| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I want to date her but am worried about what will happen if I then dump her
Q. I've been talking to a girl recently after a terrible long-term relationship of mine ended. This new girl is kind, loving, quiet, and has a heart of gold, but she also has flaws. She was raped as a child by her own mother and her mother's countless ...
A. 3 December 2009: Well that's great. But still give her time. She hasn't gotten over it, otherwise she wouldn't be like she is in a relationship. Be a good friend a this moment, nothing more.... (read in full...)
My Latin Lover has become a Latin Monster
Q. I am a Canadian woman, late-20’s, and dated an Italian man for just over three years. At first it was magnificent, the hand holding, gentle face touches, dancing in the dark, romantic romantic romantic. We moved in together and it was downhill from ...
A. 3 December 2009: No, not all Italian men are like this at all. I know a few and they are great guys. But I'm afraid to say your boyfriend is an ass who won't ever be there when you need him. Hardly a knight in armour.
Dump him now and run a mile. Then, when you'... (read in full...)
Help with teenagers required!
Q. I have two teenage boys. the oldest I had to rehome as he was insulting, ungrateful and depressed me. He now lives on his own but still tal;k and he comes round and stays and eats. his 15 year brother is developing similiar styles. I feel as ...
A. 3 December 2009: Talk to them about why they do this, and ask them to be really honest, as you think you are drifting apart. The reason they are like this is because of the initial strictness, which has meant that nothing you now do can get to them. Young men do ... (read in full...)
Crush on my co-worker the Principal
Q. I am a manager at my college and have a serious crush on my Principal. He is so warm and apporpachable. He is in his fifties but I think he is handsome. whenever he sees me he double takes me. I feel there is a mutural attraction there. I wo...
A. 2 December 2009: If either or you are married, don't approach him. I say that because it could really complicate things.
However, if you're both not, then there is no reason why you can't talk to him. So what if he's got 4 A levels?
I think also, from reading ... (read in full...)
Is my ex just mentally unwell?
Q. Hi I have got advice on here before which was helpful so this was the first place I came to today because of a big upset. My partner and I split up a few months ago but stayed in touch over the phone and agreed to meet up this week. He can be...
A. 2 December 2009: WHOA! There's my comment. Take away all your emotion from this situation and look closely at all the facts
Fact, he is already an ex, and therefore you have already broken up for reasons.
Fact, he is verbally abuseive to you for no reason, ... (read in full...)
My friend thinks the boy I like is a creep!
Q. MOD NOTE: Poster says they are in 7th grade, but age is 19. I like this boy in seventh grade that always hangs out with me in the morning. One of my friends thinks he's a creep, and always tells him to go away. How do I ask him out? And how do I...
A. 2 December 2009: Well, just in case your friend knows something you don't, ask her why she feels that way. And listen carefully. When we fancy someone, we have the habit of only seeing good points, without any warning signs. Why is your friend acting like she is? ... (read in full...)
Perfect to zero in 3 months--she's as cold as ice!
Q. hi there, im very confused at the moment. my girlfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years, and i love her so much, that i cant imagine my life without her. everything was perfect when we first got together, it was intense and pssi...
A. 2 December 2009: Well, you tried talking and she just shrugged. Now you need to be direct. You need to tell her that by not opening up to you, there isn't really any hope in your relationship. Something has happened to make her change, and she needs to open up. Tell ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in the middle of my feuding friends
Q. So me and my group of friends are having huge difficulties. We are 6 girls and last year we were a tight group but this year is all weird. I know people change but its all drama shit. My bff elizabeth started telling some pretty shitty lies where ...
A. 2 December 2009: That's a really crap place to be, so you have my sympathy. We males are a bit luckier with friends, because we don't rely on them so much, whereas women do need good friendships to be happy. This means that female friendships are open to a lot of ... (read in full...)
In love with my husband's cousin!!!
Q. I'm in love with my husband's cousin. I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 18 mths and we have 3 gorgeous kids. Our relationship has been turbulent but i care very much for him. Just over a yr into our relationship after the birth of ...
