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... Send *amatjira a private message | | | *amatjira's profile:While I have attended counselling courses in the past I forgot most of it when I went through my own challenges. Somehow the theory seemed inadequate.
I have been married and divorced several times, have travelled a lot, while usually a positive upbeat personality I have also experienced depression first hand and I know what rejection and having your heart broken feels like.
Life goes on. I am now single, writing another book, learning another language, and keeping my eyes open for that magical princess who will capture my heart. And yes I do believe in love at first sight and fairy stories.
I am old enough to have learned a few lessons and young enough to make some more mistakes.
C'est la vie |
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How do we regain that lost friendship so that everything else can fall into place to regain that bond?
Q. How do we regain that lost friendship so that everything else can fall into place to regain that bond? We have been together for two years and three months, very young relationship but have been through a lot together. Living together, we sha...
A. 4 April 2008: Hi,
At least you have been able to work out what has changed and the path that led there. Just consider the novel idea that you do not have to regain something that was lost. Imagine yourselves getting to know each other for the first time aga... (read in full...)
My friend told me that guy just wanted sex, could that be true??
Q. Hello I met a guy last month. He's charming. He invited me to his home twice. And he's trying to get something more. I really like him. But I don't want to have sex with him since I am not ready. Recently, he became cold and seems to keep distan...
A. 4 April 2008: Quite likely and the fact that you did not offer it too him or take his hints may be the reason why he has become more distant and cold.
Put him behind you and keep on enjoying life. There are plenty of guys out there who will respect your lim... (read in full...)
My boss hired me because I'm hot?!?!
Q. my boss told me that i 'mainly got the job based on the fact that i looked hot, and sexy'.... what should i say?...
A. 4 April 2008: While it could be taken as a compliment it is also a form of sexual discrimination. You should make it clear to him that you will not stand for inappropriate behaviour from him or anyone else. I would also suggest that you be very cautious in any ... (read in full...)
Why aren't you men wooing us any more?
Q. Hi Me and my friend (female, both around 30) were talking about courtship. We both are a little old-fashioned und we both agreed that it should be the man pursusing the woman of his heart. But why are men so passive? We came to the coclusion th...
A. 3 April 2008: Guys these days generally do not know where they stand. Also we are crap at reading and interpreting body language, so all the subtle nuances in the hints you give us are usually lost.
You will often find that an older guy is more likely to woo t... (read in full...)
My younger sister (14) has sex with her BF which my mother doesn't know, should I tell her?
Q. hi, this isnt really advice im after but something i just cannot get my head around?!!!!!!!! my sister is 13 years old she will be 14 in august. she has been goin out with this 17 year old guy now for about 3 to 4 months and i know she is havi...
A. 3 April 2008: What this boy has done with your sister is a criminal offence and needs to be dealt with. Obviously it is not your place to deal with it as you are still only young yourself so yes, you should tell your mother. Be careful that you make a clear ... (read in full...)
I seem to find myself attracted to married women?
Q. Well here goes nothing. I really dont know what to do about my situation and i though i would give this a try. Im a 28 year old man. Who has never been in a real relationship or has even had a girlfriend. All my friends say im a very nice guy and ...
A. 3 April 2008: I think you feel that your friendships with married women are "safe". There os no possibility of you having to commit or deal with a full relationship. I suspect that it is a combination of fear and poor self image. Because you do not have to try ... (read in full...)
Help! Husband thinks his Persil-nal washing and cleaning gifts can brooming well clean up as romantic presents!
Q. This thing is really bothering me and I don't know how to deal with it. Dan (my darlin' hubby) often has a habit of buying me cleaning products on occasions such as Birthdays or Christmas' and it really doesn't make me feel very special consider...
A. 2 April 2008: And so the re-education of Dan begins.
Kiddo, you are on the right track. Good on you. Love the post it notes bit. Now perhaps you can make sure he continues to reuse old post it notes until both sides and all the space is used - just so he does ... (read in full...)
Five guys and I like them all, but which should I pick????
