| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I dated a known cheater and now he has cheated on me I have trust issues.
Q. I apologize if my question is long, but you must know all the details for it to make sense. I also changed the names of the people. Thank you for listening I really need advice. . Spencer and I met last year in May,(we have been together for alm...
A. 2 February 2010: He's a serial cheat. Don't sit there deluding yourself. He'll do it again. ... (read in full...)
Does he mean it when he says he never wants to get married again?
Q. PLease help! I went on a date with a man that is twice divorced and 50 years old. His first wife cheated on him and the second wife took him for everything financialy. We met the other day for a casual meeting. He is nice and funny. He was with a ...
A. 2 February 2010: Yes, he means it. When a guy gets burned once, maybe he will consider marriage again. But to be burnt twice, and for him to say that, he means it. So now you need to think about whether marriage to him would be that important. If not, then you maybe ... (read in full...)
WHen does the act of sex usually end?
Q. When you have sex, when do you normally finish? once the man has an orgasm or both? thanks...
A. 2 February 2010: When both have orgasmed! ... (read in full...)
We met online and out of the blue he asked me a question I didnt want to answer
Q. I've met this guy online,we have engaged in nice conversations so far via messaging and we talked a few times on skype.The last time we talked he randomly asked me If I thought of him.I didn't know what to say.Of course I had thought about him but I ...
A. 2 February 2010: I think you should say that at this moment, you're still getting to know him and need more time to get to know him. That way he doesn't think things are moving too fast, and also you don't get rushed into anything you don't want to. ... (read in full...)
I met a man online, it seemed okay at first, now I am not so sure
Q. Help please, I met a man on a dating site. i contacted him first then he sent me hello message for free. Then he dissapeared for 1 month then suddenly he added me as a favourite and paid money to become a member to send me a message he told ...
A. 2 February 2010: Get a million miles away from this man. Either he is in it for the sex, or he has a hugely low opinion of women. Stay away from him.... (read in full...)
What can I do to survive until my ex moves out?
Q. I've been posting on this site over the course of my relationship...I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago. I was in a controlling relationship, and even though we have a 10 month old infant I had to end it. So, we're living together until she ...
A. 2 February 2010: Spend as much time away from her as you can. Every time she goes to start an argument, leave the room. You're not a couple anymore, so she has no right to shout, and you have every right not to listen. She can't tell you to come back, or to get out. ... (read in full...)
What do men think about a woman moving in with them?
Q. What do men truly think about a woman moving in with them? Does it reduce "the chase"? Does it reduce the chances of asking her to marry you? Do men see it as "Why buy the cow when you're already getting the milk for free"? would you...
A. 2 February 2010: It depends entirely on the man. If he is in love with you and committed to you and you have a meaningful relationship, then he will want you to move in and be happy that you do. If he's not wanting that, and perhaps doesn't seem into marriage, then ... (read in full...)
Her bad attitude cause me to break up with her, did I make the right decision?
Q. me and my girlfriend were together for about 7 months. I decided to end it last night because i feel like enough is enough. Every time i go out into town she has a problem with it, she is off with me when im in town and off with me the day after...
A. 2 February 2010: Yes you did the right thing. Never be in a relationship that drags you down.... (read in full...)
I dated a known cheater and now he has cheated on me I have trust issues.
Q. I apologize if my question is long, but you must know all the details for it to make sense. I also changed the names of the people. Thank you for listening I really need advice. . Spencer and I met last year in May,(we have been together for alm...
A. 2 February 2010: You have learnt a sad but important lesson here. Very rarely does a guy change. You knew he was a cheat, but you took that chance. Surprise, he has cheated. In the future, really get to know a guy before going out with him. If he is a known cheat, ... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong by going out when my bf wanted support for an exam?
Q. well, i am feeling so guilty and i want you guys to give me your opinions.Yesterday i went out with my work colleague (our xmas outing: a lil bit late). We had a meeting before and i didnt want to go for the party after, i said i wouldn't go, we ...
A. 2 February 2010: There are two issues here. Firstly, you said to him you would be there for him, and he said he needed you. So to do a U-turn was a bit cruel. I know that if you had wanted his support and he had suddenly changed his mind, you would have been hurt. ... (read in full...)
I missed taking 2 pills and think I might be pregnant.
Q. Im on the microgynon pill for 6 months never missed any. But last month in January I missed 2 pills but i doubled up the next day. Then I had my period on 21st jan it lasted one day mostly brown discharge :/ then i had unprotected sex that day ...
A. 2 February 2010: The burrowing sensation has been felt by a lot of women who find they are pregnant. Go to the doctor and get tested.... (read in full...)
