A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have yet to be in a relationship or, as pathetic as it is to admit, have sex (mostly because - and it's not a low self-esteem thing - I'm unattractive; women aren't interested in me, never have and it seems like never will; I get it, and I'm okay with that). With that being said, I watch porn every now and then to masturbate (anything from the soft-core plain vanilla-sex stuff to your average porno and sometimes to the hardcore stuff). I often hear from people and read stuff online (including this site), how 'porn is nothing like REAL sex' and my main question is, what's the difference? I understand the major obvious differences such as porn is filmed on a set using professional actors that are paid, scenes are occasionally cut, sometimes edited, the storylines are all fake (if they have them at all), certain body parts are 'enhanced' etc. But what about the mechanics? What I mean by that is, from my knowledge of sex and from what I've heard from friends and read, real sex is practically the same as a soft-core/erotic/vanilla-sex porno (nothing 'athletic'), just with a bit more foreplay/kissing, usually in the dark instead of a well-lit studio, and with two people who supposedly 'love' one another. If, and I'm assuming, that's the case, what's the big hoopla about comparing 'real sex' with porn? Does it have to deal with people's insecurities as they compare their body and/or looks with those in the videos? Or am I missing something altogether? Thanks for your input!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): In most porn, the women are faking pleasure at least for part or the scene especially if it is a very long scene. You can tell by how contrived their moans sound. They fake pleasure because just as with non sexual movies, viewers can and do suspend reality judgments when watching porn so it serves the purpose to excite.Real life sex isn't always loving. There are casual hook ups which have no love involved and are just about two consenting adults having physical pleasure with the help of each other. So there wont be as much or any romantic kissing or cuddling. There are friends with benefits sex where the people are familiar with each other and comfortable and even like each other since they are friends. But again usually not much romance or heavy emotions involved during the sex. Even married people don't always have love in their sex. Sometimes it is done out of duty or because you're just trying to have children. Married people can also have very bad and sex that involves no love at all (dysfunctional marriages I mean). I have been here myself. What makes these real life situations different from porn is that usually the women in the real life situations don't moan in such a fake way or for such a long time especially in certain positions that are unlikely to stimulate the female pleasure spots. You can tell when someone is acting e.g. the woman is moaning but her face isn't that enthusiastic. In real life "bad" sex you probably wouldn't bother to put that much effort into acting. In real life "good" sex there would be no need for such acting.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): I totally agree with DoubleM you shouldn't aim to the most beautiful girl in the room because most likely you will be rejected. Try your luck with the lesser ones. Also when you get with them to the bed stage never imitate what you see in porn.What they do is not normal.Be Normal, be gentle, a little shy and loving. Read some good book on love making techniques to learn what makes a woman tick in bed.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 A few pointers.
1. Don't ever - and I mean ever, spit on a woman's vagina. I would straight up knock someone out if they did that to me.
2. During foreplay, don't ever finger a woman like you are stabbing her vagina repeatedly over and over with your fingers at 100 miles per hour. just don't do that. That's not how you finger a woman. Most women would be like, wtf???
3. Don't go down on a woman the way men do in porn. Once again, I would deck someone who went down on me like they were spazzing out and having a seizure in my crotch. And even as importantly, don't ever actually try to penetrate a woman with your tongue. That's just f*cking retarded. The whole point is to focus on the clit. So do that.
4. Women usually aren't that flexible.
5. Men usually don't last that long.
6. Don't ever just assume it's perfectly cool to unload on a woman's face. She's liable to unload on yours - with her fist.
I'm assuming you're asking because when you finally do have sex, you want to know what to model after. Thing is, I can safely say don't ever model real sex with a real woman after porn. That's a horrible idea. You'll figure it out with your partner when that time comes. you'll come to learn her body and what she likes by repeated experience. Watching porn to learn how to have sex is like watching grey's anatomy to learn how to be a doctor. The two just aren't comparable.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Your main question: "What's the difference?" Answer: Reality. And in regard to not being all that attractive: There are a lot of fairly unattractive young women as well. They need love too.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Porn very often seems to follow a script. They kiss, then she does oral, then he may do oral, then there's penetration, during which they will change positions three times, then there may be anal, and finally he'll pull out and jerk himself into her mouth/ over her face/ on to her chest -- unless they finished up with doggie, in which case he will come on her back. All the while she's moaning/screaming/talking dirty. She's always happy with the mess he's made that's matted her hair, made her skin sticky, etc. Guys who finally get with a real girl and try that script are, at best, going to disappoint the girl. (At worst she'll end things in the middle and kick your sorry ass out).