Q. HELP!!!!!! i really need some help i have a real problem i like 5 guys all at the sane time i dont know which to choose cos i know it will be slutty and unfair to pick them all lol well the 1st guy is going out with my best friendso i know he's...
A. 2 April 2008: Some good advice here but I would like to add my bit.
Clearly there is no one guy out of these that sets your heart all a flutter and who makes you forget everything else. That being so, date any of them that are single on the clear understa... (read in full...)
I'm fed ape monkeying around, what makes a real chimpion for women?
Q. 'Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street' These are the word from a famous pop song. Can someone tell me what women want, i'm confused. I've done all the talking about feelings thing and seem to get blown out for guys that can barely ...
A. 2 April 2008: Just keep on being you, the real you and do not try to be something artificial. Yes take an interest and develop good listening skills. Really get involved in various activities other than the pub and club scene.
Most women will get interest... (read in full...)
I don't mind him viewing porn online, but am I right in drawing the line at cybersex?
Q. I have been with my current husband for almost 6 years. I don't mind him watching porn, and I don't care if he masterbates, but cybersex, or even thinking about signing up, worries me. My friend found out her husband was doing it, and actually, she ...
A. 2 April 2008: There is a difference between the fantasy that is most porn online and the emotional reality that forms with cybersex. Many men have difficulty separating the two but they are very different.
The fact that you do not object to his porn and the ... (read in full...)
How do we regain that lost friendship so that everything else can fall into place to regain that bond?
Q. How do we regain that lost friendship so that everything else can fall into place to regain that bond? We have been together for two years and three months, very young relationship but have been through a lot together. Living together, we sha...
A. 2 April 2008: Do you know the point at which it changed and the special quality was lost? If not you will have to do some soul searching to try and work this bit out because if you cannot figure out what went wrong then it is really hard to repair it.
All t... (read in full...)
Help! Husband thinks his Persil-nal washing and cleaning gifts can brooming well clean up as romantic presents!
Q. This thing is really bothering me and I don't know how to deal with it. Dan (my darlin' hubby) often has a habit of buying me cleaning products on occasions such as Birthdays or Christmas' and it really doesn't make me feel very special consider...
A. 2 April 2008: The only way that you will get through to this man is if you do the same to him. Be careful that you do not get him tools and stuff but think of what he needs to do things he routinely does (always assuming that he does).
Perhaps on his birthday... (read in full...)
I need my lover but I don't want to disrupt our family with a divorce. What do I do?
Q. i am married from last 20 yrs.my husband is 12 yr older than me . he is diabetic and so many health problems .he is not a good looking .not able to compete my feelings.imotional and physical.he is lazy.towards life.we have two kids they in there ...
A. 2 April 2008: You really have to decide which is most important for you. It is quite unusual that you have gone 7 years without getting caught and it is likely that either or both your partners suspect that something is going on by now.
What is clear is that ... (read in full...)
Help he is huge and I am scared!
Q. I am an average size girl, 5'7", and I have recently started dating a man that is wonderful. One problem ... I have never seen a penis that big b-4. I have no idea what to do. I felt bad because he could tell I was shocked. Does any one have some ...
A. 2 April 2008: Lots and lots of foreplay, particularly things that turn you on. Perhaps bring him off once first as a second erection is often (but not always) quite as hard, though it will last longer.
As for size, the main concern is length rather than wid... (read in full...)
Should I be more assertive?
Q. Hey, I have been in a relationship for about two and a half months with a really great girl. However just recently she is now asking me to take down a poster of a girl I have. Now I know my relationship is more than a poster, I just don't want ...
A. 1 April 2008: This is not all that easy. Have you asked her why she wants you to take it down? I take it she knows that this poster is not of an ex or anyone you know. Is there anything about the poster that a woman could find offensive? For example I could ... (read in full...)
I want sex without putting in the work like listening, talking, etc.....what do you think?
Q. I'm 21 years old, single and I know a couple of girls I could be dating right now. The thing is, I'm only looking for sex at this point of my life :D I'm not interested in spending time listening to her, hanging out, etc. All I want to do with ...
