Like what
he writes?
... Add *amatjira to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *amatjira a private message | | | *amatjira's profile:While I have attended counselling courses in the past I forgot most of it when I went through my own challenges. Somehow the theory seemed inadequate.
I have been married and divorced several times, have travelled a lot, while usually a positive upbeat personality I have also experienced depression first hand and I know what rejection and having your heart broken feels like.
Life goes on. I am now single, writing another book, learning another language, and keeping my eyes open for that magical princess who will capture my heart. And yes I do believe in love at first sight and fairy stories.
I am old enough to have learned a few lessons and young enough to make some more mistakes.
C'est la vie |
|
My BF wakes up with an erection. What's up with that?
Q. My b/f sometimes wakes up with a huge erection but insists that he's "not in the mood" for sex and though it puts me in the mood, I really can't get him interested so we just end up cuddling and talking and eventually his erection goes away. But I ...
A. 17 February 2008: Not sure I agree with the comments about older men and only in the morning however a morning hard on is perfectly normal. Your boyfriends reaction is because the reason he was hard was purely a physiological thing and nothing to do with sexual ... (read in full...)
Should I worry my wife might be gay because she watchs lesbian porn before sex??
Q. My wife watches lesbian porn before we have sex. Do i have to worry if she is a lesbian????...
A. 17 February 2008: There are so many dynamics that could be at play here and you have not provided enough information to narrow it down. Clearly it is bothering you a lot and so the very least is that you should talk with her about it. Do not be confrontational and do ... (read in full...)
Husband doesn't want me to go to church.
Q. My husband doesnt want me to go to church, i want to so bad to fellowship, music and to just enjoy the presents of the Lord, i do free enjoy the presents of the Lord home. Why ? he says that they want to know where he is and that they will start ...
A. 17 February 2008: America was founded on the principle that people wanted the right to worship God as they chose rather than as others thought they should. This is a fundamental human right enshrined in the US Constitution.
Challenge him on this.
As for disobe... (read in full...)
My partner has more issues and concerns over my parent's money, than I do?
Q. Hi there. I've noticed there are some good aunts and uncles on this site who can throw light onto baffling behaviour! So I've come to you with a question if I may? My partner constantly criticises my parents (to me) on a daily basis for not ...
A. 16 February 2008: No one has a right to inherit anything other than genetics.
I have informed my own children that I intend to fritter away their inheritance by my growing old disgracefully. Personally I think it is better to help people as you go along and shar... (read in full...)
Sometimes I am laid in his bed naked and he is still masturbating to porn...what should I do??
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We have sex almost everyday, sometimes more than once. I want to know why he is looking at porn everyday, sometimes more than once? I try my best to satisfy him. Am I the problem? I tried to talk to ...
A. 15 February 2008: First let me say that it is normal for guys to still masturbate when in a relationship.
However, given the frequency of your sex life and the apparent need he has to masturbate to computer porn so frequently it does sound a bit much. Maybe he... (read in full...)
Could I be going through a mid life crisis already?
Q. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm starting to feel worthless, like I should be doing something more with my life. I'm in my early 30's, I am married and I have 2 kids (6 and 4) I have a full time job. My marriage is rocky right n...
A. 15 February 2008: I found that a book by Dr Susan Forward called "Emotional Blackmail - When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" was very helpful for me. It is available from Amazon so I do suggest you get a copy.
As you read... (read in full...)
Could I be going through a mid life crisis already?
Q. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm starting to feel worthless, like I should be doing something more with my life. I'm in my early 30's, I am married and I have 2 kids (6 and 4) I have a full time job. My marriage is rocky right n...
A. 15 February 2008: Apart from the usual mountain of tasks that you need to do each day I would like to suggest two more. First, add one specific task each day that is focussed directly to address one of the issues presently hurting your marriage. It only needs to be a ... (read in full...)
He's perfect for me except when it comes to the bedroom!
Q. Hello. I really need some help here. But im to embariced to talk to any of my friends. well I got engaged 1 1/2 ago and we are getting married in 2 months. we started having sex about 4 months ago and then I thought it would get better as time went ...
A. 15 February 2008: Advice on technique is really hard to both give and to accept. Apart from perhaps both of you seeing a sex counsellor I think the only other solution is two fold.