In the real world you have to spend time learning what she likes. It probably won't include anal, it may well not include swallowing, and likely not shooting on her face. If you expect that stuff without finding out about her preferences first it's not gonna end well. A real intimate relationship involves learning what works for each other, and understanding that what works may not be stuff you see on video. When the day comes (and it will!), do your very best to shed all your pre-conceived notions.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 September 2013):
I think the big difference is that most porn is made by men for men.
So first of all, the guy should have a huge dick, second, all he has to do is pound her and she'll go crazy and squirt everywhere.
In real life pleasuring a woman requires a little more work. You need foreplay, and you shouldn't learn that from porn.
Sex itself is more than just hard and fast (although there's a place for that).
And as stated, don't ignore the clitoris.
I think the most important thing to remember is that each woman is different. I've had techniques that knocked one woman's socks of only to fall flat on the next, and so I had to adjust. It can be a blow to your ego, but that's life. Experiment and learn quick.
By the way, I need to point out that plenty of ugly guys get laid. Don't use that as an excuse. Somewhere there is a girl who would be all over you, but you've taken yourself out of the game because you think you're too ugly. You just need to learn how to go about things. Most of all it requires confidence... Not in your looks, but the whole package.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 September 2013):
 Porn is scripted.
Sex is not.
It's that simple.
Auntie Shrodingerscat did a good job explaining why there is a HUGE difference from porn to sex (from a woman's perspective).
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 September 2013):
 The main difference between porn and real sex is the fact that in most porn, the clitoris is totally ignored, or a cursory, camera-friendly flick or two with a tongue or fingers might be given.In real sex, direct and sustained external stimulation of the clitoris is what between 70-80% of women need in order to reach orgasm. Vaginal penetration alone is not enough to bring a woman to orgasm, so most women use either their own fingers, a sex toy, or their partner's fingers to reach orgasm during intercourse.Also, during oral sex (performed on a woman) light "flicks" of the tongue (performed far enough away to make sure the camera can see everything) is nothing like "real" oral sex, where sucking on the clitoris is much more common. It also usually takes women much longer to reach orgasm in general in real sex than it does in porn. It's safe to say that 90% of female orgasms are fakes in porn.If you want to get a more honest idea about what it's like to have sex with a woman in meat-life, focus your porn viewing habits on vibrator/female-orgasm videos. They're much more genuine in terms of what women enjoy/need in order to come than "traditional" male-centered porn.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 September 2013):
 For me, not much difference. The most realistic videos out there are homemade amateur videos. Real means pubic hair, flabby skin, no make up and spontaneous positions.
The women who are upset on this site are so because their husbands look at young perfect bodies and feel unattractive. If they were looking at people who are the same as them then the issue wouldn't be there.
If you go look at some homemade porn they are not that visually pleasing. You can see couples genuinely in love, but in love has no visual effect. It has little to show outside.
Porn has influenced men so much that rough sex is now the real sex. It depends on who you are with. Real sex is what you make it. If a person can have sex like a porn star let no one judge that it is fake. There is nothing wrong with a mixture of athletic and soft sex. We have both an animalistic and angelic sides in us.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 It's a low self esteem thing.
Women all over are dating men who, in my eyes, are unattractive. So that just tells you something about beauty being in the eyes of the beholder.. and it's a fact. So, it's got to be a self esteem thing.
Besides, my gorgeous boyfriend thought that he was unattractive too, and didn't have anything to offer a girl and no girl would want to date him or be with him. And he was a virgin until he entered a relationship with me when he was 24. He never even dated anyone before me. And why? Because he was so unattractive?
No, the reason is because he was so holy convinced that NO WOMAN would want him, because he was convinced he was unwanted, and hence no matter how much a girl would flirt with him he was BLIND to it. It's a self fulfilling prophesy. You don't think anyone wants you so you reject any potential romance and you end up alone just as you predicted yourself.