A. 1 April 2008: Just make sure that you do not lead the girls on by making out that you are interested in anything other than sex. That is the worst sort of deception and can have far reaching consequences. Other than that, the bar scene is really your main choice.... (read in full...)
Should I sleep with him?
Q. Ok, so my problem is with my mate, who is a boy. We've known each other for around 18 months and we really do get on well. Recently we've been flirting, texting each other loads, now we've got on to discussing sex. He wants us sleep together even ...
A. 31 March 2008: He does not sound like much of a friend to me. Tell him NO. From what you have said I am sure that all he wants is another notch on his bedpost. Someone else he can brag to his mates about.
You should know that there is a huge difference between ... (read in full...)
Is there more going on with his work colleague than meets the eye?
Q. Recently, I have snooped through my husband's cellphone (since I have been suspicious of his odd behaviour which leads us to fighting) and noticed a few text messages that he kept in his trash box but forgot to delete from his female co-worker. One ...
A. 31 March 2008: Nobody can be held accountable for text messages or emails that they receive. We do not and cannot have control over what people choose to send us. We can control how we react. Just from what you have said I do not see any compelling evidence that ... (read in full...)
My ex and I are about to go to court over his access to our son.
Q. My ex and I are about to go to court over his access to our son. He has previously had weekday and weekend contact including stay overs but our relationship has deteriorated to such an extent that I don't want to see him anymore. This is obviou...
A. 31 March 2008: In short, yes they can. However there are other ways aside from a contact centre. Unless he has been a bad father the courts will be very reluctant to restrict his access further than it already is and you will put yourself in a bad light legally.
... (read in full...)
I'm scared that history will repeat itself (my previous partner has cheated with my best friend!) What to do?
Q. Hi everybody. About 8 years ago i split up with my long term partner after finding out he was seeing my best mate. Over the following years I have found I cannot trust men. I have been with my current partner for 6 months and I love this man...
A. 31 March 2008: The main thing you have to do is to recognise that people are different and that not all men are the same and neither are all best friends.
Tell him about your concerns and that you have a problem with trust as a result of this past experien... (read in full...)
In love with 2 girls, one is committed and the other has a child, who do I choose?
Q. i'm in a situation!i'm inlove with two girls and i don't know what to do.the one girl is in a relationship with someone but she tells me she loves me and i must be patient.the other girl is single!she has a child but that doesn't bother me.she also ...
A. 31 March 2008: The girl in a relationship is off limits so do not even go there. The only time you could even consider it with her is if she ends that relationship first. Anything else is only asking for grief.
Other than that, the world is your oyster. ... (read in full...)
My ex just proposed to me but I've started seeing someone else...
Q. I was with a guy for almost 3 years and we were really happy. However 6 months ago things started going downhill and I found that the little things he does annoys me, such as his snoring and the fact that he burns toast.(silly I know) 3 months ago ...
A. 31 March 2008: If in doubt, don't. I sounds like you still have some feelings for your ex which is normal, however it does not sound as if you are in love. If you were truly in love with him you would not have arranged to meet this other person so soon.
I wou... (read in full...)
Friend and Boy Problems.
Q. I like this boy and his sister says he likes me but I think my friend called him up and asked him out. His mom is going to be my softball coach and he is going to help so I was going to ask him out during one of our pratices but if my friend asked ...
A. 31 March 2008: One thing you should also consider in addition to the good advice by the others, is that at your age going steady or having just one special friend is not important.
What is important is that you do not hide things from those who are importan... (read in full...)
I want to know if there any proven method of increasing penis size.
Q. I am a 20 year old male in good shape and healthy. But I have a small penis! It measures 5 inches when its erect, and when it isnt its about 2 inches. I've only had sex a couple times, and with this last girl I dated she refused to have sex with ...
A. 31 March 2008: If you are overweight then your penis size will appear smaller than it really is. If so, lose some weight and get your abs in condition. You do not need a siz pack but if you are lean and fit then it can add an inch or more to your penis length than ... (read in full...)
He masturbates in his sleep. Why does he do this?