A. 2 December 2009: If you're expecting to be forgiven, forget it. If you think your kids will understand, they probably won't. If a couple divorce, children can learn to accept and slowly move on. But in this case, you would be leaving for a man for his cousin, ... (read in full...)
Am I turning bitter or am I still in love with him?
Q. spilt with husband 3 years ago after 6 years of physical abuse, he's down every day to see the 2 kids. he has a new girl every other week and it really hurts that he's getting it so easy, i havent been with anyone in the 3 years weve been apart and ...
A. 2 December 2009: You're not in love with him, no. I think you resent the fact that even though he treated you so badly, he has been able to move on without you, leaving you feeling very hurt and abused. I@m sure you are feeling very lonely, but believe me, you're ... (read in full...)
He dumped me for something that happened when I wasn't even with him!!!
Q. What did I do to deserve this? My boyfriend dumped me over some web posts he found. The funny thing is that those posts are from like 5 years ago! Whereas we have been dating for 3 years. That means, those posts are from BEFORE I met him! We h...
A. 2 December 2009: You're far better off without him. He's a control freak, and it would have got worse for you. You can find someone far better than him. Spend time focusing on yourself and your life, and you'll meet another guy who is better..... (read in full...)
Husband has a fetish with my soiled panties!
Q. We've been married 11 years, together 14 years. A few months ago, I discovered by accident that he's been stealing my soiled panties and keeping them in his home office. I just happened to go into his desk to look for the car keys to move one...
A. 2 December 2009: there are some men who like this, and it is normal. I'm sure you do feel violated in a way. If thats the case, make sure you throw your underwear in the washing machine as quickly as possible. As for cheating, he isn't. He's totally into you, even ... (read in full...)
B/f wanted to meet up with my fake post, but now I'm finding it hard to break up with him!
Q. Okay bear with me, this might be a bit long. So I recently posted a question about how my boyfriend (now ex I suppose) had an internet dating site and checked it now and then. Which I was a bit dodgy about. I then went and did the wrong thin...
A. 2 December 2009: Do you know how easy it is for a man to lie? You are going to find out if you give him a second chance. If the fake post had been real, he would have cheated in two seconds. He said if he met with someone it would have put the spark back into your ... (read in full...)
Cheating men and pornography..what can I do?
Q. I was wondering what do I do? My dad has had issues with watching porn in the past. It was never really a big concern of mine because I thought it was just something guys do. Then just recently my dad has found another woman online (my dad i...
A. 2 December 2009: First of all, get rid of this guy. Cut him out of your life. A man who cheats of his girlfiend isn't worth that much time. You can do better. A relationship takes time to develop, and this guy is just after one thing.
As for your father, I thin... (read in full...)
B/f was depressed, wanted a break and now he wants me back
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years. he's been depressed recently and i don't know what is causing it and he says he doesn't either. Shortly afterwards we took a break so he could date the co worker he liked. they were together ...
A. 2 December 2009: You can't help him. If he's depressed, he must first address that problem. Otherwise he might come back and mess you around again. I think you need to take all this very slowly, and reall think about whether you want him back, since he really did ... (read in full...)
I'm crushed... was I not good enough for him?
Q. Hi, I was going out with this guy for a little over 3 months, at the start he really liked me and got into a relationship with me straight away. I hit it off with his best mates too and they said it was so strange that he introduced me to them as ...
A. 2 December 2009: No, it was nothing to do with you, it was all him. He move dto quickly for himself before he realized how he really felt. His friends' remark that he hadn't introduced a girlfriend before was a sign that he was moving to quickly for his own good. I ... (read in full...)
Is this emotional abuse from my sister?
Q. hey, since i was born (20 yrs ago) my sister hasnt liked me at all, my mum says she was jealous when i was born, she's 24, aka 4 years older then me, ever since i can remember she has beaten me up, my first memory is when i was about 3 years ol...