Step 1 - when you are able to talk together in private and both are feelings... (read in full...)
Is this man worthy of me? Should I stay with him?
Q. I have been married now for a year and things have gone from bad to worse. Its started with me crying on my wedding day when he stood by and watched as his aunt shouted at me. We havent had a honeymoon and there is always an excuse not to go on ...
A. 15 February 2008: Of course we only have your description and you may be accidentally leaving out details that could help further, but it very much sounds like he is 'training' you to be his submissive. Clearly he is dominant and does not believe that you have any ... (read in full...)
Can you suffer depression and postnatal depression at the same time?
Q. my daughter has suffered depression for 2 yrs now ,since then she has given birth to a son and has signs of postnatal deppression. my question is can you suffer both at the same time . ...
A. 15 February 2008: Post natal depression is a very specific type of depression although the actual symptoms are consistent with some other forms of depression. If however she was already depressed then it is likely that after the birth her clinical depression may have ... (read in full...)
I came across my ex on 'my space' and he recently got married. Now I cant get him out of my head! Do I still love him or what?
Q. O.K. here it goes. I feel so wierd about this and I can't figure out what my feelings mean. I was married to a military man 8 years ago, and long story short: After we married he began looking at swinger sites and after much convincing we decided ...
A. 14 February 2008: Well some ideas about regaining positive feelings, consider this:
I believe that love is a living thing that requires feeding and nurturing. Much like a plant, if it is left uncared for it will eventually wither and die. However alos like a plant ... (read in full...)
I came across my ex on 'my space' and he recently got married. Now I cant get him out of my head! Do I still love him or what?
Q. O.K. here it goes. I feel so wierd about this and I can't figure out what my feelings mean. I was married to a military man 8 years ago, and long story short: After we married he began looking at swinger sites and after much convincing we decided ...
A. 14 February 2008: It is quite normal to think "What if?" about past relationships. But we should also remember that there ware perfectly good reasons why that past relationship ended.
You can be happy for him now. It is okay to regret what might have been. But it i... (read in full...)
I am dating several guys at once. I am being honest with them all and not having sexual relations with any. My friend says I am a slut. I'm not, am I?
Q. Hi I came out of a long term relationship around October last year and have recently been going for drinks with a lot of different guys. There's 3 of them. I don't want a relationship right now because I feel I was tied down for a year and I just ...
A. 14 February 2008: No you are not a slut. In fact I think that what you are doing makes a great deal of sense at your age. It is giving you the chance to socialise and mature without getting too emotionally or physically involved. These days too many around your age ... (read in full...)
Why is my abusive ex offering to pay for my car, when he denied to the police having damaged it. Is he playing mind games?
Q. i split with my ex in december, he should be recieving my divorce petition this week. he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive and also liked to damage my stuff. last time i saw him in december he damaged the body work on my car, for the ...
A. 13 February 2008: I would say that yes he is, but probably less with you than with the cops. I guess he is trying to make sure it does not get to court, possibly because if he has a conviction for criminal damage against your property it could hurt him in the divorce ... (read in full...)
My feelings died for him, will they come back?
Q. Hi all, Please, I need some advice. I have been in a relationship for 12 years, and am now 28. It has been a mistake from the start, but I did love him. He has spent alot of time critisizing me, bad mouthing my family friends, my ways, and tryi...
A. 13 February 2008: Hi,
While he sounds like he is not worth your time, clearly there was a time when you felt he was.
A book that helped me a great deal is called "Emotional Blackmail" by Dr Susan Forward (I think). Look it up on Amazon and you will find it. At... (read in full...)
Her Teenage son is driving me nuts!!
Q. I need some helpful input. a little input, a few months back, my fiance and I explained to her two boys one is 15 the other will be 14 that if our bedroom door is shut, unless there is something major happening, this means not to bother us, mostly ...
A. 13 February 2008: Hi,
It is quite possible that this is a deliberate ploy to interfere with your and their mothers new relationship. Talk it through with your partner and maybe go to bed with the door closed but not to make love and then just wait and see. Then whe... (read in full...)
Does she have to agree to a divorce?
Q. hi its me again, i have another question for your help with. My partner has spoken to his ex-wife about getting divorced and she said yes, but has not done anything about it. my question is can he get divorced without her sayin yes or does she have ...
