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He says he loves me... but does he mean it?

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Question - (28 July 2005) 38 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2011)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have a boyfriend who tells me he loves me all the time in person and over the phone, etc. The problem is when he says it in person to me he never looks me in the face. What does this mean? I would think someone whould look you in the face if they ment it. So I am guessing he does not mean it, since he cannot look me in the face. When someone is lying to you they will not look you in the face, right?

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A female reader, Aura Answers You! United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2011):

Hi there,

He may be shy about love etc you know some guys can be like that. However, ask yourself does he show you love are you feeling his love for you... It's important to know that anyone can say 'I love you .. I'm gonna do this for you... all i've done is type words that you want to hear... and yes they are nice to hear don't get me wrong..however, is he showing you he loves you is he doing the things he says he's gonna do for you etc...more importantly do you see and feel his love for you.... if yes ... he loves you baby girl....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010):

hi honey,

all guys aren't as outgoing in relationships as we are.

the guy i've been dating for nearly a year now took him ages to tell me and look me in the eye.

if you are really worried, just ask him if he means it.

if he questions you, just say something like: because i love you too or something.

good luck,

Lacy. xxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

If he says he loves you, listen to the way he says it. He might say it to you in person but not look at your face because you make him shy, or nervouse. This is a positive out look but ther is also a negitave one too. P.s the way he says I love you will explain it all if it sound caring then he has to mean it from the heart .... Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010):

I told him( a guy I just recently started dating) that I loved him and he replied honestly I don't look at you like that. I was so heartbroken that I didn't even respond, I'm crazy about him, I feel he is the one that I'm going to marry but when I talked to him the other day I feel alittle conflicted, what do I do? Suggestions?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010):

I don't have a straight answer to your question but hear this, I have a boyfriend...we've been together for 4 months now, and he always says that he loves me. And sometimes, out of nowhere, he asks me if i love him! I get irritated when he asks me that because I think it's a bit early to actually fall in love. But i like him. I really do. One day i was at his place, he looked up at me and said 'I love you'. I looked back and just smiled. And then he asked me if i love him. I think if a guy looks you on the face and says i love you, doesn't always mean that he's telling the truth. From my side, i say take a cautious note and try to analyse it yourself.

P.S - Everytime he asks me if i love him or not, i always say 'I like you' ;) trust me, he'll go nuts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010):

Ok I think he just gets nervous my boyfriend truely loves me and always says it but when he says it he never looks me in the eyes when he says it I know that he truly loves me cus he is constantly reminding me how lucky he is to be my boyfriend Most importantly you must first realize weather or not you love him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010):

He is prombaly just saying it and or lying but if he means it he would take ur hand and look u in the eyes and say it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010):

my boy told it to my face and we are broken up it means her doesn't mean anything by it he just says that but when a guy you are with for years then her loves you but if they just say that they dont

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010):

Okay girl he might like you but he don't love you! a man who loves you can't look away when he says something like that because the wont you to feel good knowing your there! oh and just on your hearts safety i would be looking for signs of him cheeting!

P.S. do your best girl

oh and good luck!

Your friend Jamie Bodeca

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010):

sweetie yeah you are right i kid you not, the boy doesnt know what he has. and i think you need to confrount him about it because if you dont then it will keep happening and wont change.

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A female reader, SwimmerBabe101 United States +, writes (21 March 2010):

Sweetheart, He is probably just shy. Ask him about it and tell him "You know baby, I've been thinking. And i love you and all but when you tell me you love me.... Why can't you look me in the eyes?" And he will either make up some bullshit excuse or he will say that hes shy or that he feels awkward. But he shouldnt feel awkward if he says it first. Because if you say it, he is automatically obligated to reply with "i love you too". So if he tells you he loves you first, you should be fine (: I think your okay.

-SwimmerBabe101

(P.S. when a guy says he loves you, He means it more than you do)

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A female reader, Sumrjewl United States +, writes (30 January 2010):

If he doesnt look you in the face,this probably means hes shy or lying.......how long has he been your boyfriend? If he just became your boyfriend and says i love you without looking you in the face,he is probably shy and doesnt know what you are going to say! I hope this gets you very close to your answer!!!! :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010):

Instead of letting him say he loves you, say what you think about him!

When i was in Kangaroo Island, i met a boy, and i started liking him but i got nervous, and that's exactly the same with boys!

Anyways, we were talking, and then he blurted out that he loves me!

I was astonished, that he actually said it, but didn't look at me, he looked at the ground, then we had another chat, and as i was going back to the place i was staying at, i asked him what he said to me, then he said that i was pretty, wonderful, cute, beautiful, and that he loves me!

And i was so nervous, that all i could get out of my mouth was 'Thanks!'