A. 2 December 2009: Your sister is very jealous indeed, and I really am sorry you've had to take this. I'm also sorry your parents seem to think so lightly of it as well. This isn't about sibling rivalry, this is about your sister being a spoilt brat and being allowed ... (read in full...)
Mother-in-laws are a pain in the ass!
Q. Ok so I need to know if my mother-in-law is keeping my mail and not giving it to me. Is she that evil? Every time I get mail from my family, it always comes a little torn or I never get it. My grandfather sent me a letter a month ago and he asked if ...
A. 2 December 2009: Hi Mrs Lonely.
First of all, you're not alone. You're in the worst possible position here. The daugher in law-mother in law bond is always the most stressful, and for a mother in law and daugher in law to be living in the same house can really make... (read in full...)
Doe anyone else have a hubby likes to give gifts to everyone but his wife?
Q. I may be writing this prematurely but based on past birthdays, I'm seeing the same pattern forming. I am married to a man who is a gift giver. He loves it. He spends $100 each birthday and Christmas for his three adult children, also buys nice ...
A. 2 December 2009: I don't have a husband like this, but I have a father who is really self centred. All I can say is this. Men don't do hints. If he's not showing you enough attention and love, sit him down and say to him directly that you would like it if he showed ... (read in full...)
I kicked my husband out and now I'm regretting it, but he's already moved on to another woman!
Q. i made a mistake, i kicked my husband out after a stupid arguement. we only got married 7th june this year,we have been apart a month. he has three kids from previous,i have two children from previous. i love his kids and they love me. ive tryed ...
A. 2 December 2009: It sounded like this marriage was doomed from the start. To be throwing him oout six months into the marriage, and for him to instantly be seeing another woman really does suggest that you have both made a big mistake. I think you need to see a ... (read in full...)
I cant cope with the idea of my boyfriend living in my pretty little house!
Q. I've been with my commitment-phobiac bf for 3 and a half yers now and we've lived together for 2 years. Now I've bought a house of my own and I really don't want him to move in with me. I tried talking to him about it and he said that once you live...
A. 2 December 2009: You need to really talk to him. You're saying you're getting tired, adn you don't want him to move in with you. I hate to tell you this, but now you're sounding like a commitment phobe. Work out what you want from yoour relationship. At the end of ... (read in full...)
I dumped him by text, hoping he would ring me to fight for me but my plan backfired! Did he ever really care for me?
Q. So I've just dumped my long term boyfriend, after I got sick of him not calling, not texting me, not wanting to see me, and just basically ignoring me and pretending I didn't even exist. I dumped him by text, because he won't meet up with me for l...
A. 2 December 2009: No, I think he didn't really care and you needed to get rid of him anyway. Though please don't ever do it by text again, as it makes you no better than him. There will be another guy out there who will care for you more, and not ignore you. Let this ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to push the subject until she deals with the problem?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. Everything has been going smoothly until as of late. First, her parents, even after years, still invite her ex over to their house. When I say how much this bothers me, they don't care. They...
A. 2 December 2009: I agree with the post below. You're the rebound guy. My advice, no matter how hard, is to end it with her entirely and find someone who does love you.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a guy that made me cry more than once... What do do?
Q. About a year ago I dated a guy who I'll call Dave. Dave and I dated for a little over a year and we were very much in love. All was well until I accused him of cheating. He didnt take it very well so he broke up with me because he felt I was too ...
A. 2 December 2009: No don't be with him. He hurt you. There are better guys out there and you deserve someone better than this. He'll only cheat on you and hurt you over and over again. Get away from him.... (read in full...)
What do to for the best? Should I confront him?
Q. My boyfriend is cheating on me. I followed him from home one night and I know where she lives. I want to confront this girl but I don't know that to do. If I confront her I will lose him altogether but if I don't I can always use this as blackmail ...
A. 2 December 2009: Blackmail to keep him with you!? Confront her!? She hasn't done anytihng wrong. She may not even know you even exist. The probem isn't her, it's him. Why would you even consider staying with a man who is treating you so badly? I'm sure you love him, ... (read in full...)
