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... Send *amatjira a private message | | | *amatjira's profile:While I have attended counselling courses in the past I forgot most of it when I went through my own challenges. Somehow the theory seemed inadequate.
I have been married and divorced several times, have travelled a lot, while usually a positive upbeat personality I have also experienced depression first hand and I know what rejection and having your heart broken feels like.
Life goes on. I am now single, writing another book, learning another language, and keeping my eyes open for that magical princess who will capture my heart. And yes I do believe in love at first sight and fairy stories.
I am old enough to have learned a few lessons and young enough to make some more mistakes.
C'est la vie |
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My dad has problems with my husband - MAJOR problems!!!
Q. hi, My dad has problems with my husband - MAJOR problems. Ever since I introduced him to Dad three years ago when we told him we were engaged he's awful around my Jamie. Mum gets on fine with Jamie but Dad is really horrible to him. He insults ...
A. 17 March 2008: Your dad sounds like mine. Always trying to show off and convinced that his humour makes him the life of the party.
Try challenging your dad with acting childish. Ask him who is being the child now? If you can get to a serious conversa... (read in full...)
I am very worried the violence will start up again if I have this baby...what can I do??
Q. I am in a relationship with a very controlling (sometimes abusive man)... we've been together since we were both 22... I got pregnant when I was 23, and I moved into his apartment so we could raise the baby together. When I was about 3 months p...
A. 16 March 2008: Hi, you are in a really difficult situation right now. First you need to accept the he, and only he, is responsible for himself and whether or not he will commit suicide. I think it unlikely that he will carry out that threat but if he ever did you ... (read in full...)
I have some items of his to mail back; should I bother? We've been thru his cheating, my miscarriage, and it's over...
Q. I was with a man for a little over a year. To make a long story short. He cheated on me once, I forgave him the first time. It was unfortunate that I did because I think that it showed him that it was o.k. to keep on doing it. Towards the end of our ...
A. 16 March 2008: Hi, Just because he has been a rat does not mean that you cannot choose how you will behave. My first inclination would be to mail them to him. But in a way that would also be hypocritical of me as I did not do the same with my ex.
Are these ca... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to confront him about this money he owes me?
Q. My daughter's dad called today to tell me Fed Ex has delivered a package. His sister and mother sent his daughter a new pair of shoes, along with a doll house and a brand new labtop. It was nice of them to send it to them. What I am trying to s...
A. 15 March 2008: Hi,
I can sympathise having spent time as a single parent myself in the past. (mine are grown up and doing their own thing now). However his family has no legal obligation to help you and your daughter out in this. It is a hard pill to swallow ... (read in full...)
Why do I hurt so bad when I'm not with him?
Q. I'm like so in love with this guy right now and I like being in love but I feel sad sometimes like I can't be without him and when we are together everything is great but as soon as we part It makes me feel terrible why does it hurt so bad? Is love ...
A. 15 March 2008: It is okay to miss someone you love when you are apart from them, but when missing them, during normal parting for a few hours or a day or so, hurts as bad as you describe then it sounds more like infatuation than love.
Do not take offence.... (read in full...)
I'm very nervous about the threesome, as I do not wish the third person to interfere with my relation. What should I do?
Q. I'm really nervous about having a threesome with my fiance because of past experiences. I've told him about my past and I told him that I was really nervous about doing it and he just said that we would only do one, but it still makes me nervous ...
A. 13 March 2008: In any relationship a person always has the right to set their own limits. The other person in that relationship does NOT have the right to insist that you go past your limits. To do so is a form of abuse.
You sound like you want to set your lim... (read in full...)
I do not want him to go to jail if we have sex, what should I do?
Q. hey im a virgin and im 15 and my boyfriend is 17 he's not a virgin. I really love him alot and i want to have sex with him but i'm scared but that's besides the point. I don't want him to go to jail. What should I do? Help please....
A. 9 March 2008: You will have to wait until you are over the age of consent. If he got convicted of sex with a minor he would most likely go on the sex offenders register, be unable to get many jobs, have to report his location to the police and many other things ... (read in full...)
