| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
|
She told me she couldn't do "girlfriend" and took it back. How should I handle this?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 5 months now. She is a rape survivor and it happened about 3 years ago in a long term abusive relationship. She really is an amazing woman who had to deal with alot. Recently she said she want me to be her ...
A. 19 January 2010: I think she still needs time. She clearly does care about you a lot, but the title of girlfriend probably brings back memories of her relationship with the the other guy, so please don't take it personally. I think with enough love and care she will ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date an older man?
Q. hi ijust met this guy he is 46 is it wrong to date someone older then you? and there is this other guy that i really like but he told me to move on what should i do? there is a friend that keeps coming over wanting to have sex how can ...
A. 19 January 2010: 1). No, there is nothing wrong with dating an older person. I'm seeing an older woman.
2). Tell your friend that you're not interested in having sex with him because you need to move on with your life. ... (read in full...)
What's going on with him?
Q. I honestly dont know what the hells going on! I need your help, badly, because i cant let this guy go. Yes i really like him but even without that coming into it, hes means a lot to me as a friend and i hope we can be great friends. I just dont ...
A. 19 January 2010: It sounds like he does like you. But if he's that shy and won't open up, you need to move on. However, I think if you take him aside, tell you really like him, then ask him out, he might respond. If he doesn't, then you need to move on.... (read in full...)
Why are some guys like this?
Q. what makes it ok for some guys to think they can just touch girls and when the girl stands up to him she gets called a name. is that right?...
A. 19 January 2010: Because some guys aren't any good at taking rejection, so they take it out on the girl. Keep sticking up for yourself. Be proud.... (read in full...)
I saved myself until the right guy came along, but now I have slept with him he told me about his past and it disgusts me!
Q. hi.. i have a pretty big problem with my boyfriend, im 18 he's 19. i had saved myself for someone who i cared about, and that person was him. i saved myself because didn't want to be another number on some guys list of conquests, another story to...
A. 19 January 2010: He was honest though. He could have lied. That means he actually does care about you. His past is his past. You say you care about him? Then you must accept that he has a past. Everyone comes with a past. I'm afraid you either need to try and accept ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is obsessed with smoking pot, how can I talk to him about this when he hasn't listened in the past?
Q. my boyfriend smokes pot all the time and i HATE it. he has his cannabis card or whatever you want to call it, but hes OBSESSED. its basically all his friends do and pretty much all he talks about. any time i talk about doing something in a certain ...
A. 19 January 2010: I think you need to end it. You've asked repeatedly for him to stop. He hasn't. Clealy he doesn't value at all. Let him have his pot. You go and find a better guy. He's made it clear he won't change.... (read in full...)
I hurt her feelings but I want to make things right because I like her!
Q. I hurt her a girl feelings accidently, and now she doesnt want to talk with me or let me talk to her. i was going through some problems so i didnt talk with her one week or 2, i dunno rly what to do,im feeling guilty and i really like her and i cant ...
A. 19 January 2010: Yes, very good point from beckzie as well. Ask her to open up too. ... (read in full...)
Husbands dirty secret
Q. This morning my husband left for a business trip. He forgot to close out a hidden folder on our computer. I have never seen this folder. It was like I entered into a shrine of women...from porn, pics of famous women, to random naked girls......
A. 19 January 2010: You don't' know him, that's the problem. His excuse sounds really weak to me. People seldom do something just to see if they can get away with it. He has a lot of work to do, and if in means counselling, it means counselling. Take your time. ... (read in full...)
Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating?
Q. hi Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating? I've been married 4 years, and over the past couple of months been concerned about my wife. I found dirty texts on her mobile to a guy she works with, some pictures were...
A. 19 January 2010: The problem is that she's lonely then. Suggest you both speak together about that. It's still no excuse though.... (read in full...)
Not crazy....just really want him back! Any advice would be great
Q. Me and my ex were together for three and a half years. I love him more than anything in the world and would do anything to get him back. Our relationship was not perfect especially in the last month or two but we were really happy before that. ...
A. 19 January 2010: He has got what he wanted. He has a girlfriend for all the home comforts, and he has you wound around his finger for sex if he wants it. And you will continue to allow him to use you and abuse you unless you make a serious decision to end all ... (read in full...)
How do I overcome this jealousy I feel towards my boyfriend's ex?
Q. I feel jealous of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. They're still friends and that isn't really a problem; she's really cool. The problem is more of the fact that I'm comparing my looks to hers. She's really tall. I'm only 4'9. She's extraordinarily ...
A. 19 January 2010: But he's with you, isn't he? And that means more than all those little comparisons you're making. He wants you, not her :).... (read in full...)
Why did he have to go looking somewhere else for that kind of attention?