A. 9 February 2008: In the UK you need to state what irreconcilable differences have cause the break down in the marriage. You must be separated for 2 years for a separation to count as a reason.
If you have been separated for 5 years or more you do not need the agre... (read in full...)
I let real love slip right by me, and now I'm down and out. How can I get through this?
Q. I think I have messed up my entire life because I followed my head and not my heart and rejected a man who really loved me, and who I loved, not once but many times. Now I feel cursed, actually. My whole life has gone down the toilet and I am homel...
A. 9 February 2008: It sounds like you are depressed and really should seek medical advice. Your GP can refer you to a suitable therapist and you will be surprised what a difference that can make provided you are completely honest with them.
Do not worry too much abo... (read in full...)
Met a man online, he's much older and suggested that I lose virginity to him! I am not sure what to do.
Q. hi i have meet this man online. at first he used to annoy me but now he is easy to talk to and a right laugh. he is very forward though and has never hid the fact that he likes me. he has given me confidence about my hourglass size 14 figure...
A. 9 February 2008: Your virginity is not something to be taken but rather a rare gift that you can only give once and which should be given to someone very special to you.
His behaviour towards you is certainly objectionable and may well be illegal. Go to your par... (read in full...)
Should we allow our daughter to meet this guy?
Q. My daughter's 16, and in college studying beauty therapy. She intends to work in tourism as a beauty therapist when she's older, and is doing well on her course. She's got a 21-year-old sister who's at university in Nottingham. Last week she ...
A. 9 February 2008: If he is as she says a Radio Presenter it will be possible to find out more about him. Encourage your daughter to do the background research on him rather than you doing it for her. Guide her with ideas of questions to ask and places to find out ... (read in full...)
I met him on line, do you think he is a pervert?
Q. I'm a 13 year old girl and I need some opinions from people. I have msn and lately some one added me on their msn list. I clicked him/she and asked them and it was a boy. He said he gave me his email. He said he was 17 and I saw his display pic so ...
A. 9 February 2008: He seems to fit the profile of a predator, a pervert who sets out to groom and eventually seduce underage children.
Not only should you block him but you should consider reporting him to the police. Perhaps they will be able to trace him and stop... (read in full...)
Can we get engaged without him getting divorced??
Q. Hi, I have been with my partner for nine years, i would like to get engaged but the problem is that he is still married but has been separated for 15 years, could we still get engaged without him getting divorced just yet?...
A. 9 February 2008: If he has been separated for 15 years he can get a divorce (in the UK) without the consent of his former wife. It is a simple process, however you should be aware that under UK law any property he has acquired since separation and before a Decree ... (read in full...)
My ex called out of the blue. When I call back should I suggest that we get together?
Q. Hoping one of the great and caring agony aunts can help me here. I was with my boyfriend for twelve years and he just packed his bags and left two and a half years ago. He went back to his hometown and reconnected with a new person. Understandably ...
A. 9 February 2008: I think if you entertain thoughts of getting back together you will always be bothered by the circumstances. Did he regard his time with you before going back to his ex as an interlude? Does he now want to get back with you because he has become ... (read in full...)
I am willing to have a secret affair with a co-worker (we both have troubled marriages.) Please advise.
Q. I am 34 years old, married for 6 years, with 2 children. My husband and I have began on a rocky road. His family caused alot of trouble between us the first 2 years. We finally got past that, only to run into financial trouble. My husband is a ...
A. 9 February 2008: You should end one relationship before starting another. It is also wise advice to have some time on your own in between to both clear your own head and to sort out the baggage.
Even if you continue to think it is okay to cheat, what about th... (read in full...)
What do men mean when they describe their wives or girlfriends as "controlling"?
Q. What do men mean when they describe their wives or girlfriends as "controlling"? If a man isn't exactly complaining, yet that is the 1st word he uses to describe the wife/GF, is this a compliment? Hate to sound so stupid, but I'm serious and need to ...
A. 9 February 2008: It is definitely not a compliment though some women would take it as such. I also agree that for many men it is a word that is used when they are chafing against the relationship or feeling some guilt over their own actions.
However a sound re... (read in full...)
How do I make myself more sophisticated without shunning my family values and without giving up a part of myself to please my guy?