Will my brace affect foreplay?
Q. Hi i recently got a wire brace in the roof of my mouth i dunno what it is called but it just loops round the rook and isn't that big. My question is... Can I still give my boyfriend a blow job? ...
A. 7 March 2008: I think it would probably be best to not do it until the brace is removed as there is a risk of painful injury if you get too enthusiastic. However if you must then I would suggest at the very least using a condom on him. It will act as a ... (read in full...)
I'm scared I'll lose him but if we're meant to be we'll be... right?
Q. I've been out of love and dating for about 6 years. I'm still very young but am very selective about who I allow into my life. I think I've found someone potentially amazing only he has a child and I'm not sure if he and his girlfriend have ...
A. 7 March 2008: Hi,
You have a real dilemma here. As you are his employee, that is probably the biggest stumbling block. Of course many people develop long satisfying relationships with their bosses, but unfortunately many more do not. And if it did not work out... (read in full...)
I can't help but think all men are the same...
Q. My boyfriend received a text from a girl last night, she is his best friends girlfriend. He said she's neva txt him before and it was a harmless txt, which i did read. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a guy who i thought i'd be with forever, ...
A. 6 March 2008: Hi,
You are feeling what many people feel when they have had similar experiences. It is normal and common to think that if one person has broken your trust, that all other people will as well. What is important is to separate your feelings... (read in full...)
He gropes me in public and then laughs
Q. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend of two months keeps squeezing my breasts and laughing hysterically. I don't know why he does this I find it rather embarrassing and degrading. He does it infront of his friends and while we're outside. I have ...
A. 5 March 2008: You should be aware that his actions are also a form of sexual assault and as such a criminal offence. Maybe you want to warn him that if he does it again you will call the police and have him charged. He is being immature and possibly thinks ... (read in full...)
Part 2 of "Please help me win my husband back!"
Q. Hi thanks to all you answered the question I posted about "Helping me win my husband back" Ok her are some more details. My husband left me 4 weeks ago because of the way I used to treat him, which was lower him down and call him names(But ne...
A. 5 March 2008: It takes a long time to regain someone's trust and confidence once it has been lost. You need to be patient, calm, and try not to have any knee jerk reactions if anything does not go well.
Try to remember how you were with him when he and you were... (read in full...)
He used a condom but I'm panicking in case I'm pregnant!!!
Q. Hi. I'm seventeen, nearly eighteen and my boyfriend and I just started having sex about three weeks ago (it was my first time). I am not on the pill, but he has been using condoms (100% properly). I was worried about pregnancy so on February 29th I ...
A. 5 March 2008: I think it is unlikely you are pregnant. The advice of phiatiger is spot on and certainly if you start the pill and continue to use condoms it will reduce the risk of pregnancy even further. Plus with the added advantage of more regular periods you ... (read in full...)
Sexually inhibited...
Q. Can some one please help, I am sexually inhibited, my husband is the best lover, he knows me well, but when it comes to talking to him about sex, my wants, desires, fantasies, I clam up and my brain goes into shut down. I do have fantasies in m...
A. 5 March 2008: It sounds as though you may have had some trauma associated with sex in the past. Certainly something has happened to result in not even alcohol allowing you to let your hair down more and the other things you have described.
You should know tha... (read in full...)
It really bothers me that he wasn't honest with me...
Q. Last week the guy that I have been talking to asked me to be his girl friend. Before we started dating he mentioned to me that he was not a virgin but that he has only had sex with 2 and they were both his girlfriends. Over some time I have heard ...
A. 5 March 2008: He sounds like someone you cannot trust. If he cannot be genuinely honest with you then he does not respect you enough to consider your feelings. This is not a failure on your part but just shows his own character.
You must have enough respect ... (read in full...)
It hurts like hell that he doesn't care about me and acting cool doesn't seem to be working!
Q. Hi, I have been on this site before and got some good advice and it helped me loads. Please can someone give me some advice on my current situation? Well it's been 2 months since my partner walked out on me and my 6 month old son. At first I did...