Q. I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and everything has been great until recently. I found out a couple of weeks ago that he had been getting in touch with this girl who had called his ...
A. 19 January 2010: If the girl is still threatening you, keep all the emails, show them to your parents. They will decide whether or not to take it to the police as harassment.
As for your boyfriend, he clearly has no respect for you whatsover to be saying that the ... (read in full...)
I hurt her feelings but I want to make things right because I like her!
Q. I hurt her a girl feelings accidently, and now she doesnt want to talk with me or let me talk to her. i was going through some problems so i didnt talk with her one week or 2, i dunno rly what to do,im feeling guilty and i really like her and i cant ...
A. 19 January 2010: Send her a text explaining that you were having problems and you didn't know how to deal with them other than by yourself. Say you're sorry for hurting her, but that you still love her and need her in your life (use the word need). And say that you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps lying about her past and I cant handle it anymore!
Q. I dont know if I want to stay with my girlfrend and I really need some help here. I know it should be my own decision but I really dont know what to do anymore. She had told me everything about her past. Well I had though everything. She had tol...
A. 19 January 2010: Of course she lied. Look how you responded. This was her biggest fear. She was terrified you would judge her, so she lied. Even when she said she'd had six you couldn't accept it. If you can't accept that she has a past she doesn't want to talk ... (read in full...)
They all say I'm pretty and nice but why do I go home alone every night?
Q. ive met cocky guys players jerks who only want sex or guys who have a gf but say they like u more and i wait and wait they just never break up,leaving me bleeding inside..and i dont believe "im too good that guys get intimidated" it's a lie.. so yea...
A. 19 January 2010: Try approaching a guy you like instead. Nice guys tend to be shy, and tend to feel a little scared when they see a pretty girl (we have a tendency to think we're not good enough). So if you see a guy you like, flirt with him, get to know him and ... (read in full...)
Why is life so unfair?
Q. I'm a 23 yr old male. I have no gf, just got terminated from my first full time job after three weeks (they decided to hire somebody else due to unexpected circumstances)... it's so frustrating. Why do these things always happen to me???? All the ...
A. 19 January 2010: I was the same. Lost my job, no girlfriend and such. Now I have a fantastic girlfriend, and I've just started my own business Take everything a step at a time, rather than looking ate everything at once. Firstly, focus on getting a job, Go from ... (read in full...)
Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating?
Q. hi Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating? I've been married 4 years, and over the past couple of months been concerned about my wife. I found dirty texts on her mobile to a guy she works with, some pictures were...
A. 19 January 2010: Yes it is. She's married, so what is she doing sending dirty texts and photos to another man? It is bad. Don't let her fool you. And I don't mean to scare you more, but are you sure she hasn't cheated? Flirting is one thing, sending messages and ... (read in full...)
Is there a chance she could be bisexual, or is she just being friendly?
Q. I am a 26 year old bisexual female. I have been attracted to a friend of year or so. We started hanging out, and our friendship grew from there. My situation is that, it seemed like we were attracted to each other, but nothing has come of it ...
A. 19 January 2010: If you are both single, and you really like her, then surely it's worth talking to her to find out how she feels. Even if she doesn't fancy you, at least you will know where you stand. I think you should talk to her.... (read in full...)
He messed me around so I blocked and deleted him. Did I do the right thing?
Q. ok so this guy i really liked..we got one..screwed me over..gave me false hopes.. screwed me over.. basically.. we were dating for a while.. we had sex..i gave in cos he kinda pressured me and i regret it soo much..the night we had sex.. he told ...
A. 19 January 2010: You did the right thing all right. He used you, and you deserve better. Forgive yourself and stop regretting what happened. Just move on, and in future get to know a guy first.... (read in full...)
Should I not have kissed her?
Q. OK people, I just need some advice. I have developed feelings for a girl who recently separated from her boyfriend (it wasn't planned!). On Sunday we met and it went better than I think I dreamt of, we held hands, cuddled and even kissed when sayi...
A. 19 January 2010: Quite apologizing. She's not bothered at all. It happened, and for her it felt too soon. Just give her time, be a friend to her and see where it's going. But stop apologizing, she's said 4 times she didn't mind. ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty but masturbate all the time!
Q. Hi, I am 14 years old and I am not good at talking to people and I guess that's why I never had any freinds, especially not no boyfreind. So, anyways, I guess i am wondering if I am going to hurt myself by masturbating too much. I usually only do ...
A. 19 January 2010: No, it's perfectly natural. Nothing to worry about at all. You'll be fine.... (read in full...)
Our gay friend was naked in front of my wife and I didn't like it!
Q. My wife has this male friend she was friends with for about 2 years before she met me. I'll call him BJ (for his initials). They were never bf/gf or I wouldn't let her still be friends with him (ex's are never a good thing when you're married). BJ ...