Anyway, back to your question: The difference between porn and real life sex is that porn is something you see on the screen and with actors, while in real life sex you are having actual sex (not just watching) with a real life person, without the acting, without the fakeness, without the silicone boobs and without the 5 meter long dick, and women don't moan just because a guy takes his pants off, and women don't generally like to take a big dick in her mouth and choke herself on it (there's nothing nice about that, a real life blowjob looks very differently and feels a LOT better too).
When I look at porn and see a man supposedly liking a woman, I get turned off, because I know that it'd just feel terrible to get licked like that, the men look like dogs licking water from a bowl. Yuck. Real life oral sex doesn't look like that, problem is real life sex doesn't look that great on camera, doesn't offer a good angle for the viewers/camera. So you need to put the actors in positions where it's possible to get a good shot, from a decent angle, and do things that look great on camera. But in real life would just suck. But when it's fantasy it works, because you can imagine it will feel good. Real life sex on camera doesn't look that amazing, but feels really great.
You could try to look up some amateur porn to see the difference.
And no, the mechanics are not the same, just to point that out. Like I said, a man licking a woman with the same movement as a puppy drinking water from a bowl doesn't feel nice, it just looks good on camera. And pounding into the pussy hard and fast doesn't feel that great either, not the way it's done in porn for most part.
You know, it's the same difference as watching a bank robbery in a movie versus BEING in a bank robbery. You kinda understand it both feels and IS different.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): I feel like I'm missing something. Do you mean the act itself? Because of course penetration is penetration, that's the same. But everything else is different between porn, any porn that is, and sex. Real sex is a bit more messy, it is less straight forward with a bit more adjusting and communication. And both people don't always cum, simultaneously, in a noisy climax. And that's ok. To give you two comparisons, its it like thinking that a stunt man who is acting at hurting himself in a fight actually gets hurt as much as someone who is really in a fight in real life. Or it is like thinking that playing Gran Turismo on your Xbox is similar to actually driving a Bugatti around a race track. It's not. Both are fun, don't get me wrong, but they are not the same. Also, porn is just about sex as an act, but it is more than that. If you even like the other person a little bit and have some kind of emotional investment in them it is so much better than when you don't, When I was single, the sex I had with one night stands was different than sex with my boyfriend. We understand each other, we get each other, we're enjoying doing something together, it is not just about one of us getting off. I hope that answers your question a tiny bit!I also think you need to work on yourself. Being 'unattractive' doesn't mean you can't have a relationship or sex. Seriously, some of my friend's boyfriends I think are hideous, but they find them attractive and like them. And it works both ways, I'm unattractive to some people and attractive to others. I know that, it's ok. There is someone out there that finds you attractive, I promise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): you have it all wrong my friend. The feeling that women are not interested in you is completely false. Why do you think women aren,t interested in you? is it because you are ugly? well look at some of the pop stars around you. would you cosider Mick jagger good looking? yet he has had some of the most beautiful women in the world falling all over him.Look at some of the athlets how ugly they are. yet they don't have problems with girls.The secret is women are interested only in interesting and successful guys and that is something you can achieve if you really presevere and work hard on it.Ok you don't seem addicted to porn so that is a good start.to be interesting to others you must have a hobby like sports or music or theatre..etc. imagine you enter a room full of people and there is a piano in the corner and you walk up and play a tune on the piano. you will have all the heads turned towards you. everybody will be interested in you. so you have to work hard to develope your personality,your style,and most important work and study hard to have a successful carrier. women love the man who is a good provider.Answer to the last part to your question: making love to a real woman is much, much nicer than masturbation.absolutely no comparision between the two.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 September 2013):
Porn is very mechanical and some emotion involved and something you watch. Sex is very emotional and equally as mechanical and something YOU experience. The difference between the two is like night and day, black and white, apples and oranges.
Actually I am confused on what you are comparing. Are you comparing watching porn to having sex? Else there is no comparison there.. having sex wins. Even though you say the words "supposedly love", reality is that people DO fall in love and have sex so this does exist. The heightened emotions and feelings are very real.
Or are you comparing people in porn having sex to people who are in relationships that have sex. Well again, couples experience a greater closeness to their partner so sex is just better that way than say with a prostitute.
You have facts and tid bits of information about sex, but not knowledge. If you admit women just plain don't like you then this is also something you must admit.
If you do want a girl friend then you would need to work on your confidence and take your focus off sex. Get a good job, and a decent living. These aren't my opinions but rather facts.
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