The only girl I've slept with would not let me come inside her - even with a condom. Is this normal? I am not sure what to do with my new girlfried.
Q. I dated the same girl for 4 years and she's the only girl I've had sex with. We broke up a few months ago and I'm starting to see someone else now. The entire time I was with my ex I never came inside of her at her request, even with a condom on. I ...
A. 2 February 2010: The ex was terrified about being pregnant. So long as you use a condom with your new girlfriend, she probably won't say pull out.... (read in full...)
Any advice how to move on so I can be happy?
Q. I think after 4 years of dating my boyfriend I want to move on. Im sick of everything hes put me through, and I can't trust him. He's my first love, etc. so I'm not sure how to just leave. I've tried to before but I love him so much I couldn't stay ...
A. 2 February 2010: End it, stop all contact and throw yourself into your own life. Focus on your life, your hobbies your friends, your career or studies. When you break up, have a friend nearby that can take you away. ... (read in full...)
Help me interpret the mixed signals from my ex?
Q. My ex and i were together off and on a total of 3 and a half years. When we got back together it was because we had been spending so much time together and both knew we still loved each other. We confessed to each other that being apart felt ...
A. 2 February 2010: He isn't the one. That's the problem. You're deluding yourself. You're saying that a man who has split with you once, got back together then dumped you for another girl he got back into contact with, is the one. He's just not. That's not love in the ... (read in full...)
How can I get my male friend to take a chance and date me?
Q. I really like my guy friend and he likes me, but he does not want to date me since he has a kid which Has always complicated his relationships and made them end bad. So how can I get him to take a chance with me? Should I get closer and show him...
A. 2 February 2010: I don't think you can really do anything if he's saying that his child has complicated past relationships so much he wont have another. The closer you get to him, the more likely you are to be even more hurt to be honest. It's worth saying for one ... (read in full...)
What does one do with themselves, when they realize their life plan and biggest hope will never happen?
Q. Well, I'll try to make this short, but I always wanted to have kids. Or I should say I thought that I'd have kids by now. But I don't and I doubt that I will find someone before I am infertile, to be biologically honest. I recently got out...
A. 2 February 2010: You're only 30! There are women having children in the forties now. Granted, the chances of conceiving are less, but don't lose hope yet. You've got plenty of time. You're right to make sure you find the right guy, but don't spend time looking for ... (read in full...)
I like her but I don't want to interfere in her relationship!
Q. Okay, I moved churches a year ago, and day one, I met this girl. First thing I did was ask my older (and wiser) sister who's 32, to find out about her. She's a country girl (we live in Alabama lol, what else do you expect?), and she loves to express ...
A. 2 February 2010: Do nothing, and wait for her to leave him. That's the best thing to do. That way you know you're not being played at all.a... (read in full...)
She asked if I would have unprotected sex with her, what should I do?
Q. hello, my name is lachie. i am 14 nearly 15, currently single, i have alot of feelings for a family friend of mine, i know she has feelings for me to, but both of our parents dont want us to be togeather, and the other night, she asked if i would ...
A. 2 February 2010: NO. NO. NO. Why would she want unprotected sex with you? To trap you with a baby, that's why. Do not do it. ... (read in full...)
I was close to lose my virginity, then I told him I wasn't ready, what should I do?
Q. hi im 16 n i think im ready to make love i want it so bad then i think about the situations behind it i am so close 2 losing it then i tell him im not ready everyone keep saying wait as u get older u start feening for it what should i do 2 take my ...
A. 2 February 2010: If you're not ready, then you're not ready. There's nothing wrong with not being ready. You need to do what is right for you. ... (read in full...)
Why do men hurt the women they love? He was my friend for 7 years.
Q. I have been really close friends with a male coworker of mine for seven years. When he was much younger, his girlfriend did some serious damage to his ego. The way he told me was like a joke though when we first met. Over the summer, we grew very ...
A. 2 February 2010: This is about his girlfriend knowing he likes you. She has asked him to cut contact, and he feels he has to because his girlfriend is very worried he is going to cheat. I know you're very hurt, but this is a situation you need to back away from. ... (read in full...)
Was this just a harmless friendly offer or does she want it?
Q. There's this girl called Sarah. Me and her are mates but not close mates, and since she's gone away to uni I haven't seen her for a while. However, the last time we hung out she told me I should come round to hers on Saturdays cos she'll "have the ...
A. 1 February 2010: Sounds like she likes you. Maybe she wants to get to know you more. Or maybe she just wants you :). So when she offers again, go around. ... (read in full...)
I'm so down about my love life, at 36 will I ever find love?