Q. This is a random question! =P I love my boyfriend very much. We have an amazing sex life as well, and we've both said how it gets better and better everytime but he masturbates in his sleep! first of all i found it quite offensive, becau...
A. 30 March 2008: I suspect there is a good chance that it is happening when he is dreaming about being intimate with you. Often people and even some animals move in their dreams as if it was in real life. I have had a couple of dogs over the years who chased rabbits ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend, who walked out on me years ago, hate my new boyfriend?
Q. I have an ex bf that I have an 12 yr old child with and he was the one to walk out before the child was born and has nothing to do with the child and he started seeing the child but what I dont understand is my ex hates my current bf that I have had ...
A. 30 March 2008: Some people just do not like their ex partners getting on with and enjoying their life. My ex so badly wants me to be miserable that she gets my mobile phone number by trickery at least once per year and then starts sending abusing text messages and ... (read in full...)
Is red pubic hair a turn on?
Q. Since I'm a natural redhead my hair down there is also red. I was wondering if having red pubic hair turns on guys. I've heard it does, although I'm not sure why. My partners before my current boyfriend wanted me to shave (which I've never done, ...
A. 30 March 2008: For me red hair is a turn on, however I still prefer a woman to be smooth as it makes me giving her oral just a nicer experience for me as well. It is all individual and some guys will like it and other not.
Just enjoy being one of those rarer wo... (read in full...)
Why won't he give me more oral?
Q. I give my long-term bf oral almost every day, but I only really get oral once a week maybe.. He does it so well and I love it, he knows i do, but he just never gives me it as often as i'd like.. He knows I like it. I've tried stopping giving h...
A. 30 March 2008: Really you just need to tell him that you really love it and would like it as often as possible (or however often you want). While I know some guys are not to keen on giving oral, I personally love to and really get off on making my lover feel ... (read in full...)
'How.......?'
Q. How can I please my boyfriend in bed?...
A. 30 March 2008: It is all a bit trial and error. However if you both tell each other what feels good and when the other has got it right, then it will work out. Each person is a little different so what feels right for one will not quite hit the spot for someone ... (read in full...)
Should I spill the beans?!?!?
Q. I am trying to figure out what to do in this crazy situation and I would appreciate any input! I just broke up with my boyfriend (of almost 4 years)It was very hard to do, because I love him, but very justified. a few days ago because I found ...
A. 30 March 2008: Just move on. After all, this woman he is supposed to have been online with might not even be a woman. He lied about his details and she might have too. All that matters is what you choose to do for your life. Let him get on with his own problems ... (read in full...)
Wondering if the relationship is worth saving - after she has been cheating me on the rent, double charging me to clear her arrears -, and if so, how?
Q. I moved in with my partner in October past having been together for about 18 months, believing that I had found a strong relationship based on love and trust. I recently discovered that she has been cheating me on the rent since I moved in, double ...
A. 29 March 2008: Once trust has gone from a relationship it is very hard to win it back. You need to have a discussion with her where you tell her how it has made you feel that you cannot trust her. That she needs to figure out how she can earn your trust back ... (read in full...)
I was so mean to my ex should I apologise or just let it go?
Q. My ex and I broke up in august and he pretty much hates me. i messed up, i lied to him about something big and continued lying even when he found me out. Obviously he was devastated and furious and i really hurt him. he cut all ties with me and...
A. 29 March 2008: If you have said or done something you should not have and hurt someone else in the process then an apology is certainly one of the things to do. While it may not result in him coming back to you, there is very little chance he would unless you do ... (read in full...)
My partner has starting hitting me, where will I live with the children if I left him?
Q. I have been with my partner for 11 years and we now have three children together. Recently he has started to hit me [once causing a black eye]. He says its because when we argue. I won't back down and resort to tears which makes him angry. Beca...
A. 28 March 2008: This man is a total low life and you should leave him as soon as possible. Do not worry about what will happen next or where you will go because in this day and age there really is a lot of support available for mothers in your situation. You do ... (read in full...)
Is it bad to still be a virgin at 13?
