A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We have sex almost everyday, sometimes more than once. I want to know why he is looking at porn everyday, sometimes more than once? I try my best to satisfy him. Am I the problem? I tried to talk to him about it and he got mad and yelled at me for going through his computer. The second time I talked to him about it, he said he would quit. I found out that sometimes I would be laying in his bed naked and he would go masterbate to porn. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): 'One of the differences between masturbating as a guy and having sex with your partner is that sex is a lot of work and sometimes you just ain't in the mood. Lets face it unless you are amazingly easy a guy can whack of in a couple of minutes but it takes far longer to even get the girl in the right mood. I am a great cook and even the simplest thing I make taste a lot better then those horrid instant meals, and still, sometimes that is all you want to bother with. Just plop it in, nuke it and bobs your uncle' wow, leave it to a guy to denigrate what is supposed to be a loving intimate act between two people into the equivalent of food!!!! typical
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): What did you feel when you watched Titanic? Isn't that whole movie just female mind porn?Be honest!I am a great cook, it used to be my proffesion and I won prized in a professional contests. Needless to say I cook at home. Should I be upset when my girlfriend gets a snack on the way home? I COOK whenever she asks me, don't I satify her?One of the differences between masturbating as a guy and having sex with your partner is that sex is a lot of work and sometimes you just ain't in the mood. Lets face it unless you are amazingly easy a guy can whack of in a couple of minutes but it takes far longer to even get the girl in the right mood. I am a great cook and even the simplest thing I make taste a lot better then those horrid instant meals, and still, sometimes that is all you want to bother with. Just plop it in, nuke it and bobs your uncle.Sometimes as a guy you just want to jack off, come, wipe your hands and watch the sports. Why on earth should you bother that girl in the house for that?I did it myself for a time when I was younger, we both weren't morning people but still at times I would feel a certain need and so would jack off in the shower. When she found it she got a bit upset, wondering why I didn't ask her to join. Even asking that most stupid of female thoughts, who were you thinking off. To be brutally honest at times for me it is just like any other bodily function, you might as well ask me what I think when I am on the toilet.Remember that society on the whole accepts it as normal that men masturbate. We are used to it. Frankly part of it is just that we aren't used to the idea that a girl WANTS it. Popular culture tells us that men must always persuade a girl, bribe her almost, to do IT. The idea that you as a female want every hardon we get is alien to us.One female readers says that she can be woken up anytime for sex, right, that is NOT what society tells us. From what I know from personal experience and other peoples stories most men view sex even with the wifes as something they must earn and sometimes you are just not in the mood to earn it and lets be honest, most women do go out of their way to reinforce this idea.As for watching porn (not the same thing at all as masturbating) some men crave change, they know your body and want to see something different everytime. Roughly there are two kind of porn users. Those who watch the same movie over and over, and those who contantly have to see new stuff. Frankly most women make to much of it. Remember that as males we often have had no choice but to resort to porn for long periods of our lives. It is then hard to chance, but remember, everytime you drool over some male celeb or watch a romance story you own your male partner a porn movie because both are a form of fantasy about someone else then your partner. Or do you really expect us to believe that watching Titanic you thought about making hot steamy sex with your hubby?
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 i can relate to u very well... my bf watched a lot of porn and woulkd have the balls to do it while i lay asleep in bed 3 ft away. and im a very horny girl who loves sex and will give it him almost whatever way he want. im humping his legs every second he s round but i still discovered him masturbating etc. and his excuses were ;like so lame.. did not want to disturb ur sleep.. well, it got to the point where i saw his smut on my pc everyday, anal this anal that, gangbang this, creampie that. and it disgusted me sooo much and yes, it made me shake literally to the point of no return because i told him all the time, listen jerkoff, u can screw me anytime wake me up bone me im always in the mood.the point is men will never ever change, they have an addiction and a sickness. its not hardwiring honey. its an excuse men use and male sexoligists who say say its genetic.. but lo, there are many men who respect women and either dont watch porn period, or keep it to when a girls on her menses, or sick, or after having a baby so these times are understandabnle..
i suggest u explore self gratification and porn, i watch it a lot now and jek off when my bf is not round. who cares. leave ur vibrator lying near the pc as a hint that u masturabated earlier, or if he wants sex tell him ur tiredu masturbated a few times earlier and ur tired.. if he gets upset... well, u know what i mean. and if ur worried about the kind of smut he looks at? well, my bf loves to view anal so i view gay porn, i get off of it, it makes him nervous and i dont care. eachb to their own, right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): what a fool the last male poster is.. he clearly has no idea of the implications of porn in a relationship.... wake up man... we are living in 2008 not 1908 and women do not need to put up with this fallacy of male entitlement.Any man who can't appreciate a woman sharing her body with him enough to not oggle other women naed is no man at all.... women have had enough and all you loser men out there who think porn is ok are going to be old and lonely with you internet and bottle of lube..... trust me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): He enjoys porn. End of story. If you are having sex almost every day, then you have little cause to complain. Women get all freaked out because their men still masturbate and/or watch porn. You need to realize that it's not about you. He has an extremely high sex drive. Perhaps you might be happier if he found some secret sex-partners to help satisfy him. You're creating the problem. Some guys are into porn, the same way women are into Soaps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): Honey, it's honestly not your fault, or anything you're doing wrong. You need to sit him down, and give him a good talking to. Ask him bluntly why he doesn't seem to be interested in you any more, and that if he doesn't care about your feelings that much then maybe you shouldn't be together. I've found that threatening like this (that 'maybe you shouldnt be together') works very well, and will almost definitely get him to pull his socks up :] You deserve more respect honey, so you make sure you get it. Mail me if you need me :] good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I have realized that I am not the problem and he has an addiction. Thank you again so much for your help!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): Hi Hunny
Its not you absolutly not so get that idea out your head, He has a liking to this obviously, You have sex everyday and he goes and js off to porn while your in bed naked, He may be addicted to it love, I mean It doesnt bother me but I would like my man to be on top of me rather than watching and having a great time all by himself or watch it together then you both get something out of it.