Q. Please help, I have cried myself to sleep the past 2 nights. Im 36 single and just unable to find love again. Since me and my ex, of 5 years split up 4 years ago, Ive gone from one disasterous relationship to another. I don't want him back, b...
A. 1 February 2010: Of course you will. My girlfriend went through a disastrous divorce and was just about ready to give up after meeting some crap men. Then one day she found me :). You will find someone, it will just take time. Guys already like you, so you know ... (read in full...)
My partner keeps changing his mind about commitment.
Q. My partner keeps changing his mind about commitment. We have been seeing each other for 7 months and have both got a child each. We live over an hour from each other but manage to spend most weekends together and a couple of nights in the week. We ...
A. 1 February 2010: If he changes his mind once more, end it. This man sounds like he doesn't know what he really wants. Give it time, keep getting to know him. But if he messes you around once more, forget about him.... (read in full...)
I'm scared to get married again...
Q. I left my husband for another man, after our marriage became passionless and I no longer loved my husband. I didn't rush into divorce, but moved in with the new man and things have been rocky but we love each other very much. Gave myself some time, ...
A. 1 February 2010: You're walking straight into another problem. You've gone from one man who was at one extreme, to another who is hot tempered, difficult and strung and blows hot and cold. Delay any idea of marriage to him until you have got rid of this divorce and ... (read in full...)
It ended too soon and now I want him back!
Q. there was this guy who was a year younger than me in school but age wise only 6 months. ever since i saw him i fancied him then when he started noticing me he was messing around pretending to love me and stuff (i think it was pretend any way) . ...
A. 1 February 2010: If a man hurts you, don't do the silent treatment. It doesn't work. Women think the silent treatment teaches a lesson. It just makes us more confused. Always say that you're unhappy if you're unhappy. We understand that more than the silent ... (read in full...)
Family arguments are making me feel low...
Q. I've been feeling low lately because of arguments between mainly with my family. First of all, my family don't spend much time with me as I'm 19 so 'too old'. As I have a boyfriend and friends they reckon I should be moving on to only spend time ...
A. 1 February 2010: I would try speaking to your Dad. Your mum is coming across as really cruel to be honest, saying that she hates you. And I have a feeling that it is to do with jealousy towards you. Try sitting down with your Dad and talking to him instead. ... (read in full...)
Becoming more than friends...
Q. I have a friend of the opposite sex with whom I started having a 'friends with benefits' relationship. He's always been clear that we are not an item, however, we've started spending so much time together - we hang out at least 4 nights a week and ...
A. 1 February 2010: He is very insistent that you are not boyfriend and girlfriend. If you do talk to him, and he tells you that you're not boyfriend and girlfriend, then you need to back away, because you're getting too close. It's worth talking to him to know where ... (read in full...)
Is there ANY hope for us in the future?
Q. My boyfriend and I of 4 years have been in turmoil for the past 3 months. We had gotten into a large fight back in Nov, things where said that wheren't meant. He said the most horrible thing a man could say to a woman he was to be in love with and ...
A. 1 February 2010: Sorry girl, but this sounds like it's well and truly over. That's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth I'm afraid. You and he spent time apart, came back together and even after all that thinking, he decided that he just wasn't in love with ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my best friend out again?
Q. I asked my best friend out about 6 months ago and she turned me down in case it ruined our friendship but i still fancy her like crazy but i dont know if i should or when to ask her out agian....
A. 1 February 2010: It's not worth it. If she said no before, chances are she will again. I had this once before myself, and it hurts. She's just not the one for you. ... (read in full...)
Is marriage REALLY that important?
Q. My fiancee and I have been together for over 16 years now (since we were 11 and 12) and engaged for eleven years. We have two children (2 and 4 with another on the way). Up until quite recently, I had no intention of ever setting a wedding date. ...
A. 1 February 2010: You offered to marry her, so it is important now. More than anything, to her it represents your commitment. If you offered to marry her, then yes it means a lot. Back out, and you'll lose her because she will see it as a huge breach of promise and ... (read in full...)
My husband tells me I have nothing to be insecure about, yet I am very insecure. Please help.
Q. Hi,im 22 years old and i have 2 kids and a wonderful husband,my life is very nice god has really blessed me and i should be very happy but lately I really hate myself I hate my face I hate my body and i just feel really ugly for some reason even ...
A. 1 February 2010: Is there something that has suddenly made you feel this way, is has it come around since you've had children? Women seem to become far more insecure when they've had children. You need to think about what it is that makes you feel this way, so you ... (read in full...)
I want to be the MAIN person in his life, not the last person...
