A
male
age
36-40,
*hootit
writes:Hi all,I just wanted to confess that I had just lost my virginity to an escort. She came to my place and had arranged a 1 hour session.To my surprise, I didn't couldn't stay fully erect all the time. I thought I would finish very quickly because it was my first time. I ended up extending the session for another hour on the spot. I managed to finish off at the end but I had to rush and force it as we ran out of time.The girl was a gorgeous 10 out of 10. She said I was tense but I never told her I was a virgin. We changed condoms about three times and on once occasion the condom broke. At the end, I was thinking "sex is good, but not great". She did mention I was tense, and I was nervous because of the whole situation.So I have a few questions. Is sex overrated? Do you think two hours is a lot for a virgin? Would sex get better the more times I do it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): I find sex to be overrated when it is not happening naturally in the heat of the moment. It doesn't matter how hot the other person is if the passion must be created out of thin air by an actor (which your escort basically is).My best sexual experiences are the ones where I had no idea it was about to happen. For instance, my girlfriend to be (friend at the time) were sitting together on my sofa watching a movie together. She was wearing a top that showed off her belly button. She dropped a piece of popcorn without realizing, and it landed just above her navel. I picked it up and ate it. And then she just kissed me. It got hot and heavy and before long we were having awesome, passionate sex instead of watching the movie. (I do kind of regret not knowing how it ended, though.) ;-)I can understand that you wanted to lose your virginity, and so you did what you did. Maybe it's good you have the experience, and so now you can be more confident should the situation arise in a real relationship.My point is, if you let things unfold naturally, sex is much, much better than can even be described in words.By the way, since your condom broke while you were with this escort, PLEASE PLEASE go get yourself tested for STDs. Remember that it can take 3 months or longer for HIV antibodies to form, so your doctor might advise you to wait a few months for the HIV test. But they can still test for other STDs right now. I don't want to scare you, but you don't know how many other men out there also thought your particular escort was a 10 out of 10 and decided to sleep with her too. Perhaps chances are everything is fine, but you need to have tests to rule it out, especially before you have sexual relations with anyone else.
A
female
reader, Just.opinions  +, writes (6 August 2013):
When you are with somebody you love and care about, just being around them can make you happy. A hug can feel intimate and passionate. And just imagine the feeling of getting that orgasm in the arms of that person.
For me, there are three levels of sex. 1: Fucking is driven by being horny. You dont need an emotional connection to fuck. 2: Sex can be a fun in the moment thing. Driven by caring about someone, and also being horny. 3: making love is reserved only for a person you love. It is driven by the craving to share something exclusive with them, and to make eachother feel good.
These are only my definitions. Other people will have different ones. My point is- fucking is way overrated. Ive never "fucked" anyone. Sex is great and energizing when with the person you love. And my favorite one of all is love making. You could see it differently, but most matured people i know tend to agree with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): May be it didn't work for you because there was not emotional connection between the two of you. You were just nervous and couldn't relax that's why it wasn't so great. Sex is great and for me personally, it's always amazing when I feel something for the person.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (29 July 2013):
 Of course sex is overrated for someone keen on losing their virginity!First up from recollection, you were propositioned by an Air-hostess or a webcam girl who offered sex for money which turned out to be a scam… Then when that flopped you hired yourself an Escort! Yet as you would remember saying; you’re a virgin and “want to know what sex feels like” and “understand there will be no emotional attachment”? Well, it’s no wonder it was tense and mediocre for you, it was stopped at half time to extend play and rushed to “finish off” so that she could leave for her next appointment!?The feeling and experience you got out of this was something you placed yourself in; and that’s called business! Here there’s no getting better the more times you do it, in the real sense of it all. For you’d only achieve self-gratification each time and become a selfish lover, as to learning how to please another loving human-being in the bedroom, who doesn’t have the parking meter running outside, so to speak.When you get out of this mode of thinking you have about no emotional attachment etc., only then you might experience sex as it was intended!?Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 July 2013):
 I think sex as a "performance" (such as porn) is overrated. It's not reality, neither (I would guess) is sex with a total stranger, no matter her skills and beauty.
For some sex will always be mediocre, because they think THIS is IT!
It's about giving and taking, knowing what the partner likes, pleasing and getting pleased.
So yes it CAN get a lot better. I'm sure it could also have been a lot worse.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 July 2013):
 I think it will get better when you do it with someone you actually LIKE or maybe love. Someone you are comfortable with, and have some level of closeness with, and do not have to worry about not looking like a fool, or hiding your inexperience from, or worse getting a venereal disease from. And notice that I am not saying that you should only have sex when you are crazily n love, or that strong feelings make sex a whole lot better, because I am not too sure myself that this is always the case. There's a lot of people that can keep sex and feelings totally separate and yet enjoy great sex.
What I am saying is that sex is not just the strictly mechanical part, insert piece X into piece Y , move it up and down for Z times, and get a result - sexual excitement depends a lot from your mood and the atmosphere too. If you add to the mix , I don't know, a pinch of camaraderie, of complicity, of tenderness, of humour too ( yes it's important to be able to laugh together about the little misshaps and awkwardnesses )- you 'll see it becomes an all different thing. You may very probably find yourself much more excited and fulfilled by a normal, average looking girl who though "gets" and is clearly into you , than by the sterile, impersonal, by-the-book ministrations of a paid sex worker.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 July 2013):
 For some people, sex can be very mechanical and underwhelming when they're not involved with the person they're sleeping with. I personally cannot have enjoyable sex without at least -caring about- the person I'm sleeping with. Sex with no feelings is something that many people enjoy on a regular basis, but some people are just not capable of enjoying sex unless they're either in love, or at least "in like" with that person.One thing I want to break down though, is the fact that you asked "is two hours a lot for a virgin"? One thing that I'd really like to impress upon you is that sex is not automatically "great" if it lasts a long time. Generally speaking, two hours or two minutes, as long as both partners have satisfying orgasms, sex is great. Porn isn't educational, women don't usually have orgasms unless their clitoris is stimulated and you don't have to last hours for it to be good. Please, if you can, talk to some women who can be 100% honest with you about sex. I strongly suggest visiting Laci Green on Youtube, her videos are entertaining and highly educational when it comes to sex.Finally...Yes it WILL get better if you practice more, just like anything (playing an instrument, learning a language, etc) however, you might try and find a girlfriend to have a meaningful sexual relationship with. You might be the kind of person that finds emotionless sex unfulfilling. Give it some thought.
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