Then i went back, to my place, and then went to his place again and asked for his address and phone number so i could talk to him and write to him, then i remembered that he told me he lives in the same place as where i live! but i still needed his address and phone, so he gave it to me and i was really happy, so hopefully, i can get a hold of him, and who knows what'll happen in the future!

see you, and good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009):

i know wat u mean my boyfriend and i had the same problem and i confronted him about it and he said it was just because he was so nervous and i gave him a weird feeling. at first i was kinda skeptical but when he found out it bothered me he tried to look in my eyes more and more. just rececntly he asked me to marry him so dont think too much of it you could just make him feel different

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A female reader, Jesse's Girl(: United States +, writes (21 December 2009):

I think that you should confront him about it, ask he just be like you know I love you and all ,but im not sure you have the same feelings fo rme as you say and if he truely loves you he will talk to you about it and tell you and look in your eyes and say I Love You! Good Luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009):

you should talk to him about your feelings and if he understands you he would give you a good reason why he acts the way he does.if he truly loves you he would try to change but if he acts like it dosent really matter then it means that he dosent really care and that he is not the one for you..be carefull good luck..i hope that my advice helps

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A female reader, Franciska South Africa +, writes (30 May 2009):

Hi there well i have been in a relationship for about 2 years now and we are verry happy,I have learned to read the signs of when a guy might mean something and when not.Well,How does he sound when he says it on the phone? Does his voice sound happy,And when he says it in person does he sound happy or just shy? See maybe he is just shy,saying I love you,is a big centance and even my boyfriend were shy at the begining,But his fine now,Maybe you shouldnt read too much in this.If he didnt love you why would he call you at all or even still be with you.I think you have a good guy there by the sound of it,So dont worry unless he doesnt say i love you anymore than that might be a different story.Goodluck

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A female reader, x tash x Australia +, writes (4 November 2008):

a guy that loves you would say it over and over again looking in your eyes have you spoken to him about it i get the feeling maybe hes confused do you want him to love you?do you love him? time will tell but try talking to him about it maybe he'll understand and you will both be happy yea?:) xx

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A female reader, Baby Blue United States +, writes (17 July 2008):

I think your just freaking out because if he says he loves you then he loves you.My boyfriend is the same i tell him i love him but he does not look right into my eyes but i know he loves me because i can see that and i can feel that he loves me too.We have been dating for a year and 3 months and i figured out the kind of guy he is and he does not show physical emotions instead he shows them in humorous ways.I bet your boyfriend is just the same.I learnt that guys cannot be like girls..emotional and romantic and stuff..even if they are, guys tend to be tough and act like they dont care because they think thats what girls like and they use reverse physcology a lot.They think that if they are all nice,girls will step on them and not give them respect.Besides when a guy loves you like seriously you would just know.I mean you would feel it...hope my advice helped

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008):

Not all the time...sometimes he could just be thinking in his head how much he loves u or maybe hes alittle too shy to look u in the face while he says it. Hey i might not have good advice but i will try my hardiest. me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year and 2months and i feel like he is cheating on me..he says he wont and he told me he will tell me if he likes another girl so i said and do u he says NO!!!! I dont know wheather to believe him or not i just wish i could know what he is thinking about all the time!!! Im so scared i dont wanna lose him at all cause if i do i dont know what I'd do!!! I hoped I kind of helped you if not im really sorry!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):

i dont think so because probally he only wants sex!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008):

okai i'm guesing he doesn't love you becuz if he did he wud loOk at you wen sayin i ove you i've been through da same situation so trust me here.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

wel, i'm only 15 and alot of people say that may not know any thing about love, but i have a boyfriend for a while and every time he says that he loves me he looks me in the eyes and i really can feel whether he is lying or not. and if he doesn't want to but you ask him to and he does, if he is lying you would just feel what he is really trying to say.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008):

i dont think he loves, or it can be that he loves u but he is a shy person who is scared to come out straight up and say his feelings without looking right into your eyes. or it could be that he is just saying it to make u happy but either way u ask him why he cant look u right in ur eyes and say that he loves u.. u should persist on him doing that and if he cant then he doesnt love u like he says

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008):

i met mike awhile ago and did not want to get involved with him because he had a girlfriend but he persisted, now he says he loves me but is waiting for his girlfriend to call it off because he does'nt want to hurt her. i don't want to keep sleeping with him unless he is ready to commit but can't help wanting him. He is much older than me 31, im 23 but acts very young. should i wait for him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007):

i kno how ur feeling. my boyfriend is doing the same thing.. id have to say give it some time. look him in the eyes and say i love you [[that is.. if ur ready]] if he looks back into ur eyesand says it and then kisses you and holds you close. it prolly means that he does.