A. 3 March 2008: I hate to say this, but there is another possibility about his text messages to you while he has your son. That is that his messages and proof that he sent them to you may be collecting evidence that he is "being a good father" as insurance against ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mum I don't want to take "the pill"?
Q. hi I'm 13 and my mum recently put me on the pill but I don't want to take it. I was wondering does anyone know how I could tell my mum I don't want to take it without shouting or fighting please???...
A. 2 March 2008: Under UK law, if you object to medication which your mother (or other non medically qualified adult) requires you to take and for which there is no medical reason, then she is committing an offence.
First talk to your mum. Try to reason with her... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong for a 36 year old to date a teenager? Can people choose who they are attracted to?
Q. honeslty do people think this is wrong if a 36 year old man is really really attracted to a 16 year old (mature, or so he thinks) girl...i mean people cant help who they're attracetd to right??? and if he got carried away and ended up in bed with ...
A. 2 March 2008: A large age difference by itself is not the problem so much as the age of the youngest in the relationship.
As has been said before, there is only so much maturity that is possible to reach by 16 yo that more time should be allowed.
The old... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend?
Q. I'd like some advice please. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, moved in together in September. Everything has been alright but these past few months, he has treated me like shit and to be honest, I don't deserve it but I'm too s...
A. 2 March 2008: From what you have said it seems like you really should not be together.
Each person deserves to be treated right and it makes me angry when people (like he seems to) throw away a perfectly good relationship. Your expectations do not seem unreason... (read in full...)
My wife has told me she just wants to be friends and doesn't want to be anyones wife...
Q. My wife and I have been married for 8 months, she says she wants out of it now. Before we got married she was still getting over her ex relationship. We recently both moved, both changed jobs and we hate the place we live at. She said she wants ...
A. 2 March 2008: Hi,
It is a really tough time you are facing and I wish you all the best. Just for your own information, bipolar is now what they used to call manic depressive where the sufferer moves from being manic and over excited with limited attentio... (read in full...)
How can I snoop on my boyfriend's cell phone to see if he's been looking at porn?
Q. How can I snoop on my boyfriend's cell phone to see if he's been looking at porn? How do you find out? Do you look at the Internet options on the phone? Please give me some help, I'm so nosy, but I don't want him to know I looked at his phone-ugh. ...
A. 2 March 2008: Regardless of whether he is or is not using his mobile phone for porn, your attitude and spying on him is absolutely guaranteed to finish up destroying the relationship. So why don't you save you both some grief and all that effort trying to invade ... (read in full...)
On A Search For Either Escorts Or Massage Parlours Any Advice Welcome.
Q. Hi All I have never had a girlfriend or sex and I am in my 20's, I am fed up waiting for the right female to come along as I know it will probably never happen so I have decided to look for sex either in a massage parlour or hire an escort as I n...
A. 29 February 2008: Some god things have been said by others here already but one warning has not been mentioned.
Consider various businessmen and politicians or other public figures. Now thing back over how they have been treated by the media and the public when it ... (read in full...)
My dad's ex is blackmailing me into bringing my mates round for sex...what can I do??
Q. This is serious whether you want to believe it or not. I'm having sex with my dads exgirlfriend but now she is demanding for me to bring my friends round to fuck her or she'll tell my dad and it would really be bad for me and my dads relation...
A. 26 February 2008: I tell you now that the only way to stop someone from black mailing you over a secret is to be honest and tell the person yourself.
Why don't you tell your dad? First you will be able to present your side before her. Second, imagine her shock wh... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man says 'love you' not 'i love you'??
Q. What does it mean when a man tells you 'Love You', not 'I Love You'?...
A. 26 February 2008: With some guys there might be a difference but in all probability there is none at all. The word that some guys find hard is not "I" but "love" so please do not over analyse this and read too much into it.
All people find many different ways to ... (read in full...)
How can I get my husband to start paying attention to me,instead of masturbating to porn?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and lately I feel that he doesn't think that I am attractive. He is always looking at pictures of naked girls online. He admits that he likes masturbating to these pictures even though usually I am ...
