ive been single for 2years now.. the guys i meet just want sex and obviously i dont give ...
A. 1 September 2010: Stay celibate if that's what you want to do. You'll have to work through the crappy guys, but you'll find one who wants more than sex. ... (read in full...)
My husband met up with his ex and now wants to split
Q. I have an 8 yr marriege... My husband met up with his ex 3 weeks ago.. We were already having problems.. but this made up his mind.. after 3 weeks he wants too sell house and completely split.. Whats going thru his head??...
A. 1 September 2010: Men are really great at making fast decisions that they later regret. This might well be one of them. Either way, I think you need to tell him to think carefully and suggest counselling one final time. If he wants out after then, grant his wish then ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend choosing friends over me?
Q. soo i used to be bestfriends with my bf's friend but that frienship ended when that friend made fun of the fact that i was molested as a kid and told me to go kill myself when my dad died. he also made fun of the fact that i self mutilated my self. ...
A. 1 September 2010: No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't be near these guys with what you've been through. His friend is appalling, yes. But your boyfriend stood idly by and let him hurt you. What a shite boyfriend! Get rid of these crappy guys, and focus on your own life. ... (read in full...)
My kids don't want me to date but to get back with their dad
Q. my ex left me and the kids about a year and a half ago after i found out he cheated on me and i kicked him out.He has been with that girl ever since. I hate her. I miss him the kids miss him and we all want him home. I see a counselor but I cant ...
A. 31 August 2010: I think you're making the mistake of blaming this other woman for his behaviour (which you're kind of hinting at). You're suggesting that he's still the nice man when she's not around. He was never a nice man. He cheated on you and left you and your ... (read in full...)
I am pretty sure that I have fallen in love with a co-worker.
Q. I am someone can give me some advice. I am in a dilemma that I cannot goto anyone else in my life for advice. I am pretty sure that I have fallen in love with a co-worker. We instantlly clicked and he makes me feel things I have never felt before ...
A. 31 August 2010: He was always gay. You'll find that he was always gay, and that he repressed it for some time before coming to terms with who he was. I don't think he is bi-sexual, because if he was he would have made more of a go of his marriage. As it is, he just ... (read in full...)
Husband has been hiding money..do I confront him?
Q. I need a voice of reason. I was married to a man for 7 years and we have recently split up. During that time money has been very scarce due to the fact that initially he was in a very low paid job, then he bought his own business and has been ...
A. 31 August 2010: If he's married to you, then you need to confront him. That money is also yours, since you're his wife and you backed him up. You're entitled to it. Don't secretly claw it back, as you might get into trouble. Instead, talk to a divorce solicitor and ... (read in full...)
Why don't girls have sex as much as guys?
Q. I would like to ask a question at a general/stereotypical level - Why don't girls have sex as much as guys? Eg. a single guy goes to a party/club/bar and hopes something will happen. A single girl goes to the same place and doesn't let anyt...
A. 31 August 2010: You'll find that women are just more discreet about what happens. They do it just as much. ... (read in full...)
How do I approach this situation delicately?
Q. I recently got into a relationship with one of my close friends. In about 3 weeks we will be going to school 7 hours away from each other. He's very tight financially because his parents are unemployed and he's paying for college on his own. I, on ...
A. 31 August 2010: I know how this guy will feel about this, because I'm in the same situation. I'm basically broke, whereas my girlfriend is very successful. I don't care about that, but it does hurt when I can't spoil her a bit!
For starters, keep the gifts you send... (read in full...)
How do you regain confidence after a brush off?
Q. How do you regain confidence after a brush off? The guy I was seeing and I found ourselves at a work related event in which we didn't know anybody, it was only us from our company. So I sat with him (we had a friendly brake up, and were still sp...
A. 31 August 2010: It's over between you, and he's just not comfortable with being around you. That's not your fault. That's just the way it is between ex's sometimes. I cut contact with my ex years ago, and the first time I saw her again I just wanted to crawl into a ... (read in full...)
I have an uneasy feeling about her. Should I end this?
Q. TO STAY OR LET GO I have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 4 years. She has two children, daughter 19 and son 13. They live with their father, why, because they choose to as their mother left father for me and he is good to them....
A. 31 August 2010: You're wasting your time. End it. She's already gone back twice. If you let her do it again, she'll do it for the rest of your life. She is either committed to you, or she's not. Ironically she's doing more damage to her children than anyone else, ... (read in full...)
Why is he saying he doesn't deserve me?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years and recently he has been sayin that he doesn't deserve me. He keeps saying that I should break up with him and everything. I don't know if he doesn't love anymore or he wants to find some one new....
A. 31 August 2010: Because you are too good for him. And he knows it. Chances are he wants to break up but is too soft to do it, so is hoping you will. This is the sort of guy you don't need in your life.... (read in full...)
Anyone else have a seemingly perfect life and being unhappy inside?
Q. Is there anyone out there who looks (from the outside) that their life is really working perfectly for them? Is there anyone out there that is successful, accomplished and in a so-called great relationship, but isn't truely happy? It seems that ...
A. 31 August 2010: He's a sad number that will put it into perspective. Research recently said that the biggest regret women collectively had is marrying the wrong man. 70% of women claim they're with the wrong man. So you're truly not alone at all. There are a lot of ... (read in full...)
Is he not taking our wedding plans seriously?
Q. We got engaged on March and decided the date of our wedding to be March 19, 2011. I heard it's best to start planning 1 yr ahead and so that's what i started to do with my mother's help. However, he always seemed to get upset about it saying I am ...
A. 31 August 2010: This really is why men just give up with planning the marriage in the end. It just becomes too stressful, so they let the woman take most of it on.
First of all, yes he cares! It's clear beyond a doubt that he cares! And yes he's taking it seri... (read in full...)
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