A. 19 January 2010: You're making too much of this. You can't and mustn't choose her friends for her, because she will resent you for it. And apart from that, there is no threat here at all.... (read in full...)
Wife staying with friend she used to have sex with!
Q. I have got married to my wife bcoz i needed a visa to stay in Japan. But at the same time i did loved her before we got married and I truly still do (so we just accelerated our marriage). About month ago she informed me that she need some space ...
A. 19 January 2010: Sorry my friend, but she used you for the visa. It's very clear to me that she's wants this other guy. You don't have anything to prove. You married her! I think she used you for the visa.... (read in full...)
I'm the new girlfriend around all of his friends
Q. So my boyfriend is taking me to a party. ALL of his friends will be there (boys and girls) and I won't know a soul (okay, I'll know one guy). Now, I tend to be socially awkward sometimes, I'll probably be very quiet and reserved, cuz I don't really ...
A. 19 January 2010: Relax!! You're already trying too hard and you're not even at the party yet. Be yourself. Tell your boyfriend you're nervous about meeting all his friends and need him to be there for you. He should be enough support for you if you tell him you're ... (read in full...)
I regret my termination of my baby, and blame others as well as myself.
Q. I have been married for 17 years and have two beautiful teenage daughters. A few months ago, I found myself pregnant (an accident of course) and I had mixed feelings. My husband did'nt pressure me to have an abortion, although I detected he did'nt ...
A. 19 January 2010: There are a few things here, so I'll try to answer them one by one.
First of all, the abortion is not your fault at all. At the time, when you made the decision, you thought it was for the best, and there were good reasons for not having the baby... (read in full...)
Did my FWB actually ever like me or was I just some random girl to him?
Q. Guys, your point of view would be interesting. So I met this guy, not interested in him at first but he was in me..very interested. I decided what the hell, give it a shot, and we started dating. First off, I slept with him on the first date. ...
A. 19 January 2010: You said you were happy being a FWB. He took that literally, and that's what you were. He didn't use you, because this was what you were happy with. For him to take you on dates and such means he did care about you. It wasn't all about sex. And he ... (read in full...)
Did she get back with me because she really does like me or is there some other reason behind it?
Q. Wow, havent been on here for a while. Well lets get to the point. A few days ago, my gf decided that it was best if we took a break. We had been going out for well over a year now. Then, about 2 days later she said that thats not what she wanted ...
A. 19 January 2010: Don't just forget about it, because it's hurt you and she does need to talk to you. I think if she, her sister and her friends are saying she wanted you back, then she probably did. But I think you should talk to her and tell her that you need ... (read in full...)
He says he was scared...shd I take him back?
Q. I'm 18, and I have been dating someone for almost six months now. I have always had a problem with connecting to people, but with him its always been different. I feel like I can spend the rest of my life with him, but he has two children with ...
A. 19 January 2010: No. Clearly he's not over her at all. He's just come back to you because it's not working out with her and he sees you as a back up. My advice is to move on. ... (read in full...)
Do I believe my eyes or is he right in saying it is just my head playing tricks on me?
Q. hi i,ve been married 13 yrs now and i have a problem last yr an issued arrived which caused my trust to vanish he wasnt unfaithful or anything but he lied and covered up things to continue his lies n i caught him out. since then we argued n i think ...
A. 19 January 2010: It could be that because of your lack of trust in him, you're not super sensitive to everything he is doing. I think you and he need to sit down and just talk. Be honest with him. Tell him that right now you are feeling insecure and need his ... (read in full...)
My heart has been broken one too many times and I'm scared to let my crush in, am I driving him away?
Q. Dear Cupid There is this guy at work which I totally adore, and I have the biggest crush ever on him. He is everything that I look for in a guy! My question is that my heart has been broken once too many and i'm so scared to let him in, am I dri...
A. 19 January 2010: You need to talk to this guy. You will drive him away if you don't let him it. but if you talk to him and tell him that you've been hurt before and want to take things slow, he will at least understand that. Take your time getting to know him, tell ... (read in full...)
Hubby says I'm not fun like others
Q. My husband went to luncheon with some female clients and when they asked him to bring me for lunch one day, he replied that I'm not fun like them. He told me this when he came home and realized his mistake when I was offended. He tried to correct ...
A. 19 January 2010: Oops. He thought something and didn't really know how to say it so just said it and now has hurt you. I know your hurt by this, but try to look at this as the moment for you and him to kick start your marriage again. It sounds like you've both ... (read in full...)
My husband isn't sure he wants our marriage anymore?
Q. A few weeks ago my husband said he wasn't sure our marriage was what he wanted any more. He said he still loves me but he needs some time to work out his own thoughts. We have been together for 5 years - very happily I thought until a few months ...
