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Is it ok to have a crush on my 20-year-old karate sensei?

Tagged as: Age differences, Crushes, Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 July 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I'm 15 and I go to a karate club in my town 2 days a week with a Sensei who is now,quite literally my best friend.

I am the sort of person who doesnt really have friends apart from a few and I trust people a lot once I get to know them.

Anyway so I have grown to trust him and I've been going to this club for over a a year and like I said, he's my best friend.

I'm always the first in the dojo so we always talk and laugh about anything really. Whenever I bake, I give him the food I bake cause he always compliments me.

It seems Im the type of person that wants approval really.

My dad is constantly teasing me about liking him. I do like him and I talk about him at home because I trust and respect him and he always has something interesting to say.

Anyway, my question is, should I be liking him in a crush way? He's just turned 20 and he acts like he's 17 or something.

And my dad keeps saying that he saw him wink at me the other day and raise his eyebrows at me but I didnt see so I dont know if that was a bit of a laugh since I was complaining that my dad was embarrassing me like he always does.

Is it okay to like him like that? I dont know if he likes me like that but is it okay?

View related questions: best friend, crush, teasing

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013):

Thanks all for your answers. I think I only crush on older guys because the boys my age and slightly older are just so immature and stupid! They aren't my type and they never listen or anything. My sensei is the complete opposite minus the little immaturity :p

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A female reader, SilverVintage United States +, writes (28 July 2013):

SilverVintage agony auntIts okay to like him and think he's cute. Many young girls fan over new, young teachers and older boys. Its the appeal & the fun they bring into your space. However, I should caution and be honest with you. He is older than you and while 5 years is not a huge gap, it does raise concern if you to were to even hint at a relationship. He is adult and your teacher as well as you are in his care when he is teaching you, so it would be strange and very unprofessional for him to view you as anything romantic.

As "shrodingerscat" stated, mentally, emotionally and maturity wise you two are incompatible now.

He may like you as one of his pupils who learn fast and catch on & is a cool kind of girl, but nothing romantic. Value his friendship, not as boyfriend material. You are too young to read into those type feelings.

But I can relate & understand so I'm not trying to scold you on how you see it. Its natural. Just try and move on from it and find another young boy who is in your age range. Besides, us 20 year old can still be a pain in the behind and be immature beyond words, don't read into us, lol!

Hope I've helped :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013):

Of course its okay, is normal for a girl your age to have a crush on a 20 year old. Maybe he's just being playful, I don't know too many guys that old looking to pursue a younger girl, especially knowing how much trouble they can possibly get into. but I do know very few and they are around the age of 18 or soo.

Its a 5 year difference, which isn't terrible but still.

Anyway you are A-OKAY. NO need to worry, idk a girl who hasn't had a crush on a older man!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013):

I think you are reading to much into this. He is 20 he obviously sees you like a cool kid. He is in a position of trust and it would be illegal for the 2 of you to enter into anything. This could end up being very embarrassing for you.

See this as a friendship and nothing. I'm sure there are other boys your age to have a crush on.

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A female reader, shrodingerscat United States +, writes (28 July 2013):

shrodingerscat agony auntIt's okay to have a crush on him, but you have to understand that you cannot expect him to act on your feelings for him. He cannot return them, and he cannot be in a relationship with you.

Not only would it be HIGHLY unprofessional, but it would also be really unhealthy since he is in a position of authority since he is your teacher.

Your dad is unknowingly encouraging you to think about acting on your crush, which is a very bad idea.

Please understand that a 5 year difference doesn't seem like a lot, but mentally, a 15 year old is VERY different from a 20 year old, and unless he is a VERY disturbed man, he'd much rather be in a relationship with girls his own age.

Mentally, emotionally, maturity wise, you two are a universe apart, and the fact that he's your teacher means you have a LOT going against any hope of a relationship with him.

You are too young for him. He is too old for you. He is your teacher. However you want to look at it, it's not boding well.

It's normal for you to have a crush on him, but you can't expect more than liking him secretly.

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