He offered his ex his spare room should she ever need it! Is this normal?
Q. My boyfriend's ex is down and he offered her his spare room if she ever needs it. Should this weird me out? Because it really does!...
A. 2 December 2009: Yes, it is a bit weird since he was supposed to be with you. Maybe try talking to him about it.... (read in full...)
I just wanted to be in someone's arms...
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a little more then a year, I adore her, i love everything about her. problem is that we are in a long distance relationship, so we have such trust issues and miss each other dearly. so we were broken up, she s...
A. 2 December 2009: Kissing him was cheating. But, if he's gone, and you really want to commit to this girl, don't tell her. You need to face your own guilt silently. Telling her would probably make her run a mile. But aso be aware that this might be a sign that she ... (read in full...)
Should I keep chasing this girl?
Q. Hi everyone :) I like a girl in my workplace, who is 8 years older than me. One day, in a conversation, she said she can't accept a guy younger than her as bf. Reason, girl gets old faster than guys do. Guess she knows I like her lol. Since sh...
A. 2 December 2009: No, she has made it very clear that she isn't interested. She has said she won't go for a younger boyfriend, and also made sure there was another friend there so it wasn't just you two alone. And, she may have left to make sure you understand she's ... (read in full...)
Ex troubles!
Q. Hey, I am in a good relationship with a boy. I have recently spilt with one of his friends, before I started seeing him. I love my boyfriend and am really happy, but my ex is ignoring me and I just want to be friends with him. He is not only ig...
A. 2 December 2009: Simple. Leave him alone. First of all, exes rarely can remain friends, as there is too much history. So don't try to be friends. If he is spreading things, then you know how immature he is and you're better off without him. Focus on your new ... (read in full...)
I want a friend to be MORE than just a friend...
Q. I have been friends with this girl for nearly 2 years. We have become close friends but now I know that I like her more than just a friend. She has never given me the impression that she wants to be more than friends but she is single currently. We ...
A. 2 December 2009: You might be in the friend zone here, which will be a shame. I was there once myself, tried asking the girl out and she said no. It didn't ruin our friendship, because I said to her I would still like to be friends. but we did become more distant. ... (read in full...)
I want to date her but am worried about what will happen if I then dump her
Q. I've been talking to a girl recently after a terrible long-term relationship of mine ended. This new girl is kind, loving, quiet, and has a heart of gold, but she also has flaws. She was raped as a child by her own mother and her mother's countless ...
A. 2 December 2009: I do agree with older sister. I think at this moment, she needs to be able to focus on her own life without any complications. I'm sure she is a lovely girl, but one day she might have flashbacks, or serious depression could set in and you could ... (read in full...)
My OBGYN tells me to dump abusive boyfriend, should I?
Q. Help! My boyfriend says that my vagina does not feel teh same as it did when we began having sex 9 months ago. He refers to it as being loose and accuses me of cheating on him. I have tried kegels (excessively and obsessively) and have been ...
A. 2 December 2009: For God's sake yes, dump him!!! He's an ass.... (read in full...)
I am totally in love with a man who will not love me back.
Q. There's this guy I cannot get over. He is amazing and charismatic and I just can't get him out of my mind. Sometimes I hate his guts and other times I swear that he's going to be mine. It's been more than a year now and I'm stuck, I really don't ...
A. 2 December 2009: Are you sure he'll never ove you back? Have you asked him? If you haven't, why don't you try taking to him and see what he says. If you have, then I'm afraid you have to work thrugh this by limiting your contact with him, making sure you're getting ... (read in full...)
Because of my past I'm overprotective of g/f
Q. I got a problem that prevents me from having a relationship. about a couple years ago my ex was murdered when I made her come down to my house and she was raped and killed on the way over. I loved her. it took some about 2 years but I started dating ...
