A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm 18, nearly 19 and I have never kissed a girl before, infact I've never hooked up with a girl before (or whatever all you hip kids are calling it nowadays). I feel there are several factors affecting this. 1; I'm a naturally very reclusive person, with unusual interests ranging from magic tricks to physics, so I naturally feel very out of place when out in clubs, disks, parties, whatever! 2; my 'friends' (or rather obnoxious people who have a nasty habit of being in the same places as me) relish every oppurtunity to shout out my problem to everybody near by, especially if those nearby happen to be of the female persuasion. 3. Most people I've met in this scenario have responded with self pity and shameless desperation; constantly throwing themselves at every opportunity to score, until of course they do, I however would not find it necessary to publish my dilemma on the Internet if I did not find this response utterly impossible and repulsive. I rather have slowly began to become more and more bitter and resentful as I lose interest in the whole affair that is physical relationships. I do realise how awfully morbid and psychotic this response is, which is why I'm here, so please help me before I am turned to an entirely cold bitter husk of a man, doomed to spend his days sitting on his porch cursing at pedestrians. Also, if it's of any relevance; until about 4 months ago I used to be slightly over weight, since then I have taken an interest in rowing and hiking, which has made me quite slimmer, fitter and stronger, although this may infact solve my problem I have yet to summon the courage or will power to go out again.
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male
reader, Myau  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 I was 19 and 1/2 when I met my first girlfriend, wasnt even close to a girl before that.
Now days I think the whole things funny :) and so will you
A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (10 July 2010):
I really like Lindy's and Romany's answers too. I wish I had such good advice at your age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): Where are you from? I want to date you!
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (10 July 2010):
There's no problem here. You're just in a virgin rut. You're hormones are getting to you. Once you've had one girlfriend, everything should turn out OK.
Time to get some help from the Mormons. (No joke) Now I'm not at all a Morman, but when I was a kid, there was a TV commercial that taught me more about sex than anyone else did. It was a Mormon commercial about a boy who kept getting rejected by girls at a dance. Finally he found one who would dance, who wasn't dressed too well, but you could see that she he had that hidden beauty. Basically, you can strike out with 99 girls, but if get the 100th, your score is 100%.
(Turns out the guy who did the commercial wasn't a Morman but a good film student).
Once you get the first one, and when the natural relationship ends, it will be much easier to get the next one. You just have to keep trying and don't worry about crashing and burning. Because the thrill of "getting" a girl, will far outway anything. Just don't crash and burn too often in public. No problem to do it privately. Keep trying.
Second, think about getting rid of those friends, or be around only those you truely like. Been there, done that when I was younger. The whole group only keep you around for their own fodder. Are you going to school? Then find a different group. Even if it just starts at one. You don't want to be the brunt of a group. Find people that respect you. Go to all the clubs and activities you can that interest you. Find people who like you for you. Again when you find one, it'll multiply by itself.
Next, go find people to talk to about this. You are not messed up. You're normal. But it seems that you need to find a way to let off some steam. Talking to an advisor, councellor or family friend will take some load off your shoulders. Please do this. I know it helped me a ton at your age.
Four, if this applies to you, stop watching internet porn. It doesn't help. And by not watching it, that will reduce hormone stress. And when you do meet the right girl, you'll be properly hormoned to go after her without being too eagar or too passive. If this doesn't apply to you, then make sure you do things that keep you occupied that will stop you from worrying so much. Stay occupied. And not only at the computer but in out of doors.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Well my advice is this: (I'll go in order of your points)
"1; I'm a naturally very reclusive person, with unusual interests ranging from magic tricks to physics, so I naturally feel very out of place when out in clubs, disks, parties, whatever!"
...I would say you should spend less time at places you feel out of place at, its not going to help your confidence at all. So ask yourself this "where are you most in your element?" and who are you around when you're comfortable in your surroundings? Hang out with those people more.
"2; my 'friends' (or rather obnoxious people who have a nasty habit of being in the same places as me) relish every opportunity to shout out my problem to everybody near by, especially if those nearby happen to be of the female persuasion"
...It doesn't sounds like you even like these people you refer to as your friends. and it sounds like they don't respect who you are by telling everyone your problem anyhow.
"3. Most people I've met in this scenario have responded with self pity and shameless desperation; constantly throwing themselves at every opportunity to score, until of course they do"
...this indeed does happen with some people, but its nice to see you don't want to become someone who just wants to score and sleep around. I think you should keep true to that.
but in general, I think that you need to not focus on your lack of 'action' and focus on going somewhere in life, and realize that nothing is wrong with you, you are young and life is full of surprises. Sooner or later you will probably meet someone when you're not looking for someone.
but I really think you should drop these friends,because it sounds like they're just people you are around to waste time with, you don't seem to like them all that much, and if you do, I'm sorry to offend you. That is not my intentions.
Good luck and have a great night
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Firstly let me say, your personality is amazing, altho i can see your angst between the lines, the fact you've written this with such a natural 'roll off the tongue' humour, has shown me that you are cheating the woman of your town/city an amazing catch.
You'll be doing them a favour, by allowing them in to your quirky lifestyle, You are so much more stable than your friends, you seem totally at ease and accepting of who you are, and that is such an attractive trait.
Being on 'the pull' in todays world, is a nightmare, and altho your friends are using you to be the brunt of their crass jokes, I truly believe that your smart and humourous enough that you could easily and quickly send a cutting retort back they're way, so do this, while you find yourself a new set of friends, then that way, you'll not find yourself alone, practiscing your cackle for becoming the old man on the porch.
You will one day find a lady, without looking and she will like you for all you have, the kiss will happen naturally, and all the other stuff is instinctive too. Watch 40 year old virgin, take some pointers, and if your ready to get out there now, do it, dont wait till your 40.
I think you sound great. Let others see this, and if you aint ready now, write a book till you are, using your thoughts and feelings now, about the problems that 'non hip' kids have to face. I reckon it would be fantastic.
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A
female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (10 July 2010):
 First of all ditch the "mates" it doesn't matter if you're a virgin and it shouldn't matter to them either, you don't need them shouting about it in public. Secondly well done on getting fit and healthy its true most girls don;t like chubby men so you are probably doing yourself a favour here. Make sure you go out when your ready and your comfortable dont let others pressure you into what they think you should be doing. As for your interests the magic tricks im sure could be used to your advantage and if your at university im sure you will find a girl somewhere near to the same intellectual level as you. Im a bit like you I have odd interests chemistry, anime and music but I discovered as i got older that there were many more people on my wave length. you may just have to wait for it. Also 18? My house mate is 25 and one of my best friends is 21 both pretty decent guys and neither of them have been with a girl. Heck my boyfriend was 20 lol
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