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female
,
anonymous
writes: I always assumed my boyfriend had a thing for his ex. He denied it but I couldn't shake the insecure feelings. He's o/seas for 3 weeks currently. I've recently moved into his flat and I accidentally came across something he'd written about finding his long lost ex (he wrote it about 1 mth ago, we've been together for 9mths). He hadn't really hidden it but I know I was not supposed to see it. I spoke with him and confessed that I'd accidentally seen this and now he feels "exposed". He says our relationship has hope but I know he is annoyed. I didn't want to dampen his holiday and now I feel really bad. I don't even feel sad for myself only that I've invaded his privacy. What can I say to him to make it better?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, pops +, writes (19 July 2005):
Talk to him. Ask him what was/is the attraction to his ex? Why did they break up? Why did he ask you to live with him? What does he want out of a relationship with you that he is not getting from you? What did he get from his ex, that he can't get from you? The answer may not deal with sex at all, but be emotional, or intellectual, or some other need. If its sexual, that will be the easiest thing to change. Then ask him why he didn't love you enough to simply ask you to do something else( new) for him? My wife sat down on the bed next to me after our first love-making session, took my hand, and put it on her pussy, and then shoved my middle finger up her vagina. She looked at me and told me that these were my toys to play with so long as I wanted them, and I could have them any time. Talk about erotic! And, in a real sense, it was the beginning of a long, trusting relationship between the two of us. ( Yes, I " gave " her my family jewels, too.) Pops
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reader, becky05 +, writes (19 July 2005):
Sounds like the only reason he is annoyed is that hes been caught out. Maybe you shouldnt have snooped but he shouldnt be writing love letters about his ex when hes in a relationship with you!
He should be making things better, not you. Make it clear that you are sorry for snooping. Tell him you wont stand for this type of behaviour.
Hes with you now, NOT his ex!
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