Q. I'm a 13yr old girl and I'm still a virgin.Is this bad?I'm worried about me because my friends are already having sex with boys at 13 and 14....
A. 28 March 2008: I would think it was bad if you were sexually experienced at 13. There is also a good chance that some of your friends who claim they are having sex might not be. Kids often think that it is cool to be doing grown up things like that and do not like ... (read in full...)
Should I trust him if I commit to a mortgage agreement
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for 3 years. We are both in our mid 20s. He is now living in different city because of work. He would like to buy a property so I can move up to his city about 1/2 year later (when my work gets orga...
A. 27 March 2008: Get your name on the deeds, either as a co-owner, or as a secured loan. If as a co-owner then his mortgage company can come after you if you have co-signed the mortgage. If as a secured lender, then they cannot come after you and you have some ... (read in full...)
We have broke up but I want him back for good-help!
Q. me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up, we kno the love we had, hav.. shared.. i thought that it was the best thing and stuff but i don't think so anymore, i miss him so muchh.. i dunno! we broke up coz we had fights and he said he didn't love m...
A. 27 March 2008: He is the one you have to tell. At the very least you need to also ask him if you can talk about it all. If the break up was your idea, expect him to be hurt and angry.
You should also accept the fact that despite your best efforts it might re... (read in full...)
My aunt and uncle forbid me to see my BF, shouldn't I learn from my own mistakes?
Q. I've liked this lad for about 3 weeks and he's recently become single. He asked for my number and text me asking if I liked him more than a mate and I told him I did. He told me he liked me more than a mate, we kissed and later decided to start ...
A. 26 March 2008: One question - how old is this lad? It may be that your respective ages put other things into consideration as well. Also while it is admirable that you want to learn from your own mistakes I do not advise this as a rule. Certainly you should learn ... (read in full...)
She's a nice girl but I sense she is not honest, besides her problem would be too big a responsibility for me.
Q. Cupids, I have recently been introduced to a potential friend, i found her to be a nice girl but i couldn't quite figure her out and felt she was telling a lot of 'tall tales' She went on starting to twitch when i was talking to her and she sai...
A. 26 March 2008: You could also try and find out what her "medication" is. Anti-epileptic meds are easily googled.
It does sound though that she may have other issues and only you can decide if you have enough capacity to deal with them.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Is seeing someone else while split up cheating?
Q. Do you think he seeing someone else while we were split up is 'cheating' on me?...
A. 25 March 2008: If you are split up you have no emotional claim on each other and so if either of you sees another person, you are not cheating. If he saw someone else while you were split up then you cannot have a go at him though of course if you start to talk ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend lie about a text message?
Q. The other night I texted my bf about some medicine that I am on and I also asked him some questions about his work. I never got a reply. The next day I sent a text asking if he got it, I wasnt angry, just curious if he got it or not cause I never ...
A. 22 March 2008: Hi,
It is possible that he actually got the text after you had first spoken to him about it and before that conversation later in the day. I have sometimes received text messages from my mobile provider a day or two after they have been sent whi... (read in full...)
It really turns my boyfriend on to think of me having sex with other men - he even wants me to tape it!!!
Q. Well I really need some advice I've been dating this guy for 2 years. I fell in love with him everything amazing he was my first the sex amazing the bond pretty much everything I ever wanted but all of a sudden we started opening up and it really ...
A. 20 March 2008: You do deserve better, you can get a better guy than that, you can fall in love more than once so what you feel (or have felt) about him can be again with someone who is much better for you, respects you and is willing to be exclusive for you and ... (read in full...)
My dad has problems with my husband - MAJOR problems!!!
Q. hi, My dad has problems with my husband - MAJOR problems. Ever since I introduced him to Dad three years ago when we told him we were engaged he's awful around my Jamie. Mum gets on fine with Jamie but Dad is really horrible to him. He insults ...
A. 17 March 2008: Your dad sounds like mine. Always trying to show off and convinced that his humour makes him the life of the party.
Try challenging your dad with acting childish. Ask him who is being the child now? If you can get to a serious conversa... (read in full...)
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