A. 19 January 2010: Keep giving him the space. When men need to think, the need space to really sit and try and work things out. Chances are that him being told he may have problems having kids will have hit him very hard, hence the somewhat self destructive behaviour. ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is secret so should I worry about the other boys that like me?
Q. hey this is a good thing well.. i think it all started when i went swimming i made friends with some randomers and now im being argued over and apparently 3 of the boys like me well ... great the thing is im going out with one of them and we are ...
A. 19 January 2010: No. They will do what is right for them. If they want to argue over you, fine. Just pick the one you like and go and talk to him. The other guys aren't your problem. ... (read in full...)
How come I never heard back from her?
Q. I'm basically here in need of a friend after a bad break up about 1 mo ago. I have been feeling so bad about things and I'm hurting really bad. I broke it off with someone I cared for deeply b/c I felt she just wasn't committing to the relationship ...
A. 19 January 2010: Sadly, you now know that truth about her. She wouldn't even fight for you. The letter didn't do anything, because she had already moved on, or was at least trying to move on and has cut all contact, which really is the best thing to do. You now have ... (read in full...)
How can I not hurt my boyfriend? I just don't love him anymore.
Q. Dear Dr,i have a 2year old son.i broke up with his dad and have been dating my current bf for almost one year.the problem is i still secretly see my ex,and we've had sex several times.i have lost feelings for my current bf and i feel am still in ...
A. 19 January 2010: Well you have to hurt him. It's unfair to continue with him when you know you don't love him. End it with your boyfriend. All you have to do is tell him it's over. As for your ex, think carefully about whether you want to be used or not. He's just ... (read in full...)
Things are going good, but is it too soon to tell?
Q. I haven't been in an actual relationship in nearly four years. My last boyfriend and I broke up at the end of our freshman year of college due to distance since it had become a long-distance relationship since going to college. Recently (abou...
A. 18 January 2010: Still a bit too soon to tell. It's only been two weeks (according to your post). He sounds like a good guy, but be aware that men who use women do go to fairly great lengths. Continue to get to know him, continue to date him and have fun, and see ... (read in full...)
Crushing on an old friend...
Q. Okay, so I've known this guy for about seven years, but we've never really known each other properly. Like, we've acknowledged eachother, and I guess we're friends, but we've never been close. Now recently, I've started to develop feelings for him....
A. 18 January 2010: Go for it. It's better to know how he feels that you can have closure, than never know how he feels. ... (read in full...)
How can I feel better about myself?
Q. I cant seem to let go of my past. I don't know if its really bad but I'm just having difficulties with my self esteem. I kissed one guy when I was younger like 16. My first kiss. Then I got into a relationship, my first real bf when I was in high ...
A. 18 January 2010: You don't need to prove yourself. That's the point. You are who you are, and the right guy will like you for that. Teenage guys (and some older guys who never mature) aren't really that clued in to how women feel or think and such. I'm afraid you ... (read in full...)
Why is he behaving this way?
Q. My ex is acting really weird. he dumped me and when I told him "fine, leave me alone then" he wanted to speak, stupid as I was I gave him a chance to speak only to have him ignore me. I have asked him three times now to leave me alone, it hurts a ...
A. 18 January 2010: He's acting this way because you're responding. He gets a kick knowing that you're in pain. Instead of asking him to leave you alone, just block him, delete his numbers and never respond. He clearly has issues, and you can do better. Completely ... (read in full...)
I am not coping with his past and the 3some he had!
Q. Years ago my partner had a threesome with his then wife and her female friend in their house, in their bed whilst their child was at her granny's. It was his wife who initiated the threesome, she took her friend back, etc. His wife has always been ...
A. 18 January 2010: This wife of his and this threesome are his past. You are his present and his future. He has chosen to be with you because he loves you. He isn't comparing you to her, because he thinks you're better :). This is nothing to worry about at all. You ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend flirts with other girls, what should I do
Q. So I have been dating my boyfriend not to long and I really like him he treats me so good, he makes me laugh and smile and is very sweet. He has told me before we dated that he is a flirt but he will not date other girls well he get's these friend ...
A. 18 January 2010: He's flirting just a bit too much. Have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. If he is anything less than understanding, get rid of him.... (read in full...)
Husbands dirty secret
Q. This morning my husband left for a business trip. He forgot to close out a hidden folder on our computer. I have never seen this folder. It was like I entered into a shrine of women...from porn, pics of famous women, to random naked girls......
A. 18 January 2010: That is a bit weird. This is like a peeping Tom. (just answered another question like this). I can understand the porn and such, but not the random girls that he has seen in public. I think you have to sit down with him and have a serious talk.... (read in full...)
| *aringGuy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aringGuy has
added them and they have added *aringGuy!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