Q. Shane is extremely good to me. I've never had someone care for me as much as he has. But at times he wishes I would dress more sophisticated. He’s accustomed to dating very feminine, classy women, and I guess he assumed when we met that I was much ...
A. 9 February 2008: Have you considered a beauty course in make up and personal hair styling? maybe a course in deportment? You should be able to find some help in gaining the knowledge in these areas that you never had the chance to learn growing up. Knowing them will ... (read in full...)
How to change his mind about this.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 6 months now. In the past he had fingered me and I have gave him a handjob. One night we were talking and he told me that we should stop doing this cause he thinks it will lead to sex. Well we have ...
A. 9 February 2008: If neither of you want to have sex yet, then your boyfriend is right to indicate where he might have difficulties. So often we ridicule people who draw boundaries yet that is the sensible approach if we do have boundaries. Maybe he is afraid of ... (read in full...)
Pregnant or miscarriage?
Q. ok, im 18 and i just lost my virginity 11 days ago.... is it possible that i could be pregnant already? and if i was, could i be having a miscarriage this soon? because earlier when i went to go use the bathroom, i had heavy bleeding, which wasn't ...
A. 9 February 2008: It sounds like there has not been enough time for any pregnancy to have reached a point of a formed amniotic sack and fluid including blood. So I would think it unlikely in addition to the reasons mentioned by others. You should see your doctor ... (read in full...)
Who might be the father.
Q. If I had sex in May throughout the whole month with my boyfriend then we broke up and had a rebound hookup around June 7 and now am pregnant and due February 25, who would that make the father?...
A. 9 February 2008: Ask your doctor how they calculated the due date. ... (read in full...)
Tips on getting him to propose.
Q. My bf and I have been dating for over a year now. And as a joke he poped the question, a couple of time. We basicly live together. I go to school and I work. He works full time and has his own appartment. The only difference is, i'm actually serious ...
A. 9 February 2008: A marriage proposal has the best chance of success if BOTH are ready for it without any reservations and at the same time. You just need to be patient. You are young and so have a lot of time to still enjoy the fairy tale when and if it happens.... (read in full...)
Desparate and feeling worthless.
Q. lately ive just been feeling so worthless and it kinda seems like the world would be so much better without me. my girlfried deserves so much better than i can offer and no matter how much i try to improve i only make things worse. no matter what i ...
A. 9 February 2008: As Mandy7 says, you are in depression. This is not uncommon though I wish it was. You should also know that very rarely can depression just go away without help. You should see your doctor who can refer you to appropriate medical help. You can al... (read in full...)
I could never live with my husband again but I cannot get the courage to go to a solicitor about divorce because of my fears!
Q. I am 50 years old and separated from my husband. Eight years ago he gave me std's and a couple of months later i lost my mother and so was too weak to fight him. I have never been happy since in fact i just lost interest in life i think and i got ...
A. 9 February 2008: It sounds like you are actually in a situation that is both physically and emotionally dangerous. First of all on the legal side. In the UK after 2 years of separation you can file for divorce using the 2 year separation as the proof that the m... (read in full...)
Deep throat... why do they make a fuss over it?
Q. Is deep throat really so difficult? Am I getting it wrong here, when I think it's just taking a man's penis a little further into your mouth? I don't understand why people make such a huge deal of it, is there something I'm missing?...
A. 9 February 2008: It all depends on your ability to relax your throat muscles as it involves taking the mans penis in past the back of your throat (if it is long enough). Some guys get all excited about it and some girls like to brag about their ability. Persona... (read in full...)
Guys....does it matter if girls have arm hair??
Q. hello Welll i know this question sounds pretty weird but do guys care if girls have arm hair or not? I know some girls that shave their arm hair and i just wanted to know if it even matters...i've never done anything to remove my arm hair but some...
A. 9 February 2008: It is often a cultural thing and certainly genetic factors can affect how noticeable it is. Is your arm hair particularly dark and long or is it fair, short and wispy. You should be aware that all body hair gets less noticeable with age (more t... (read in full...)
Can we get over the fact that we've each slept with other people?
Q. Ive just started dating this guy a few months ago and everything was going great till we told each about sexual history let's just say at 19 he's had ten times about sexual partners i have, (3) or so he claims, and he knows im Bi but when i told ...
