| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He told me to quit my job to save our marriage, should I?
Q. Im a mid twenties woman who has been married for a few years, we have two kids. Ive been uneasy in the relationship . WE finally talked about the possibility of it not working out, and he told me to quit my job, it wasnt really an ultimatum. but ...
A. 28 January 2010: Well that's what I was thinking. It's not enough for you to quit your job and it all suddenly work out. That won't happen. You need to go to counselling together and suggest things you can both do. ... (read in full...)
She is not at that stage in her life to date me, what does this mean?
Q. what does it mean when a girl says that she is unable to date u, as she wasnts to remain single 'at this stage in her life' and that she doestnt want to have everything in life planned out in the moment and doestnt want to think of the future and ...
A. 28 January 2010: It basically means that she's not interested in a relationship and wants to have fun and find herself. Sorry, she's not interested. ... (read in full...)
My husband is telling my friends his sexual fantasies! Is this ok?
Q. Is it okay for a husband to exchanges emails of his sexual fantasies to two friends of mine which the two friends responded back to them. They have been doing for a while. This was his second time. I am confuse whether I should forgive him or ...
A. 28 January 2010: He's doing it to take himself away from the stress in the marriage. That's really the only reason. So you both need to sit down and really work on the marriage.... (read in full...)
My husband is telling my friends his sexual fantasies! Is this ok?
Q. Is it okay for a husband to exchanges emails of his sexual fantasies to two friends of mine which the two friends responded back to them. They have been doing for a while. This was his second time. I am confuse whether I should forgive him or ...
A. 28 January 2010: No, it's not. He shouldn't be sharing his fantasies with anyone but you, since he is your husband. This is his second time now. Don't allow another. Make it clear it has to stop, or you will leave. And mean it. Don't be second best. This is also a ... (read in full...)
I've tried relaxing and stuff, but now I'm just a constant wreck whenever we get intimate.
Q. Hey, i'm 17 and i've been dating this really attractive girl for going on 3 months now. The sex is amazing and so is the oral, but the other night when i was receiving oral, i lasted a bit too long and it started to lose feeling after a while, ...
A. 28 January 2010: You need to get yourself back in the mood again, that's all. Spend time hugging her and being with her and it will come back. Also, if you're lasting too long with oral, just stop and do something else. ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of being on my own. Any Advice?
Q. I think my relationships coming to an end, ive been with her 2 years,and before that was with a girl for 3 years, ive not really been single since i was a teenager and im pretty scared of being on my own now due to this. any advice? ...
A. 28 January 2010: Focus on yourself for now. If you're scared of being alone, then you need to look at your own life. You should never just look for a girlfriend because you're scared of being alone, because you'll always pick the wrong one.Focus on your own life, be ... (read in full...)
Is sleeping on the same couch with him wrong?
Q. is sleeping on the same couch as your boyfriend wrong if you have been going out for a number of months and nothing will happen? ...
A. 28 January 2010: Not wrong, but certainly dangerous. One mistake and you might end up pregnant. Best not do it. I am a guy, so I know what this other guy will be thinking.... (read in full...)
I have a major problem, he's my best friend's ex!
Q. Here's background knowledge: I've known this boy for several years, though i''ve only met him a few times. He's an ex of the dear friend i'm going to talk about. However, he went out twice with her before he quit it, saying that exams were far m...
A. 28 January 2010: Listen to your mother on this one. Your dear friend means more than this guy who had already proved he couldn't commit before.... (read in full...)
Will he leave me when he looses weight?
Q. Ive a bf who is overweight. He is planning to have a surgery but Iam little bit worried because he may cheat on me after surgery. Cause Iam thinking that oh nowhe is overweight and he thinks no girl looks at her thats why he is really into me and ...
A. 28 January 2010: He loves you. You'll be fine. If you need reassurance, talk to him and tell him you just need a bit of reassurance.... (read in full...)
Does this mean I'm gay?
Q. I am currently in a relationship and have bin with my partner for 3yrs but, if I were to masturbate, I often think about women. I am totally straight, well atleast I think I am but I often say oh, wow she's really pretty. Does this mean that I am ...
A. 28 January 2010: No, not at all. Maybe you're just curious. Nothing to worry about.... (read in full...)
Emotional cheating, should I accept it and move forward?
Q. If your partner/spouse of over 30 years with whom you had been very happy (most of that time) cheated on you emotionally and got close to someone else to confide in instead of you although declaring how much they love and always have loved you, ...
A. 28 January 2010: I would find it very hard to accept. I think your husband needs to prove that he's worth a second chance. He only ended it because you found out, not because he did it by himself. So you both need to get to know each other all over again and really ... (read in full...)
How can I be a better person overall?