Q. I've been with this guy for 4 years, he's cheated on my in the past and that's all i worry about. he has so many chick friends, but i can't trust him and it sucks. it seems like he talks to them more then me. when we fight he just walks away and ...
A. 1 February 2010: Every single sign that this guy is bad news is there. I hate to tell you this, but you're not yet seeing the signs. He's cheated before,, he's talking to other girls more than you, when you fight he just walks away and ignores you, he then acts like ... (read in full...)
Are trust issues contagious?
Q. Are trust issues contagious? I just broke up with my first boyfriend, of 3 and a half years. We'd been having issues. In short, he didn't trust me, because before I was with him I'd hooked up with random guys at parties (no sex though). He disliked ...
A. 1 February 2010: This is something that happens a lot. A man comes along, sees a woman, goes out with her, doesn't like her friends and decides to take control. You feel bad, but you're not the one who's bad at all. HE made you give up your friends because he ... (read in full...)
Help I have a Frigid Husband
Q. I have been married for over 8 years, 7 of which have been totally void of love, sex and affection. I became pregnant 7 years ago and all attention was switched to my daughter. I am very angry with him for destroying my life as I have continued t...
A. 1 February 2010: It's ultimatum time for your husband. Either he opens up and tries to fix it, or you leave. And you have to mean it. There is no point in having an affair, because that will make this even worse and then he'll really be able to blame it on you ... (read in full...)
Will I ever get over this forbidden love?
Q. this is so sad i know, but i feel in love with this teacher at school. i am 15 and i know that he's 24. i am fully aware that nothing will ever happen between us, and i wouldnt dream of saying or doing anything - im not tht stupid. i realise ...
A. 1 February 2010: Yes, you will get over it. Fortunately, you're smart enough to see nothing can happen, so you stands a far better chance than other girls who don't' realize that. Enjoy your crush, give yourself time, get to know other guys and one day you will meet ... (read in full...)
Is there more to him texting this girl than meets the eye?
Q. Me and my boyfriend been together for almost a year Now. I love him so much. He means the world to me. But we constantly argue, he says horrible things to me when we do. He apologizes but does it again. This the first time in my life I put up with ...
A. 1 February 2010: You know the truth, but you're sat there kidding yourself. You know he's texted her, and he's denying it. That's says it all. He's controlling you by telling you not to text other guys, and emotionally abusing you the rest of the time. You have ... (read in full...)
Should I still put this vibrator in the pack I'm making up for him?
Q. I ordered a vibrator to go into a pack I'm making up for my boyfriend for valentines day that includes various lubes etc. however now the vibrator has arrived I'm worried it's too big and may intimidate my partner. The reason I chose this one w...
A. 1 February 2010: He would have to be very insecure about it. I suggest you just carry on as you are now. He seems okay with the other vibrator... (read in full...)
How can I keep the conversation flowing more with him?
Q. hi hope you can help! I need advice on talking to a male friend of mine. I really like him and all signs point to he likes me, except we dont talk much. I would like tips on how to talk to him online. he doesnt talk to many people online anyway not ...
A. 1 February 2010: If you want to bond with a man, you need to do it whilst doing something, such as going out. Men don't tend to do chat alone. We bond over talking and doing something at the same time. So if you want to get to know him more, suggest you both meet up ... (read in full...)
I'm married, but I'm falling for a guy 17 years older than me!!
Q. I'm 26, and I'm married . Our relationship is pretty formal and not at its best. We barely have anything in common anymore and I'm not sure anymore what triggered this relationsihp in the first place... I met this older guy last year. He's 43 ye...
A. 1 February 2010: My thoughts are that this older man is using you for sex and nothing else. Notice how there have been no real dates, no getting to know each other. Also notice how when he found out you were pregnant he was quick to make a run to another woman. Now ... (read in full...)
Can you get over being left for someone else when back together?
Q. My boyfriend liked a girl (x) as a teenager and became obsessed with the idea of being with her, kissed her once but could not be together because his close friend was her recent ex. Years past and he broke up with many girls along the way after ...
A. 1 February 2010: First time around, he left you for her. Now he's back and he's already said that if he saw her he would be back to square 1, meaning he's not over her. He doesn't sound over her at all, and you sound more like the spare. What happens if she makes ... (read in full...)
He told me he loves me but clams up at the mention of a relationship.
Q. hia, so there's this guy, and he is 19 and i am 15. Yeh i know the age gap aint great but please dont say anything about it. basicly, he lives in the place i go on holiday - but i go there like 6 times a year so its kinda like a second home. and...
A. 1 February 2010: He's messing you around. It gives him a kick to know you fancy him, and it's more likely he'll end up trying to use you. As he says, you can do better... (read in full...)
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