A. 26 February 2008: All I can say is that if he prefers online sex to the real thing with a willing and available woman, then he is a fool.
Trust me lady, if I were him (and I am sure a great many other men think the same) and you were my wife and willing for us t... (read in full...)
I'm sure he's cheating, isn't he?
Q. Here is my question. To make a long story short, My boyfriend got a text from a woman that he is supposedly "friends" with, asking if she left a pair of black pants at his house. I calmly asked him how long he had something going on with her. He ...
A. 26 February 2008: Suspicion and jealousy are evil twins that can destroy a relationship. I have an ex who I found out was texting her old boyfriend to say similar things and yet the messages were referring to times when I know she was not cheating on me. When I asked ... (read in full...)
Has anyone out there been through an abusive relationship and felt like it was almost too late to start over?
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend for almost eight years, and during that time he has developed a serious drinking problem. At the beginning it was a wonderful love affair. But now he spends almost every night drinking with his friends. Whether he ...
A. 26 February 2008: Hi,
Do not think of it as starting over but as closing the door on a bad situation. Rebuilding your life is hard, but not as hard as your fear might let you think. It is also natural to be concerned about how your ex partner will cope in various ... (read in full...)
My love has faded and I find myself annoyed with my bf. Why do I feel this way? How can I make it go away?
Q. I have a boyfriend of three years. A little bit more than that. I used to be basically obsessed with him because it took me a while to get serious with him because of other girls. He hasnt touched another girl for three years so that's all fine... ...
A. 26 February 2008: Hi,
Perhaps it is not that your love has faded but that it has just changed. Most people do not think of love as living thing. But if you stop to think about it we talk about love being kept alive, of needing feeding, and various other metaphor... (read in full...)
Do you think this will make his family look down on me?
Q. My bf proposed and I said yes. Now the thing is that he is from a normal family, married parents whereas both my parents are re-married. They live on opposite sides of the world. They won't even be able to make it to the wedding because of money ...
A. 25 February 2008: I have a friend who set up a web site (with password access) and a number of web cams with sound at different places for the ceremony and reception. Family in NZ and South Africa were able to connect in and to share in the event and even send chat ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he will dump me if I ever cut myself. Now I don't know if I want to be with him anymore. Help.
Q. My bf was recently telling me how a friend of his broke up with his gf because she was cutting herself. I was shocked that someone could break up with someone they are supposed to love when they need them so much. I was even more shock to hear my bf ...
A. 25 February 2008: You have asked a good question and I think there are two things you need to consider.
1) I am glad that you do not cut yourself, and you are correct that if a person had that type of behaviour then they certainly do need good friends to help the... (read in full...)
I cheated. What should I do now?
Q. i have been with my man for 3 years and things are great we are getting married in a few months but recently i had it off my ex, help since we split 6 years ago we have remained good friends and now this what to do?...
A. 25 February 2008: You need to try and understand why you cheated. Not only for yourself but also to enable you to answer your boyfriend's question when he asks.
While it might be possible to hide this, doing so will act like poison for you and you will always b... (read in full...)
I have a crush on a lesbian. Would it be awkward to tell her how I feel?
Q. I've realized that having a deep crush on a lesbian is a very painful thing. Sometimes I wish she was just a girly girl. I don't know how to get over this. I think I expected too much as a friend. But hey I can't help it. She's still a girl to ...
A. 25 February 2008: It is always right to be honest, but it is also right to respect others feelings. You are in a difficult situation. If she is your friend then it is possible that she knows how you feel but I would take the opportunity to tell her that you are very ... (read in full...)
Has anyone out there been through an abusive relationship and felt like it was almost too late to start over?
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend for almost eight years, and during that time he has developed a serious drinking problem. At the beginning it was a wonderful love affair. But now he spends almost every night drinking with his friends. Whether he ...
A. 25 February 2008: Hi,
I know exactly what you are going through. My ex wife put me in hospital twice, was always careful to never attack me with witnesses and was expert at making me think her abuse of me was all my fault. The result, depression.
However you c... (read in full...)
