A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband had an affair with his sister in law. His older brother was 20 years older than her, they married because she was pregnant. He had another younger girl pregnant, but chose to marry ''C''. He never had contact with that child from the other young girl,he and ''C'' threatened to take that baby from her, because he had a good job at a plant and they would fight for custody of her child and she would never be permitted to see her child, after court hearings were done. She had been married to my cousin, and our family was glad she left him under a year of their marriage, she was mean, nasty, like in the area of not being very clean. So, she had an affair with my brother in law in his and his wife's bed. He was caught by my cousin and punched in the face. He denied that ever happened. So, after she moved into my family I was married to, she started having an affair, supposedly according to my husband after her second child started kindergarten, but my husband's vehicle was there quite alot, I was told before her second child was born. I wonder, as many others in this town has, whether her youngest is my husband's. He assures me she is not his. I will never know that. He says the affair started after her child went to school. The affair according to him lasted 5 years, and they only had sex 15 times. I do not believe him at all. His family sided with her and him, because I was upset, my husband told me. Well, they all knew that this affair was going on and hid it from me, did not let me know. I was irate, I yelled st all of them. I told them they were not normal, they had no heart, or feelings, and when they did they felt backwards to what most of society would think of the affair. They thought it was OK. Her husband, thought it was OK. He and my husband apparently had a mutual agreement to both have sex with her. So, they all quit speaking to me, my son's were 16 and 19 when I found this out, I never told them, but I am sure they heard the rumors. The family had nothing to do with my son's anymore. We were not invited to family events after a short while, because my husband did not want to go, because he did not want to upset me. He just did not want to face reality. That is how his family is. If they act like it never happened, it did not happen. Stop talking about something and it never occurred. This went on for15 year's. They did attend my son's weddings. I never told my children the story, so they did not know how I felt. I would not begrudge them of their aunt's and uncles being there. It was their wedding. I still get treated on the very cool side by them. At least they speak, but we are not invited to anything they have for family events, as my boys, their wives, and my grandchildren are not included either. The family wanted me to leave my husband and get a divorce. They tried to convince my husband to get a divorce. I found three places for him to move to. He would not leave because he loved me. I took all his belongings except his guns to their house. Left them in the driveway, locked him out of the house. He came in through a basement window. He has told me he loves me over the years, and told me he would not leave then, because he loved me. I told him, you do not have an affair with your sister in law, and love your wife. Not normal behavior. During this time of the finding out period, she keyed my car, she chased me up.My driveway after work, she tabulated me with her high beams on 3-11 shift all the way home if she caught up with me. We worked two different places. She kicked me at a ballgame, threw hot coffee on me, witnesses saw these two things. She attacked me one night after a football game. People had go take her off me. I was fighting from the bottom, though. All these things, she told my husband's family, I did to her. So, of course they believed her since I got upset and told them off when they told me they knew about the affair. My husband talks to some of them now. 3 have died in the past 6 years. This includes the brother that approved the affair with his wife and my husband. We were a very close family until this happened. I was blamed for my husband not going to Christmas' s and other Holidays. He would not attend his mother's 80th birthday, even though his sons wanted him to go. I begged him to go, he would not. I went to the celebration with my son's. It was difficult, but I went. I have been told so many stories by her and her husband to the family, that they will never like me again. My husband drinks and smokes, I think to aggravate me, and he knows it does, so he continues to do it. He lies, little white lies to big lies, he cannot ever tell the truth about anything. He adds on things to something that has happened, I suppose to call more attention to himself. He loves to be drunk, he even went as far as telling me he worked in the coal mines for34 year's and that gave him the right to drink. I was raised with no alcohol or smoking in my house. I do not like either one. I will have a very occasional drink, for special occasions. I tried to get drunk years ago, to please him, because he liked me drunk.I refused to do that after a while, because,I felt bad afterwards with headaches, etc, and he still tries to push me to drink. He realized, fianally that I did not like it. He has had other affairs I have heard, during our marriage, but of course he denies those. I wanted to move years ago, but he would not even consider moving until after this affair was found out. 3 years later we moved. We had built a nice home on 5 acres, by his mother's house. His father died at 64 years of age and asked Dave to take care of his mother. I reluctantly moved there. He has no power of anything with his mother. His sister and 1 brother has those. I have been unhappy for 20 years, now. He stays because he loves me. Lol.I tell him to leave all the time. He will not discuss the affair, he will not explain to his family, that everything Cindy did to me, she told them I was doing it to her, and I do not even know what else she and her husband told about me. I was never given a chance to speak for myself to them, because he would not go to family gatherings. I tried with the kids going to a few things, but I was ignored, and it was not right for my kids to see this. So, I quit going, begged him to go, he never would. We are never invited to anything. Now her husband died, so they have something for her when she and her daughter comes into town. It is a big to do when they come into town. He moved me way out in the country and I see no one. I have had one ankle replacement and need another one. It has been like another nightmare. He is taking care of me and resents it very much. I have always been very independent all my life. I dislike this more than he does. I just needed to vent to someone, because I can not talk to my husband. He yells, rants and raves, blames any fight on me. I am always the reason we fight. He and Cindy went as far to tell my kids I needed medicine. So, I am sure, they think I am not normal. They do not know how he treats me, he only lets them see how wonderful he is to me. My son's both at times asked me if I was on my medication after they were married. I told them it was a temporary thing and I no longer needed them. It was for the problem of the affair, it was a temporary life situation. I am laid up with this ankle surgery, in pain and have a caretaker that despises me. He retired, so he is depending on me to work. He stopped me from going on to be a RN , which was my dream.Now it will most likely be impossible to get done. He always said I could not quit working to go to school. We needed the money. He is the baby of his family, he was sick as a child, almost died of meningitis, so he was always very spoiled. I think he has carried that into adulthood. He has lied to me for 40 years, about small to big stuff. He will not stop now. Just needed to vent, and get some input from you all out there.
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affair, christmas, cousin, divorce, drunk, money, moved in, period, sister in law, smokes, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (14 October 2014):
 You have my blessing to leave this man and file for a divorce. Tell your sons the truth and then let them make up in their minds who is the liar and who isn't. They are more than old enough to handle it. You are a saint in my book, there is no way I would have ever tolerated what you have. Set yourself free sweetie. Life is short. Why be miserable?
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 October 2014):
You don't need input you need a divorce. Your marriage is FUBAR and has been since as long as you can remember, so what's the point of staying?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 October 2014):
 How quickly can you pack you things and get the heck out of this vipers nest. My word, I've never heard a more sordid family mess in my life. You need to escape while you can.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2014):
 Never mind what created his selfish, entitling tendencies. If he's unwilling to move out then you move out and divorce him. At least you have two sons who are on your side. You should look forward to life without that dysfunctional family. They don't have anything to do with you anymore. A lawyer should be able to figure out what assets belong to you. The only thing you are getting out of from this marriage is pain that's manifesting in your body. You are not listening to your body so the pain is growing more intense.
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