If your not happy hunny and its messing with your head you have to make a decition if this is what you want in your life, But never ever think its you its got nothing to do with your sexuality your beauty or your lovemaking at all... Dont let this get your confidence down hunny im sending you a link to make sure your confidence will be strong and never loose it ever ok, you can chat to other people on this site and its a great help in many ways
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
Hope this helps hunny TAKE CARE OF YOU LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt +, writes (16 February 2008):
 He is addicted to porn more than to "real" sex? If a shrink doesn't help him, I don't know. The first step is admitting he has a problem. Not just saying it, but believing it.
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (16 February 2008):
It depends what type of porn he is watching ie girl on girl group. I watch porn not daily but I can't see why a man would resist a woman lying naked in his bed. HELLO most men would turn the computer off so fast and trip over the cord to get to the bed. Have you tried dressing up? I have a naughty nurse, bad cop and stacks of intimate lingerie with the high heels of course which gets my mate's blood pumping. Have you tried while he is watching the porn to go out there and give him oral sex? A good way to get his attention if he is watching porn is to get your pearl bird out of your bedroom drawer and play with it. He will if he is not stone deaf hear the buzzing noise coming from the bedroom and go and investigate. Spice it up he may be one of those males that gets bored after a few years of sex with the same partner so don't take it personally. The male species by nature can impregnate more than one woman in a 9 month period yet we women can only naturally conceive 1 in a 9 month period. Spice it up, get a toy, get some kinky outfits and SURPRISE HIM! He will be blown away and will be interested in what you will do next. Bring out the vixen in you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Obviously he has a problem with pornography. It's clear that sometimes -only sometimes- he prefers looking at a screen over a real woman. This doesn't have anything at all to do with you. He obviously enjoys being with you.
I'm afraid he needs a little shaking. I think you should try NOT to have sex with him. If he asks why, tell him that it was him who said they shouldn't discuss the issue, in the first place, and that, since he prefers the porn, he can have his porn.
It makes me uneasy that he threatened to leave you (if I understood this right) if you continued to talk about this issue. That's just not how I would define a healthy or a mature relationship. I would feel awful if I were available every day to somebody, made my best to please her, and then she masturbated looking at a screen.
I'm not sure whether I could advise you to leave him. I think that's what I would end up doing. But that's me. I don't feel like I can recommend this to you.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (15 February 2008):
First let me say that it is normal for guys to still masturbate when in a relationship.
However, given the frequency of your sex life and the apparent need he has to masturbate to computer porn so frequently it does sound a bit much. Maybe he is a sex addict? Certainly it is something that should be addressed because of the strain it is putting on your relationship. Maybe he needs to be more sensitive and maybe you need to not be quite so insecure. I am not criticising you, just saying that balance is probably somewhere between the two extremes.
You do need to talk to him about it when you are both sober and in a pleasant mood free from distractions. What I do suggest is that instead of confronting him, just tell him how it makes you feel. Reinforce that you love him and that you hope he loves you. Ask him if he thinks your shared sex life could be improved and what he would suggest.
Do be prepared for him to be less than helpful as not all men are able to discuss these subjects and it depends on his maturity.
At the end of the day you do need to decide what your personal limits are and what you are prepared to do to protect yourself emotionally if those limits are crossed. If you do decide to leave him in the future, do not look back. Just take charge of your own life.
You can be sure that there are guys out there who are capable and willing to provide you with the physical and emotional and sexual balance you need and deserve.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 February 2008):
 I'll admit that there were some times early in my marriage - about five years in - when sex had become routine and it was at a time when porno tapes had become more easily available in America. This was probably about 1984. On a whim I rented a few and found some good ones and copied them.
Occasionally, only when my wife was not at home, I would watch the tapes and sometimes have to relieve the pressure, but we still had a good sex life as well. Soon enough, she knew about the tapes and had no problem with it, because again, good sex life.
But I can see how pornography can become an addiction. Now it is available on Internet and almost everywhere you turn. I'm not against it but everyone needs to keep it moderate, in my opinion.
I suppose that the things you should consider are the same that we talk about a lot on the web site. Be adventurous, open-minded about sex and try doing some of the things that he enjoys watching if you have not.
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A
male
reader, adrsep4 +, writes (15 February 2008):
No ur not the problem. i'm a guy so i know. it seems really wierd that he would wanna watch than to do the real thing. the only thing i can think of is that he has some kind of problem cause thats not normal. but he's obviously in denial so its gonna be hard to help him. i'm really sorry to tell u this cause its hard but he definitely has some kind of problem
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