How to tell him I'm not ready for sex without being rude?!
Q. me and this guy i got with i thought he was just the type to just kiss but one day we went to his house to play some games, but then he ended up taking off clothes but i didn't let him take off my pants but he was about to so,it was a little bit ...
A. 25 February 2008: Hi, you can also tell him to back off and remind him that you are really too young and not ready for that yet.
If he does not accept no for an answer, dump him as clearly he is not worth it. If he is still pushy, tell an adult. You need never fe... (read in full...)
Any one have advice on how to become less needy and dependent, aside from getting a hobby?
Q. I know that I'm an extremely dependent and needy person. I see my boyfriend at least an hour every day, but it's at night for about an hour. He comes over to my house and we pretty much go straight to bed. He's got a very heavy homework load wit...
A. 25 February 2008: Hi,
It sounds like your relationship is pretty one dimensional with you going straight to bed when he arrives. Try doing some other things sometimes, get to know each other better through conversation and just doing things together. There are ofte... (read in full...)
How do I know when I cum?
Q. So basically I'm kinda confused and think there might be something wrong with me. Guys are always asking me to tell them when I'm about to cum during sex. This so frustrating and annoying because 1. I have a hard time talking about thing like that ...
A. 25 February 2008: I would suggest that you relax more and do not worry so much about it. Stressing out is a good way to prevent it. As for knowing if you climax or not, I am reliably informed by past girlfriends that it is not something you can miss so I would assume ... (read in full...)
Is my husband having an affair?
Q. My husband has been working with his female assistant for about 8 months now. Up until the last month, I had not had reason to suspect anything that their relationship was anything other than professional. However, last month, one week he called her ...
A. 25 February 2008: His behaviour is the classic male in an affair. Whether it is physical or not at this stage is almost not relevant. His head is involved and that is even more dangerous.
I do suggest you consult with a solicitor just to find out for yourself... (read in full...)
Do I push for sex or respect my girlfriend's wishes?
Q. i want to have sex but my girlfriend doesnt want to until engagement. Should i try to push for sex or just respect her wishes and hope for the best??...
A. 25 February 2008: Respect her wishes. A woman is allowed to change her mind even if you are right on the edge. If you push her into it you could be committing a sexual assault with very serious repercussions for the rest of your life. Plus you stand to lose the ... (read in full...)
When I offer him oral he ejaculates very quickly, is this bad?
Q. this one guy when i give him blowjobs and stuff he ejaculates really quickly is that bad?...
A. 25 February 2008: some guys ejaculate quickly and some last longer. It can even change for a specific guy depending on how stressed or relaxed he is.
However at your age you really should not be doing this and depending on how old the guy is he may be committi... (read in full...)
What do you do if you've fallen for someone who you shouldn't have?
Q. What do you do if you've fallen for someone who you shouldn't have? I developed a strong friendship with a guy last year and it developed into intense feelings. He admitted he fell for me, and I him. trouble is he had a girlfriend. I had just come ...
A. 22 February 2008: If someone you think could become really special to you is already in a relationship you really need to back off until they are free to get involved. If they never become free then they are not for you.
This is hard to accept sometimes, but it r... (read in full...)
Does age really matter?
Q. I am 16 and for the last few months have been spending a lot of time with a neighbour and family friend. He's an amazing mentor and we read philosophy and poetry together. I've never been as close to anyone and he's my best friend. I know he feels ...
A. 22 February 2008: Hi,
I do understand what you are saying here, trust me I really do. But (why does there always have to be a but???) you are still very young. It is not so much the age difference as I do not thing that has to count for much, but the fact that you... (read in full...)
My love has faded and I find myself annoyed with my bf. Why do I feel this way? How can I make it go away?
Q. I have a boyfriend of three years. A little bit more than that. I used to be basically obsessed with him because it took me a while to get serious with him because of other girls. He hasnt touched another girl for three years so that's all fine... ...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
I guess you are finding out what many others have learned, that when you are young not all relationships are forever even though you want them to be.
Of course in some cases they are and in others not. You really need to assess the reaso... (read in full...)
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