A
female
age
51-59,
*ot Sunny Chocolate
writes:I have been divorced for three years. Recently decided to date on line. Was just looking for a friend, but found a really nice guy. Three months after we started dating he found out he needed a bone marrow transplant. I visited him in Florida three times. It's been a year as of July 4th. He has mentioned marriage but I'm about to be 40 with four kids 20, 10, 8, 6. He is about to be 48 no kids wants to have four of his own. I'm in California with a successful business. He is in Florida. This was just suppose to be friends. But I really don't see how things are going to work out. How do I tell him? Or should I wait? He's mention marriage three times!
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female
reader, romany  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I think you need to tell him, but obviously chosing your words very carefully.
You've been a good friend, and being so concerned about how you can approach the situation with him, has without a shadow of a doubt proved that fact.
I think you need to tell him, that you are not walking the same road as him, that you took friendship street, and not happily ever after lane.
I dont think he is gonna give up easily, having treatment and a life threatening condition, has more than likely made him assess his life and i'm sure he is in full planning mode. He may also be a little sensitive, due to the fight he is fighting and the treatment is exhausting, so just keep enforcing that your his friend.
If he is insistant that you are the one, Tell him to look at the statistics for healthy babies and pregnancy's in women over 40, compared to a woman in her late 20's, early 30's, that way he'll start to see you as not the right person for him.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 There's some wishful thinking going on here, I think. He's 48 and has had a bone marrow transplant? I believe that involves some treatments that would make producing sperm unlikely for a while.
Additionally, he's trying to build a future with someone who lives clear across the country. Is this a feasible future?
I think simply telling him that you don't feel this will work out is truth enough. Do you want four more children? Is this part of your vision for your future?
I think you can be honest and truthful and still be gentle.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Tell him you're too old to have any more kids, and that you do not want more than four in any event, and wish him the best of luck in finding a woman who will have children with him later.
That said, at his age, he may feel (with some justification) that his odds of doing so are low, and you are his only hope. It will take some gentle but firm convincing to make him get the message.
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