Q. I'm in love with my best friend, but I feel that he doesn't see me anymore but only sees my other friend. I have to admit, this other friend is really nice, intelligent, extremely beautiful, and I am pretty intelligent too, but my personality is not ...
A. 28 January 2010: Why don't you just ask to speak to him and then tell him you feel like you're drifting away? See what he says. He might not be aware that you feel this way, so before trying to change, just talk to him. ... (read in full...)
Why did he buy the condoms?
Q. Lets call my boyfriend 'Max' My best friend 'Amber' and 'Ambers' boyfriend 'Sam' - to make things less confusing. Recently I heard from my Sam, that my current boyfriend of a week, max (Sam and max are best-friends so Sam would know) that Max r...
A. 28 January 2010: He might want more, or he might be practising. Condoms take a little bit of practise. Why don't you ask him?... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend so how do I deal with these feelings I have for a mutual friend?
Q. I am in a terrible situation and I have no idea what to do. I am usually so focussed in life, knowing what I want but I am actually torn between what I currently have and what I can potentially get. I have been in a relationship with a man for a...
A. 28 January 2010: What you are feeling for Andrew is the spark that is missing from your relationship. And that's what you need to work on in your relationship. You say you're comfortable? Maybe you're too comfortable and just need to spend time together working on ... (read in full...)
Is he trying to get my attention by telling me he wants space?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for about eight months. Every thing has been alright, except that we have had one longstanding problem of attention. At first, I was always the one complaining that he was not giving me enough attention. He would like ...
A. 28 January 2010: 8 months into it and you're already having these problems? Seriously, it doesn't seem like he's the one. Generally, guys don't do hints and subtle gestures. When a man says he wants space, he wants it. I just don't think this is the guy for you. ... (read in full...)
Any romantic ideas for Valentine's day?
Q. Hi everyone, Myself and my girlfriend have been in an online relationship for over a year now, and I decided that this valentines day, I want to do something drastic, and travel to her country and surprise her with something romantic and une...
A. 28 January 2010: Just turning up would be enough. Take her out to dinner and really get to know her face to face. Spend time with her. That'll be enough. ... (read in full...)
I keep dreaming of my crush!
Q. When i was in high school i had a huge crush on a boy but after i got to know him it just became a he's cute thing. well i have not seen or heard from him in 4 years or even thought about him but he keeps posing up in my dreams. the first time i was ...
A. 28 January 2010: Maybe you just still have that crush on him, and regret never having said something. Maybe you're hoping he will turn up in your life somewhere. Take a look at your life. Are you happy with it? Maybe you need to focus on your life and feel good ... (read in full...)
Is she playing games or what am I doing wrong?
Q. I really like this girl, I'm crazy about her and i know she likes me too but it seems like every time we start to get serious she backs away then she will start flirting all over again my question is... is she playing games or waiting for some ...
A. 28 January 2010: She's playing games, my man. You've done the running, so back off and let her do some. If she doesn't, you'll know the truth. ... (read in full...)
She feels that I will never leave my woman so she most likely will stay with her man.
Q. Hello, I need some advice. I'm currently married but somewhat unhappy with the way things are going right now. However I met a friend awhile back and we became real close. When I say close I mean we had sexual intercourse. We both enjoyed our sess...
A. 28 January 2010: This other woman is not the one, simple as that. The 'one' is your wife. You love her, yet something is missing? Well find out what is missing and fix it. Marriages aren't easy. They take work. So go home and work on your marriage. If you leave your ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with the frustrations of being an older virgin?
Q. I need some help here, as I am beginning to drive myself nuts with self doubt and insecurities. I am 26, and a virgin, and I feel so lonley, miserable, deprressed and frustrated, I cannot describe how horrible it feels. Everywhere I look, t...
A. 28 January 2010: The thing about good, decent guys is they can sense negativity and unhappiness in a woman, and that makes us scared. You have to realize it's all right to be a virgin. Your low confidence is seemingly a problem. Guys just sense it, and don't like ... (read in full...)
Is being loud, obnoxious, and competitive a turn off to people, especially the guy I like?
Q. How should I be if I want a certain guy to like me. Normally, I'm really loud and competitive at school, but I think that's only to attract attention. There is this girl at school who's beautiful, smart, and sweet to everyone, unlike me, and that's ...
A. 28 January 2010: I can handle loud, I can handle competitive, but not obnoxious. That I just find tiresome and intimidating, and I imagine most other guys do too. there's no problem with being outgoing, but being obnoxious is very scary, because guys will just think ... (read in full...)
What do I do when my best friend lied about not loosing her virginity?