A. 2 December 2009: I think that you probably need counselling. Though it would be great to do as the post says below and just mve on, you haven't really moved on from it at all. It wasn't your fault that your girlfriend was murdered at all. Someone else is responsibe ... (read in full...)
I need your input guys. Is she lying to me?
Q. My wife and I seperated as of a week ago, over her lying about her talking to her ex and meeting him at a park, this is not the first time I caught her. During our seperation we talked about seeing a counsellor and working through our problems, well ...
A. 2 December 2009: Wel, firstly she said nothing happened, that she pushed him off. Then she said he kissed her on the neck. And then she said it wasn't cheating because you were separated. I can't be 100% sure that she didn't cheat, but when someone says that, it's ... (read in full...)
Shall I leave him to it or fight for my man?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years we have been through so much. i got drunk a week ago and apparently kicked him out but i dont remember that. i texed, rang and never got any response then last night a week after this all happened he said ...
A. 2 December 2009: Well get tallking to him. If he says he loves you, then it can be fixed. You kicked him out, so he is naturally very worried that you'll do it again. So you need to sit down with him and talk to him about the relationship and what you can both work ... (read in full...)
I don't know why my husband doesn't care for me... even when I love him so much...
Q. I dont know why my husband doesnt care for me. Even when I love him so much.. He doesnt want to help me. He doesnt see my love either. Some times i Feel he is too tied up with his work.. And thats the reason a NO from him for everything.. But Even ...
A. 2 December 2009: You need to stop this now. It doesn't matter ho0w much you love him, he just doesn't seem to care about you. Sit down with him and tell him that he either has to come to counseeling with you, or you will have to leave. And mean it. If he doesn't, ... (read in full...)
Is there another side to my boyfriend that I'm unaware of???
Q. Hi there, I'm looking for some advice about my partner. I've been with my partner for 4 years now and we don't live together but do see each other 3 times a week, either he stays at mine or i stay at his. The problem is that I have always known he ...
A. 2 December 2009: Well to havae a brief affair with a woman who was a victim of domestic violence was actually very cruel. He probably used her and she fell for it. The violent porn thing is probably something that has happened because of the stress of his job. All ... (read in full...)
I fell like such and idiot!!! Where do I go from here?
Q. I feel a bit stupid at the minute because if Im honest, I feel like I set myself up for a fall. Basic back ground..Met lovely Italian guy 2 years ago in Isle of Mann during the races, we stayed in touch after the races on what I thought was only a ...
A. 1 December 2009: Well I think you made the right decision here. The culture in Italy is vastly different, and you would have ended up a home wife with no career or outside life and probably with a very controlling husband. Not to mention he said you couldn't be ... (read in full...)
Oral sex and aging...will it still be as good?
Q. Help I LOVE oral sex but am concerned that being an older woman it just wont be as good HELP ANY ADVICE ?...
A. 1 December 2009: I know I'm a male, but I'm seeing an older woman and she seems very happy with oral sex, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just relax and if you like something make it known. Have fun. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to destroy this woman..should I really stay in a relationship out of pity?is there a good way to end this?
Q. Back in 1998 my wife of 10 years walked out of our marriage and moved to the US. There was no sinister reason - she basically just got tired with married life. Fortunately we had no kids, so the break was clean. Within 6 months I was back in the ...
A. 1 December 2009: You can't stay with her out of pity, that would be worse. I think before you tell her it's over, it might be a good idea to speak to a cousellor to see if they will help you come up with what to say. I don't think there's any way to make it easy, ... (read in full...)
How much do looks matter in sex?
Q. Hello everyone. I was wondering if I how much looks matter in sex. What I mean by that is i'm 16 and in high school and I wanted to know how much woman care about physical appearances during sex. I'm really skinny and my ribs kinda show and I ...
A. 1 December 2009: I'm a male, so I can only offer a limited opinion. All I can say is that if you take your time with a woman, and make her feel loved and cared for and don't just have sex for your own pleasure, they will appreciate that more than some guy with the ... (read in full...)
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