me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 weeks.. and he said i love you for the first time over the phone a week ago. how can you possibly kno ur in love when itz only been three weeks. please help me. what do i say?? or do??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

i think he means what he says, maybe he thinks you will think he's stupid if he starts to act all romantic. my best friend fancied my boyfriend and she startde making up stuff i started to believe her coz she always use to spy on us and say she sor him and he met her and stuff and every tym he asked her y she was sayin it she sed she was on wizz. any way i started to believe her and i thought he was lying wen he was telling me he loved me so we spoke and sorted everything owt. maybe you and your boyfriend should sit down and talk abowt how you feel coz will start to believe dat he dnt love you if u think it to much and he most probs duz. i almost finished my boyfriend and he started to cry it was the first tym i had eva sin him cry b4 thats wen i believed him. i think u should sit down and have a good chat ask him if he wants to be with u n that you dnt fink he means it wen he tells u he loves u, tell him to tell u he loves you looking in ur eyes then u will no. good luck xxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007):

yes, it's true in a way, i have a girlfriend who i love to bits, but i cant look her in the eyes and say it as i dont really like eye contact! its wierd but true, hope this solves part of your problem!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007):

he probley doesnt no if u feel the same way about him and he doesnt want to look like an idiot if he says i love u when his with you show him that you appreciate him and kiss him on the lips (well thats wat i do)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007):

well.... you need to ask how he fells about you and ask him if he really loves you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006):

ok if he does not look you in your face and tell you he loves you he must not mean it because he feels like he is embrassed from loving you. that mean he loves you but he can't say it. thats what i think

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006):

I believe that is correct in some cases I have a boy friend we've been going out for about 2years he never looked me in the eyes until almost the first six months but he would always try to kiss me any where he could so don't be worried he'll come around stay possitive.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006):

my boyfriend said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, I have suspected he's cheating on me with my friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2005):

There can be many reasons why he finds it hard to look you in the eye while saying it. If he truely does love you then, I believe at the core of it comes from insecurities. The relationship could just start heading to a new level and he has strong feelings for you, but feels uneasy about revealing it to you face to face. Given enough time without pressure, he'll be able to be more emotionally open with you.

Or there could be the fact he feels obligated to say this. Perhaps he feels pressured? You didn't go into detail about who comes to who first when saying "I love you." So all you can do is just simply ask him or let him slowly come around.

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A reader, pops +, writes (30 July 2005):

If he can't look you in the eyes, he does not mean it. Period. That's his problem. Yes, he has been hurt, and that may explain why he is reluctant to love again. But, that is his problem. Don't make it yours. If he truly loves you, he will look you in the eyes, take your face gently in his hands, and tell you as affectionately as possible that he loves you, and wants to be with you always.

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (30 July 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntConsider this: telling someone that you love them is pretty tough. There's a potential for being laughed at or rejected or being told you're being silly... and all that without even considering that the person you're telling it to might not believe you!

I think you're being 'way too hard on this guy. Give him the benefit of the doubt! Accept the gift that he's trying to give you! He says he loves you; why don't you take that at face value? What has he done that you suspect his motives? And why are you trying so hard to squeeze him into a relationship mould that might not suit his personality? Is your fantasy about the *way* that he tells you he loves you so much more important than the fact that he's found the courage to say it?

Unless he's routinely adding some "rider" to it, like "I love you; now will you loan me $5000?" or "I love you, so how about we have sex right now?" then it's entirely possible that he's just shy about saying it out loud, and finds it easier when you're not right there in front of him.

The fact that he doesn't try to stare you down with big, bulging eyes when he says it suggests that he feels a bit unsure about whether you'll respond favourably. And, given the suspicion that you're treating him with, no wonder he's shy. Good grief, accept what he says, unless his actions prove otherwise. Or unless you have some good reason to think that he's lying.

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A reader, becky05 +, writes (29 July 2005):

If he doesnt have any trouble making eye contact in other situations I would question whether he means it or not.

On the other hand, why would he say it if he didnt mean it?

Only you can judge whether he is telling the truth or not. look at his actions and attitude towards you and this will tell you if he loves you or not.

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A male reader, madmatt +, writes (29 July 2005):

You might not be wrong but you must take his past into consideration. If he's been hurt before then he might be scared to look into your eyes and tell you how he feels. As someone that has been hurt before and now seeing someone new I can understand why he may be cutious. The guy my also feel like he has to say he loves you as to not upset you or make you feel awkward. It's a hard problem but the best advise I could give would ne to just talk to the guy, one on one and explain your feelings. If he doesn't understand then he's not the one. Good luck, be strong.

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