Q. I cannot trust or look at my best friend of 6 years the same way again after she lied about not loosing her virginity to her boyfreind of less than 1 month and they have had an on and off relationship throughout that month. The day prior to her ...
A. 28 January 2010: The lie hurt, but it will hurt more if you lose your friend over something like this. Yes, she lied to you. In a few years, she will look back at this and realize she made a mistake. And she'll need a good friend to be there. People screw up, people ... (read in full...)
I'm never noticed and I need to know how I can be.
Q. Alright, so I'm in a rut with my love life. I'm always single it seems. I'm always the third wheel and this has been how it has been this way mostly since I've even been interested in dating. I'm 22 now. I've had some short relationships that ...
A. 28 January 2010: Guys like hanging you with you because you're into guy stuff like out sense of humour and South Park and such. Which means they'll see you as a great friend. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you. Just be a bit more flirty with them, act girly ... (read in full...)
I want our relationship back but don't know what to do
Q. My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years now. He has taken on my 4 year old son as his own. Things were so good in the first 2 years of our relationship. We were so happy all of the time, except for the ocassional fight from time to ...
A. 28 January 2010: He's depressed. Losing a job is massively stressful, but it's a well known fact men cope even less when they lose their job. He has lost his identity. This is turn has caused depression, which I am sure he has. But it's now crunch time, because you ... (read in full...)
I really like her but she ignores me
Q. So me and my girlfriend have started dating for about a month now. And when we first talked we would stay up talking about the stupidest things but we have alot in common also. And I've noticed she decides not to txt me back alot. And it went from ...
A. 28 January 2010: I don't think you'll lose her to someone better. It#s more likely you'll find someone who's better. She's not in this relationship at all, so tell her it's not working out and unless you talk, you'll have to move on. If she decides to move on, then ... (read in full...)
I had to be stupid and ruin it by kissing his best friend
Q. Okay. i really need help... my life is so complicated.. i know this is a love/dating site but i thought someone on here might be able to help me.. I was dating this guy for 2 years and then i had to be stupid and ruin it by kissing his best...
A. 28 January 2010: You kissed his best friend, so it's clear that you're not ready for a relationship yet. And he cheated on his girlfriend and used you, which means he's not ready either. Stop bothering with this guy and look at your life. Focus on yourself. You're ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has told me many things that have made me feel so bad about my body.
Q. What can I do? My boyfriend has told me many things that have made me feel so bad about my body. In his mind, he's just being honest and blunt, but in the end "it doesn't matter, because I LOVE you!" - like it was a magical phrase to make me feel ...
A. 28 January 2010: There isn't anything wrong with you at all. It's just he's clearly not ready for a relationship, and not good enough for you. You can do better to be honest.... (read in full...)
Any boy I talk to, just seems plain nothing comparing to my ex.
Q. I just CANNOT forget my ex, we broke up a few days ago. Even though we fought a lot, when we didn't it was perfect! Any boy I talk to, just seems plain nothing comparing to my ex. I love him to pieces, I sometimes wish I could just call him like old ...
A. 28 January 2010: Girl, it's only been a few days. It takes more than a few days to get over someone. Just spend time being yourself. Forget guys for a while, have fun with friends, focus on work and fun. You will get over this guy. Clearly he isn't Mr Right, which ... (read in full...)
We have unprotected sex a lot, but I don't fall pregnant
Q. I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend and I have sex a lot and he doesn't pull out. He never does. But I still don't get pregnant. and I don't take birth control or anything. Is this something I should worry about?...
A. 28 January 2010: Yes. Maybe you've been lucky. Or maybe there is a problem. So go to the doctor and get checked and use protection from now on. ... (read in full...)
He says he feels trapped, should I give him an untimatum
Q. six years ago i caught my fella with another woman this wasnt the first time and i threw him out. i took him back on the understanding that we went out as a couple and he could go to the local occasionaly. recently hes been going nightclubbing with ...
A. 28 January 2010: Sometimes you have to see past all emotion to see the truth, and that can be very hard. Taking away the emotion, you're with a man who has cheated on you before, and it doesn't sound like you're really over it at all. There's nothing wrong with him ... (read in full...)
I feel very insecure with my boyfriend
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend has been known for never being single for long. After a breakup, it doesn't take him long to get someone new. We have a history so I sure as hell hope I'm something special. Whenever I hear one of his ex-girlfriends' ...
A. 28 January 2010: Don't avoid it, that's where the problems will begin. You need to talk to him and tell him you feel insecure and need reassurance. You can't avoid problems in a relationship, you have to work through them. If you need reassurance, then ask for it. ... (read in full...)
He didnt get me a birthday present, am I just being used?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 months. A few weeks ago he moved away for work for 3 months. It was my birthday last week and he sent me nothing. Yes he rang a few times on the day and sent a few texts...its not like he forgot. I asked him ...
