A
female
age
30-35,
*arahCa1989
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 6 months now. In the past he had fingered me and I have gave him a handjob. One night we were talking and he told me that we should stop doing this cause he thinks it will lead to sex. Well we have talked about sex and if we want it before marriage and he knows how i feel ( I don't want it cause i am afraid of getting pregnant) and he doesn't want it either. So what should I say or do to change his mind about this?Please Help Me!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Sex and emotions are very strong feelings . If anyone thinks they can control them , they don't know what they are dealing with.
In theory, you can say , you can control it but when you reached that point, you simply cannot control anymore.
Your b/f knows and is experienced and thats why he said it will lead to sex.
If you want to change his mind , then you need to tell him that you have changed your mind .He respected you because of your fear of getting pregnant.
A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (9 February 2008):
If neither of you want to have sex yet, then your boyfriend is right to indicate where he might have difficulties. So often we ridicule people who draw boundaries yet that is the sensible approach if we do have boundaries.Maybe he is afraid of changing his mind and wanting sex sooner than before. Perhaps he things that if he gets to like the intimacy you have shared so far even more than he expected, that somehow it will be hard for him to not want to go all the way.It seems like you enjoy the intimacy you have shared so far and that you will miss it if you both stop. So consider carefully what you really want and be honest with him but please do not try to persuade him further than he wants to go.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (9 February 2008):
Sounds like your bf doesnt believe in himself and/or you to have enough self control to be able to stop yoruselves from going any further then what you have so far.
I guess you need to talk to him and ask exactly why he thinks it will lead to sex? Does he think he wont be able to stop himself or you? From there, work on a way to overcome that.
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