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Can't get over the fling I had

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Question - (26 June 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *pple-s writes:

i dont know why im finding it so hard to move on from this guy i had a fling with for 2months, i cant seem to stop thinking about him appoaching the girl and taking her number in front of me and he saw me there sitting at the bus stop. this guy knows how i feel about him i told him how i felt and that im falling in love with him, but he disrespect saying he wants to film me on his phone when we have sex sumtimes he says that look good for a threesome a then try to call his friend. then i say that im not that type of girl. in the early days getting to no him he would say he dont do emotional talk and he doesnt like questions. on my b-day he didnt even call me. he txt me happy b-day and happy easter and that was it. in shows no intrests in me. everytime and i mean everytime i call him he says he is busy or his battery is low. i havent done nothing to this guy why does he hate me so much. seeing him and the girl broke my heart. i feel so depressed

View related questions: depressed, move on, threesome

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A female reader, romany United Kingdom +, writes (26 June 2010):

romany agony auntTisha, your great!!!!! fantastic advice, I'd like to add, that maybe you feel like you didn't win/succeed, as you'd hoped that your love and tenderness for him would bring him round to fall helplessly in love with you, and you'd both live happily ever after, but reality says, he's not your knight in shining armour, he's a twat in tin foil, but you aint lost, you won, coz your free of him, and anyone that can treat you like that, is not worthy of all the love you have in your heart, but someone out there is, so come on girl, pull your socks up, and follow Tisha's sound advice. And thank god that he's finally out of your life.

Goodluck hun x

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (26 June 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntGood grief, you must not like yourself very much if you are chasing a guy who clearly is a jerk! This is very unhealthy thinking.

So why do you feel so low? Besides him, I mean. Are things going badly in other aspects of your life? Could you be depressed? Have you had a doctor's exam at all recently?

It sounds like you need to change up your scenery and your thinking. I have a new website I just found that might be interesting and a practical way to change your approach to your thinking and how you handle these feelings.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

It has you go through exercises to see if you may be suffering from 'warpy' thinking (their word). I've done a little of it and it seems to point you in the right direction. Have a go and see what you think.

Tell your friends you are feeling low and depressed and that you need to focus on positive aspects of yourself. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or that pair of shoes you've been eyeing. It's the new "you" time!

You will have to deliberately and carefully STOP that thinking about him. Everytime you do, from now on, STOP yourself with a reminder and deliberately focus on something else. Sing that Lady Gaga song at the top of your lungs or get up and do some jogging in place. Dance around your house and move your body. Better yet, leave the house and take the dog for a walk. Don't have a dog? Get one! That will really take your mind off things.

Okay, there's a start. Now off you go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

Uhnmm because you were a fling. He detached emotion and he sees you as sex. A lot of guys think that way. Don't ever get emotionally attached to something you know is a fling. He is never going to care about you, so just move on.

My advice would be to be more selective about who you sleep with next time otherwise the same thing will keep on happening.

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A female reader, thekiddie. United Kingdom +, writes (26 June 2010):

bottom line is, it was a fling, and his a man.

He is obviously showing zilch intrest, so why are you waiting around?

he doesnt love you, and by what you've said, this fact is obvious.

move on, get over him, and find someone who adores you and is intrested.

Hope i helped, x

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