A. 9 February 2008: Sound advice from the above. What is in the past is just that, in the past. If he cannot see that then you have a fundamental problem. What he should not expect is that all ties should be cut with past very close friends. When possible it is best to ... (read in full...)
Back in contact with my ex for the 3rd time. I don't want to cut contact with her again, but I DO want to move on. What can I do?
Q. Hello. I'm trying to be friends with my ex-girlfriend. This is the 3rd time that I have tried to keep contact with her, because every other time I tried I've ended up avoiding her, because I've been too upset. We spoke properly for the first ti...
A. 9 February 2008: Hi, You must tell her how you feel and ask her if she has ever thought of maybe getting back together again. Listen carefully to her answer because if she says that getting back together is not possible then you need to be strong and just put eno... (read in full...)
How can you tell if there was a thrid person involved in your break-up??
Q. Hey everyone, just wondering if anyone has had experience worrying that their ex that just broke up with them has done it because they met someone else. Even though I know that I 'don't want to know', it's hard to not wonder and be a bit obsessiv...
A. 9 February 2008: Unfortunately this is a common event. The real question you should ask yourself is "What would I do if I knew the answer to this?" In most cases you would do nothing. As humans we seem to have this fascination with trying to understand all t... (read in full...)
Do I go out with him even although he has a girlfriend and says she mustn't know?
Q. hi, I'm 16 almost 17 and ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months but recently discovered one of the boys I know in my street as we are all very close because we live in like a culdesac sort of thing closed off. I noticed he looks at me when ...
A. 9 February 2008: It sounds like you know it is wrong but you are still attracted. This is not a good combination and I would suggest you need to really consider what is more important. This new attraction, or your boyfriend. Because I can assure you that it is ... (read in full...)
What to give a guy for Valentine's Day?
Q. Hey Guys! I need some advice. I have been dateing my man for over 7 months now. I love him to pieces. Valentine's day is about to come and I have no idea what to give him! He is into the car industry. He loves raceing and fixing his Mazda RX ...
A. 9 February 2008: Not sure the school girl idea at his work is a good idea. It could be misconstrued by his colleagues and more importantly his boss so he might be more than embarrassed. It could affect his job.
I would suggest a more 'adult' style of dress if... (read in full...)
How can a tall person have intimacy with a short one, without major... inconveniences?
Q. dear cupid i will try and rephrase this as much as possible, basically my question is how can a tall person have intimate sex with a short person, and lets say the Mr X height is 5"10 and Mrs X is 5"1 wont that suffocate the girls face when on t...
A. 5 February 2008: I have a sister who is 5' 2" tall and her husband is 6' 8" which as you can see is an 18 inch difference in height. It has not stopped them having 4 kids though and they get on fine. Just be considerate and inventive and it will always remain in... (read in full...)
Our relationship is going stale, he's perfect in every other way, now his friend is flirting with me, what should I do?
Q. I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years now. My boyfriend and I recently got back together after a 5 month long break. The problem is, I don't know if I'm really in love with him. He is dependable, sweet, and loves me. He treats me so well. ...
A. 5 February 2008: Hi,
Life and love can be so confusing sometimes. I think the others have given you some good advice and I certainly agree that if this new guy is prepared to go behind his mates back and hit on his girlfriend then he does not possess much loyalty.... (read in full...)
What to give a guy for Valentine's Day?
Q. Hey Guys! I need some advice. I have been dateing my man for over 7 months now. I love him to pieces. Valentine's day is about to come and I have no idea what to give him! He is into the car industry. He loves raceing and fixing his Mazda RX ...
A. 5 February 2008: Hi. I like all the choices you have suggested and they would certainly get my attention. Certainly be creative, it is better than doing the same as everybody else. Be careful with what you do give/do as there must be some part of it that he can tell ... (read in full...)
Do I go out with him even although he has a girlfriend and says she mustn't know?
Q. hi, I'm 16 almost 17 and ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months but recently discovered one of the boys I know in my street as we are all very close because we live in like a culdesac sort of thing closed off. I noticed he looks at me when ...
A. 5 February 2008: His saying that none of them has to know means that he is only interested in one thing. He is clearly dishonest in his nature because he is quite willing to plan something that is dishonest and wants you to collude.
You need to put him straight... (read in full...)
| *amatjira's friends
These are mutual friends, so *amatjira has
added them and they have added *amatjira!
|