A. 28 January 2010: He's nowhere near interested in you enough to be worth your time. Working away is no excuse. Still looking? What a load of crap. He just doesn't seem that bothered. ... (read in full...)
I no longer enjoy her daily company.
Q. I am in a weird limbo with my girlfriend. I have both profound concern for the way she feels, but at the same time no longer enjoy her as daily company. My problem is I have no healthy relationships to define where healthy boundaries, and being a ...
A. 28 January 2010: People have often said that breakdowns, although distressing, are a huge wake up call and in the end are often a good thing. This is what has happened in your case. Clearly before all this, you were very nervous and there was a lot going on. When a ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to make him miss me.
Q. I will just introduce myself as Princess in here ^^ 19 years old this year ^^ hmm.. Actually I have problems with my boyfriend, he is 22 years old this year.. We been together for almost 2 years.. We started together on 21-04-2008.. I m...
A. 28 January 2010: I know you love, but I'm afraid he does not love you. He's really strict and hurts you, and he's been texting other women, which would indicate he's probably cheating. Never be with a guy who treats you like this. You can do better than him.... (read in full...)
He's a good guy, my parents love him, but I lost interest one year in.
Q. ok let me start from the begging. when i was younger my parents didnt let me go out at all. i wanted to go out and have fun with my friends at the mall and parties, i would beg to my parents to let me go out but they would make up excuses. by the ...
A. 28 January 2010: I think you do love him. It's more likely that you're feeling unappreciated and tired, since it doesn't sound like he's helping you that much. I think you need to sit down and tell him that you're feeling tired and that you need more help. All ... (read in full...)
What do his actions mean in guy terms?
Q. I'm On a break with my ex boyfriend. He wanted the break because he couldn't handle a gf and wanted to get back on his feet, which is ok i guess. But Im getting confused he says he wants me and he wants back together again. last Saturday we hung out ...
A. 28 January 2010: So he can continue to use you.... (read in full...)
Funny kinda friendship?????
Q. please help what do you guys think of the following situation:- I have known my 'friend' for the past 12 months, he stays at my house, has left some of his belongings also, we enjoy each others company, can talk openly and honestly, we kiss, hold ...
A. 28 January 2010: It sounds to me like you're a FWB. He's keen do have sex with you, spend time with you, but not truly commit to you as he still feels for his ex. So you need to really think about what it is you want from your life, because it's not sounding like he ... (read in full...)
Scared he will say NO!
Q. I liked this guy we where best friends and I asked him out. To make a long story short he said no I was heart broken. Well now I like this new guy we will call him "DAN", Dan is very cute, funny and smart. I really want to ask him out but.... Im ...
A. 28 January 2010: The question is do you really want Dad. And think carefully. You've already dumped him then gone back to him, then stopped it again. You need to be sure you really want him. If you do, you also need to be aware that he might say no because of what ... (read in full...)
I soooo want to kiss her...
Q. I realy love my best freind and I know that she likes me as well but she is too I guess locked in what would be the correct word... I mean she won't even kiss until she's married ! were both seventeen her parents are the churchs youth group leaders. ...
A. 28 January 2010: She believes what she believes, and there isn't anything you can do to change that. All you can do is stay committed to her and prove you love her through your actions, such as being there for her when she needs you, doing things for her and just ... (read in full...)
He abuses me because I am insecure..how do I stop being this way?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We have an 8 month old daughter. We have always fought verbally but now its getting worse. He hits me and chokes me and throws things at me. And he says the reason he does it is because I am insecure and ...
A. 28 January 2010: You're not the problem though. He is. No wonder you're insecure. He's hitting you. Any girl would feel insecure. You need to get out. You don't want to be another number on a sheet of women who have been killed by their partners. ... (read in full...)
Help! Why are his friends like this?
Q. Hey everyone.... I have a partner for quite some time.... I need your input about his friends.... even before we got together and had my housewarming his mates ignored me... even though we were housemates... went out for dinner they shut me out...
A. 28 January 2010: They just sound like really lousy, jealous friends. Just focus on your boyfriend and your relationship instead. that's all that matters.... (read in full...)
What do his actions mean in guy terms?
Q. I'm On a break with my ex boyfriend. He wanted the break because he couldn't handle a gf and wanted to get back on his feet, which is ok i guess. But Im getting confused he says he wants me and he wants back together again. last Saturday we hung out ...
A. 27 January 2010: In guy terms, this is a really good way of having sex and fun without the complications of a girlfriend. In other words, he's using you for sex, but doesn't want anything else. So either put him on a total ban until he comes back and works hard to ... (read in full...)
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